I Want To Be Able To Look At An Overweight Person And Feel Relieved That I Don't Relate To Them And Wonder

Would I prefer to satisfy a thirty minute craving or have the body I’ve craved for a lifetime ?

REAL, I randomly stop studying just to scroll on tumblr and look through the tags. I also had a phase at some pointwhere I'd be like "it's ok to neglect my studies for a bit. I can't be stupid AND ugly."

does anyone else’s ED severely impact their academics? and not just in an “@na brain” way?

i mean instead of studying or doing online assignments i’m obsessively consuming media related to weight loss/food/dieting.

i feel guilty when i sit down to study or do schoolwork because “i could be burning calories exercising right now.”

Nobody:

My brain throughout the day

how long have you been fasting for?

how many calories are you gonna eat today

how many calories have you burned

why don't you move more

why do you eat rn?

that's too many calories

don't eat don't eat don't eat

try to fast a bit longer

maybe we should eat so we don't pass out

why can't I just be skinny

fatass

why'd I eat that

I ought to force myself to fast for logner

Do I deserve this?

ugh why does he have to come over again, don't make me eat

thigh gap

why are my thighs/belly so big

I wish I was thinner

i hate being so wide

food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirablefood makes me undesirable food makes me undesirable

i need to be under 50kg

i need to be under 50kg

i need to be under 50kg

i need to be under 50kg

i need to be under 50kg

i need to be under 50kg

I want to get so thin and sickly looking that my mom stops enabling but makes me eat.

I wanna feel the bones in my body

I'm not saying that ppl who are naturally skinny don't have their own struggles, but you can't convince me that you don't have it easier than ppl with slower metabolisms.

Things I'm looking forward to

Thin arms

Thin thighs

Smaller hips where you can feel my bones better instead of fat

Smaller belly

Slimmer face

Looking more elegant

Looking good in jeans

Rants w Arcane | pt. 2

I know this isn't my usual content, my I just wanted to get it off my chest. Maybe it brings some comfort to ppl in similar situations.

My education is very important to me. My main form of validation is academic, and while I wasn't a top student in high school, I was happy I graduated and found it a flex that I finished high school in a different country, in a different language. Now I'm an university that ranks top worldwide. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had failed all my exams in january. Looking back, my study methods were just really not right and that's why I didn't do well. It obviously took a toll on how I viewed myself. Thus, the past semester, I've been in a constant toxic cycle of putting particularly high expecations of what I should do/what I should achieve by overworking myself, attending all my classes and student society (already 9 hours in a day) and studying an extra 4 hours in between and working out whenever I could. On top of that, I had fueled my £d as much as I could, pushing myself to get worse.

Dealing with the pressure of school, an £d, a relationship and going home every weekend where my relationship with my parents isn't the best obviously took its toll on me. After about 4 to 5 months of that, it seems like my brain finally is giving up. My anxiety is getting bad again and I might need meds again, if I don't get better. I don't want to bother people with it, but it is also something I cannot just keep hidden. I hope that things will get better soon and I should take better care of myself.

For anyone else in a similar situation, know you're not alone and you deserve to take care of yourself. It's ok to step on your pride and do things that'll help you feel better.