I Hate Myself For Struggling W/ A B.e.d. For So Long And Not Trying To Get Better Out Of Stubbornness

I literally stopped going to therapy in like, november, because I opened up to my therapist abt my relationship with food (it was starting to get bad), and she just pulled a "but food is good for you 🥺". Literally 5 to 10 mins later, it was the end of our session and she went "ok, do you want to book another appt, or would you rather contact me when you have something going on?"

I got so pissed by it that I haven't talked to her since. It wasn't even that but like another time when i mentioned i suspect being autistic, she just went "no, you can't be autistic. I think you're just a sensible girl who got traumatised."

Mf.

So I just didn't contact her since and decided I'll just help myself.

I've been on and off fasting for 12 to 24 hours the past week and a half or so and low key, it's a vibe. I'm then more tolerant of what I eat, esp when I have one meal a day. My exams are starting on monday, so I might eat a bit more through the day (like, more than 1 meal).

As much as I love ana, I value my education more than anything.

25 things to do instead of binging

Cleaning your room

Arranging your wardrobe

Look at outfit inspos on Pinterest

Scroll through social media

Call a friend

Play a video game

Spend some time with your pet

Talk with your parents or siblings

Clear your phone gallery

Do one of those BuzzFeed quizzes

Wash your shoes

Go for a walk

Make a random wishlist

Study for school

Read a book

Drink water

Hang out with s friend

Take a nap

Draw something

Try origami

Watch a YouTube video

Watch a movie or series you've been post poning

Make a list of places you want to visit

Look online for decorations for your room

Make a new playlist

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the calories aren't worth it

How do I fast?

I made a few post abt me fasting lately, and I thought I'd share how I do it. I typically start my fast after dinner, which is usually between 6 and 8 PM. I do it ibecause I don't feel hungry for the rest of the evening and just need to resist having snacks or such. I then go to bed, and wake up between 7 and 9 AM. That already brings me 12 hours further, which imo is a win.

I'm not really a breakfast person, so it's easy for me to just go on abt my day and get to about 14 to 15 hours. At around that mark, it is already noon and I start feeling hungry, so I have a coffee or a sugar free energy drink/soda. As the afternoon passes, it can become more tempting to buy food, but it helps to do my fast during days in which I have around 6 hours of classes, Between 8 and 4. I then don't have access to food as i please, and it's easier to post pone. When I get home, I can focus on just cleaning my room, taking a shower and getting my desk ready to study.

When it's time for me to break my fast, I'm not really specific with what I eat. I have a normal meal, anything between 500 and 900 cals. I still obv try to op for something nutritious with veggies and go for water or sugar free drinks. Throughout the day, I also do my best to get my steps in. It's worth noting here that I don't try to push myself, if I feel unwell. You shouldn't, either.

If there's any advice I'd be able to give next to this, if you're also getting used to fasts, is to start with aiming for 12 hours, then 14 to 16 and see how your body reacts as you go. Also see what works for you best, regarding on how you start your fast.

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I want to be able to hang out with my friends and not feel self concious abt my rolls