Told My Girlfriend That If She Proposes I Want A Secondhand Wedding Ring. I Explained I Don't Want To

forward my shambling soldiers and slay without thinking. let blood flow into every crevice of this rotten land

How do you make people fall in love with you

challenge them to a duel 

Oh.

We're at "traffic tickets are justification for disappearing people off the street and sending them to death camps with no due process" levels of fascism now.

Okay yeah we're like fucked, fucked.

jesse don't touch that that's the growth potion i've been synthesi-no jesse DON'T

my bridge is so dark and scary if you wantto cross it you are going to need to answer my questions three. one are you mad at me

I dreamed the Pope announced a new deadly sin called 'sluttony' and everybody was really excited to try it.

Two boys talked on the playground about who was stronger: a kitten or a puppy. "For the sake of fairness, let's say they're both the size of a pea," one boy said. "Agreed," said the other boy. "It's only fair."

I wish jonathan harker a very pleasant and normal business trip

i hate when a coworker brings up harry potter because you just have to start beating them and keep beating them and beating them and attacking them and mauling them and it's really tiring to do twice a day