Being Taken Seriously

Hayao Miyazaki

the secret to living a calm and confident life lies in being organised and prepared. when you are always scrambling, searching, stumbling, you create an energy of chaos. part of respecting yourself is adequately preparing yourself for what lies ahead, through organisation and practise.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

“i need to organize my bedroom so my mom won’t complain to me” -> “i deserve a clean and tidy bedroom”

“i hate my body so i need to work on it” -> “i deserve a healthy body that i like”

“i need to study so i won’t be a failure in life” -> “knowledge is power and i deserve to be successful”

“i did something wrong and i hate myself because of this” -> “this is my first time living, i’m allowed to make mistakes and grow from them”

love and compassion >>> hate and fear

and remember: mindset is the key.

I saw an article called “Make Peace With Your Unlived Life” and it really made me stop and think. So much of our lives is mourning for what we didn’t become. It’s a waste. We didn’t waste any opportunities. What came and went was not meant for us.

My Self Love & Acceptance Tips🤍

Every day isn’t easy, remember that self love isn’t an overnight thing. It takes time, and work. Be patient with yourself, and go with the flow learning about who you are. Your time will come to flourish and be your best self, every journey goes at a different pace. And remember that self love has a different meaning for everyone, what works for some, may not work for others.

Your Self Image

It all starts with how you view your own self, and value your own worth. Because when you start to love yourself, and value who you are, your whole life changes. Such as the people around you, your mentality, your appearance, your successes, etc. So change the way you think, and talk about yourself into a more positive tone. Avoid doubts, or toxic self talk.

Deep Inner Work.

Shadow work is highly important. We get to know ourselves on a deeper level, and learn about what we need to do to become high vibrational beings. It’s important to work on the deeper layers of our minds, where we hide all unresolved fears, blockages, wounds, and traumas. Shadow work is important for our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Explore what is holding you back.

Having low self esteem is often the result of false and unrealistic thoughts that are deeply within our minds. Such as assumptions, beliefs, comparisons, doubts, expectations towards ourselves and others. Learn about what is holding you back, and what needs to be done in order to break the bad habits/behaviours. Dissociate yourself from everything, and anyone that brings these emotions forward.

Be comfortable in your own solitude.

Every day make time for yourself to rewind, relax and reflect alone. Being alone gives us time to think, work out problems, reflect on our goals, express gratitude for our gifts and blessings, and helps us listen to ourselves, and what we need. It builds independence. And you’re also less likely to accept bad behaviours from others, because you’re very much aware of who you are and what you want.

Trust your intuition.

Trusting your intuition will help you live a life true to yourself and your deepest needs, being aware of your surroundings, emotions and intentions from others. Be aware of how you’re feeling around certain people, and situations. Take these feelings into consideration, as it’s your subconscious trying to tell you something.

Set boundaries

Setting boundaries is highly important. It shows others how you view yourself, and how they should treat you. Don’t be afraid to say “no” more often, and set boundaries. If something is going to make you unhappy or uncomfortable, say no. If you simply don’t have the energy for something, say no. If you want to say no, say no! And cut ties with those who make your life unecessarily stressful. Think about what your values are, what you believe in and what you’d like out of others. This also applies to yourself, make sure you’re setting limitations on what isn’t good for you from you!

Explore your passions.

What gives you motivation? What fills you with pure joy? When we tend to forget about our needs, and push them to the side, we often lose sight of what truly makes us happy in life. So make time for your hobbies, and passions. Do whatever makes you happy, and awakens your inner child.

Reduce your stress levels.

It’s been proven that stress contributes to so many health issues, so it’s important to learn how to reduce, and deal with it when it happens. You can do so in so many ways by reducing your expectations for yourself, and others, healthy routines, good diet, working on how we view ourselves, and so much more.

Accept your flaws, celebrate your strengths.

We are all imperfectly perfect. Everyone has something that they’re amazing at, and not so good at. It’s normal, it’s human nature. It doesn’t make you any less of a person for having flaws, it’s what makes you uniquely and beautifully you. Instead of focusing too much at what you’re not good at, bring your attention to your strengths and how you can become the best version of yourself.

Stop comparing.

Comparison is a killer to your self esteem. When we invest our time watching what others are doing, and how they look, it’s time wasted that we could invest in ourselves. Spend energy nourishing and building your path. Remove anything that makes it harder for you, whether it’s social media, a friendship with someone, etc. “We don’t grow green grass by focusing on our neighbor’s garden, we do it nurturing our own.”

Stop seeking validation.

