I'll Say It As Many Times As It Needs To Be Said: Track Your Housework. Have A Schedule And Keep It.

A little update on what I've been focusing on 💗

As I mentioned before I'm putting 70% of my effort into my studies at the moment and so far I'm having so much fun

It's become an addictive hobby if I'm being honest ,I've gotten a genuine thirst for knowledge and to be a master at whatever I do!

It's been a long road but I'm surely making my way back to the top ranks and it's internally fulfilling.

Here are some things I've contemplated over the time

☁️Exercise is essential☁️

Moving my body always seems to increase my brain power. After things like Yoga and pilates I'm so receptive to new information plus the added feeling of bodily bliss.

☁️The world waits for no one☁️

The world isn't going to stop for a few minutes for you to decide to do a workout. The world isn't going to stop for you to procrastinate of your work. The world isn't going to stop for you to get yourself together.

Things keep moving every second, contemplating over nothing or whether to do something you need to do or not to do it, is an utter waste of time sometimes. You are literally abusing yourself by being your own blockage to an array of possibilities.

Don't be the one at 50, crying, wishing you would've worked out more or could've studied harder in your youth.

☁️Journalling☁️

One of the best additions to my life, it helps me keep track of everything and document and organise my thoughts.

I highly recommend starting, because sometimes your brain over complicates things and the best solution would be to write it down and solve it logically on paper.

☁️Avoid the unhappy and unorganized☁️

It might sound a bit mean and by all means help these people if you can but be very careful, don't be dragged into their habits. Don't be dragged into their mindsets. Be wary as misery loves company. It's like an infection of sorts which recruits those who want to help at certain times.

Keep your standards when around people who sadly suffer with issues like these.

☁️Preparation is your best friend☁️

In academics, one of the best things you can always do is study the whole book you are given briefly. Knowing what's ahead is extremely helpful and is a big advantage in many situations.

☁️Don't be afraid to say the old version of you died☁️

You are like water, forever changing and I see some people holding onto their false identities and becoming like a rock in a flowing river.

I believe it's healthy to shed your skin once in a while.

I have changed so much, during the years and I have come to terms with throwing away my old template and creating a new one to suit my present self.

☁️Develope hobbies☁️

Not for other people but just for you in general, I wear my skills and knowledge like accolades on my body.

Being a multi faceted being adds so much more zest to yourself and your life.

Over the years I have picked up things like :

Pottery (I make little pots in whatever style I want to store my jewellery)

Art (I'm well educated in pastels, painting, drawing, you name it!)

Music (Sadly this used to be my best skill but I lost a lot of experience during the years, I used to be able to play 5-7 instruments and it would always be a fun surprise at events, I always used to go play piano at my aunt's house with her daughter who was an expert at it)

Literature ( One of my favourites. Reading, learning, analysing and immersing yourself into the hand written creation of another. You learn so much from viewing things from the lense of another)

Those are just a few that you can easily start with!

☁️Pick up a community sport☁️

Lots of networking happens at sports events and being part of them would be very beneficial to you.

Save up for high quality equipment and try a sport.

Horse riding and Tennis are my favourite!

I love my horse and the sport in general is full of wonderful competitive people.

Tennis is so fierce but beautiful as well.

Tennis is a game of love and many great friendships can be formed on a court.

Get yourself a good quality and firm gripped racket and give it a try.

☁️Get in touch with your spiritual side (if you're into that stuff)☁️

I feel the most grounded and balanced when I practice my spirituality.

It's a little addition that makes life so much brighter for me.

How to be more feminine?? Besides looks what can I do to increase my feminine energy

Like I always say, femininity isn’t always about looks, it’s about mindfulness.

Keep in mind feminine energy is unique to every person.

Feminine energy also does not mean you forsake a balance with your masculine energy. I have talked about it in another post.

These are simply suggestions, but this is what I find best.

Doll Diaries: Femininity From Within

1. Etiquette, Class, and Poise.

Be nice or don’t say anything at all. It’s not cute to gossip about other women, and it only speaks volumes about you, not the other individual.

When in conflict, know how to still maintain a balance with your masculine energy. Stand up for yourself when needed, while being classy. Respond to the problem, don’t attack the person. Or you can completely ignore someone who is spiteful. Either way, don’t give them the power.

