Just You Wait There’s Gonna Be Some Tiny, Seemingly Insignificant Detail In The Statements Of Episode

reptiles really went off with basking on warm rocks. i’ve done it before and honestly? it fucks

accidentally fell into the greatest wikipedia rabbit hole earlier

I officially want a wikipedia summary of every past and future meme, complete with this many examples and citations

Scotty: Gaila told me that instead of being sad, I should "Go get it, girl." So I'm going to "go get it, girl."

Sulu: Get what?

Scotty: Unclear. I’ll get everything, just to be safe.

Hisuian Decidueye ~

Grrr stupid brain won't shut up it's like 2:30am for fucks sake I just want to sleep

Umi troubles:

Decided to look at ecology and wildlife conservation and it does look better than my current course. But then again it might be easier to finish current course and then try master in wildlife?? Ahhh I hate it in here I cannot make any decision and I feel like a useless lump of human meat.

“These new Romulans. “Oh, Vulcans are the worst, and Vulcans ruin everything, and Vulcans try to take over your life.” It’s like, you know what, motherfucker? My First Officer is Vulcan. I know all of that. How do you know all of that?

I’m allowed to make fun of my First Officer. I asked him and he said yes. We’ve been working together for about three and a half years now and I signed up for the ship’s open mic night and, uh,–oh, thank you very much–and, uh, I love and respect my First Officer very much so I said to him, “Hey, we’ve been a command team for three and a half years” and he said, “We’ve been a command team for three years, seven months, eight days, fourteen hours and twenty-six minutes.” I said, “Do you mind if I make fun of you on stage?”

And my First Officer said, “Yes, I will permit you to perform humorous material about me on stage. But refrain from saying that I am a bitch and that you do not like me.” I was like, whoa, the bar is so much lower than I ever imagined. That’s it? Also, I wouldn’t say that. What kind of show would that even be? “Hello! My First Officer is a bitch and I don’t like him!” That’s like a support group for officers in crisis, with keynote speakers Admiral Marcus and Admiral Komack. Also I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my First Officer is a bitch and I don’t like him. That’s not true. My First Officer is a bitch and I like him so much. He is a dynamite six foot Vulcan bitch and he’s the best.

He and I have totally different styles. When my First Officer beams down to a planet, he does not give a shit what anyone thinks of him in any situation. He’s my hero. When I beam down to a planet, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting. My First Officer said that beaming down with me is like beaming down with someone who’s running for mayor of nothing.

My First Officer and I went on a diplomatic mission. The negotiations weren’t going so well. I was afraid that the prime minister was gonna be mad at me, so we went to a banquet they were throwing. I’m talking to the prime minister with Spock–my First Officer’s name is Spock–he’s standing next to me. The prime minister introduces me to his daughter and he says, “Our planet would be proud to join the Federation if you would marry my daughter.” And I said, “I wish!” And then my First Officer said, “Illogical.” And fully walked away from me, walked all the way over to the drinks table and just stood there Blair Witch style. And I’m still talking to the prime minister and he goes, “Do you… Do you want to marry my daughter?” And I said, “No.” Even though I had just said it was my greatest wish in life. I was hoping that he believed me, that it was secretly my great wish and that I’m in an abusive secret relationship with Mister Illogical over here so I can’t ask for the things I want in public but on the ship at night we argue about it. And I’m like, “You’ll see! One day I’m gonna resign my commission and leave you and marry the prime minister’s daughter!” He’s like, “Illogical! You will never marry the prime minister’s daughter!”

My First Officer is Vulcan, as I said. I’m human. We have differences in our cultural upbringings and we realized this recently. Not with our kids, cause we don’t have any kids. People always ask us, “Are you gonna have kids?” And we say, “No.” And then they go, “Never? You’re never gonna have kids?” Look, I don’t know “never.” Seven years ago I got drunk and got into a fight with four guys the night before I signed up for Starfleet. Now I’m afraid to get a flu hypo. People change.”

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

i need him dorkier. i need him more insane. i need him insufferable. i need him full of righteous belligerence. i need him bloodier and sluttier and more deranged. i need him gayer. i need him bundled in no less than 4 microfleece blankets. i need a gallon of soup in him. i need him kissed softly. i need him punched in the face.

"You are here! Stay a while!"

Something about being beckoned in from your solitude by a stranger, finding yourself somewhere that seems at first glance like a glimpse into a better version of things. Only to realize that the people are all empty echoes and remixes of others you've seen before, and the place is a trap that will draw you in and quite literally eat you alive.

Who's Norris talking to, with this one? (Assuming he's talking to anyone. Assuming there's something like choice happening in there.) Does he know that Alice will walk away as soon as he starts talking, and that Gwen will tune him out? Does he know Celia and Sam have left early? There's no one listening to him--except actually there is, because we're all here. We're all listening to this story about an invitation to a "better" time that goes immediately and horribly wrong.

"Stay a while!"

Shortly before the mics switch to a completely different story.

"Sorry for the mess, I wasn't expecting anyone..."

Probably completely different.

I'm sure it's fine.

It sure was nice to hear Gerry sound so happy.