Coming Into A Fandom Late

Tfw your archivist is getting kidnapped for the sixth time that week but that’s none of ✨your✨ business

Yall ever just like reatr a fictional band

“These new Romulans. “Oh, Vulcans are the worst, and Vulcans ruin everything, and Vulcans try to take over your life.” It’s like, you know what, motherfucker? My First Officer is Vulcan. I know all of that. How do you know all of that?

I’m allowed to make fun of my First Officer. I asked him and he said yes. We’ve been working together for about three and a half years now and I signed up for the ship’s open mic night and, uh,–oh, thank you very much–and, uh, I love and respect my First Officer very much so I said to him, “Hey, we’ve been a command team for three and a half years” and he said, “We’ve been a command team for three years, seven months, eight days, fourteen hours and twenty-six minutes.” I said, “Do you mind if I make fun of you on stage?”

And my First Officer said, “Yes, I will permit you to perform humorous material about me on stage. But refrain from saying that I am a bitch and that you do not like me.” I was like, whoa, the bar is so much lower than I ever imagined. That’s it? Also, I wouldn’t say that. What kind of show would that even be? “Hello! My First Officer is a bitch and I don’t like him!” That’s like a support group for officers in crisis, with keynote speakers Admiral Marcus and Admiral Komack. Also I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my First Officer is a bitch and I don’t like him. That’s not true. My First Officer is a bitch and I like him so much. He is a dynamite six foot Vulcan bitch and he’s the best.

He and I have totally different styles. When my First Officer beams down to a planet, he does not give a shit what anyone thinks of him in any situation. He’s my hero. When I beam down to a planet, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting. My First Officer said that beaming down with me is like beaming down with someone who’s running for mayor of nothing.

My First Officer and I went on a diplomatic mission. The negotiations weren’t going so well. I was afraid that the prime minister was gonna be mad at me, so we went to a banquet they were throwing. I’m talking to the prime minister with Spock–my First Officer’s name is Spock–he’s standing next to me. The prime minister introduces me to his daughter and he says, “Our planet would be proud to join the Federation if you would marry my daughter.” And I said, “I wish!” And then my First Officer said, “Illogical.” And fully walked away from me, walked all the way over to the drinks table and just stood there Blair Witch style. And I’m still talking to the prime minister and he goes, “Do you… Do you want to marry my daughter?” And I said, “No.” Even though I had just said it was my greatest wish in life. I was hoping that he believed me, that it was secretly my great wish and that I’m in an abusive secret relationship with Mister Illogical over here so I can’t ask for the things I want in public but on the ship at night we argue about it. And I’m like, “You’ll see! One day I’m gonna resign my commission and leave you and marry the prime minister’s daughter!” He’s like, “Illogical! You will never marry the prime minister’s daughter!”

My First Officer is Vulcan, as I said. I’m human. We have differences in our cultural upbringings and we realized this recently. Not with our kids, cause we don’t have any kids. People always ask us, “Are you gonna have kids?” And we say, “No.” And then they go, “Never? You’re never gonna have kids?” Look, I don’t know “never.” Seven years ago I got drunk and got into a fight with four guys the night before I signed up for Starfleet. Now I’m afraid to get a flu hypo. People change.”

Hotlinks to all Tables: A complete list of every trinket table for quicker access compared to scrolling through the entire blog or sifting through the archive. This also functions as the easiest link to reblog or save for reference purposes as it’s updated with each new table. Now with 112 full d100 loot tables, category specific rolling tables a working rollable Omni Loot Table.

—Note: The links sometimes don’t work on mobile devices or some apps. Try using a desktop or browser extensions if they aren’t working. 

-The Omni Loot Table: A loot meta-table that allows the user to roll randomly on the 112 tables this blog has collected. This grants a DM literally millions of unique trinkets, equipment and items that players can find to enrich their world and playing experience.

