The Secret To Living A Calm And Confident Life Lies In Being Organised And Prepared. When You Are Always

Welcome to my Blog 💕

My name is Elle and I'm a 23-year-old Black girl from New England who's obsessed with proving that there is nothing that we, as women, cannot achieve.

Dating/Femininity:

Flirting tips

Men 101

The Seduction Process

How I approach men

Book recs

On Charisma

Tips for a Roster

Lesser known seduction tips

More book recommendations

Questions to ask on a date

How to Create a Dating Profile to Attract High-quality Men

Love and Intimacy from a man's perspective

'I am the Best' Series Archive:

Impressionism

Surrealism

Realism

Abstract Art

Investing Pt. 1

Investing Pt. 2

Key Financial Resources

Finance/Education:

Cryptocurrency resources

Magazines/Newsletters

LinkedIn Networking

10 Lessons from My Last Internship

Conference Lessons 1

Conference Lessons 2

Lessons from Boarding School

More Boarding School Lessons

Sponsorship vs. Mentorship

Wall Street Advice

Miscellaneous:

The Power of the Alter Ego

Do's and Don'ts in High Society

How to Succeed as a Black Woman in Society

How to Exoticize Yourself in High Society

Red and Green Flags when Dating Wealthy Men

Quick Summer Glow-up Routine

Elle's Essentials

Quick Summer Glow Up Routine

Essential History Topics

Introduction to Black High Society

Lessons from my Hypergamous Mother

Guide to Oxford

Favorite Success Tips

How I am improving my life in 2023

Tips on navigating private clubs

If you'd like to contact me personally, message my backup: @elletheroyal-backup.

Keep going baby 💗

The Charisma Myth: things that I liked

dokumen.pub

The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism 9781101560303, 2011043729 - DOKUMEN.PUB

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Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:

Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences. Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.

Pause for two full seconds before you speak.

The very next time you’re in a conversation, try to regularly check whether your mind is fully engaged or whether it is wandering elsewhere (including preparing your next sentence).

Expensive clothing leads us to assume wealth, friendly body language leads us to assume good intentions, a confident posture leads us to assume the person has something to be confident about. In essence, people will tend to accept whatever you project.

when you can project both power and warmth together, you really maximize your personal charisma potential.

charismatic behaviors must originate in your mind. Knowing how to skillfully handle mental discomfort is even more important than knowing how to handle physical discomfort. Anxiety is a serious drawback to charisma. First, it impacts our internal state: quite obviously, it’s hard to be fully present while you’re feeling anxious. Anxiety can also lower our confidence. Anxiety, low presence, and low confidence can show up directly in our body language, as well as reduce our ability to emanate warmth.

 The single most effective technique I’ve found to alleviate the discomfort of uncertainty is the responsibility transfer. Pick an entity—God, Fate, the Universe, whatever may best suit your beliefs—that you could imagine as benevolent. Imagine lifting the weight of everything you’re concerned about—this meeting, this interaction, this day—off your shoulders and placing it on the shoulders of whichever entity you’ve chosen. They’re in charge now. Visually lift everything off your shoulders and feel the difference as you are now no longer responsible for the outcome of any of these things. Everything is taken care of. You can sit back, relax, and enjoy whatever good you can find along the way.

Golfer Jack Nicklaus said that he never hit a shot, even during practice, without visualizing it first. For decades, professional athletes have considered visualization an essential tool, often spending hours visualizing their victory, telling their mind just what they want their body to achieve.

“There is good evidence that imagining oneself performing an activity activates parts of the brain that are used in actually performing the activity,” Professor Stephen Kosslyn, director of Stanford’s Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, wrote me. Visualization can even physically alter the brain structure: repeated experiments have shown that simply imagining yourself playing the piano with sufficient repetition leads to a detectable and measurable change in the motor cortex of the brain.

Silvia recently confided that visualization is one of the secrets to her success. Before key meetings, she’ll imagine “the smiles on their faces because they liked me and they are confident about the value I’m bringing them. I’ll imagine as much detail as I can, even seeing the wrinkles around their eyes as they’re smiling.” She visualizes the whole interaction, all the way through to the firm handshakes that close the meeting, sealing the deal.