-> Expressing yourself with eloquence will always win versus expressing yourself with sloppy and negative verbiage. If you find yourself complaining, work on it. If you find yourself discouraging others and yourself, work on it. Leave deprecation, especially self, alone.

-> Having manners in general will set you apart. Saying “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”/“pardon me” is very important when speaking to others. Consider the way you speak to others.

-> Know what language and what jokes are appropriate in each situation you’re in. Always be on the side of caution if you’re unsure.

-> Leave all pettiness behind. The only woman you are in competition with is yourself.

2. Confidence.

Having confidence will enhance your femininity physically and mentally. You will become more independent and in tune with yourself. Confidence is not to be confused with arrogance, which involves overzealous behavior such as bragging. A confident presence speaks before you say a word. Let it speak for you, rather than proving anything.

•Dignity — always reflect on your thought processes, behaviors, and actions. Be self aware of what can completely destroy your sense of dignity.

•Graciously accept compliments, and graciously give them. Know that someone else’s good attributes do not negate yours. Never be threatened by another woman.

•Always walk with your head high, looking ahead, never at the floor, no matter what happened that day. Have good posture to follow that — shoulders back. Walk gracefully at an even pace.

•Speak clearly enough for others to understand, and project your voice at an appropriate volume. Enunciate your words properly to show your intelligence. Refrain from “ums” and speaking too quickly.

•Take pride in your body, live a better life and have a healthier association with your temple. This is the only body you have, treat it well.

3. Nurture your mind.

Have hobbies, read stimulating material, and always be up to date with current events, rather than gossip about what Susie, your ex’s new boo and your next object of envy, wore on Insta last night. Level up and focus on yourself, rather than low vibrational topics.

Examples of hobbies:

-> Journaling

-> Gardening

-> Cooking

-> Art

-> Music

-> Sports

-> Reading

-> Dancing

-> Yoga & Meditation

-> Makeup

Have things you are interested in, so that you become enraptured in those things. Know when you need to connect with what you love. Do what feeds your soul. Have a good routine involving your hobbies/interests mixed with self care so that you will be a balanced individual.

4. Gratitude, Compassion, and Communication.

Don’t ever feel as though you are entitled to anything. Be grateful for what you have, and what others do. Express your gratitude to others with a “thank you”/thank you card or gesture, and “I appreciate”.

Know when to congratulate someone, and when to emphasize their successes.

Always stay true to your agreed obligations, and if you cannot, communicate such. Be a woman of your word.

If you’re going to be grateful, you also have to care about others.

-> Show compassion.

Be an active listener to your friends. Let them express what is on their minds. Some people just need you to listen, not fix. Some people just need you to listen, not judge. See their perspective, because a good friend would do the same for you.

-> Do things for others, within your boundaries and limits. Make others feel special, because they are as well. Engage with whoever you are speaking to.

-> Respect other opinions and know when to agree to disagree. Do not make generalizations with others and tell them what they “always” do. Communicate maturely.

Be honest, and mean what you say. Be impeccable with your word. Let truth and love prevail.

5. Self Awareness & Authenticity.

Always have the self awareness to know what is going on within yourself. Know your qualities. You can be your own worst critic, and you are the only thing holding you back from being the divine woman you would like to be.

What will set you apart from others is your willingness to be authentic and genuine. Most people are busy putting up a front to keep face. With you, what you see is what you will get. Your characteristics make you you, and you are appreciative of them.

-> Recognize your imperfections, but don’t dwell on them. Forgive your mistakes, and allow yourself to be blessed.

-> Maintain your boundaries and values.

-> Always remain cognizant of how you see yourself and how others see you. Know what impression is being made.

-> Take appropriate risks instead of being anchored down by “shoulda coulda woulda” mentality. Stop talking about it and just do it.

-> Never please others at the expense of yourself. Don’t become obsessed with people pleasing.

-> Be self aware enough to know when you must learn. Nobody is exempt from learning and adapting. Accept criticism to grow in wisdom, rather than being defensive.

Know your strengths and focus in on them. Be so finely in tune with yourself that no one will catch you off balance. If you must have a moment to yourself, withdraw and refresh.

All of these things will lead you to your path of divine femininity. These qualities and lessons go beyond outward appearance. Your relationship with yourself will set the tone for everything else.

