A Self-portrait 🥀

"They call you a madman, well so much the worse...

You know that you're crazy, you know that you're cursed."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aberforth Dumbledore RP blog. Penned by Misto. 21+. Selective. Anti-JKR.

OK, it happened. I saw it. And ... ( to be more specific it happened 3 days ago I just forgot to rant about it ) -- not gonna spoiler or anything, I just want to express my astonishment with Mads.

( As a Hannibal writer ) I was expecting nothing less than a very good job, and as much as I love Johnny and still wish justice for him, I can positively say that picking Mads as a replacement was a good choice.

If I'm lucky enough to see Dumbledore's secrets today I fear that I might revamp old Muses if it's as good as it looks like. 😩✨

And snap, with all the sneaky GIFs running around ... it does.

What happened to Percival Graves?

Wᴏʀᴅs ᴀʀᴇ, ɪɴ ᴍʏ ɴᴏᴛ sᴏ ʜᴜᴍʙʟᴇ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ, ᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏsᴛ ɪɴᴇxʜᴀᴜsᴛɪʙʟᴇ sᴏᴜʀᴄᴇ ᴏғ ᴍᴀɢɪᴄ, ᴄᴀᴘᴀʙʟᴇ ᴏғ ʙᴏᴛʜ ɪɴғʟᴜᴇɴᴄɪɴɢ ɪɴᴊᴜʀʏ, ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴅʏɪɴɢ ɪᴛ.

»  ━━  𝐉𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐀 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐓𝐓 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒.

lyrics  pulled  from  joshua  bassett’s  trilogy  of  songs.  please  amend  wording  or  pronouns  where  necessary.

𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐒.

“  my label said to never waste a crisis.  ”

“  here i am, guitar in hand.  ”

“  honestly, i didn’t want to write this.  ”

“  if you get to tell your truth then so do i.  ”

“  it’s cool if you want me to play the bad guy.  ”

“  don’t you dare act like i didn’t love you.  ”

“  don’t go thinking that i didn’t hurt too.  ”

“  don’t you ever wonder if i’m okay after all you put me through ?  ”

“  half the shit you’re saying is only half true.  ”

“  you’re messing with my life as a career move.  ”

“  i can’t help but wonder why you won’t make it end.  ”

“  i guess you would never dare to waste a crisis.  ”

“  what the hell am i supposed to do with that ?  ”

“  i wish that i could open my eyes and the nightmare be over.  ”

“  keep fanning the fire for the headlines.  ”

“  weren’t you the one who left in the first place ?  ”

“  weren’t you the one who called things off ?  ”

“  was it an act to love me ?  ”

“  was it an act to hate me ?  ”

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓.

“  i pulled into your driveway again.  ”

“  we kissed, but it felt different.  ”

“  i should have seen it coming then.  ”

“  you swore that you only had a crush.  ”

“  you told me that you would cut him off.  ”

“  my friends all warned me i should run for the hills, but i defended you still.  ”

“  because i knew rumours could kill.  ”

“  your secret is safe with me.  ”

“  oh you don’t even know i know.  ”

“  don’t worry because i’m keeping my mouth closed.  ”

“  how could you be so cold ?  ”

“   i really hope you had your fun.  ”

“  good for you fooling everyone.  ”

“  you had me tricked for sixteen months.  ”

“  your smoke and mirrors had me hypnotized.  ”

“  i heard the truth last night.  ”

“  when  your woe is me stops working, i bet your songs won’t sound the same.  ”

“  the truth you can’t dent, it changed everything.  ”

“  you can’t hide behind what’s clear as dare.  ” 

𝐒𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄.