A twenty-second hug is enough to send oxytocin coursing through your veins, and that you can achieve the same effect just by imagining the hug. So the next time you’re feeling anxious, you might want to imagine being wrapped up in a great big hug from someone you care about.

Self-confidence is our belief in our ability to do or to learn how to do something.

Self-esteem is how much we approve of or value ourselves. It’s often a comparison-based evaluation (whether measured against other people or against our own internal standards for approval).

Self-compassion is how much warmth we can have for ourselves, especially when we’re going through a difficult experience.

It’s quite possible for people to have high self-confidence but low self-esteem and very low self-compassion.

Types of charisma:

Focus: Focus charisma requires, of course, the ability to focus and be truly present. Good listening skills are nonnegotiable, as is a certain degree of patience. To develop focus charisma, cultivate your ability to be present.

Visionary charisma makes others feel inspired; it makes us believe. It can be remarkably effective even though it won’t necessarily make people like you. We assess visionary charisma primarily through demeanor, which includes body language and behavior. Due to the fact that people tend to accept whatever you project, if you seem inspired, they will assume you have something to be inspired about.

kindness charisma comes entirely from body language—specifically your face, and even more specifically your eyes. Kindness charisma is primarily based on warmth. It connects with people’s hearts, and makes them feel welcomed, cherished, embraced, and, most of all, completely accepted.

Authority charisma is primarily based on a perception of power: the belief that this person has the power to affect our world. We evaluate someone’s authority charisma through four indicators: body language, appearance, title, and the reactions of others. you’ll need to learn how to “take up space” with your posture, reduce nonverbal reassurances (such as excessive nodding), and avoid fidgeting. You may need to speak less, to speak more slowly, to know how and when to pause your sentences, or how to modulate your intonation. Look expensive. 

Avoid holding a drink in your right hand, especially if it’s a cold drink, as the condensation will make your hand feel cold and clammy. Before shaking someone’s hand, whether you are a man or a woman, rise if you’re seated. And keep your hands out of your pockets: visible hands make you look more open and honest. Make sure to use plenty of eye contact, and smile warmly but briefly: too much smiling could make you appear overeager. Keep your head straight, without tilting it in any way, and face the person.

Ask people open ended questions, focus on questions that will likely elicit positive emotions. With your questions, you have the power to lead the conversation in the direction you want. In fact, even when you’re speaking, the one word that should pop up most often in your conversation is not I but you. Instead of saying “I read a great article on that subject in the New York Times,” try “You might enjoy the recent New York Times article on the subject.” Or simply insert “You know...” before any sentence to make them instantly perk up and pay attention.

Another way to exit a conversation with grace is to offer something of value:

Information: an article, book, or Web site you think might be of use to them A connection: someone they ought to meet whom you know and can introduce them to

Visibility: an organization you belong to, where you could invite them to speak

Recognition: an award you think they should be nominated for

When someone has spoken, see if you can let your facial expression react first, showing that you’re absorbing what they’ve just said and giving their brilliant statement the consideration it deserves. Only then, after about two seconds, do you answer. The sequence goes like this:

They finish their sentence

Your face absorbs

Your face reacts

Then, and only then, you answer

The next time you’re given a compliment, the following steps will help you skillfully handle the moment:

1. Stop.

2. Absorb the compliment.

3. Let that second of absorption show on your face. Show the person that they’ve had an impact.

4. Thank them. Saying “Thank you very much” is enough, but you can take it a step further by thanking them for their thoughtfulness or telling them that they’ve made your day.

It’s not just metaphors that can paint the wrong picture. Some common phrases can have the same effect. When you tell someone, “No problem,” “Don’t worry,” or “Don’t hesitate to call,” for example, there’s a chance their brain will remember “problem,” “worry,” or “hesitate” instead of your desire to support them. To counter this negative effect, use phrases like “We’ll take care of it” or “Please feel free to call anytime.”

You can deliver value to others in multiple ways:

Entertainment: Make your e-mail or meeting enjoyable.

Information: Give interesting or informative content that they can use. 

Good feelings: Find ways to make them feel important or good about themselves. 

The longer you speak, the higher the price you’re making them pay, so the higher the value ought to be. 

If your goal is to communicate power, set the pitch, tone, volume, and tempo of your voice in the following ways:

Pitch and tone: The lower, more resonant, and more baritone your voice, the more impact it will have.

