How To Build Self Worth: Keep The Promises You Make To Yourself. If You're Not Going To Follow Through,

Follow on Threads

A few notes on indulging in media consumption

When I pay attention to what media I consume and how those make me feel, I realize some of the things I enjoy actually affect me negatively on the long run.

I enjoy listening to Miss Taylor Swift and get nostalgic about previous loves as much as anyone, but I have to realize I gain literally nothing by doing that - I only get drained.

I quite like some shows (and some high quality ones are worth watching, art puts life into perspective) but binge watching Elite will never be as valuable as sitting down to study Castillian Spanish and I have to act accordingly.

I dislike overly-dramatic tear-jerkers, victimhood-inducing news, and all types of media indirectly promoting pity parties.

Writing this as a reminder for myself, as I quite enjoy such stuff from time to time. One needs to discipline herself in terms of what she puts into her brain.

With love,

Marchesa

Grace Kelly

skills that will never stop serving you☆ . °🪷

the ability to sell/negotiate

listening and learning from others

ability to speak in front of people

staying positive/optimistic

persisting and continuing to try regardless of failure

understanding other people’s feelings

ability to say no

making smart decisions that have a high ROI (return on investment)

managing ur own time and money

how to adapt, improvise, and overcome struggles and obstacles

asking for help

conveying what u think and feel

staying consistent (discipline)

my intentional morning routine:

-I wake up around 6 AM, instead of immediately getting on my phone like I used to. I lay in bed for a couple of minutes, allowing my body to realize the transition it is making.

-After that, I immediately drink a full bottle of water. This is pretty easy for me because when I wake up, I’m usually dehydrated even if I don’t realize it yet my body does. I’m able to do this quickly and easily by grabbing a water bottle the night before. By the time I wake up it’s usually warm, warm/hot liquids are actually very beneficial to your digestive system. This helps my digestive system get a head start on the day.

-I move onto making my bed. A step I never used to incorporate because I always felt it was unnecessary but once my bed is made I rarely want to ruin the work I’ve created which urges me to not get back in it.

-Tea. I always drink some type of tea in the morning, my go-tos being ginger or green. This is another thing that I do for my digestive system as well as overall calmness. Instead of doing another task while having my tea, I like to enjoy it and simply take gratitude in the drink.

-I then go into breath work, I do a Nadi Shodhana technique of alternate nostril breathing, as someone with severe anxiety breathing has become a big part of my journey in managing it. Even if I’m not feeling anxious I love to get a head start on it (something I learned from my therapist). I tend to do this practice for a few minutes and find my body in a completely calm state afterward.

The Technique:

*Sit in a comfortable position for me this is usually with my legs crossed.

*Place your ring finger on your left nostril and your thumb on the right.

*Cover your right nostril and breathe in through your left, cover your left nostril and exhale through your right nostril and repeat.

*When you are finally done with this practice exhale fully out of your left nostril.

-The next thing I like to do is engage in prayer and gratitude. I have created a specific prayer that I repeat every morning, although it changes when needed. I simply express gratitude by writing out everything that I am thankful for in that moment in my journal.

-I then move onto hygiene and breakfast which I’ll usually have a smoothie or oatmeal if I’m not fasting.

And that’s my intentional morning routine!

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Learn To Love Yourself & Heal From Toxic People

Allow yourself to feel all your emotions and thoughts, authentically and without self-criticism or judgment: Acknowledge that you're grieving. Accept that you need to mourn your loss. Even if it is better to move on in life without these people, it is healthy and completely valid to grieve the relationships you had with these people – regardless of whether they were one-sided, deluded, or otherwise toxic. Allow yourself to cry, be angry, lie in bed, etc. Hit a pillow, sleep in all day on a weekend, or wear a set of pajamas for a WFH day. Give yourself permission to engage in self-soothing behaviors without any type of self-harm or self-sabotage.

Rest, relax, and pamper yourself in your leisure time: Spend time taking it easy – reading, watching TV, doing a face mask or another indulgent skin treatment, using a body massager, cooking dinner in a silk robe and slippers, lighting a candle, cozying up in a blanket, etc. Allow yourself to feel at peace. Create a sanctuary in your space.