The need for approval kills your freedom. Strengthen your self acceptance, so that you feel strong enough to go with what feels right for you, and not what others are saying. Our life was made for us to live however way we think is right, and living for others leads you to a path of pure unhappiness. Figure out why the need of approval from others is so important to you, where does it come from? Is it something that you haven’t healed from? Learn how you can change these habits, and live freely on your own decisions and acceptance.

Create healthy habits/routines.

Start truly caring for yourself. Create habits that are healthy, mentally and emotionally. Be intentional about what you put into your body, not because you want to look good but because you want to feel good. Feeding your body nutrient rich foods will have you feeling your absolute best. Have a self care day once a week. Create more self love + care rituals. Upkeep your beauty maintenance. Dress your best. Work out more often, something as simple as walking every day. Have organized morning and night routines that make life easier for you. Do whatever it is that’s important for your well being, and what will make you feel more confident, and happy.

Own a journal.

Keep a journal to store all your thoughts, emotions, and capture your life journey in writing. It’s a great way to keep yourself in check, and look back at how far you’ve come. Give yourself goals to accomplish, and what you need to do in order to reach them. Create lists about what is great about you, what you need to work on, and what you need to let go of.

Do more of what you’re good at.

Spending more time doing hobbies you're good at will not only boost your endorphins, but will also boost your self esteem. Do more of whatever brings you to your happy place!

Protect your inner peace, vibration and energy.

The less likely you are to react towards others, the more at peace and powerful you’ll be. Teach yourself to be so calm, and safe within yourself. That no one and nothing can take away your peace. Understand that anyone that chooses to be negative towards you without good reasoning, are only projecting their own problems, and insecurities onto you. Remember that our energy will effect how we feel towards ourself, so choose wisely on what you give importance to.

Be more grounded.

Being grounded means you feel at home with yourself. You are present and at peace. You’re less worried about past moments, or the future. You’re more grateful of everything around you. You feel overall happier, and radiant.

FORMAL COMMUNICATION 102 : HOW TO NOT SOUND LIKE A STREET RAT

Your pitch should be one notch lower than your natural pitch. That forces people to have to stop and listen to hear you. It forces attention and you come off as a very self assured person that doesn't need to shout.

Dont use abbreviations or short forms while speaking. Don't = do not, etc= etcetera. When you properly articulate the the full [form? Idk] you seem confident

Speak from your diaphragm, not throat, and breathe through your nose not mouth.

Practise practise makes perfect.

Read read read. Our vocabularies are influenced by literature and art. Watch old Hollywood movies, read the classics, drop the rap and street 'lingo'. When you come across a new word recite it.

Apps. I use Vocabulary for new words , I've heard great things about speeko too.there are great apps for this

Cut out, COMPLETELY, (at least from your verbalized words) cuss words. Nothing says no class like dropping the f bomb every minute. Now, I need you to have a flexible cadence enough that you can talk to both cardi b and the queen of England in their comfort zones,don't go priest mode but pick your audiences carefully. [There is a tasteful way to cuss, there is, I however can not accurately articulate it but it exists. I think UK based movies have the best depiction of it. Somehow sounds classy. It's hard to tell how c*unt can sound classier than b*itch but it happens]

I'm not sure what they're called but the [tbh, lol, lmao, irl, fml] , yes, that. It stays within your group chat.we don't use these short forms? Verbally. Texting to our age group and that's it

Stick to formal titles as appropriate, sir, Ma'am, miss, etc.

Do not call people by their nick names. Unless they hate it. Bonus points for their surname. A Persons full name will always be classier than their nick name. Hello Amanda >> hey Amy

Teeth teeth teeth speak from your teeth missus. Sounds pronounced from your teeth somehow sound elevated since you're not swallowing your words.

Pace your words. If you're nervous or shy you tend to speak too fast and swallow words which signals very low value behavior because do you not think you are good enough. Word by word. As an ADHD the advice I got (that worked) was to slow my thoughts down. When your brain is 5 words ahead of your voice box you tend to run and try catch up, never helps

. Breathing exercises, love

Custom terms of endearment. Everyone is saying babe and sweetie and hun to their besties, elevate yours and make it your signature. 'Love' will always sound classy. Depending on your relationship it could be anything silly and fun yet value sounding. Pumpkin>> Bae

Pick a cadence and stick to it. [With the select audience. If you speak to Cardi B like a journalist from 1800 Britain you've lost, if you speak to the queen like an officer of the thot patrol you've lost. Customize but stick to it. No one loves a phony]

When you don't understand a word, ask what it means. If someone uses a word you are not familiar with ask about it, it's better than misinterpreting and sounding stupid.

You know that Kardashian intonation thingy that everyone sounds like now? Sentences that sound like questions? a sentence ends with a falling intonation, that is that. Asking questions is a lower position, it signals the other knows so they're superior. Even when asking questions for God's sake don't sound like Kourtney Kardashian. Make your intonation flat, short and precise.

