Marylikeslemons - 🕷️

i hate when a coworker brings up harry potter because you just have to start beating them and keep beating them and beating them and attacking them and mauling them and it's really tiring to do twice a day

remember kids

Artist 🎨: @vhsdogs

told my girlfriend that if she proposes i want a secondhand wedding ring. i explained i don't want to contribute to a vanity-based industry like diamond mining, and that it would be important to me to continue marriage traditions in a way that causes minimal environmental and personal harm. she asked me if i was just trying to roll the dice on obtaining a haunted object, and i told her i can want two things.

When you are unemployed, mysterious voices will tell you to "become a youtuber" but you must remind yourself that it's probably the amulet talking. The amulet you found last week, near the park. It has given you good advice so far, but there is always a line that you shouldn't cross.

jesse don't touch that that's the growth potion i've been synthesi-no jesse DON'T

I wish jonathan harker a very pleasant and normal business trip

internet politics and real-world politics have gotten so separated, and pretty soon all this internet weirdness is gonna come crashing into real life and politicians are gonna start throwing around words like “SJW” and “anime communist” and “dark enlightenment” and it’s just gonna be the most ridiculous fucking thing

I dreamed the Pope announced a new deadly sin called 'sluttony' and everybody was really excited to try it.