I hope this helps!

xoxo, thevirgodoll ♡

youtube wellness channels: a masterlist

workout channels

akshaya agnes - pilates, yoga, strength training

april han - bodyweight strength training

bailey brown - pilates

boho beautiful yoga - yoga

cami sophia - pilates

caroline girvan - weight & strength training

celamarr - weight & strength training

charlie follows - yoga

daisy keech - strength training

dansique fitness - pilates & ballet style workouts

dayana wang - short workouts you can do in bed

dn.beauty natural - short slimming workouts

eleni fit - cardio, pilates, hiit

emi wong - bodyweight strength training

eylem abaci - strength training, pilates

feel good with olya - bodyweight strength training, stretching

fightmaster yoga - yoga

fit by lys - pilates, low impact workouts

fitness__kaykay - weight & strength training, mobility

flow with mira - pilates

gayatri yoga - yoga, pilates, yogalates

gloria song - bodyweight strength training

growingannanas - weight & strength training

growwithjo - walking workouts, strength training, pilates

hailey c. - bodyweight strength training

heather robertson - weight & strength training

hinafit - kpop inspired bodyweight strength training

isawelly - pilates

jessica richburg - yoga

julia.reppel - mobility, strength training

kaila wen - pilates

kpop fitness - kpop inspired strength training and stretches

lena snow - bodyweight strength training

lilly sabri - pilates

madeleine abeid - pilates

madfit - weight & strength training

mady morrison - yoga, stretching

mary braun - bodyweight strength training

mizi - strength training, cardio

move with nicole - pilates

moving mango pilates - pilates

nathalie shanti - pilates, yoga

nobadaddiction - weight & strength training, cardio, hiit

oppserve - bodyweight strength training, stretching

pamela reif - strength training, stretching

pilatesbodyraven - pilates

rachel gulotta fitness - strength training, cardio, fun themed workouts and stretches

rachel’s fit pilates - pilates, strength training, cardio

raminara - pilates

rovena - walking workouts

shirlyn kim - pilates, bodyweight strength training, cardio

sydney cummings houdyshell - weight & strength training

teagan dixon - fun cardio, bodyweight strength training

the glow method - yoga, pilates

the yoga ranger studio - yoga

yoga with adriene - yoga

yoga with bird - yoga

yoga with kassandra - yoga

yoga with kate amber - yoga

yuuka sagawa - bodyweight strength training

somifit - strength training

other channels

diana conforti - fitness, meals, workouts

gainsbybrains - fitness, body recomp/fat loss

janet ndomahina - health, productivity, general wellness

keltie o’connor - fitness, general wellness, nutrition

kyla beland - fitness, health, general wellness

leanbeefpatty - nutrition, talks, motivation

lenalifts - vlogs, fitness, habits

linda sun - nutrition, realistic eating

llexliftz - fitness, healing relationships with food

michael sealey - sleep meditation and hypnosis

mina rome - cooking and recipes

nairee kiana - fitness, health, general wellness

natacha océane - fitness, health, general wellness

rachael wrigley - nutrition, healing relationship with food

samantha clarke - pilates and strength training, vlogs

sanne vloet - pilates, vlogs, nutrition

vicky justiz - bodyweight strength training, fitness tips

how to build self worth: keep the promises you make to yourself. if you're not going to follow through, stop saying you'll do it. stop saying you're going to exercise daily if you aren't going to keep your word. either say, 'i'm going to do my best to exercise as much as i can, but i'm not at a place to be rigid about it yet' or hold yourself to it. if you do the latter but can't keep it up, there's no need to force it. just introduce compassion: 'i tried my best but it's not working for me right now and that's okay. moving forward i'll do what i can.'

you need to be able to trust yourself. when you constantly break promises to yourself you destroy your self worth. could you build a life with somebody you don't trust? somebody who never holds their word? who is full of big promises and nothing to show for it? ...yet this is what you do to yourself.

raise the standard, you deserve better. you need to keep your promises.

hobbies to try out ♡

hobbies are such a great way to spend your time rather than being on technology all the time. It's great to have a skill, as skills can help you make friends, and can also open up new job opportunities!! here are some ideas, some are easy and simple and others are a little more advanced, there's (hopefully) something for everyone !!