Take time for introspection and self-discovery: Being in any type of relationship with toxic people is draining and can cause you to feel as though you've lost a part of yourself by trying to make the relationship succeed. Now, it's time to reclaim yourself after you've courageously cut out these toxic people from your life. Consider and honor your deepest desires, values, interests, hobbies, lifestyle, goals, aesthetic, food, sexual, entertainment preferences, etc. Go on a self-discovery journey to figure out who you really are, what you believe, and who you will work to become as you enter this new, exciting chapter of your life.

Journal, read, eat healthily, work out, drink plenty of water, and sleep: Go back to the basic healthy habits. Try to journal for at least 5-10 minutes a day (using a 5-minute journal, morning pages [writing 3 pages of stream-of-conscious thoughts first thing in the morning], journal or shadow work prompts), make 2-3 whole food, plant-based meals with carbs, veggies, fruits, proteins, and healthy fats, find some ways to incorporate movement into your day – 30-minute walk or yoga session is enough if that's all you can manage consistently, have your body weight in ounces of water daily, and sleep for around 7-8 hours a night. Do some inner child healing by taking care of your core needs.

Indulge in all of your favorites: There's a lot of fun you can have when you have total freedom regarding your daily activities and choices. Give yourself permission to enjoy this solitude. Wear your favorite outfits every day (occasion-appropriate options, of course), including pajamas, loungewear, lingerie, and accessories. Make your favorite meals and snacks throughout the week (incorporating some healthy options in there to feel your best – I love a good oatmeal bowl, frozen grapes, baked Japanese sweet potato, or a hummus and vegetable plate). Watch your favorite TV shows or movies. Indulge in a glass of wine you love or reread a favorite book. Create a masterful playlist. Plan a day of your favorite activities (a long walk, getting a coffee, indulging in a spa day, going to a farmer's market, going to a yoga class, etc.) Treat yourself like your own best friend.

Get comfortable doing things alone: Honestly, no one cares or is paying attention to if you're doing activities alone or with someone else. If someone shows too much interest in your solitude, they're probably projecting their own insecurities regarding their perceived social ridicule. Take yourself shopping, to the nail salon, out for a meal, to the movies, etc. alone. Personally, I love doing most of these things alone anyways. Running errands alone gives you some space to clear your mind and think freely.

Define what an ideal social life and/or relationship looks like for you: Once you've become comfortable with yourself and living life on your own terms, it's time to embrace your desire for human connection and socialization. Consider the types of people you want in your life – their values, personalities, interests, goals, favorite activities, relational boundaries, etc., and where/when/how often you want to interact with them.

Create an action plan: Reconnect with the people in your life who continue to show up for you and have been a light through these toxic relationships and their lasting effects over the months or years. Decide on the places, groups, and ways you'll reach out/try to meet these people. Figure out how to expand your network, and make new connections. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You won't vibe with everyone you meet, but it is worthwhile to engage in small talk with several strangers if even one of these new faces, later on, becomes a good friend or acquaintance. A varied social circle is a great way to enrich your life.

Take small steps, then strides: Be gentle on yourself throughout this entire process. It is perfectly okay to take one day at a time during the grieving process. Everyone's healing journey will look different and evolve at a different pace. Don't let these toxic people remain in your heart, mind, and spirit. Remember that you deserve love, kindness, happiness, success, peace, and patience.

How to Get (and Keep) Your Life Together 101

Here’s a quick masterlist of all the tips, hacks and advice that stuck with me from reading so many articles, videos and research. Feel free to ask me any questions, or add tips of your own. 💜

Hydration: Make sure every day you stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water, green tea, black tea. You see this everywhere but it’s true. Just drinking water wil do wonders for your skin and your overall body health.

Nutrition: Maintain a healthy diet by letting go of toxic “restrictive” diet culture and realizing that food is sacred fuel for your sacred body, so offer your body the best! Eat lots of vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds; lots of wholefoods. Incorporate smoothies into your mornings for extra dose of vitamins. Practice mindful, conscious eating, be there in the moment when you are eating, taste the food, enjoy the experience of it. Meditate over your relationship with food and try to work through any unhealthy beliefs.

