Hayao Miyazaki

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Find & Be A Good Friend To Other High-Value Women

Approach finding friends like you would dating (which is essentially a networking activity). Meet and mingle with as many people as you desire but refine your vetting process for your friends well before your next social interaction – whether it's a group get-together, coffee/lunch date, or a party/work event from which prospective friendship could potentially flourish.

Set your friendship standards. Know the types of people, common interests, values, lifestyle, etc., you desire to have within your friendships. Consider the type and frequency of communication that gives you energy. Be aware of your boundaries so you can communicate them calmly, clearly, and with kindness. Embody the type of friend you would want to have in your life already. Compatibility will minimize conflict in any type of relationship, including friendships.

Remind yourself that it can be more fulfilling to have friends that suit different needs, interests, activities, and sides of your personality. Once you understand what your "ideal" friend or friendships look like, you use this "best friend" archetype to divide up these qualities among the people you meet IRL. See if you click with someone who suits some of these characteristics & shared goals/interests. Choose friends you admire in different areas of their lives. Some friends may be in your life because you connect over your ambitious personalities or bond over working in the same industry/field. Other friends may be so much fun to go out with or chat about romantic relationships with, while others can be great travel companions, intellectuals, workout class friends, etc.

Practice differentiation. Understand both of you have your own boundaries, expectations, desires, and personal limits. Communicate your needs directly without people pleasing while still showing empathy and validating the other person's equal right to have their own boundaries, expectations, desires, and emotional/logistical limitations. People-pleasing is a form of manipulation because this self-sacrificing leaves you resentful of the relationship and blindsides the other person because they didn't know they crossed your boundaries. If someone crosses your boundaries and you address it from a compassionate "it's me, not you" POV, genuine friends will react to your reply from a place of understanding. To be a good friend, you need to do the same. Good friends respect each others' needs and would never threaten the friendship because you need to take care of yourself first.

Be their ultimate hype woman. Show up when it counts, follow up, and engage with a genuine interest. Cheer your friends on when they're going after and achieve their goals. Don't let jealousy & a scarcity mindset get to you. Show support for their wins. Be genuinely happy for them. Go to their milestone events (if you're invited and able to within reason), and send them words of encouragement before a big work presentation, interview, date, etc. Follow up after a coffee date to see how a certain conversation or event went if it seemed important to them. Ask them questions and thoughtful follow-up questions about their lives/something they brought up to discuss. Curiosity is the simplest way to form a connection – especially in conversation.

Don't try to one-up your friends. You appear haughty and insecure when you do this. Good friends complement and compound – not compromise – each others' successes.

Keep it real. Set each other up to win. Good friends don't let their friends ruin their lives, goals, health, or reputation. Call out a friend's bad or desperate behavior by using language that criticizes their behaviors vs. their character (Ex: "Remember how bad your ex made you feel about yourself, you don't deserve to put yourself through that again and spend this precious time with people who care about you or going on dates with others who will value what you have to offer." vs. "You're dumb for getting back together with your ex. You're so desperate for his attention/to be in a relationship." Another example: "Yeah, not working out and eating junk food all day can make you feel sluggish and lazy. You're too cool to be acting like this. It's time to live a healthier lifestyle again so you can be your best self so we can all appreciate your energy to the fullest again." vs. "You've turned into a slob. Get it together.")

Be trustworthy. Everything they share in confidence is top-secret information unless they disclose otherwise. Only share their successes in public. Keep friends' struggles private. Don't be two-faced. Stand by your friend to their face and when they leave the room.

Schedule time to make each other a priority. Invite them out. Set a date on the weekly/monthly calendar to hang out, Facetime, have a long catch-up call with each other, etc. Create fun rituals you do together with each friend or in groups of friends.

Follow through with the plans you set in stone (unless there's a true emergency/late night at work/you feel sick, etc.). Never cancel last minute unless it's essential for your well-being. Show up when you say you will. Respect other people's time. Don't be flaky.

had to scour through my watch history to find these videos I watched ages ago but if I had to recommend the most helpful and actually practical fashion advice I've heard, it's from these videos, ESPECIALLY the second video (linked bc I seriously want you to watch it. like literally, go watch it). It's not telling you what aesthetic to pick, it's not telling you to get rid of your sambas, it's not telling you to get a capsule wardrobe or only stick to classics. highly recommend ♡

Always wear your cutest outfit. Stop saving so many looks for “special occasions”. You showing up is a special occasion. Look your best.