O1 , painting / sketching

O2 , ballet (or dance in general)

O3 , sewing

O4 , reading

O5 , journalling

O6 , gardening

O7 , baking

O8 , photography

O9 , creative writing / songwriting / poem writing

1O , yoga

11 , learning an instrument (electric/acoustic guitar, drums, piano, violin etc)

12 , bracelet/jewellery making

13 , thrifting

14 , skateboarding

15 , hiking / exploring

16 , calligraphy

17 , pottery

18 , knitting / crochet

19 , pilates

2O , learning a language

21 , origami

22 , archery

23 , bird watching , herping , and animal/bug study in general

24 , mycology , plant observation/documentation

25 , start a podcast or amateur radio

26 , roller skating

27 , gymnastics / acrobatics

28 , cardistry

29 , terrarium making

30 , calisthenics

hope this helps!!!

Post+ Subscriber Master List is Up!

Available in my Pinned Post & below xx

Post + Masterlist:

Building Your Cult of Personality Part I: Style & Self-Presentation

Build Your Cult Personality Part II: Self-Presentation & The Art of Engaging Conversation

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Build Your Personal Brand & Self Concept

Femme Fatale Journal Prompts: Questions For Self-Reflection & Growth in 2023

Femme Fatale Secrets: How To Master Your Shadow Self & Embrace Your Dark Feminine Energy (Journal Prompts)

Femme Fatale Playbook: A Beginner's Guide to Dating

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Embrace Your Sexuality

Femme Fatale Guide: Habits To Feel More Seductive In Your Daily Life

Femme Fatale Guide: Journal Prompts & Practical Tips To Heal Your Relationship with Food

Femme Fatale Guide: Spring/Summer Capsule Wardrobe Staples Every Woman Needs

Femme Fatale Playbook: Questions To Discover Your Wardrobe Essentials

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Introduction to the Girl-boss by Day Grandma by Night Era

This era is all about embracing your highest self by focusing on career growth, self-improvement, and relying on a supportive community of like-minded women. It’s a time for productivity, success, and expanding knowledge—while nurturing creativity and self-expression. Ideally, this is a time to invest fully in yourself, uplift others, and build a foundation of success, knowledge, and meaningful connections.

Girlboss Mindset:

★This mindset mainly focuses on career, financial, and personal growth.

★Grind in school and/or work: prioritize studying, aim for all As, get the promotion, network with intention, dress for success, and continue honing professional skills

★Engage in self-improvement workshops (solo or group) once or twice a week on topics like public speaking, financial literacy, tackling your weaknesses, learning important skills, etc.

★Intellectual enrichment and skill building: read daily, listen to audiobooks, learn new skills or hobbies (like learning a language or DIY projects)

★Stay active & healthy: set a workout routine and stick to it, learn self-defense, do weekly pilates and core strengthening, start running, and stick to a healthy diet plan with real food

★Be proactive and cautious: get the fazer pepper spray or other protection, run errands (gym, store) during the day, avoid going out alone at night (even in safe areas), and stay aware of your surroundings.

★Civic duty: listen to informative podcasts from neutral/objective sources (NPR on spotify), if possible participate in public forums and town halls, engage with elected representatives, volunteer, and stay informed for every election especially local

Grandma Mindset:

★This mindset primarily focuses on self-expression and self-care through fulfilling activities and a supportive community of like-minded women.

★Get into gardening & live a self-sufficient life— you can start off with a small garden with herbs you use regularly.

★Set aside time each day for self-expression through nurturing old passions or new ones like journaling, poetry, art, crafting, sewing, etc.

★Prioritize self-care through meditation, grounding techniques, self-love practices, etc

★Shift your social energy from clubbing/bars/dating apps to meaningful connections and prioritizing activities that bring out your best self.

✧Instead of paying to party and being around strangers, try hosting/attending house gatherings, book clubs, wine nights, potlucks, etc with women & trusted allies.

✧Embrace alone time, create a regimen, do self care, do things independently, etc

✧Build a supportive community of women where you can connect, express your thoughts, and share experiences. This space allows for open discussions about potentially harmful/sketchy situations or people, helping everyone stay informed and safe.

✧Redefine dating: focus on self-growth and consider celibacy or, at the very least, raise your standards. Take time to get to know anyone new and prioritize safety by meeting in public spaces and avoiding going back to their place if you barely know them. Also trust your intuition.

