If You Don't See Marlene Mckinnon I Don't Know What To Tell You Honestly

things that i think would put Regulus Black in a coma:

a la croix

las vegas

wannabe by the spice girls

hentai

the death of queen liz

the x-factor

pickles

the word "kinnie"

vapo-rub

domino by jesse j

a really good meatball sub

golf

a flu shot

wetherspoons

febreeze

pitch perfect iii

shape of you by ed sheeran

a chocolate milk

a bath bomb

cunk on earth

prawn crisps

any of the barbie films

the word "rizz"

a gold four loko

matty healy's accent

kombucha

the crimson rivers comments

a puff/elf bar

caesar dressing

a 3D movie

pho

the kardashians

wide-ruled notebook paper

this guy

improv

anything by nicki minaj

titanic

terry's chocolate orange

twilight

texas

wet socks

sharp cheddar

any wwii film

eminem

the free-brittany movement

tikka masala

asmr

Spreading my Jegulily agenda

AU where Regulus hates James for taking Sirius’ attention (but is also kinda secretly in love with him) but James barely knows Regulus exists so Regulus tries to catch his attention get back at him by seducing the girl that James is madly in love with: the one and only Lily Evans.

And he maybe accidentally falls in love with her as well in the process…

At the Yule ball

*three of the marauders standing together, Sirius and Remus as each other’s date and James secretly waiting for his*

Regulus: *walks into the great hall in the Oscar’s outfit YALL know which one*

James: *wide eyed as he spots regulus* *gulping*

Sirius: what??

James:

Sirius: *spots regulus* *looks at James* *looks at regulus*

Sirius: Merlins bullocks! *marches over to regulus* hi Reggie!! You look dashing! Now tell me, Where are the rest of your clothes?

Regulus: can’t say the same about you, and it’s none of your business. Go back to your stupid friends. *regulus smiles and winks at James*

James: *blushing*

Sirius: *looks at james* *looks at regulus*

Remus: *sees the relization on sirius* oh shit si-

Sirius: WHAT? JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER! MY BABY BROTHER?! ARE YOU SERIOUS? Don’t answer that!

James: *runs*

Sirius: *rants in French* *runs after him*

obsessed!!!!!! oh my god. (art is by @ ada_lovegood on insta!) might be one of my favorite pieces of wolfatar fanart, i feel like they’re just captured so well. brb very inspired to write now xx

Harry: Padfoot, do you know who's that handsome, blond boy? Sirius: Narcissa's and Lucius's son. Why? Wait! Did you say he's handsome? Harry: Oh, so you know his parents? Do you know him? Can you introduce us? Please! Sirius: NO! HE'S A MALFOY! Remus: And you're a Black and I'm still putting up with you

marlene: you use emojis like a straight person

sirius: that’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me

“I smell grass, broom polish…” Regulus leaned closer to the cauldron, smiling subconsciously as the comforting scents overtook his senses. “-a log fire, and… flowers?”

“Now I could be wrong, Reggie,” Pandora smiled innocently as she leaned closer to him. “But that sounds like it could be a certain Gryffindor we both know.”

Regulus groaned, feigning annoyance as he tried to hide a growing blush behind his hands. “Oh be quiet, Dora! We probably just brewed it wrong.”

“Hmm… what’s more likely? The two top students of our class brewing a simple amortentia potion wrong, or you being madly in love with James Pot-“

“Shut up!”

Sirius, bipolar disorder and 1981

I’ve held the headcanon for a while that Sirius being bipolar was a fundamental part of his breakdown in 1981, that led to him believing Remus was the spy and failing to prevent Lily and James’s deaths, as well as ultimately being the reason Remus was persuaded that Sirius (not entirely consciously) betrayed James and committed mass-murder. so I’ve laid out all my thoughts about this below

Sirius’s breakdown leading up to Oct 31, 1981

bipolar episodes of mania/depression are not responses to external events in the same way regular depression or anxiety are. they will inevitably happen at some point however stable your life is. however, a traumatic event can sometimes trigger a period of mania/depression that spirals beyond the actual event itself

there is no doubt that Sirius was experiencing compound trauma by 1981. there isn’t any specific canon as to when he became involved in the Order, but we know by this point he was deep in the fight and presumably had been for around a year or more. he was living with the constant, extreme stress of being in potentially fatal missions, as well as the risk of losing his loved ones who were doing the same

Sirius’s friendship with James and the impact the danger he faced had on Sirius during this period is fundamental to his breakdown. James was central to his conception of safety and stability. he rescued him emotionally and later physically from his abusive home, and gave him a new loving one. without James, Sirius doesn’t have a home - and therefore the world simply doesn’t make sense. there’s no doubt Sirius would have been living in absolute terror of having his world quite literally torn apart. this would have been magnified tenfold when the specific threat to Harry and therefore James and Lily became apparent, and Sirius had to watch as a war against a fascist terror group became a defense of his best friend’s family being hunted by an unimaginably powerful dark wizard

part of bipolar disorder is the subconscious knowledge that you will at some point crash. there is a sense of inevitability of your world falling apart, like constantly living in a movie waiting for the third act tragedy. for Sirius, watching his world quite literally fall apart, this would undoubtedly have triggered that underlying fear. he is expecting the worst, knowing that it’s going to happen, because it always has