Dear dream girl, I really want to be my dream girl but I don’t know where to start. I feel unmotivated most of the time and I only get a burst of motivation at like 3 am. I just what to glow and radiate good energy for myself and find/do what I like

Oh, So You Wanna Be a Dream Girl? 🎀

starting your dream girl journey

Congrats on choosing yourself and your tiara; I am so proud. Prepare to not be liked, to be judged, and to stand out. It’s lonely at the top.

*this guide is for starting the process, not reaching the end result because my version of my own dream girl is inevitably different than yours. bare in mind i’m not holding your hand. i’m nudging you in a good direction.

what is a dream girl?

a dream girl is a girl that has finally fallen in love with who she sees in the mirror. she’s the girl that she can depend on. she has her desired look and she’s on the path to self actualization actively. she’s aware of her branding. she holds herself to the standards she holds other to; and they are HIGH. her self worth isn’t contingent upon a love interest, amount of money, or social status. she’s simply that girl.

do some healing.

yes, i said it. healing. like i’ve said before, you cannot put glitter on literal garbage. that’s not even the slightest bit appealing. you’re gonna journal about your childhood, your biggest influences in life, your biggest fears and how you feel life has treated you. this calls for shadow work. shadow working really helped me figure out some of my toxic traits and how some of the things that were considered normal to me as a child have affected me in the long run. you’re also gonna write hypothetical letters to your loved (and not-so-loved) ones, including yourself. let it all out. say everything you want that person to know. around you or not, dead or alive. prepare to clam up, cry, get angry, feel anxious. good. you should. you feel clammy, hot and sometimes pain when your body is fighting off and healing from a physical sickness. now you’re dealing with the developmental, mental, and emotional parts. you’re doing yourself a disservice choosing to stay the same toxic, nasty, mean, or victimized person you’ve always been.

what do you want?

before you can start to even do the smallest improvements, you have to have a clear goal. or else you’ll just be running around in circles (heh) over grandiose blurry wishful thinking. ultimately resulting in you giving up and choosing to be basic bc it’s easier. what do you want out of life? how do you want to be treated? what do you want to do? what makes you happy? and most importantly, how do you want to feel? see, it’s more than just the frills and glitter. you have to know what you’re trying to get to, internally and externally.

grab a diary, adorn it with pretty little details and commit to it. pair it with your fav writing utensil. outline all of your goals. every single last one of them. you can categorize them, scale them from short to long term, easy to hard. it doesn’t matter. do absolutely what you want to do to make a concrete record of your goals that’s digestible for you.

what are you going to do?

*fabulosity by kimora lee simmons*

compare your dream reality to the one you’re currently experiencing. what is she doing that you aren’t? that’s it. do that. anyone can read blogs about the process and other people success stories but those posts aren’t gonna change your life unless you get up and go for what you want. i don’t know what exactly you desire out of life. you do. so you have the instructions for this journey. the first part was easy, this is simple but not nearly as effortless. it’s up to you and not anyone else. you teach others how to treat you. improvements you can make include better: hygiene, self talk/treatment, outward energy, work ethic, discipline, health, consumed content, relationships, looks, habits.

the work

it’s time to apply yourself. get up everyday and actively work towards your goal. be kind to yourself. take yourself to the doctors. get active. eat right. find your passion. DO THE HEALING.

everyone’s journey is SO different so i’m just going to do a quick rundown of the importance of each of the ten facets of your dream girl journey (that build upon each other. ie; looks do not benefit you when your hygiene is insufficient):

*these facets are loosely based on maslow’s hierarchy of needs

health - are you taking care of yourself? please treat yourself how you would your loved ones. you’ll be surprised how physical issues manifest mentally, and vice versa. get adequate sleep. take baby steps if need be. some of these adjustments may be huge to you. be gracious with your journey.

consumed content - everything you engage in is your diet. the company you keep, food you eat, music you enjoy. you get the idea. do you feel light and ready to take on the day? or do you feel drained and sick more often than not. make some adjustments wherever you see necessary.

hygiene - extremely important. stick to a routine for your hygienic needs. you should have rituals you engage in everyday. don’t forget that your health and hygiene go hand in hand. oral and feminine hygiene is so crazily important. please don’t neglect yourself. i talk about my routines in detail here.

habits - daily habits are so crucial to your lifestyle. adjust these and consciously break your bad habits by supplementing your life with equal and opposite habits.

self talk/treatment - simple. be kind to yourself. hold yourself accountable for flaws and mistakes while loving yourself enough to be patient with the journey of improving.

outward energy - be very aware of the vibes you’re permeating. again this is so a huge determination of how you will be treated and how you will live your life.

work ethic/discipline - it’s gonna take serious accountability to escape the desire to stay comfortable. you have to tell yourself that you deserve *your desired end result* so i will *make specific change/adjustment.* it’s that simple (again simple doesn’t mean easy).

relationships - if you don’t like the way you’re treated by those in your life, those relationships need to be reevaluated. you can make some trims on your circle, have some honest conversations, or adjust your behaviors (because sometimes, YOU are the problem).

passion and career - in order to feel fulfilled in life, we all need a purpose. discover yours. incorporate your passion into your daily life.

looks - develop your signature and hone in on it. looks are very important to your perception (self and public). check out this guide to help with this part. however you wanna feel is how you should display yourself.

be a dream girl!

you’ve discovered all the facets of creating your dream self and reality. now it’s time to apply what you’ve learned. start showing up in life in the fashion you want to be seen in.

that’s it! the rest is up to you!

