Sometimes When You Look At Someone And Think “ughhh I Wish That Was Me” What You’re Really Feeling

he is not my favourite sacrificial lamb, he has no bite

he is least my favourite sacrificial lamb because he is so sweet and innocent. i put the cold harsh blade against his throat and his eyes are so clear when they look up at me. he doesn't even think to reproach me for the horrors i put him through. he forgives and he forgives and he forgives.

my favourite sacrificial lamb fights. he bleats for all he is worth and tries to run away on his skinny coltish legs. his eyes are older than they should be and i can see the anger of every lamb before him in them. he makes me feel sorry for what i have to do.

because that is how it needs to be. i need to feel pain and regret and responsibility for the sacrifice to work. if i don't feel disgusted at my actions then there is nothing to cleanse and purify.

fight and scream little lambs, never let us take you easily. if you die quietly we will never feel the guilt, and it will be for nothing.

and then at night i kneel and i pray, not to the god for whom i commit these atrocities, but to the lambs skipping across the inky sky.

ignosce mihi little lambs, just not for this.

on building mental discipline

do something small that challenges you every day for a week. something small, whatever that means to you. maybe that's drinking a cup of water with every meal, going outside for ten minutes, or going for a run, taking a cold shower. whatever a small but tricky task means to you, do that every single day for a week.

it will be hard for about three days and then it will be easier.

the week after do a slightly bigger task. again, do whatever the next step up would be. cook a meal from scratch, call your mum, schedule an appointment, make the bed every day.

it will be hard for three days, then it will get easier.

third week do an even bigger task. vacuum your apartment, go to the gym, iron your shirts. whatever the next step up is for you, do that.

over time your brain will find it far easier to pick up new habits. it will have become used to the idea that you do new things and it is hard for a few days, but you always stick to it. you've built up your reputation with yourself to the point that your brain automatically thinks of you as disciplined and hardworking.

work out what habits your ideal self will do, meal prepping, exercising, seeing friends, going to therapy, and do them. your brain will have learnt that you do things even when they are hard, because it knows they eventually will get easier.

build up your reputation with yourself.

studying isn't always aesthetic, and that is totally ok.

not every study session is accompanied by a cool bright matcha and and a perfect messy bun. not all of your notes will be written in beautiful looped cursive and perfectly highlighted.

sometimes the only way you can study is in your pyjamas, sometimes the only place you are sitting down long enough is the bus, sometimes your notecards are tatty and ripped.

you don't always have to be perfectly aesthetic, let go of your performative notes, write notes that help you.

wear things that are comfy and easy to concentrate in.

be gentle with yourself, learn what works for you and stick to it.

I love you for your post about the “I’m just a girl” phenomenon - my eyes cannot roll far back enough into my skull when I hear someone say it in earnest

thank you! i'm so glad people agree with me on this! whenever i've brought it up to people i hear saying this they just argue thats its not that deep, but i think it is that deep!

𝔠𝔯𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔬𝔠𝔱𝔬𝔟𝔢𝔯

ATTENTION TO THOSE IN THE POETS PORCH COMMMUNITY

PLEASE CAN PEOPLE REBLOG THIS

hi i want to talk about the account versesbyaaliyah, parallax4o4 already did a post on this and they received a lot of hate, but the things they were saying were 100% correct.

almost all of the posts by the versesbyaaliyah account flag up as being mostly or partially AI generated, and a lot of accounts on this community are clearly bots.

i just wanted to warn other new poets that it 100% looks like this community is being used as a way to steal new poetry content for AI's to learn off.

working this out was super upsetting to me because my poetry is really raw and personal for me, i ttalk about very specific experiences i have been through, so the idea that someone was stealing my content was heartbreaking.

so yeah just to advise y'all it would maybe be a good idea to delete your content from this community and leave

02/06/25

posting this to promise to myself that I will actually get something done today

☑ tune cello

☑ finish job application for local bookshop

☑ print off emails about work experience

☑ attend both work experience events today

☑ minimum 40 minutes music practice

☑ try make sure i have to to eat lunch

☑ sort out some files from the stuff i won't need next year

on lurching towards the breaking point

The X-Files (01x17) // tumblr user @/inkskinned // Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

you don't win any prizes for doing things the hard way.

tw: mentions of ableist thoughts, mentions of self harm

I have been resistant to accepting the extra accommodations and help that I am eligible for, because i was really scared of being seen as stupid. i was forcing myself to use unhealthy coping mechanisms to get the stuff done, and it didn't always work, but i felt somehow superior to others struggling with the same issues because i was taking the maximum amount of subjects, and refusing extra time and extensions.

i thought that by waking up at 4am to get my work finished i was somehow better than other people.

i got to a really bad place where i was struggling so much to concentrate that i would deliberately hurt myself before assignments or exams. so whenever i got distracted or tired i would never be able to ignore the pain or discomfort i was in, and that would remind me that i was supposed to be working.

this was, obviously, wildly unhealthy.

anyway, this year i was given extra time in my exams and assignments for an unrelated issue, and oh my god it was so good. even when i was worried about the exams i was never stressed about time. i came out of my rmps exam without feeling like i was going to throw up for the first time ever! i finished my biology assignment in record time because i wasn't paralysed by stress and indecision.

when i go back to school next week i am going to talk to my teachers and advisors about accepting the extra help i am eligible for, because i've realised that i don't win any prizes for finding it harder than others and persevering despite it. everyones grade transcripts just say what grades they acheived, it doesn't say how they felt or what extra help they required.

accept the help you need. you're suffering does not make you superior.