When She Says She Doesn’t Send Nudes

not the twitter migrants putting "reblog heavy" in their bios on here... like yeah. that's what we do here

We also figured out—the hard way—that the ancients probably cut each layer of linen to the proper shape before gluing them together. For our first linothorax, we glued together 15 layers of linen to form a one centimeter-thick slab, and then tried to cut out the required shape. Large shears were defeated; bolt cutters failed. The only way we were ultimately able to cut the laminated linen slab was with an electric saw equipped with a blade for cutting metal. At least this confirmed our suspicion that linen armor would have been extremely tough. We also found out that linen stiffened with rabbit glue strikes dogs as in irresistibly tasty rabbit-flavored chew toy, and that our Labrador retriever should not be left alone with our research project.

everyone loves to shit on shoebills like omg this bird is SO SCARY its TERRIFYING which like first of all shut up youre annoying second they are literally just standing there what the hell is your problem

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

POV: You're a newly appointed guide for the next sucker who got stuck in a timeloop, and it's not the person you expected I'm obviously biased with these fics, but come on how can you not laugh at Mx "I was ready to mock myself but now I have to be the Researcher's emotional support star" and Miss "I don't have issues, YOU have issues! AND FOR GEMS SAKE, SIFFRIN PLEASE STOP DYING!!!" being stuck in time-loop hell together?

Also Squirrels! We've got squirrels too, folks!

hey you know how sans determines how many times you've fought him based on facial expression? he can tell when you've been dunked on, when you see his first attack for the first time, when you've survived it once, when you've survived it twice... all based on facial expression. each time you die to him and reset, he has absolutely no memory of the past fights, meaning each battle seems like the first one to him.

so how does sans feel when that expression is nothing but boredom? when his first attack is dodged without even flinching? how does he feel when each of his attack patterns are being dodged with near perfect muscle memory—and as the battle keeps going, he knows he's getting more and more tired and that he can't keep fighting for much longer? no matter what he does, none of his attacks work.

there's no shock, no surprise in their face—just utter indifference, and the impatience of someone who's seen this many, many times before. imagine how he feels as the realization slowly dawns on him that this is probably the time they succeed.

I completely flooded the back of house today and everyone failed to react like a human. The person who noticed tried to alert me by standing directly behind me, pointing at the floor, and going ‘water’. And when I turned and looked, all I could muster was ‘oh thats cool.’ Really calmly.

And then my manager darted for the mop bucket like CAN YOU TWO DO SOMETHJNG PLEASE STOP JUST WATCHING IT

battery acid spaghetti ("don't do this"): Limbus Company edition (the quality dropped a lot from the original file sorry)

There’s so much to unpack here:

Pack of Beakers

Goth Beaker

The Beaker snitching and pointing out the photographer

The Beaker that’s about to unload on the photographer

The terminator strut before the ass whooping and you know he’s moving at speed because of the blur

The ominous feeling that you know this is 3 in the morning