Pretzel Manatee Blesses You With His Pretzel Tail 🥨

Bucky: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

John: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!

Yelena: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Ghost: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Red Guardian: My moral code, is that you?

Bucky: …

Zombie setting where the undead are drawn towards unhygienic scents, so survivors constantly bathe to avoid being eaten.

Zombies are docile when adorned with flowers.

Settlements overgrown with herbs and flora.

Barely any banditry; everyone is focused on farming and gathering.

Different human factions and towns named after flowers like Lilies, Orchids, Roses, etc.

Instead of immediately killing an infected survivor, they’re given special funeral rites - the zombie is covered with flowers to keep them calm, and  allowed to walk out from the settlement to join the hordes.

Thunderbolts* said the only thing that is going to get us through this truly fucked up timeline is holding on to our equally fucked up friends and getting through this shit together and they were so right for that

I wish there was some clear, efficient and polite way to express "please do not suggest any ideas that specifically circumvent the limitations that I have just specified". Like if someone says that they don't want kids, and on top of that clarifies that they can't have kids anyhow, it's not clever, productive or useful to go "oh, but you could always adopt! :)" without knowing whether they even could if they wanted to.

Because sometimes people who can't have biological children, and do not want any children, also are not mentally, physically, or financially eligible to adopt them. Also if someone gives you advice that specifically circumvents the limits you just dictated, and then gets upset and insulted when you shoot down their suggestions of how they think you could still do the thing that you can't, won't, and wouldn't want to do, it should be socially acceptable to just grab the nearest blunt object and beat them with it.

You! Fanfiction writer!

I hear you wanna remove a canon female love interest from a M/F ship for the purpose of your fanfiction, eh?

Well before you turn her into a raging bitch for absolutely no reason, WHY NOT:

“He just wasn’t into her like that but they’re still friends”

“They tried dating and decided it wasn’t what they wanted”

“She didn’t actually know him that well and after some time she realized she wasn’t actually that interested”

“He had a habit that was a total deal-breaker, no hard feelings though”

“One of them got a really good job offer somewhere else that they couldn’t turn down and have since moved on”

“Turns out she’s gay”

“Turns out HE’s gay”

“One of them wanted kids and one didn’t”

“They had different long-term goals”

“They tried dating and realized they saw each other more as family and it was super weird and uncomfortable, like kissing your sister”

“Neither one of them was in it for the long haul, it was more of a friends-with-benefits deal”

“Dating one another was what made them realize they’re BOTH gay”

“They weren’t compatible in bed”

“One of them was more career-driven than the other”

“By the time one of them confessed the other had already started a relationship with someone else and they’re doing really well”

“One of them has a beloved pet that the other is deathly allergic to so the distance kinda broke things down”

“They wound up working for the same company with a zero fraternization policy”

“One of them is the other’s boss so dating would be unethical”

“One of them is focusing on themselves right now”

“He’s actually kind of a loser”

“They couldn’t communicate their needs”

“He wasn’t actually all that attractive after all”

“You misunderstand, they are each other’s wingman”

”You misunderstand, they are each other’s beard”

“You misunderstand, they faked the relationship so they could marry for citizenship/tax purposes/political reasons”

”They ARE together but they’re both into the third party”

”They ARE together but they’re cool with each other seeing other people”

”They’ve been faking the relationship to evade an excess rental expense on their shared apartment”

”They’re not in a romantic/sexual relationship, they just got that queerplatonic swag”

“Their parents got married and the step-siblings thing gave them the ick”

“You thought they were flirting? Dude that was ironic. What, you don’t flirt with your friends?”

Feather River Bulletin, Quincy, California, March 20, 1924

I'm pregnant and I don't give a fuck whos it is

maybe its because im an asylum seeker but i am of the opinion that even if immigrants and asylum seekers contributed nothing to a nation that nation should not have the right to deport them.