Volume: One of the first things an actor learns to do on stage is to project his voice, which means gaining the ability to modulate its volume and aim it in such a targeted way that specific portions of the audience can hear it, even from afar. One classic exercise to hone your projection skills is to imagine that your words are arrows. As you speak, aim them at different groups of listeners.

Tempo: A slow, measured tempo with frequent pauses conveys confidence.

To emanate vocal warmth, you need to do only one thing: smile, or even just imagine smiling.

Charismatic people are known to be more “contagious”; they have a strong ability to transmit their emotions to others.

The most effective and credible compliments are those that are both personal and specific. For instance, instead of “Great job,” you could say, “You did a great job,” or, better yet, “The way you kept your calm when that client became obnoxious was impressive.”

Here’s one specific—and surprisingly effective—recommendation for phone charisma, courtesy of author Leil Lowndes: Do not answer the phone in a warm or friendly manner. Instead, answer crisply and professionally. Then, only after you hear who is calling, let warmth or even enthusiasm pour forth in your voice. This simple technique is an easy and effective way to make people feel special. I recommend it to all my business clients whose companies have a strong customer service component. The gains in customer satisfaction are impressive.

Charisma takes practice. Steve Jobs, who appeared so masterful on stage, was known to rehearse important presentations relentlessly.

Retain at least a certain measure of equanimity. Most charismatic leaders are known for their ability to remain (or appear) calm even in the midst of turbulent circumstances.

you have more degrees of freedom than you think

you can completely reinvent yourself in well under a year with sufficient commitment

you probably make at least one decision every day which will meaningfully alter the path you’re on if you change it

this is terrifying but it’s also maybe the best thing about being alive

as long as you’re breathing, there’s a chance

had to scour through my watch history to find these videos I watched ages ago but if I had to recommend the most helpful and actually practical fashion advice I've heard, it's from these videos, ESPECIALLY the second video (linked bc I seriously want you to watch it. like literally, go watch it). It's not telling you what aesthetic to pick, it's not telling you to get rid of your sambas, it's not telling you to get a capsule wardrobe or only stick to classics. highly recommend ♡

My fridge is filled with champagne, organic produce, green tea, and leftovers from upscale restaurants.

My shelves are filled with sensual perfumes, expensive skincare, and books on strategy, theory, and psychology.

My closet is filled with designer clothes, luxurious handbags and luggage, and sumptuous lingerie.

My bank account is filled with enough money for all my needs and desires.

My head is filled with goals, ambitions, and dreams for the future.

How to be more feminine?? Besides looks what can I do to increase my feminine energy

Like I always say, femininity isn’t always about looks, it’s about mindfulness.

Keep in mind feminine energy is unique to every person.

Feminine energy also does not mean you forsake a balance with your masculine energy. I have talked about it in another post.

These are simply suggestions, but this is what I find best.

Doll Diaries: Femininity From Within

1. Etiquette, Class, and Poise.

Be nice or don’t say anything at all. It’s not cute to gossip about other women, and it only speaks volumes about you, not the other individual.

When in conflict, know how to still maintain a balance with your masculine energy. Stand up for yourself when needed, while being classy. Respond to the problem, don’t attack the person. Or you can completely ignore someone who is spiteful. Either way, don’t give them the power.

-> Expressing yourself with eloquence will always win versus expressing yourself with sloppy and negative verbiage. If you find yourself complaining, work on it. If you find yourself discouraging others and yourself, work on it. Leave deprecation, especially self, alone.

-> Having manners in general will set you apart. Saying “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”/“pardon me” is very important when speaking to others. Consider the way you speak to others.

-> Know what language and what jokes are appropriate in each situation you’re in. Always be on the side of caution if you’re unsure.

-> Leave all pettiness behind. The only woman you are in competition with is yourself.

2. Confidence.

Having confidence will enhance your femininity physically and mentally. You will become more independent and in tune with yourself. Confidence is not to be confused with arrogance, which involves overzealous behavior such as bragging. A confident presence speaks before you say a word. Let it speak for you, rather than proving anything.

•Dignity — always reflect on your thought processes, behaviors, and actions. Be self aware of what can completely destroy your sense of dignity.

•Graciously accept compliments, and graciously give them. Know that someone else’s good attributes do not negate yours. Never be threatened by another woman.