- xoxo, dreamgrlarchive 🎀

“i need to organize my bedroom so my mom won’t complain to me” -> “i deserve a clean and tidy bedroom”

“i hate my body so i need to work on it” -> “i deserve a healthy body that i like”

“i need to study so i won’t be a failure in life” -> “knowledge is power and i deserve to be successful”

“i did something wrong and i hate myself because of this” -> “this is my first time living, i’m allowed to make mistakes and grow from them”

love and compassion >>> hate and fear

and remember: mindset is the key.

How To Improve Your Social Skills 💬🥂📱✨

Pay close attention when others are speaking. Show that you're engaged in what they are saying, maintain eye contact, and providing verbal cues like "I see" or "interesting." Ask questions.

Good eye contact shows interest in the conversation. But avoid staring excessively in a frozen state, as it can make others uncomfortable.

A warm smile and open body language can make others feel more comfortable around you.

Work on your conversational skills, including starting and ending conversations, asking open ended questions, and finding common topics of interest.

Try to understand and empathize with the feelings and perspectives of others. This helps create trust.

Small talk is essential for building rapport. Practice starting conversations with light, non controversial topics and gradually steer them toward more meaningful subjects.

Confidence is key to effective social interaction. Work on building your self esteem and self confidence through self affirmations and positive self talk.

If you experience social anxiety, try deep breathing exercises or, visualization. Try to focus your attention on something. I used to have a lot of social anxiety so I would hold a drink in my hand to keep me centered and focused.

Familiarize yourself with cultural and social norms to ensure you're behaving appropriately in different situations so you don't look out of place or rude.

Social skills are like any other skills; they improve with practice. Start with friends or in less intimidating social settings to build your confidence.

Pay attention to nonverbal cues such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These signals often convey more than words.

Avoid dominating conversations. Give others the chance to speak and actively listen when it's their turn.

Show respect for others by using polite language, saying "please" and "thank you," and being considerate of their feelings and opinions.

Having a broad range of interests and knowledge can give you more to talk about and connect with others over. Learn, learn, learn.

Ask friends for feedback on your social skills. They can help pin point areas you can improve upon.

Join clubs, groups, or activities that relate to your interests. This helps you meet new people and practice social skills in a comfortable setting.

Observe individuals with strong social skills and learn from their interactions. Note how they engage with others and start to incorporate some of their techniques.

GUIDE TO THE MINDSET GLOW UP 🎀

♡ | positive mindset

easier said than done, but it has such a huge impact in our life. we as humans tend to always think negatively of everything, resulting us to give up. but what if it will work out? what we think constantly reflects in our reality and actions. why do we have to always blame ourselves for everything, why do we have to be anxious over little things, why do we have to always think of the worst when we can just flip the words, meaning, love and believe in ourselves.

- ways to have a positive mindset

the bus theory - when u see the bus that you missed u don’t actually run after it, right? you just wait for another one, knowing that it 100% will be here. think of your opportunities/relationships etc that you’ve "lost" as this bus.

the universe/god never says no; it either says yes , not yet or I have something better for you.

practice self-care, be gentle to yourself. you are waking up and always trying and it’s enough.

the moments you thought that are the "worst" are only moments now, and you’re still here. Be proud of yourself for that

a little rain doesnt have to ruin the parade

practice meditation. clean mind = better mood

journal journal journal (I’m going to make a post of journal benefits soon)

this absolutely doesn’t mean that you always have to be positive about everyone and everything. If you feel sad or feel like crying let it all out. if you feel drained allow yourself to sit all day and watch shows. it’s all about accepting yourself and not "I’m such a failure I did nothing today" instead "it’s okay, I have tomorrow where I can try again".

