The Fact That I Spent My Teens Eating Instead Of Starving Is Killing Me

my bf knows i'm tring to lose weight and shi and he told me last night something like "yeah and when you're skinny..." abt cuddling or so

the calories aren't worth it

The feeling after fasting for more than 12 hours >>

Chocolate covered strawberries >>>>

(I count about 30 cals per strawberry)

Hearing someone else say "I'm not hungry" while I'm eating floods me with guilt and kills my appetite. Every time.

Eating multiple course meals <<<<<<<<

Stop trying to cheat your way out of a fast. The weight won't come off by itself

Now remember, sugar is your worst enemy

Rants w Arcane | pt. 2

I know this isn't my usual content, my I just wanted to get it off my chest. Maybe it brings some comfort to ppl in similar situations.

My education is very important to me. My main form of validation is academic, and while I wasn't a top student in high school, I was happy I graduated and found it a flex that I finished high school in a different country, in a different language. Now I'm an university that ranks top worldwide. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had failed all my exams in january. Looking back, my study methods were just really not right and that's why I didn't do well. It obviously took a toll on how I viewed myself. Thus, the past semester, I've been in a constant toxic cycle of putting particularly high expecations of what I should do/what I should achieve by overworking myself, attending all my classes and student society (already 9 hours in a day) and studying an extra 4 hours in between and working out whenever I could. On top of that, I had fueled my £d as much as I could, pushing myself to get worse.

Dealing with the pressure of school, an £d, a relationship and going home every weekend where my relationship with my parents isn't the best obviously took its toll on me. After about 4 to 5 months of that, it seems like my brain finally is giving up. My anxiety is getting bad again and I might need meds again, if I don't get better. I don't want to bother people with it, but it is also something I cannot just keep hidden. I hope that things will get better soon and I should take better care of myself.

For anyone else in a similar situation, know you're not alone and you deserve to take care of yourself. It's ok to step on your pride and do things that'll help you feel better.

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