Not Everyone Will Understand The Relationship Between A Girl And Seeing Her Ribs

The feeling after fasting for more than 12 hours >>

I was so skinny as a child, why didn't I stay that way

No matter your size you deserve love, kindness, and recovery ❤️

Rants w Arcane | pt. 2

I know this isn't my usual content, my I just wanted to get it off my chest. Maybe it brings some comfort to ppl in similar situations.

My education is very important to me. My main form of validation is academic, and while I wasn't a top student in high school, I was happy I graduated and found it a flex that I finished high school in a different country, in a different language. Now I'm an university that ranks top worldwide. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had failed all my exams in january. Looking back, my study methods were just really not right and that's why I didn't do well. It obviously took a toll on how I viewed myself. Thus, the past semester, I've been in a constant toxic cycle of putting particularly high expecations of what I should do/what I should achieve by overworking myself, attending all my classes and student society (already 9 hours in a day) and studying an extra 4 hours in between and working out whenever I could. On top of that, I had fueled my £d as much as I could, pushing myself to get worse.

Dealing with the pressure of school, an £d, a relationship and going home every weekend where my relationship with my parents isn't the best obviously took its toll on me. After about 4 to 5 months of that, it seems like my brain finally is giving up. My anxiety is getting bad again and I might need meds again, if I don't get better. I don't want to bother people with it, but it is also something I cannot just keep hidden. I hope that things will get better soon and I should take better care of myself.

For anyone else in a similar situation, know you're not alone and you deserve to take care of yourself. It's ok to step on your pride and do things that'll help you feel better.

too bad I hate throwing up and i'm too much of a pussy to do it to myself

why do my parents have to love food so much

After dealing w a b.e.d. for years and now having trouble w how I view myself (and dealing w restricting), it's so hard to resist binging sometimes.

Nobody:

My brain throughout the day

how long have you been fasting for?

how many calories are you gonna eat today

how many calories have you burned

why don't you move more

why do you eat rn?

that's too many calories

don't eat don't eat don't eat

try to fast a bit longer

maybe we should eat so we don't pass out

why can't I just be skinny

fatass

why'd I eat that

I ought to force myself to fast for logner

Do I deserve this?

ugh why does he have to come over again, don't make me eat

thigh gap

why are my thighs/belly so big

I wish I was thinner

i hate being so wide

I literally stopped going to therapy in like, november, because I opened up to my therapist abt my relationship with food (it was starting to get bad), and she just pulled a "but food is good for you 🥺". Literally 5 to 10 mins later, it was the end of our session and she went "ok, do you want to book another appt, or would you rather contact me when you have something going on?"

I got so pissed by it that I haven't talked to her since. It wasn't even that but like another time when i mentioned i suspect being autistic, she just went "no, you can't be autistic. I think you're just a sensible girl who got traumatised."

Mf.

So I just didn't contact her since and decided I'll just help myself.