♡ | discipline > motivation

motivation comes and go, but discipline is forever. you are scared and not trying? It’s okay, do it while being scared. count to 3 and start doing something, take action. just DONT sit around. have a plan and don’t try to do everything all at once, or you will be easily drained . everyday do something better for 1% and you’ll see how just in a short while this 1% will be 100%.

a very good episode of mimi’s :

♡ | kindness to yourself is kindness to everyone

treat yourself with love and respect before others. everyone in this world is a human and I do not wish for you or them to spread hate. we all have bad days and this is exactly why we should so self-care or reach out to someone, but never blame anyone for anything.

you don’t owe anyone anything, but kindness and respect.

what you give is what you receive.

respect is not earned, disrespect is.

♡ | no one knows you better than you do

no you are not horrible for the mistakes that you’ve made. do you know what makes you horrible? not acknowledging them. if you wronged someone, apologize. even if it’s too late and the relationship is lost, I’m so proud of you for realizing your mistake and trying to do better. learn AND improve. accept yourself for all the pluses and minuses. you’re a crybaby? good because I’m too, and it’s absolutely okay. In fact, I think vulnerability is very powerful. you are human and you don’t have to be perfect. thrive for being better not perfection. do not listen to rumors or someone thinking that you are a bad person. you in fact know that you are not and it’s all that matters. why do you care if you are enemy in their story , they aren’t heroes in yours either.

insecurity is loud, confidence is quiet.

♡ | boundaries

to stay away from toxic people you have to have boundaries. I think the most common type here is "people pleasing" so here’s my post to help you to stop being one.

when someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, please let them know about it. you don’t have to tolerate this behavior. your own peace is the most important thing ever.

if they still repeat their actions then well … it’s time to say goodbye.

if you think that you will "lose" everything by setting boundaries please go back to the top and read the "ways to have a positive mindset" :)

watch youtubers, listen to podcasts etc to connect with people like you and improve your mindset alongside with boundaries.

here’s my list of my favs, but you can find waaaay more on tumblr

♡ | confidence

be confident, trust yourself, and never let anybody put you down. If anybody puts you down, it’s because they’re jealous. – Adriana Lima

do not compare yourself with ANYONE. the person you are looking at and saying "I wish I was her" might be doing the same. compare yourself with YOUR dream girl that you have in your head. your only competition is you.

after boundaries, positive mindset, discipline, naturally comes the confidence. loving yourself and staying true to yourself is what confidence exactly is.

no fake it till you make it, no difficult words, just you . take it easy.

♡ | tip: body language and fitness

this is more on the physical side but I advice you to learn a little bit about body language. It helps you to appear confident and attractive. my "go to’s" are entering the room with high head and good posture, never sitting on your phone (as in checking the weather app awkwardly etc not when someone calls or texts u) when coming to an unknown place.

fitness helps to relieve stress and clear out your mind when you don’t want to meditate. and by fitness I don’t mean intense workouts, a 5 minute workout that you enjoy is enough. also walking 10.000 steps a day also counts as fitness to have a healthy and balanced life.

I , for example, have a playlist with different workouts and I do each on of them on different days, whenever I feel like choosing one. sometimes I don’t even work out I just walk 7-10K steps :)

— the end ♡

in conclusion I just want to say ITS OKAY ITS OKAY ITS OKAY. You are fine. You are enough. Make mistakes, be sad, improve, be disappointed, try, love, learn, thrive. The purpose of this post is for you to understand that DONT exist , LIVE. Because life is worth living for. You were, are, will be okay.

Treat yourself with respect

Different forms of self-respect:

1. Eating good food. Caring for your body is a way of caring for yourself. Therefore eating nutrition food and nursing your body with the right food is very important.

2. Skincare. Your skin is a reflection of your habits (diet, skincare, etc.)

3. Movement. Every movement is important for both your body and mind. Creating a strong mind is key to self respect.

4. Reading. Being able to read and understand different stories creates a stronger mind.

5. Time for yourself. Saving time and energy for yourself will bring your life to peace. Not everyone and everything deserves YOUR attention.

Protect your peace

Back in March, I went out for drinks with some colleagues from my vanilla job. A couple rounds in, one of them confessed to me that she’d wanted so badly to hate me when we first met, because I was beautiful, confident, put together, and always seemed to get what I wanted. But she got to know me- my personality, kindness, and work ethic- and realized that no matter how badly she wanted to hate me, she couldn’t.

Babes, this is the way to live your life. Be so gorgeous, poised, self assured, and successful that the people around you- especially women- want to hate you. Be so kind, funny, charming, clever, and hardworking that they can’t possibly bring themselves to do it.

Set behavioral goals! It is such a game changer. Instead of setting goals that you can not 100% control, for example “I want to weigh XXX amount” set behavioral goals such as “I want to exercise for at least 30 min 4 days out of the week”.

You have so much more control over your behavior/actions which means it will be easier to maintain and thus helping potentially reaching your end goal. Focus on creating goals related to behavior change that include action steps!