Exercise: Pick one or multiple forms of exercise that suits your schedule, lifestyle and personality; whether it’s jogging twice a week, going to the gym daily or even just a fresh walk every evening. Pick what is suitable for YOU and keep it part of your life. DYI your own gym routine or hire a trainer; train at home or in the gym; whatever works best for you.

Growth Mindset: Maintain a positive mindset that is always open and curious to learning new things, trying new skills and ever willing to improve itself. Redirect your attention from drama, gossip and toxic comparison beliefs to healthy ones; unfollow accounts online or delete all your social media if that’s what you need. Recreate yourself if that’s what you want. Focus on YOUR growth! Make a habit of reading new books, watching TedTalks, documentaries, etc. Look at educating yourself as a way to invest in yourself, a way to honor yourself. Maintain curiosity in your heart for the ways of the universe. Stay humble and graceful in the face of adversity, but never give up on your dreams, failed attempts are only lessons for improvement and the only true failure is giving up. As long as you keep going you’re still winning. Bonus tip: comparison is self harm, and a denial of your own power; so remember that nobody can be you and that’s a good thing. You can only be you, so make it count and honor yourself!

Relationships: Don’t cling to relationships and don’t be afraid to lose people. Be your authentic self at all times, and do not be afraid to intimidate people or be too much! Those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter. Know that the friends/partners that are meant for you, will stay or will find their way back to you. Be mindful of the dynamic in a relationship, and be self-loving enough to walk away from what is toxic, unhealthy, restrictive, disrespectful, etc. Forgive those that wronged you, but tolerate no mistreatment; you can forgive them from afar, but make sure they’re no longer a part of your life.

Focus & Goals: Keep a journal and as frequently as you can, write down bullet lists of to do lists, goals, dreams, daily reflections, aspects of yourself to improve upon, positive affirmations, wishlist etc. - in other words, brainstorm all the things whirling around in your head regarding your own life. Remember all those things you’ve wanted to do? Bucketlists, reminders, curiosities, etc? Keeping a journal, staying focused on your goals, checking progress and practicing positive affirmations will transform your life.

Fashion: Elevate your wardrobe to a whole other level by sitting down and figuring out what your style actually is. Play around in your journal by creating a collage of your favorite colors, textures, patterns, styles, outfit combos and accessories. Mix and match, figure out what your aesthetic is. Refine, polish, remove what doesn’t click. (You can find a bunch of videos on YT for organizing clothes and being effortlessly fashionable/put together.) When you reorganize your wardrobe according to the above, you can easily mix and match anything because your wardrobe makes sense and it’s already planned out. Bonus tip: do your laundry the same day every week (ie. Saturday) and do a wardrobe prep on Sundays for the upcoming week; so that at any moment you can be ready in five minutes looking perfectly polished, and avoid the whole ordeal of being stressed/rushed and not knowing what to wear.

Skincare and haircare: Golden advice - invest in natural products/oils/ingredients instead of investing in brands. Why? Because otherwise you’re paying for a concept instead of actual health benefits for your body. Try natural soaps, oils (shea butter, coconut oil, argan, avocado, jojoba, rosehip, etc), and water extracts (rosewater, hazelwater) for toner. Coconut oil and argan oil is particularly famed for hairgrowth and shine. Castor oil as well helps hairgrowth, including for brows or lashes. Rosehip and shea heal discolorations, scars and marks. Do your research and try out what fits you, your skin will thank you later. I’ve been using natural products & oils for 9+ years and people always compliment how clear, smooth & glowy my skin is. Bonus tip: if you don’t use sunscreen already, try to incorporate it into your routine; just make sure it has gentle, non-harmful ingredients (for both yourself and the environment.

Etiquette, manners, poise, posture: Watch videos, read books or listen to audiobooks about confidence, proper etiquette, leadership skills, how to make people listen when you speak, etc. There are things which are so intuitive, obvious and logical, and yet simply becoming aware of them and having the science of it explained will transform your perspective (and the way you carry yourself).

Finances: Perform a monthly financial review to make sure you know where you are, what your budget is. Make a plan for backup funds, or savings for travels, or new tattoos, or a house, or whatever you want. It doesn’t have to be complicated, you can keep things simple by listing your expenses in five categories (Necessities, groceries, luxury, savings, free/remaining funds). Keep track of your expenses or habits, there are even apps that show statistics or analysis for easy use. The point here is to stay on top of your own finances: know how much are the monthly necessities (rent/mortgage/etc), know what has been payed and keeping receipts, knowing when things need to be paid, etc.

