Vincent: If You Had To Choose Between Bo And All The Money I Have In My Wallet, Which Would You Choose?

This is genuinely hilarious to me

chrissy: eddie, please, could you put the kids to bed? eddie: sure thing honey!

*three hours later*

eddie: “That’s enough!” said Beorn. “Sit down and be quiet! Now go on, Gandalf!” So Gandalf went on with the tale, until he came to the fight in the dark, the discovery of the lower gate, and their horror when they found that Mr. Baggins had been mislaid…..

Title: Kinktober Day 20 (Distention & Cockbulge / Scissoring / Role Reversal)

Word Count: 519

Pairing: Billy Loomis / Stu Macher

It was pure luck that Stu found himself within this position. It was challenging to trudge forth in a situation that required him not to slow down for even a second while keeping himself from tripping up and losing his balance. A single miscalculation could result in the tables being turned, and Stu knew that in a moment like this, the possibility of a knife being lodged within his abdomen and spearing his innards was a very real one. He frankly wasn’t in the mood to tempt that, so he focused everything on the task at hand.

One hand rests on Billy’s hip, the other pushing the shorter man’s face cruelly into the plaster of the creme-coloured wall. Even behind the sharp undignified cries that filled the air, Stu knew there was contempt that bubbled below Billy’s skin, waiting for the moment he could lash out. Behind the pleasure laced noises, there was a danger that was waiting to catch up with Stu. And Stu was determined to meet his end and drag Billy willingly or not over with him. Perhaps a mind-blowing orgasm would lessen the tantrum that Billy inevitably would have. Stu can’t help but laugh at the thought, spittle flying out and landing along the other man’s heated and flushed skin.

“I fuckin’ swear Billy,” Stu groans low in his throat, hips stuttering as he drives into Billy again and again. The smaller man writhes, knees beginning to shake like a newborn fawn. It was almost pathetic how Billy could crumble like this just from having a cock split him apart. “Think you were made to take my cock like a bitch in heat.”

A growl rumbles from within Billy’s chest, and Stu knows he’s playing with fire, just asking to be burnt. But the way that Billy’s ass tightens around Stu speaks to a different narrative, one that Billy would never speak into words willingly. It was something that would likely always remain an unspoken bodily reaction. Unspoken words meant for Stu and Stu alone as he’s confident that he was the only one who could even think about getting away with this.

Anyone else certainly would be brutally executed for even entertaining the idea. The thought has Stu groaning, slamming his hips harshly against Billy. He watches the man’s ass bounce at the force as his cock disappears into the man over and over again, and something ugly and possessive curls within him. He reaches around and grasps Billy’s leaking cock, thumb delicately rubbing over the leaking head and smearing pre along the velvety flesh.

“Fu-fuck you.” Billy groans, voice wavering. It’s the closest thing to control that he can get, though the cracking and wavering of his voice certainly don’t afford him any control. Instead, it just reasserts Stu’s power in such an intoxicating way. The way Billy’s cock throbs, how he involuntarily fucks back against Stu while thrusting forward into his fist, was maddening. It was pure bliss, and Stu knows damn well the catastrophic fallout that would follow would be worth it having seared this side of Billy into his mind.

[MASTER LIST]

stu: been going through an episode sorry if i’ve been acting kinda off for the past few weeks.

billy: eps last weeks?

stu: they can last months…

billy: tf is you watchin?

Uncommon Intimacy

Black Noir x Female Reader

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Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI) 

Dirty talk, praise kink, male and female masturbation, phone sex/sexting, descriptions/mentions of oral (m and f receiving), sub/dom dynamics, established relationship, some fluffies, ASL usage.

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A/N: Baby baby BABY I MISSED YOUUUU

Also, thank you @thesleepingmusicneek for beta-reading 😊❤️

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Black Noir Masterlist 

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“Noir, baby,” Huffing out a dramatic breath, you toss your head back. “Please.”