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healthy lifestyle habits + changes i’ve made in 2023 (part 1)

1. feeling my breasts (the muscle) for any abnormal lumps at least once a week— this is especially important a week after the first day of my period. i’ve learned this from my obgyn. it’s normal to feel some lumps because it’s a muscle but what’s abnormal would only be known IF you take the time to know your anatomy.

2. ditched soda completely and started drinking flavored seltzer water— what i’ve found to be good is putting a crystal light or water flavoring packet in there for a healthier alternative to soda. i like soda with greasy food because i feel like it helps “cut” the grease so this is good if you are the same way when you eat things like pizza, burgers, etc.

3. i stopped drinking alcohol— wine, spirits, champagne, all of it. if i go out, i order a seltzer with a lime or a mocktail of some sort.

4. i started being on social media less and it has made my sleep schedule better— i started using the queue feature on tumblr and i took less interest in instagram and tiktok. i love these apps but i stopped finding other people more interesting than i am

5. i stopped eating so much—i would mindlessly eat all day but now i have a set eating schedule which helps me focus on other things besides eating. i eat breakfast around 6am, lunch around 1:30pm, and dinner at 5pm. my meals go from big (breakfast) to small (dinner). i’ve noticed that these are the only times i actually get hungry so i’ve been listening to my body and being intuitive in such that i have a routine down.

6. just recently, i have started going to bed and waking up at the same time each day, even on weekends— this has helped me by having increased energy and just a better quality of sleep. i have to wake up at 4:45am on some days because of work so i use that time to wake up everyday and go to bed around 9:30pm.

7. confession: i used to be horrible at flossing, but now i have been flossing every night before i brush my teeth— i floss before so i can loosen up the food that’s lodged between my teeth so that when it’s time to actually brush my teeth, the bristles can get in there better to clean.

8. this is typical and base level, but i’ve been drinking water like crazy— i highly recommend a large, cooling water bottle that you can carry around with you throughout the day. it’s so important to stay hydrated. i aim for a minimum of 64oz, but sometimes reach up to 80oz if it’s hot, if i’m active, etc. i listen to my body but i don’t drink less than 64oz of water each day

9. i’ve been getting my body moving daily— it’s a privilege to move your body so i make the effort each day to be active. the days i work at the hospital, i’m on my feet my entire shift pretty much with the exception of my lunch break. when i’m charting, i try to stand instead of sit but i do allow myself to sit when i’m tired. so my hospital shifts allow me to be active and walk my 10,000+ steps each day but when i’m not at the hospital, i go to the gym and do an hour workout session there.

10. i started drinking my coffee black— it’s so gross, but i need the caffeine for work but i don’t want to have the unnecessary sugars that i like to have in my coffee. i’m starting to get used to it (kinda) and i don’t have those crashes like i used to when i did put cream and sugar in my coffee. occasionally i’ll have a sugary and creamy coffee, but it’s not a daily occurrence like it was before.

On Being Socially Accepted / Well Liked

Human beings are sociable animals. No matter the degree of sociability, there’s a part of us that wants to be loved, nurtured and accepted by those around us.

I didn’t want to make a guide of how one should be likeable, because if you think a little - from all the people you like, do you like them for the same reason? Not necessarily. You may like one friend for their humour; another for being a solid person thick and thin; a third for their extroverted personality… we’re all different and should be!

Now, you may have certain qualities that you want in all your relationships, regardless of the person. For instance, I’m very adamant about transparency and loyalty. Loyalty to me doesn’t mean standing up for me even if I’m wrong - it means caring for me enough to tell me I’m wrong. However, these qualities wouldn’t make you likeable per se - they would make you accepted within a social circle.

So how does one become likeable?

1. Ease up on the doormat culture

You’ll notice that most of the people you like are capable of having an independent opinion and thought. People pleasers may come across as inauthentic and dicey, especially the ones who change their opinion to agree with the majority. So start cutting out the people pleasing behaviour.

2. Have hobbies

You’ll generally gravitate more towards someone who seems to have their life together as opposed to someone who doesn’t. I’m always keen to talk to someone who does something a little different in their free time. I remember talking to a physicist who also wrote poetry - I was very intrigued by his work, and I invited him to my NYE party along with his girlfriend.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with not having your life together as long as you’re at least trying to make it better. Hobbies don’t have to be expensive. It’s also a better way to expand your circle- not all your friends will enjoy pottery or tennis, for instance.