Integrity: This means knowing yourself, having standards, knowing what your boundaries are, what you are willing and not willing to do. When you know yourself and know your worth, you won’t ever tolerate or accept anything less. Know what your principles, values, beliefs are and hold them firmly because it is what you stand for. At the same time, it is important to keep an open mind to growth and improvement, but not so much that any persuasive argument will change your mind. Hold your own, but be gracious to other perspectives. And through it all remember - only you know what’s right for you, what’s best for you. Literally nobody else but you can know what’s in your best interest!

Efficiency & Improvement: This ties in with growth mindset but in a more practical way; make sure that you’re always leaving open space for improvement in your life, don’t ever just settle down/get stuck/let yourself sink into complacency. Know that you can always change anything! Make a habit of frequently reviewing aspects of your life (ex. via journaling) to see whether there’s anything you can make more easy, more efficient. Instead of spending hours grocery shopping, check out shops online where your favorite products can be home delivered in a snap. Instead of driving to a vet for your pet, have a call in. Setting up recurring payments for finances also counts. Literally any process or activity whereby you can automatize a service, delivery, payment, etc. will help you in the long run, so you can focus more on enjoying life, instead of wasting time with Trivial Adult Things.

FORMAL COMMUNICATION 102 : HOW TO NOT SOUND LIKE A STREET RAT

Your pitch should be one notch lower than your natural pitch. That forces people to have to stop and listen to hear you. It forces attention and you come off as a very self assured person that doesn't need to shout.

Dont use abbreviations or short forms while speaking. Don't = do not, etc= etcetera. When you properly articulate the the full [form? Idk] you seem confident

Speak from your diaphragm, not throat, and breathe through your nose not mouth.

Practise practise makes perfect.

Read read read. Our vocabularies are influenced by literature and art. Watch old Hollywood movies, read the classics, drop the rap and street 'lingo'. When you come across a new word recite it.

Apps. I use Vocabulary for new words , I've heard great things about speeko too.there are great apps for this

Cut out, COMPLETELY, (at least from your verbalized words) cuss words. Nothing says no class like dropping the f bomb every minute. Now, I need you to have a flexible cadence enough that you can talk to both cardi b and the queen of England in their comfort zones,don't go priest mode but pick your audiences carefully. [There is a tasteful way to cuss, there is, I however can not accurately articulate it but it exists. I think UK based movies have the best depiction of it. Somehow sounds classy. It's hard to tell how c*unt can sound classier than b*itch but it happens]

I'm not sure what they're called but the [tbh, lol, lmao, irl, fml] , yes, that. It stays within your group chat.we don't use these short forms? Verbally. Texting to our age group and that's it

Stick to formal titles as appropriate, sir, Ma'am, miss, etc.

Do not call people by their nick names. Unless they hate it. Bonus points for their surname. A Persons full name will always be classier than their nick name. Hello Amanda >> hey Amy

Teeth teeth teeth speak from your teeth missus. Sounds pronounced from your teeth somehow sound elevated since you're not swallowing your words.

Pace your words. If you're nervous or shy you tend to speak too fast and swallow words which signals very low value behavior because do you not think you are good enough. Word by word. As an ADHD the advice I got (that worked) was to slow my thoughts down. When your brain is 5 words ahead of your voice box you tend to run and try catch up, never helps

. Breathing exercises, love

Custom terms of endearment. Everyone is saying babe and sweetie and hun to their besties, elevate yours and make it your signature. 'Love' will always sound classy. Depending on your relationship it could be anything silly and fun yet value sounding. Pumpkin>> Bae

Pick a cadence and stick to it. [With the select audience. If you speak to Cardi B like a journalist from 1800 Britain you've lost, if you speak to the queen like an officer of the thot patrol you've lost. Customize but stick to it. No one loves a phony]

When you don't understand a word, ask what it means. If someone uses a word you are not familiar with ask about it, it's better than misinterpreting and sounding stupid.