Pathetic in nature, both your small sound and theatrical movement, you know it does nothing to win him over. Noir’s shoulders jerk slightly, rising and falling from the humor he finds in your current state. But he doesn’t judge you, he adores you.

“Baby, can I take off my panties?”

Lifting your head, you’re met with the incredibly erotic sight of him, yet again. Sitting in that black office chair, surrounded by nothing but the basic amenities of his hotel room. As usual, that second skin is on, his hardened suit and sleek, black armor. Although, one piece is missing. 

“Please?” Asking again, your eyes focus on his hands, watching intently.

He’s made himself comfortable, laying back in the chair and slouching slightly as he touches himself. Noir always started out with a gradual pace, fisting himself with long, slow strokes. He looks so full, and if you watch for long enough, you’re sure to see him throb. His tip is already leaking, small droplets of precum sliding down his shaft in a way that makes your mouth water. And you stare openly, wantonly; you’ve missed him far too much to be shameful of your needs.

“Don’t you want to see me?” You plead, breathing heavily. You’re rubbing your palm over the space between your legs, he’d allowed that much. The only fabric between you and your hand is that of your panties and it makes you ache, the wet spot on the very center of them only growing with each passing moment. 

“Don’t you want to see how wet you make me?” 

At this, Noir tilts his head. You should know taunting doesn’t work on him. 

With a defeated and aggravated sigh, you throw your head back again. Even when you’re not looking at him, you can hear the subtle squelch as he moves his hand. Using his gloved thumb, he spreads the clear liquid around his head, taking advantage of the natural lubrication as he speeds up his motions, drawing your attention again. 

“Baby…” 

Reaching down with his other hand, Noir cups his scrotum, rolling the tender flesh in his palm while his head drops back with a light groan. He does this while he continues to fist himself, his hips bucking slightly from the stimulation. 

Tonight’s call started with just a few small texts; you telling Noir how much you missed him, asking about the conference and what he had been up to. 

Shifting slightly, he readjusts in his chair, slouching back more and in turn shoving his hips closer to the screen. His head is still back, both hands continuing to work his most sensitive parts. And he does it all through his laptop, touching himself while you watch through your screen. 

You’re aching for something and still, you wait for him, you’re always such a good girl for him. Whatever he asked of you, you did. You touched him just how he liked, when he liked. You undressed yourself when told to, you touched your tits when told to, you pushed one and then two fingers past your slippery lips when he told you to. And when you’re like this, it makes him proud. 

Helplessly, you whimper, inadvertently pulling him back to the most magnificent memories. You’d been apart for weeks and on nights where you fell asleep before he came back to his hotel room, they’re all he was left with when allowing himself release. He never liked to look at any pictures or videos that weren’t of you. There was one specific memory that he’d gone back to far more than the others; the night you had together before he left. He’d stripped you bare, cupping your tits until he nodded at you, telling you to lay down and play with them. It intrigued Noir, seeing how you liked to be touched. He grabbed your thighs while you did it, wrenching them apart before his fingers played with your lips. Specifically though, he’s thinking about what happened before this, just before he’d pulled you into your bedroom to have you. When he got home that day, you were already waiting for him. You’d been dressed in a simple, black lingerie set he’d bought you a while back; it’s his favorite one, it looks stunning on you. The sight alone made his knees weak, and when you took him by the hand to lead him over to the couch, he all but crumbled at your feet. He sat back, legs spread wide while you removed the armor around his pelvis. One of your best sexual talents was oral, he’d never met anyone who swallowed him like you do. And you loved to play with his balls, too, not dissimilar to the way he’s playing with them now. You loved to hold them while you sucked on his tip, fondle them with your fingers and palm while going down on him. One of his favorite moves was when you lowered yourself to suck on them, jerking him off in your hand while staring up at his mask. That always made him cum, and thinking about it now makes his hips rut up into the hole of his fist.

