Not My Typical Academic Study Content, But I Have My Grade 5 Cello Exam Next Tuesday, So In Five Days

What you call self-sabotage might just be your body saying: "Familiar pain feels safer than unfamiliar peace"

What you call procrastination might just be your body saying: "I'm overwhelmed and everything feels too much"

What you call anxiety might just be your body saying: "I've been in danger before, and I don't know if it's over yet"

What you call neediness might just be your body saying: "I didn't get what I needed, and I'm still longing"

What you call overreacting might just be your body saying: "This feels like danger to me because it once was"

What you call emotional instability might just be your body saying: "I was never taught that feeling emotions could be safe"

What you call resistance might just be your body saying: "I don't feel safe enough to do what you want me to"

What you call laziness might just be your body saying: "I'm frozen because I had to work hard for too long"*

What you call numbness might just be your body saying: "I had to shut down to keep you safe"

What you call avoidance might just be your body saying: "Im not ready to face this yet. I need slower exposure to it"

(the.trauma.educator on ig)

*gentle reminder that body gets tired also after doing mentally draining work/job (which includes feeling stressed too, not just studying or working 9-5 in front of a computer -which holds responsabilities, anyway)

be aware of what you consume:

the energy of others: surround yourself with positive people and avoid those who drain you.

the videos you watch: select content that inspires, educates or entertains you in a healthy way.

what you read: look for reliable sources and material that enriches you intellectually.

who you follow: follow people who inspire and challenge you to grow.

what you scroll through on social media: avoid negative content and look for something that motivates you or makes you feel good.

the news: look for objective sources of information and avoid information overload.

highlights of others: compare less and celebrate more the achievements of others.

the advice you listen to: evaluate advice according to your criteria and needs.

source: @zamirasaba

sleep hygiene

sleep is so important for both your mental and physical health, i have struggled with sleeping issues for the last seven years, but here are the tips that have helped me.

non chemical sleep supplements it may be the placebo effect, but night time teas and tart cherries have genuinely helped me feel sleepier in the evenings

having a set sleep routine make sure no matter what you are in bed by a certain time and awake by a certain time, it will be difficult at first but your body will get used to it

making your bed a place just for sleeping as tempting as it can be to use your bed as a desk, or a shelf, it is far easier to keep it solely for sleep. that way whenever you are in bed you have the mindset of 'i am going to sleep now'

make sure your room is properly dark invest in blackout curtains, stick plasters over any electronic lights in your room, make sure it is as close to pitch black as possible

leave your phone in a different room this ensures that if you wake up in the middle of the night you won't be tempted to check it quickly, stay in bed and don't shine blue light in your face

make your bed every morning discourages you from getting back into bed and makes it nicer to get into in the evening

wear clean pyjamas as much as possible as tempting as it can be to crawl into bed in your underwear, or a sweaty t-shirt, having comfy and clean pyjamas feels so much nicer

do the same things every morning and evening having a set routine helps you get in the right mindset. my teeth are clean, i've washed my face, i've read ten pages, now i know it is time to go to sleep. the same for the morning, once i've made the bed and brushed my hair i don't go back to bed

fresh air and movement when you first wake up the common tip is sunlight in the mornings, i don't know about y'all but i live in scotland and in winter i am already at school when the sun rises, but going outside or just opening a window and feeling fresh cool air on your face is so helpful. also trying to do a bit of movement in the morning, even if its just stretch and touch your toes, it gets your blood moving and makes you feel more awake

was it casual when you shoved him off the cliff and then stood over his corpse watching the warmth and light slowly fade from his familiar blue eyes was it casual when his father said you made his son the happiest he'd ever seen his baby boy was it casual when his parents gave you the honor of being the pallbearer when you stood amongst his brothers and carried the corpse you'd made to the hollowed ground was it casual when you were so lost in your own mind standing above his grave that you smeared the dirt of his grave across your chest (you killed him. it doesn't mean you didn't love him.)

you don't win any prizes for doing things the hard way.

tw: mentions of ableist thoughts, mentions of self harm

I have been resistant to accepting the extra accommodations and help that I am eligible for, because i was really scared of being seen as stupid. i was forcing myself to use unhealthy coping mechanisms to get the stuff done, and it didn't always work, but i felt somehow superior to others struggling with the same issues because i was taking the maximum amount of subjects, and refusing extra time and extensions.

i thought that by waking up at 4am to get my work finished i was somehow better than other people.

i got to a really bad place where i was struggling so much to concentrate that i would deliberately hurt myself before assignments or exams. so whenever i got distracted or tired i would never be able to ignore the pain or discomfort i was in, and that would remind me that i was supposed to be working.

this was, obviously, wildly unhealthy.

anyway, this year i was given extra time in my exams and assignments for an unrelated issue, and oh my god it was so good. even when i was worried about the exams i was never stressed about time. i came out of my rmps exam without feeling like i was going to throw up for the first time ever! i finished my biology assignment in record time because i wasn't paralysed by stress and indecision.

when i go back to school next week i am going to talk to my teachers and advisors about accepting the extra help i am eligible for, because i've realised that i don't win any prizes for finding it harder than others and persevering despite it. everyones grade transcripts just say what grades they acheived, it doesn't say how they felt or what extra help they required.

accept the help you need. you're suffering does not make you superior.

he is not my favourite sacrificial lamb, he has no bite

he is least my favourite sacrificial lamb because he is so sweet and innocent. i put the cold harsh blade against his throat and his eyes are so clear when they look up at me. he doesn't even think to reproach me for the horrors i put him through. he forgives and he forgives and he forgives.

my favourite sacrificial lamb fights. he bleats for all he is worth and tries to run away on his skinny coltish legs. his eyes are older than they should be and i can see the anger of every lamb before him in them. he makes me feel sorry for what i have to do.

because that is how it needs to be. i need to feel pain and regret and responsibility for the sacrifice to work. if i don't feel disgusted at my actions then there is nothing to cleanse and purify.

fight and scream little lambs, never let us take you easily. if you die quietly we will never feel the guilt, and it will be for nothing.

and then at night i kneel and i pray, not to the god for whom i commit these atrocities, but to the lambs skipping across the inky sky.

ignosce mihi little lambs, just not for this.

sometimes when you look at someone and think “ughhh i wish that was me” what you’re really feeling isn't jealousy. you don’t want to be them. you want to feel like you but braver, freer, softer, louder, whatever they’re reminding you of

we grow up being told to compete but healing girlhood teaches that you can feel inspired without feeling small. you can let someone’s light show you where yours is dim. you can see beauty in someone else and use it as a mirror, not a measuring stick

so next time you feel that burn in your chest, pause and ask yourself: what part of me is waking up when i look at them? what dream of mine are they unknowingly touching? because that’s not jealousy. that’s a version of you (not yet born) whispering “hey! we could do that too <3”

I love you for your post about the “I’m just a girl” phenomenon - my eyes cannot roll far back enough into my skull when I hear someone say it in earnest

thank you! i'm so glad people agree with me on this! whenever i've brought it up to people i hear saying this they just argue thats its not that deep, but i think it is that deep!

When Dostoevsky said, "Pain changes you, but it teaches. That is its mercy." but Kafka said, "Pain changes nothing. It just repeats itself until you forget who you were before it started."

if you can and want to, go to college when you’re 30. move out at 40. learn to drive at 50. life is short but it is also so long. it’s not too late to do new things.