3. On emotional/ trauma dumping

The worst people to guide you in life, my father always told me, are your friends. Blind leading the blind.

Your friends may have a good heart but not necessarily good advice. Keep the trauma dumping to a minimal unless your friend is okay with you sharing more. Bear in mind that even as a listener, when you hear someone’s traumatic experiences, you may feel emotionally overwhelmed.

Never share your private experiences, current situations, drama, problems, gossip with acquaintances or friends who you’re not particularly close to. Trust me, it can be tempting to engage in catty behaviour but there’s a good chance it’ll bite you in the ass.

4. Figure out your strengths

I know what I bring to the table when it comes to friendship - gentle honesty, alternative solutions and perspectives to issues and I’m always a planner.

One of my friends is a blunt critic and I always speak to her when I know I need a reality check about life.

Another friend is very non judgemental, she’s the one I open up to about the weird things I think of.

A third friend is my party friend, who is 100% the life of the party and I love his energy.

We can’t share the same relationship with everyone. Understand your strengths and hone them.

5. Likeable people don’t care about being likeable

Become detached from this idea of “I want to be liked.” Rather than that, I feel the statement “I want relationships who accept me for who I am” make more sense. As you grow older, you’ll realise that this teenager definition of popularity is nothing but inauthentic bullshit. You deserve friends who care for you and cheer you on.

The idea of “I want to be liked/ popular” also low-key reeks of desperate behaviour. It shows that you don’t really care about your thoughts or opinions as long as you’re accepted and you’re ready to modify your opinions to fit in. That’s the worst way to making friends because you literally can’t be yourself.

6. Yes, looks do matter

Looks do matter to a degree. I don’t mean that in a sense of physical features - I mean it from a sense of grooming.

I’ve noticed that people will be taken more seriously if you look a certain way. That doesn’t mean you have to buy stuff until your money runs out - it just means being at a healthy weight, dressing well, practicing personal hygiene.

7. Observational skills

Whenever I’m at an event and I notice someone feeling left out, I go and talk to them.

I remember being in the shoes long ago and feeling uncomfortable going to places. So when I see someone in the same position, I try to be the person I wanted at that point of time.

It’s important to have keen observation skills but what’s even more important is dealing with it subtly. I remember a girl at a party wearing a dress with the price tag still attached to the neckline at the back. I casually went over, put a hand on her back, discreetly whispered that her tag was out, should I put it back in? She said yes, and I put the the tag inside her dress without people around us noticing me. Discretion is a must in life. Don’t shout your good deeds- do them, don’t get flattered by compliments when people tell you that you were nice, and just play it off like it’s not a big deal.

8. Being impolite

I read a study that polite people are harder to connect with. Overly polite people can be seen as boring and that you need more energy to talk to them because the conversation only revolves around a few “polite” topics (studies, career, life in general, how nice the establishment is, the weather, common friends… surface conversation). I’m not saying don’t be considerate - I’m saying don’t be overly polite. Don’t be over accommodating to other people. You can disagree with things respectfully. You can share a different perspective or crack a joke.

9. What are you like?

Are you better one on one or in groups?

I’m a much better person one on one. I resonate with people better when we have a conversation - when it’s a group, it’s just the usual hi-hellos.

You may prefer groups, if one on one conversations seem too vulnerable.

How do you figure this trait out? Ask yourself a simple question : if you had a meet a new person, would you rather meet them alone at a cafe or at a party with your friends?

Figuring this out is important because it gives you a sense of the relationships you value and how you can take them forward.

10. A balanced ratio of talking and listening

Try to listen more than you can talk. This advice is useless if you’re talking to an introvert. With most introverts I’ve noticed that they WILL talk to you - as long as they don’t have to make the first move. Once you set the ball rolling, they’re happy to talk.

So you have to understand how and when to switch being an active listener and speaker.

A simple generalised guide:

When dealing with extroverts: ask basic/ generic/ yes or no questions, give opposing opinions (most extroverts are generally up for a challenge) and listen more in the beginning, switch to talking more later.

When dealing with introverts: again, ask questions but you can make them more subjective than objective, less generic and definitely no yes/no questions. Talk more in the beginning and then listen more later, to make them comfortable.