“  i don’t know what i did to deserve all this.  ”

“  i don’t want to be rude or on the defensive.  ”

“  but i’ve been through it too.  ”

“  i know you feel used.  ”

“  i know you’ve been hurt.  ”

“  anything i did to make you feel worse, i’d take it back if i could.  ”

“  nothing i say will ease the pain.  ”

“  why must i hurt for you to feel okay ?  ”

“  you don’t get to take all of me.  ”

“  set me free.  ”

“  i don’t need your apology.  ”

“  i don’t recognise you, not anymore.  ”

“  you’re not the love that i fell for.  ”

“  i’ve been running away.  ”

“  i’ve been facing my fears.  ”

“  it’s been a fucking year.  ”

“  i’ve been doing my time, i’ve been working on me.  ”

“  i wasn’t sure i’d survive.  ”

“  i’ve never felt so weak.  ”

“  i hope you know i still care about you dearly.  ”

“  i’ve got to lock the door and throw away the key.  ”

“  i won’t never let you hurt me how you hurt me again.  ”

𝛴𝑆𝑇. ᅠℳ𝒶𝓎 5 / 2021 ᅠ ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ғᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ / Mᴜsᴇs ʟᴏɴɢᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴇs ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ. ⸙͎

extra - selective ╱ mutuals only ╱ independent ╱ canon divergent

slow activity, horror themed multi-muse settled in Harry Potter fandom with main focus on Sirius Black, the House of Black, and the Marauders. Manipulative with details given by books & movies. Check rules first before interacting. 21 +

﹎﹎﹎﹎⅋ᅠrelentless curiosity in charas. who are considered all but 'beauty idols'. ﹎﹎﹎⅋ᅠstudy in :ㅤ#𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚜 #𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚎𝚜 #𝚙𝚝𝚜𝚍 ﹎﹎⅋ᅠinbox status ;ㅤopen | closedㅤplotting ;ㅤavailable | unavailable ﹎⅋ᅠ𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒 :ᅠactive | semi-active | hiatus | seasonally active

*. seasonal activity refers to activity resuming with Muse awakening during particular season ; for this blog reference to winter months.

☞ ᅠ𝑙𝑎𝑤ㅤ|ㅤ𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑜ㅤ|ㅤ𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚. 𝑖𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑥 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙ㅤ|ㅤ𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑠ㅤ|ㅤ𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ㅤ|ㅤ ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠 ㅤ|ㅤ𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑠 𓏺ㅤ𝄞 𝆔 𐎂

#ㅤ𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐖 [ ... ] his fondness for power and powerful individuals is known since his school years.

Being a little opportunist that he is, instead of striving to obtain greater power , his insecurities prevents him from attacking his opponents directly when he knows he can't win in terms of raw strength / intellect. His loyalty belongs mainly to himself.

He rather switches teams, choosing always to side with the strongest from the bill of fare. The ex - Marauder is a type of person who would rather observe so long until finding the Achilles' heel and point the finger at the target for others to smite.

Because why would he remain on the side significantly weaker when the stakes are high?

Either kill or be killed. He always wants to ~ 𝐒 𝐔 𝐑 𝐕 𝐈 𝐕 𝐄 ~ and shall do literally anything to improve his situation and chances to do so. 'Talentless' in comparison with the rest of his friends but when it comes to trickery, survival strategy in order to save your skin he is as Remus once referred to him 'brilliant'. Let's not forget that this talentless man has actually planned a whole successful scenario and got Sirius to Azkaban with no evidence against him. No one would check his finger if he disappeared for good, right?

Wormtail cocooned himself in some impenetrable barrier of self-assurance - that he likes his new way of living beside Voldemort (that includes torturing people, killing them, etc.) And at some point ... power, POWER was something that successfully managed to control his deeds. Call it a forced self - HYPNOSIS. I believe there was a period in his life when he even took quite good care of himself by changing (drastically) his image ( attire, haircut, whatever guys do to look badass) to increase his self-esteem. ( Could this happen pre or post Potter's death? Maybe, close to the period of Azkaban's mass break. I am pretty much going to manipulate with this idea in near future. )