Posture posture posture. Yes it matters

Filler words , yeah. We no longer use that. "It was like, uhm, you know, just like-" shut up and collect your thoughts. Non native speakers we do this a lot in our learned language, filling in the blank spaces while mentally looking for the elusive word. It's better to say outright you do not remember the word for it or fill in with your native word and explain after. For those of us that speak more than three languages though good luck (I literally just say, wow this word isn't available in my English word Bank. Let's get to it later)

If you can't properly pronounce it, begin with that announcement. "I'm wearing, and I apologize to all of France for how I pronounce it, Yves Saint Laurent"

Ask questions after receiving answers. Short questions. "I see" "Oh really" "is that so" " who would have thought " " thats really it then" "you mean that" . The other person feels more at ease and there's a little Psych mojo bojo that makes you sound classy and wildly attractive [for keeping the conversation going)

70% of communication is non verbal. We will talk about that later. The girls that get it get it the girls that don't find out

Funny enough the simpler the vocabulary the classier it is. Do slip in some big words but no one cares for a dictionary level conversation you sound phony and egocentric. The magic is in your phonemic command.

Never. Argue with a native.

The company you keep. Birds of the same feather flock together if you're in the street gang gang club you will inevitably sound like the street gang gang club.

Accents. You don't have to get rid of yours, Accents have a uniqueness to them that sets you apart, but you do have to be comprehendable. If your accent is so thick only your native group can understand you it's time to think speech therapy.

In honor of this anon ->

//Hello

How do I upgrade my vocabulary to become more classy , elegant and over all respectful//

Go be that bitch sweets

Crafting a Personality and Capitalising on it

How do we craft a personality that is socially charming yet true to our roots?

How do we mingle and meet new people without feeling awkward or shy about it?

How do we not lose ourselves while following all these blah blah etiquette rules?

Welcome to part 2 of my Chic Girl Mentality series. 🤍

Today, we will focus on crafting a personality that is still you but better.

First, let’s talk about people in social settings. You’ll meet people who are confident, secure and socially charming. You’ll meet quiet people who may be equally socially charming or just very shy and conscious. You’ll meet the braggers and the doe-eyed followers. There’s a lot of different types of people in the world and knowing how to gracefully navigate most of them is nothing but a learned art.

People, regardless of their bank balance, are insecure of what they do not have yet. This can be looks, money, experience, lifestyle, and so on. How do we capitalise on this without exploiting or manipulating anyone?

By knowing how to tell a story.

That doesn’t mean that you need to become a public speaker or politician, it just means that you need to be able to craft intriguing stories about yourself, using your own life and experiences, to “sell” an interesting version of you socially. We’re all interesting people but only a few of us know how to say that we’re interesting without saying that we’re interesting.

Experience 

People, even those with money, will always be more attracted to those who have experiences, especially, unique ones. Whether it’s travelling to exotic locations or trying new culinary destinations, or wearing unknown designers, knowing obscure artists or writers, or being at the top of your industry… experience is the most important thing to cultivate first.  You already have experience. If you went to school, high school, college, joined clubs, your first job, any travelling, etc - these are all experiences.

Make a list of 5 of the most interesting experiences you think you have.

Hobbies and interests 

Have a couple of lowkey hobbies that you feel enthusiastic about. Whether it’s doing some charity work on Sundays, or cooking, or pottery, whatever it is, keeping a hobby is healthy. 

There should be something to you that an acquaintance can remark about: “CSB? Oh yes, I’ve heard that she’s a great dancer.” 

Vulnerabilities 

Certain vulnerabilities must never, ever be shared. It will 100% be used either as gossip or blackmail. 

However, coming across as someone with no weaknesses is rather untrustworthy- it makes the other person feel that you’re clearly hiding something. 

Make a list of vulnerabilities that are small and you don’t mind sharing. These should be vulnerabilities that will never ruin your reputation in any form but can be used as a form of bonding with empathy. 

And make a list of hard core vulnerabilities you know you should never share with anyone. Keep it memorised rather than written down. 

Experience + Hobbies or Interests + Safe Vulnerabilities = Personality

Storytelling 

Now that you have some experience, hobbies, interests, and your “safe” vulnerabilities sorted even if it’s limited - what will make it stand out is the art of storytelling. Some storytellers can make even the most mundane experiences sound magical - it’s all in the words and delivery. There’s a reason why every Holy Book is a story, packed with lessons and morals - it’s impactful, easy to remember and recall and relatable. Craft your experiences into stories. Use those 5 experiences that you noted down and start writing them down as stories.

Take up an online storytelling class or watch videos. Start honing this skill by writing and reading good literature. 