Sirius believing Remus was the spy

Sirius’s struggle with bipolar disorder would lead to his seemingly irrational suspicion of Remus for two main reasons

first is that the chronic instability and tendency toward self-destruction that Sirius experiences as a part of bd is inseparable from his relationship with Remus. breaking up in the heat of manic or depressive episodes is a common bipolar symptom. Remus with his own trauma and mental health issues would never be capable of creating enough stability for the both of them as their relationship formed, and adding into that the struggles of being a gay man in the 70s/80s, they never developed a strong foundation as teens

so the second point is how putting this under the pressure cooker of war doomed them from the outset. without external support or stability, Sirius was always going to spiral down, and Remus would always be unable to cope. by 1981 Sirius is overwhelmed with fear over losing James and utterly unable to think rationally. he’s being pushed to the brink on Order missions. he’s convinced his the world is going to crash down around him. he’s lashing out at the people closest to him and destroying things just for the misguided feeling of control. Remus is watching this happen but is also swept up in his own chronic terror and mental instability, and is utterly unable to understand what Sirius is doing or going through, let alone try and stop it. they are both crashing down around each other, with the very fear they have of losing each other tearing them further apart

at some point I think Sirius simply convinces himself its Remus - because he’s the one hurting him so much with his own part in destroying their relationship, because if anyone is going to tear his world to pieces it would be the one he’s most vulnerable to, because if you want to bring about the destruction by yourself of course you’d pick the person you can hurt the most, because the world is stealing everything from him so of course it would still the one beautiful, tender, miraculous thing he has

Remus being persuaded Sirius betrayed James and Lily

I’m writing ‘persuaded’ deliberately, because there is no way that Remus would instantly believe Sirius could betray James or even murder Peter and a crowd of muggles. they had been friends for over ten years, living in each other’s pockets and they knew each other inside and out. they had built incredibly deep and meaningful bonds as a group. Remus would struggle to believe that Sirius could kill Peter, but he may in the end come to accept it. but he could never, ever have watched Sirius and James for ten years and believe he would consciously betray him

instead, I think Remus came to believe through the persuasion of others (Dumbledore specifically, particularly if you go with the idea he had an interest in keeping Sirius in Azkaban) that Sirius had a breakdown and acted with such reckless self-destruction he inadvertently brought about James and Lily’s deaths. Remus had been dragged down in Sirius’s spiral for a year or longer; if they were by that point together, he would have seen Sirius at his most vulnerable and raw, and understood better than anyone his capacity for manic, irrational self-destruction. he’d seen Sirius do similar things the entire time he’d known him - the prank, for example, which easily fits into a similar theme. Remus knows Sirius is capable of this, he knows he was truly out of his mind with fear

and I think that’s where the anger comes from (aside from fury over him murdering Peter and other innocent people) - that Sirius had spent so long causing harm and never ever learned, that he’d refused to confront his own demons and take responsibility for his destructive tendencies, and in the end it had torn their worlds apart. the fire that had made him so passionate, so full of life, so brave, so loving and so devoted had also made him uncontrollably deadly - it’s not hard to imagine that when Remus more than anyone experienced one side so intensely, he could imagine what the other could lead to

I, personally, don’t think even in a manic state Sirius would ever come close to betraying James. but I think that for Remus, a terrified, traumatised 21 year old who’d lost both his parents and his best friends, had spent three years caught up in a war between two sides that both wanted him dead, and had watched his relationship with the love of his life break down in front of him, it’s a realistic conclusion to come to

Conclusion

mental health issues are intrinsically wound up with Sirius’s story and the tragedies he experiences. i think it’s a disservice to his character to overlook them, especially when fic takes only a shallow look at the sadder, messier parts of his life because it has a tendency towards simply trauma porn. bipolar disorder is my particular headcanon, and I’ve detailed a strong argument for it, but there are plenty of other valid interpretations as well. whichever way Sirius is written, though, at least complying somewhat with canon, the impact of mental health on the complexity of his character and story can’t be overlooked

the other side of the coin to this tragedy is the beauty of Sirius’s escape, formation of his relationship with Harry, and his reunion and reconciliation with Remus. Sirius’s fiery mania is turned into a positive, enabling the incredible feats of breaking out of Azkaban, and living on the rough for two years whilst evading the Ministry’s hunt. it also of course sees older, wiser versions of Sirius and Remus who can look their own and each other’s demons in the eye, face up to them with honesty and courage, and build the relationship they should have had all along. 

jegulily are nerds. huge, giant, nerds. but in very different ways.

lily is a nerd in the sense she spends most of her time in the library, planning her career and studying for classes, obsessing over fictional books, playing chess, reading lord of the rings a million times, practices potion making for fun and likes to make the same potion over and over, gets excited over quidditch stats and making types of plays but finds watching the actual game boring

regulus is a nerd in the sense he obsesses over classical music and relentlessly learns compositions, secretly loves classic romance books and uses them to work out how to socialise, spends all his time studying or on independent projects usually related to something in one of his classes, was ojce given a cigarette and his first thought was to dissect it open

james is a nerd in the sense he obsessively watched star wars over and over and then brought every piece of merch he could find, always gets top marks in everything, willingly reads extremely high level transfiguration books for fun all the time, spends all day working out quidditch stats, and had a map making phase as a kid (which he still has)