You know that Kardashian intonation thingy that everyone sounds like now? Sentences that sound like questions? a sentence ends with a falling intonation, that is that. Asking questions is a lower position, it signals the other knows so they're superior. Even when asking questions for God's sake don't sound like Kourtney Kardashian. Make your intonation flat, short and precise.

Posture posture posture. Yes it matters

Filler words , yeah. We no longer use that. "It was like, uhm, you know, just like-" shut up and collect your thoughts. Non native speakers we do this a lot in our learned language, filling in the blank spaces while mentally looking for the elusive word. It's better to say outright you do not remember the word for it or fill in with your native word and explain after. For those of us that speak more than three languages though good luck (I literally just say, wow this word isn't available in my English word Bank. Let's get to it later)

If you can't properly pronounce it, begin with that announcement. "I'm wearing, and I apologize to all of France for how I pronounce it, Yves Saint Laurent"

Ask questions after receiving answers. Short questions. "I see" "Oh really" "is that so" " who would have thought " " thats really it then" "you mean that" . The other person feels more at ease and there's a little Psych mojo bojo that makes you sound classy and wildly attractive [for keeping the conversation going)

70% of communication is non verbal. We will talk about that later. The girls that get it get it the girls that don't find out

Funny enough the simpler the vocabulary the classier it is. Do slip in some big words but no one cares for a dictionary level conversation you sound phony and egocentric. The magic is in your phonemic command.

Never. Argue with a native.

The company you keep. Birds of the same feather flock together if you're in the street gang gang club you will inevitably sound like the street gang gang club.

Accents. You don't have to get rid of yours, Accents have a uniqueness to them that sets you apart, but you do have to be comprehendable. If your accent is so thick only your native group can understand you it's time to think speech therapy.

In honor of this anon ->

//Hello

How do I upgrade my vocabulary to become more classy , elegant and over all respectful//

Go be that bitch sweets

Joyful hobbies for the fabulous-minded

1. Learning languages

Learning languages is not only for communication but also for broadening your mind. Figuring out different modes of thinking, learning about other cultures, being able to pronounce words from different geographies is never not fun!

2. Gardening - inhouse plants

Not all of us is blessed with yards, but we can all appreciate taking care of beautiful greens. It teaches patience and train you to notice small details. Nothing makes a room pleasant as a beautiful plant. I have more than 30 plants in my house - the secret is to start with simplest species and up your way to more complicated ones.

3. Writing

Journaling has always been popular but I doubt it is everyone's cup of tea (including yours truly). However, writing small articles and collections for your own eyes helps clearing your mind. And why not try dabbling in fiction, if so inclined?

4. Dancing

A hard one for me! But for everyone who has a little rhythm inside, learning to dance with a partner is a fun challenge. I believe everyone should be able to waltz, even in the simplest way.

5. Sewing (or studying the basics of dressmaking)

Sewing is not only a hobby but also a life saver. Altering clothing to fit properly or designing items for you feels magical.

Understanding how garments are built is crucial for dressing yourself. Understanding cuts and materials also help you assess the worth of an item, so you can decide if a piece is worth splurging on. You could also choose to recreate an item for yourself if you are not able to purchase it for any reason.

6. Learning to cook (impressive recipes)

We all feed ourself in some way, but I strongly believe that everyone should have at least a few recipes with a wow factor in their arsenal.

7. Reading fiction

I see that reading self help books are quite popular, and I do understand the allure. However reading fiction (classics and also contemporary works) is at least as useful as non-fiction, it teaches as much. Fiction is a way to understand ourself and understand humanity, and it should be appreciated for personal growth.

Hope this short list makes you inspired to discover more joyful hobbies!

With love,

Marchesa

Start living life instead of watching it pass by.

Remember your manners but know your boundaries.

Make a conscious effort to better yourself every day.

Remember to stay hydrated and try to eat real food.

Limit your intake of alcohol, sugar, and caffeine.

Remember to sleep. You need to get your hours in.

Never stay idle, remember to move your body often.

Avoid bad influences and don’t obsess over nonsense.

Care for yourself as you would care for a loved one.

Work hard and remember to save some of your money.

Know that life is meant for socializing and studying.

If you’ve fallen behind, do your best to get caught up.

Always pursue more but stop when you feel content.