But that wouldn't last for too long because the status of Death Eaters went downhill. They began to hide after Voldemort's downfall; from feared to hunted. And Peter quickly schemed the scenario of his death and went into hiding for 12 years. This leaves me impressed, that ( or why ) he remained loyal to Voldemort for so long, but obviously, his gut felt things, that he wasn't entirely gone, and his return was but a question of time + of course, he feared him too much to leave and played a key role in restoration of his physique rather than scatter like he typically would. Yes, he could pretty much use an opportunity to crawl back to Dumbledore, seeking forgiveness after hearing how well it worked for Snape, but he never feared Dumbledore enough to decide for his step. The loyalty out of fear was stronger here. But would Remus forgive him? There was another fear if the fellow Marauder chose to not forgive but kill him instead.

And what about Snape? His sudden change of side wouldn't trigger less his anxiety, with the sympathies he harbored for Lily, in case he would decide to pursue vengeance too. Alas! Azkaban mercilessly knocking on his doors. Hiding seemed like a good idea.

With such transformation, his personality went through if he was ever to meet Remus and Sirius -- either shortly after James' death or if Sirius would have survived the battle with Bellatrix ... it wouldn't be happy. No remorse at first glance, he would mock them. Justifying his behavior with their ignorance - not even paying attention once to what he REALLY wanted. Just like he did in Shrieking Shack : 'Remus ... Sirius? My friends!' or 'enjoyed your tripping in Azkaban?~'

There's way too much theories swirling around the concept of WHY Peter sold James and Lily to the Dark Lord ;

Did the Marauders have secret disagreements with each other? Was there a massive argument between James/Peter no one knew about?

Was Wormtail a secret sympathizer of Pure-blood ideology who disapproved of his friend marrying a Mudblood which would shatter the perfect image he had of him?

Was he too scared and thinking mainly about saving his own skin to avoid torture and death?

Was he just jealous and hurt by ignorance of his friends he could never match with and held some hidden grudges?

Or did he idolize James too much to the point of crushing on him, remaining angry with Lily for separating him from the Marauders? I said nothing, but it is in my head. Good Lord.

His traitorous habits link him perfectly to the RAT symbolism he willingly chose to select for his Animagus form. However, this still leaves a big question hanging: how was someone as cowardly as he sorted in 𝐆𝐑𝐘𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐑?

ㅤ ㅤ 𝐓𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐝 ...

𝐓𝐖 ; dead James & Lily

Hints of topic in future 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐.

Awakening compassion for the first time in long years.

Thanks to Peter dies a Potter ... ㅤ... and thanks to Potter dies he.

𝓦ᴏʀᴅs ᴀʀᴇ, ɪɴ ᴍʏ ɴᴏᴛ sᴏ ʜᴜᴍʙʟᴇ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ, ᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏsᴛ ɪɴᴇxʜᴀᴜsᴛɪʙʟᴇ 𝖘𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖈𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖒𝖆𝖌𝖎𝖈 ᴄᴀᴘᴀʙʟᴇ ᴏғ ʙᴏᴛʜ ꜜɪɴғʟᴜᴇɴᴄɪɴɢ ɪɴᴊᴜʀʏ, ᴀɴᴅ 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑑𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑡. ᅠ┈┈ ᅠꜥꜤ ᅠ،، 𝄞 ࿔

                       “Off to save the world, are we?”

Aberforth Dumbledore RP blog. Selective. Mun 21+. Anti JKR. Not spoiler free.

                                            Rules. Bio. Verses.

“  i heard the truth last night.  ” (james)

A strict sigh slipped past thinned lip-line. She did it again.

“ You listened didn't you, ” instead of questioning, it sounded like stating fact, “ then you should know the reason behind my concern. You skipped a lesson, again! ” For a fatherly figure, who had tendencies to argue theatrically, James was unmistakably the one who seemed his like if he was close to screech any minute but at the same time not and would turn it into a laugh instead. “ And why must I be the one who has to figure it out from one of your teachers?? ”

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓:ㅤ𝐉𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐀 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐓𝐓 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘 ㅤ|| & accepting )