•Always walk with your head high, looking ahead, never at the floor, no matter what happened that day. Have good posture to follow that — shoulders back. Walk gracefully at an even pace.

•Speak clearly enough for others to understand, and project your voice at an appropriate volume. Enunciate your words properly to show your intelligence. Refrain from “ums” and speaking too quickly.

•Take pride in your body, live a better life and have a healthier association with your temple. This is the only body you have, treat it well.

3. Nurture your mind.

Have hobbies, read stimulating material, and always be up to date with current events, rather than gossip about what Susie, your ex’s new boo and your next object of envy, wore on Insta last night. Level up and focus on yourself, rather than low vibrational topics.

Examples of hobbies:

-> Journaling

-> Gardening

-> Cooking

-> Art

-> Music

-> Sports

-> Reading

-> Dancing

-> Yoga & Meditation

-> Makeup

Have things you are interested in, so that you become enraptured in those things. Know when you need to connect with what you love. Do what feeds your soul. Have a good routine involving your hobbies/interests mixed with self care so that you will be a balanced individual.

4. Gratitude, Compassion, and Communication.

Don’t ever feel as though you are entitled to anything. Be grateful for what you have, and what others do. Express your gratitude to others with a “thank you”/thank you card or gesture, and “I appreciate”.

Know when to congratulate someone, and when to emphasize their successes.

Always stay true to your agreed obligations, and if you cannot, communicate such. Be a woman of your word.

If you’re going to be grateful, you also have to care about others.

-> Show compassion.

Be an active listener to your friends. Let them express what is on their minds. Some people just need you to listen, not fix. Some people just need you to listen, not judge. See their perspective, because a good friend would do the same for you.

-> Do things for others, within your boundaries and limits. Make others feel special, because they are as well. Engage with whoever you are speaking to.

-> Respect other opinions and know when to agree to disagree. Do not make generalizations with others and tell them what they “always” do. Communicate maturely.

Be honest, and mean what you say. Be impeccable with your word. Let truth and love prevail.

5. Self Awareness & Authenticity.

Always have the self awareness to know what is going on within yourself. Know your qualities. You can be your own worst critic, and you are the only thing holding you back from being the divine woman you would like to be.

What will set you apart from others is your willingness to be authentic and genuine. Most people are busy putting up a front to keep face. With you, what you see is what you will get. Your characteristics make you you, and you are appreciative of them.

-> Recognize your imperfections, but don’t dwell on them. Forgive your mistakes, and allow yourself to be blessed.

-> Maintain your boundaries and values.

-> Always remain cognizant of how you see yourself and how others see you. Know what impression is being made.

-> Take appropriate risks instead of being anchored down by “shoulda coulda woulda” mentality. Stop talking about it and just do it.

-> Never please others at the expense of yourself. Don’t become obsessed with people pleasing.

-> Be self aware enough to know when you must learn. Nobody is exempt from learning and adapting. Accept criticism to grow in wisdom, rather than being defensive.

Know your strengths and focus in on them. Be so finely in tune with yourself that no one will catch you off balance. If you must have a moment to yourself, withdraw and refresh.

All of these things will lead you to your path of divine femininity. These qualities and lessons go beyond outward appearance. Your relationship with yourself will set the tone for everything else.

I hope this helps!

xoxo, thevirgodoll ♡

Toxic romanticization of studying

In a word of introduction, my profile partly shows that studying and exploring is wonderful. But as a person involved in science*, I would like to show healthy and true patterns of this beautiful adventure in acquiring knowledge.

The inspiration for writing this post this time was not the phenomenon from Tumblr (although you can also observe it here), but from Pinterest. There you can come across cycles composed of quotes and photos whose aim is to motivate young girls to learn, succeed and get good grades. These images often also show examples of characters from movies, TV series or real life that you can aspire to be like. Overall, I have to agree that it really works! But I would like to draw attention to certain elements that need to be verified.

1. You shouldn't get up at 5am

First of all, the correct amount of sleep is one of the most important factors affecting the proper and effective functioning of our brain. During sleep, nerve cells regenerate, organize information acquired during the day and consolidate memory traces, which is directly related to learning. Lack of sleep increases impulsivity, deepens negative thinking and slows down the body's reaction time!