Noir can see the dampness on your panties when he lifts his head, groaning when he watches you rub yourself again. It seemed a little oldschool, but Noir loved doing this on your laptops; it gave him the quickest opportunity to send a message if and when he wanted to. Which he does right now.

Wider.

“Yeah? You want to see more?” Tilting your head with a small, almost bashful grin, Noir watches as your legs shift. But they don’t spread.

Impatiently, he releases himself, now using his hands to communicate with you. He often did this when becoming irritated, at least in these situations. He wasn’t asking anymore, he was demanding. And while Noir lacked the ability to offer facial expressions, using his hands to communicate could still be effective in certain instances. Repeating the word with his physical motions, Noir brings both fists toward each other, his pointer knuckles extended a bit. His left hand is then sternly dragged away, almost as if he were pulling an invisible string straight across his chest.

It makes you shiver, seeing his biceps bulge from it, those gloves fingers wrapping around himself as he settles down again. Doing as he says, you part your legs, now wide enough for him to fully see your dripping secret. And as soon as you do it, he’s grabbing himself with both hands, chest tightening from your promiscuous act. Running two fingers down your center, you can practically see Noir’s moan, can see the heavy dip in his chest as it runs up through his throat. He then takes one hand away, keeping one on his cock while gently squeezing the tip.

“Baby, I love watching you do this…” 

For someone that didn’t speak, Noir was surprisingly good at dirty talk. The messages he sent you made you wet for him daily, and it also helped with getting to know what he liked. For instance, you know he likes when you play with your wetness, showing him what he’s done to you. He likes seeing the clear strings connecting your fingertips to your pussy when you finally pull them away. He loves seeing your ass, seeing it move and jiggle, watching you bend over and feeling it slap against his pelvis when you ride him. Noir also liked when you whined, he told you how tiny and helpless it made you sound. 

For just a second, Noir lifts his dominant hand, leaving himself completely unattended. His erection sits against his armored stomach, twitching once while it waits. Briefly, you wonder what he’s doing, but then you hear him spit. The sound is forceful and wet, and when his hand returns, you can see the saliva on his glove. Your airy moan hits the air when he does it, watching his fingers wrap around his swollen length once again. But then he sighs, the end of it turning into a dark groan. Moving backwards slightly, he allows you to see him fully. While he’s still entirely suited, there’s something different about seeing all of him on the screen. The breath he inhaled is released slowly, firmly, his head tilting down as his eyes zero in on you. The air of your encounter shifts. 

“C… can I?” You repeat, this request more timid than the ones before. His gaze is no less than terrifying and intimidating. 

Noir waits for a moment, and so do you, before he finally nods. All at once, relief and excitement flood your body. While pulling your legs up you also reach down, grabbing your panties and sliding them down your legs. You make a little show out of it, your happy smirk visible as you remove them slowly, much slower than he would have done himself. And when they’re off entirely, you plant your feet on either side of the keyboard, displaying your center perfectly. 

Beneath his mask, your lover’s teeth dig into his bottom lip. You’re fucking dripping for him. Your lips are shiny and pink, and he knows you must taste like heaven right now. Usually, you smelled like it too. 

“Thank you,” Comes your breathy expression of gratitude, fingers swirling around your little, reddened bud.

At this point, your eyelids are dipping, only able to focus on the screen while pleasure and excitement begin to consume you. And you know exactly what he means when his next message comes through.

Let me see it.

The laugh you exhale is light and playful, keeping your eyes on him while dipping a single finger inside. And as soon as your expression changes, he rolls his eyes, head lolling to the side.  Removing your finger, you slide them over the seam of your sex before pulling them away, showing him the glistening strands. Christ, you looked so magnificent like this.

“Baby,” Your sudden whine prompts his head to shoot up, looking directly into your eyes. “I miss you, miss having you in my mouth.”

At this, his hand picks up again, moving quicker than before. His deep groans and shallow grunts now begin filtering through the speakers of your laptop, a subtle prompt for you to continue. 