Refine your 5 experiences further. Run it through chatGPT, say them out loud and most importantly- start testing them out on people. See what makes them chuckle and what doesn’t; what makes them empathise and what doesn’t.

A famous comedian whose name I can’t remember does the same thing. He creates his set. He goes to a small pub and tries it out on the audience there. And the first set is always the first. The audience may not laugh at his jokes, they might boo him or sometimes, he might get a laugh out of them. But every time, he goes home and refines his set further. Once his set is fully refined, and he accomplishes his goal of the audience peeling with laughter at every joke, that’s when he goes on national TV / on tour etc etc.

The most important thing is to craft your stories of your experiences in a way that it delivers the value you want the person to remember about you.

For instance, if I want to be seen as creative and innovative, I won’t tell the person in front of me, “oh, I’m soo innovative and creative!”

Rather I will weave that into a story. “When I was 24, at my first job in the advertising space, we were losing clients left and right. And one weekend, I was on a trek on the mountains - it’s one of my hobbies - this idea hit me, and I suddenly knew exactly how to get our clients back. My team was hesitant about my idea, and we got a lot of pushback, but we went ahead. The night before my launch I was so nervous, I got hardly sleep. And you won’t believe it, but the idea worked! The response was fantastic.”

Let the other person come to the conclusion of you being innovative and creative. Human beings love to deduce things and jump to conclusions and provided you set the context the right way, you should be able to project the version of you that is the best part of you.

Vocabulary 

A sign of a good education- even if you don’t have it - is a diverse vocabulary. I’ve always had a little more respect and awe for those who are articulate, can speak smoothly and speak confidently. I’ve noticed that my American friends, for instance, tend to talk fast with lots of filler words, and sentences tend to end with a pitch up instead of down, which to me indicates hesitation or indecision. Speaking slower, ending your sentences with pitch going down to indicate a full stop rather than up makes you seem like a refined speaker even if your subject is utterly stupid. 

Body language and mannerisms, social interaction 

Watch old classic Hollywood movies to really understand this - especially romantic ones. Choose ones with a femme fatale or siren-like female lead, and watch how she enraptures the male lead or the audience around her. 

A combination of fantastic storytelling and body language will take you places beyond your dreams. Some of the biggest frauds, scammers, politicians, criminals are also some of the best storytellers. Humans are attracted to stories, we pick up body language intuitively, we can sense when someone is nervous or isn’t. Unfortunately the world isn’t a kind place and will not necessarily help you out of your shyness- in fact, that might just make you the best target for exploitation. 

Storytelling + Vocabulary + Body Language = Your Best Personality

do you have any recommendations on how to spend one's holiday break during college? i'm not asking for recs related to traveling, shopping, etc. but more self-improvement-related activities i could do now that i often do not have time for during the week along with assignments, work, and whatnot. thank you, elle :).

Hey Anon! I'm just going to list out a few self-improvement-related things I enjoy :)

Cultivate Daily Meditation: Embrace a daily meditation practice, tailoring the duration to your comfort. I find dedicating time to mindfulness immensely valuable. Personally, I prefer a 15-minute meditation right before bedtime, creating a serene end to the day.

Craft a Comprehensive Budget and Invest Wisely: Formulate a detailed, achievable budget for the year. If you've managed savings, consider maximizing their potential by placing them in a high-yield savings account or a straightforward investment fund.

Declutter and Donate: Spend a half day decluttering your living space. Organize and label items you no longer need, and contribute to your local community by donating them to a Goodwill center. A tidy space often translates to a clearer mind.

Expand Your Network on LinkedIn: Explore LinkedIn to discover 10 professionals in careers that captivate you. Don't hesitate to reach out; the potential for gaining valuable insights is vast. Remember, reaching out is an opportunity, not a risk.

Give Back to the Community: Dedicate a couple of days on your calendar to volunteer at local establishments like food pantries, community gardens, or nursing homes. Contributing to your community is a fulfilling way to make a positive impact.

Explore Fitness Diversity with ClassPass: Opt for a ClassPass membership to diversify your workout routine. Utilize free trial credits to experiment with new fitness classes in your area, keeping your physical activity engaging and dynamic.

Try a Dopamine Detox for Mental Rejuvenation: Take a break from the constant stimuli by temporarily surrendering your phone to a trusted party for a day or two. This dopamine detox provides a chance to reflect and reconnect with yourself, fostering mental rejuvenation.

Indulge in a Novel Escape at a Local Cafe: Break away from mundane readings by treating yourself to a spicy romance novel. Binge-read it at a local cafe, allowing your soul a well-deserved break from routine. While not directly tied to self-improvement, it's a delightful way to nourish your spirit.

sophisticate.