2. You can be a genius without good grades

Of course, good grades are a pleasant confirmation of our knowledge and praise for hard work. However, sometimes it is worth considering whether the structure of exams themselves, especially those with closed questions, affects the results. We often study for one specific exam, the knowledge of which may be very… limited and sometimes not useful, so it is worth prioritizing the topics that we study hard.

3. It's not cool to think you're better than others

We are different and have different priorities in life. It is also worth considering how many people escape from the rat race and start a slow, stress-free life. So we have to agree that judging people based on grades or responses under stress (sic!) is not cool.

The good thing about romanticizing studying

As I have already said, these types of collages are really motivating. So let's talk about what's great about them and what's worth highlighting and saving for later.

1. Knowledge is beautiful, but your outfit and surroundings can also be

We know that we should never judge a book by its cover, but… the issue of social perception painfully confirms that we do and will continue to do so because this is how our brains work. And isn't it nice when someone looks at us and thinks this girl is so classy?

Moreover, a nice outfit that makes us feel good gives us a lot of self-confidence. There are also many studies confirming the positive impact on motivation and concentration of a neat and aesthetic workplace.

2. Not just cramming, but also discovering

Broadening your horizons is easier with passion and real commitment. And to achieve this, the topics must really interest us. Not everyone has yet found something that they are extremely passionate about in science, so that is why you have to dig deeper and discover different areas.

3. Don't be afraid to use your knowledge in practice

Schools and universities, unfortunately, have their own rules and they do not always allow you to show your 100% potential. Thus, share your knowledge with others externally, write essays, blog and social media. This form of activity also makes you learn things faster and easier. In addition, contacts with others will expand your knowledge.

Therefore, I must say that it is worth choosing your inspirations carefully. Nothing helps you enjoy studying better than a clear head and lack of prejudices.

*This post was inspired by my own experience with studying. If anyone is interested, I think I can share my mistakes that did not help me in an academic adventure :)

As a girl or woman, raise yourself to be an intellectual. Raise yourself to be a reader, a traveller, a curious explorer. Raise girls who are independent livers and thinkers, who are critical of standard narratives and status quos and societal and religious dogma. Girls and women will never benefit from being naïve, stuck in one place, unaware, ignorant, out of options, close minded etc besides deriving from these states a false sense of safety, but the patriarchy reaps massive profits from afflicting these conditions.

stoic ideas that will improve your life

✨ what is stoicism? stoicism is a philosophy that seeks to cultivate virtue, reason, and mindfulness through our will and discipline. practicing stoicism means accepting reality as it is without trying to change it. it means accepting that we cannot control everything in our lives, but that we can control how we react to the things that happen around us.

✨ some benefits

improvement of our mental health.

increased ability to concentrate, and clarity of thought.

better self-control to resist the desire and distractions of others.

✨ stoic ideas to improve your life

live in the present moment, do not leave anything for later. value what you have, and take care of your company.

recognize your mistakes. work on your areas of improvement. making mistakes is not important, it is important to rectify them, look for solutions and work on continuous improvement, learn from each mistake made.

we humans are not so different, we share feelings and emotions. we are all part of the same essence. practicing empathy is healthy.

nothing is good or bad. the important thing is not what happens to us, which is inevitable and neutral, but how we interpret and deal with each situation. it is a matter of perspective. what happens is right. the important thing is to understand, using reason, to find out what we can do and to accept without resistance what does not depend on us.

anything can happen, but if it hasn't happened, don't get ahead of yourself and don't anticipate pain that may not come.

writing a diary. according to the stoics, it is a good habit to dedicate some time each day to reflect in writing, which helps to reflect on the actions of each day and to be more vigilant with ourselves.

contact with nature. breathing fresh air, walking in the environment, enjoying the outdoors and getting in touch with ourselves is an effective way to quiet the mind.

work every day, build slowly. don't procrastinate.

we need very little. we have much more than we need, we do and say more than we need to. it would be good to question this, we would have more time for what is essential and more peace of mind. eliminate what is not necessary.

just because things don't go your way doesn't mean they go wrong. find a learning experience in every experience you think is negative. in reality, it is not. the negative is your attitude and you can change it. don't waste your experiences.

i am learning about this philosophy and many others. the smart thing to do is to keep what we can apply to our life to improve it. if there is something you don't agree with, discard it and keep what resonates with you.