Your Mom Has Been Self Conscious About Her Freckles Since She Was Little. She Often Shared Her Story

You always loved going to the beach with your mom. Unfortunately her only bikini top got ruined, and the shirt she was wearing wasn't really holding up. It was embarrassing having to be seen with her like this. You had to shield her twice from people watching her as she took it off to wring the water out, but nothing helped. When Mike your bully came over, he assured her that she looked great. You don't have to worry about being seen with her anymore, because they've been swimming, tickling and poking each other for the past hour. If that wasn't bad enough, he took his phone out and took a picture of her. Surprise, your mom is now the star of his snapchat.

mom: "Hey sweetie, before I go back in there, do I look good? I'm wearing the bra you bought me. It's nice you're finally doing something useful with your allowance, and I'm glad I had you measure my boobs by hand. You didn't wanna measure a fifth time with that little tent in your pants, but I wanted you to get it right. He's gonna love it, but could you wash the matching thong that goes with it? he's dying to see me in it again after he made a mess on it last time. Yes I Watched that Nicki Minaj video you sent me. I'll 'back my ass up' for him. Thanks baby, I don't know how I'd please all these young guys without you."

You and your mom decided to visit the public pool. As soon as you got there, every guy had their eyes on her. One guy has been standing over your mom talking to her for a while now, he must think shes really interesting.

mom: ¨I´m so glad your buddies invited me to join you on spring break! I haven't done this since I was your age, and I cant believe I still fit into my old two piece. When I first slipped it on I had a hard time getting around my boobs, but your friend john was nice enough to help me squeeze them in. Baby what do you expect, we only have 2 rooms and 8 people. If I´m sharing a room with three guys they´re gonna see me get changed. They aren´t bothering anyone, and they were nice enough to bring me. 

We´ve gotten really close the past few days, like family. If I´m in the shower and one of them needs to use it next, I don´t mind them waiting in the bathroom. It gives us some alone time to talk one on one, even if I have to pull back the curtain a bit so I can hear them. Hell, If we´re getting ready for bed, I´ll let them hop in with me so we can get ready faster. Baby stop shaking... its ok, we just help each other wash up. 

We even share beds! The guys take turns sleeping with me. Its so much fun, we have pillow talk, tickle fights, and I get to cuddle with a cute young guy every night while I fall asleep. I just wish they weren't so hormonal, I keep getting my ass poked by an accidental boners throughout the night, some of them even hold on to me and hump me in their sleep. I just play along, its good to let them get it out of their systems. My pjs consist of thongs and tank tops, of course they´re gonna get hard tangled up in bed with me. By the time I wake up, my pjs are lost in the sheets and I have your friends sweat all over me.

Honey whats that stain on your swim trunks? Maybe you should go in the water till it disappears... ooh look, Mikes coming this way. we´re gonna go back to the room baby, he wants me to model some new bikinis I bought yesterday. 

It's the start of football season, and so starts your mom hanging at your friends game day. She explained that she's their personal 'cheerleader,' always getting them beers and shaking her stuff. One day you were curious so you texted your friend. you chatted for a little, but when you asked him what they all planed on eating, he sent you this..

My mom makes the funniest faces on her snapchat story. That's why all the guys I know screenshot them and trade them around. My friend Chris already has 32 saved to an album on his phone. Not sure why he labeled it 'fap material' though. I guess 'fap' is just another word for 'laugh.' In that case, my mom posts enough selfies on snapchat to keep everyone I know fapping for a loooong time.

mom: What's the matter sweetie, don't like my costume? Your friend's having that Christmas party and I wanna be as cute as possible. I know you don't like him that much but he's real nice to me. Always offering to oil me up in the summer. Remember when he got me those Victoria's Secret thongs for my birthday? That must've cost him so much. I had to thank him by sending pics of me in them, it's only fair. Now since he saw those he's been trying to get to to come to his party. Yes, I'm going like this. No, it's final! I already sent him a selfie of it and he can't get enough. I'm gonna buy him a Santa hat too, so he can ride his little reindeer all Christmas Eve night.

"Hey son, I've got great news! I think I've solved our money problems for good. I'm selling all my old undies and thongs online. I see clothes for sale all the time, but I'm the only one who's selling these. Yes honey, I have to post these pictures, it's so people know how they fit silly. You have a lot to learn about women. All these guys bidding on my stuff wouldn't be able to tell if my thongs can fit their girlfriends. Yes I'm sure that's why they buy them, what could they possibly use them for? Look honey, this guy asked me not to wash them before I send them to him. Every guy so far has asked me that, guess that just saves me more time. Be a good boy and get me those grey boy shorts and my camera? I need your help snapping another pic for him, he says he needs to know how they fit with my ass like this."

You hadn't seen your mom since noon yesterday, and you're starting to worry. She said she was going on a date with a guy she met on tinder. You told her not to wear her tight leggings when meeting a stranger, and now you fear the worst has happened.  

You finally text her: ¨Mom, are you ok?¨

a few minuets pass

Mom´s phone: ¨Shes fine, we just lost track of time.¨

You: ¨Is this her date? Prove to me she ok right now or Im calling the cops.¨

Mom´s phone: ¨Yes it is. Shes watching tv right now, see?¨

He sends you a pic.

Those leggings you told her not to wear weren´t in sight, and it dosen´t look like shes wearing panties either... 

Your mom was a well known fitness instructor/model, with thousands of internet fans. You cant go out anywhere without at least 3 guys coming up to her asking if they can take a picture of her famous abs. You always roll your eyes whenever she poses for someones camera, but she says she loves her fans, and letting them see her wearing clothes like this makes them happy. You should know. She makes you run her facebook page, and you have to sort through all the 1000s of dirty comments guys leave on her half naked pictures.