“Love the way you taste on my tongue…” Gently, you rub yourself, applying light pressure in the exact way he would. 

And it’s true, having Noir in your mouth made you satisfied like nothing else. The taste of him on your tongue, his girth weighing heavy as it leaked into your throat… his smell just beneath your nose, thick patches of curls tickling your face whenever you choked. And more often than not, he’d hold you there, only needing one hand to keep you in place. 

In a display of weakness, of emotional vulnerability, Noir whines. His free hand lifts, pointing to his chest and then his chin, before extending that same finger out to you. And inside, your heart bursts for him. He misses you.

“Tell me, baby.”

I mis ur beautifl mouth

His words make you grin - you know when there are errors in his typing, it just means he’s losing focus, getting too wrapped up in the moment, in whatever wondrous activity he’s doing with you. In your mind, it’s almost like he’s stuttering. 

“Ugh,” With soft motions, you sway your hips, sliding a second finger inside and trying to reach as deep as you can. 

Sometimes, Noir could be so sweet with you. He has a plentiful amount of loving nicknames that he used regularly with you. And when he was home, he was ever the doting partner. Everything you could ever want, he gave you. But more important than that, Noir gave you his time, his patience, his love. Things that ran low within him. But he saved every ounce of those traits for you, only you. 

“I need you.”

Soon.

Your lover’s moans then become louder, longer, pumping himself with a rapid fist while watching your fingers disappear between your legs. He can see the tendons in your arm flex when you curl them, the ripple in your thighs when they tense. And he wants nothing more than to grab them, squeeze your sweet flesh and smack your ass until it’s tingly and red.

“Ngh,” 

The sounds Noir makes force your heart rate to skyrocket, and you wish so desperately he were here to feel it, hear it. Noir loved to nuzzle into your neck, rub his nose over your pulse point and listen to your natural reactions with his heightened senses. Moments such as those created a safe space for uncommon intimacy between the two of you.

Want my mout on yyo

“I want that, baby. Fuck, I miss you. I want you so bad, Nori. I’ve really needed you.”

And when he hears these words, hears the emotion behind them, he almost can’t get to the keys fast enough.

I know baby. I know. I’m here, and I’ll be home soon

Home, the space you share with him, the space that lets your walls fall. Not just your own but his; that scary demeanor, cold and dark and ruthless to most. A terrifying shadow but to you, he’s your shadow, your protector and lover and everything good this world has to offer. When Noir is with you, it’s easy to feel safe and cared for; doting on you comes naturally to him.

“Promise?” 

In response, your love lifts his left pointer finger to his covered lips. Then, he brings that same hand down to his other, landing on its open palm in a chop-like motion.

“I love you.”

I love you sweetheart

And then, there’s a pause. The heavy rise and fall of his chest draws your attention, his deep breath, the way his fist tightens around his shaft. 

Now, let’s see my princess cum.

Thank you for ready lovelies!

Some noteworthy considerations...

I am very new to ASL (American Sign Language), but thought introducing it with Noir would be an interesting way to not only be more inclusive to my audience, but to challenge my writing style, too. Please let me know if I got anything wrong, or if you think I could have described something better in a different way! I want to be respectful to the Deaf Community and ASL users as a whole!

Lastly, all ASL interpretation pictures were made by me 😊

*y/n and ghost skipping stones on a lake*

y/n: it’s such a beautiful evening.

ghost, whispering: take that you fucking lake.

2500 likes!

This proves I need to get off of Tumblr and go outside good lord

*Grogu watching y/n with intense eyes*

Y/n: what is he doing?

Ashoka: thinking. Making an important decision.

Y/n:oh I see. So we just wait?

Ashoka: yes.

~many hours later~

Y/n: is he done? I'm getting kinda impatient.

Grogu, looking at Ashoka: pato...

Ashoka: he is chosen you to be his mother. Congratulations.

Y/n: what?

Ashoka: he also said "please". Because his dad kinda sucks at flirting.