-All Unique Armors: Splint mail, studded leather and sturdy shields of all shapes, sizes and mysterious backgrounds. Distinctive armors that can serve as the basis for family heirlooms, legendary artifacts and magical or masterwork weapons.

-Unique Armors, 1

-Unique Armors, 2

-Masterwork Armor Bonuses: Over a dozen homebrew armor improvements, enhancements and modifications created though superior craftsmanship. These masterpieces though more powerful than ordinary armor would not be considered “magic” or “+1” objects. 

-All Unique Minor Magic Weapons: A collection of flavourful weapons of artifact level quality suitable for low level characters. Much like the Minor Weapon Enchantments that some of them draw inspiration from, they provide small bonuses and combat options that are restrained by limited uses, niche situations or come with risky drawbacks. 

-Unique Minor Magic Weapons, 1

-Unique Minor Magic Weapons, 2

-Unique Minor Magic Weapons, 3 

-Unique Minor Magic Weapons, 4

-Minor Weapon Enchantments: A collection of minor bonuses that are weaker than a standard +1 weapons, as they come with trade-offs, risks, prerequisites, limited uses or niche benefits. These enchantments provide feat-like bonuses, low level class abilities, modify damage types, provide short bursts of power or replicate the effects of low levels spells. Rollable Minor Weapon Enchantments Table. 

-Random Weapon + Random Minor Weapon Enchantment.

-Random Unique Weapon + Random Minor Weapon Enchantment.

-All Minor Magical Items: Semi useful magical objects (If not always useful to an adventurer) that have little to no drawbacks associated with their use and are perfect for low level characters.

-Minor Magic Items, 1    /   -Minor Magic Items, 2

-Minor Magic Items, 3    /   -Minor Magic Items, 4

-Minor Magic Items, 5

-All Unique Weapons: Blades, bludgeons and bows of all shapes, sizes and mysterious backgrounds. Distinctive weapons that can serve as the basis for family heirlooms, legendary artifacts and magical or masterwork weapons.

-Unique Weapons, 1   /   -Unique Weapons, 2

-Unique Weapons, 3   /    -Unique Weapons, 4

-Unique Weapons, 5   /    -Unique Weapons, 6

-Unique Weapons, 7   /   -Unique Weapons, 8

-Unique Weapons, 9   /   -Unique Weapons, 10 

-Unique Weapons, 11   /   -Unique Weapons, 12 

-Masterwork Weapon Bonuses: Over 20 homebrew weapon improvements, enhancements and modifications created though superior craftsmanship. These masterpieces though more powerful than ordinary weapons would not be considered “magic” or “+1” weapons. Compatible with Pathfinder, D&D 5e and other D20 systems. Rollable Masterwork Bonus Table

-Running the Numbers: On Balancing Homebrew Masterwork Weapon Bonuses

-Random Weapon + Random Masterwork Weapon Bonus.

-Random Unique Weapon + Random Masterwork Weapon Bonus.

-Wild Magic Surges: A collection of Wild Surge options for DMs and PCs who find the published tables limiting, repetitive or boring, three things wild magic by definition, should never be. Rollable Wild Magic Surge Table.

-All Sealed Glass Vials: Faulty potions, weak elixirs, alchemical supplies, spell components, ritual elements, enchanting materials, crafting ingredients and magically preserved biological samples.

-Sealed Glass Vials, 1   /    -Sealed Glass Vials, 2

-Sealed Glass Vials, 3   /    -Sealed Glass Vials, 4

-Sealed Glass Vials, 5   /    -Sealed Glass Vials, 6

-Sealed Glass Vials, 7   /    -Sealed Glass Vials, 8 

-Sealed Glass Vials, 9

-All Books: An eclectic library of dusty tomes, fictional textbooks, pocketbooks, paperbacks, hardcovers, booklets, leaflets and magical manuals.  

-Trinkets, Books, 1   /   -Trinkets, Books, 2 

-Trinkets, Books, 3   /   -Trinkets, Books, 4

-Trinkets, Books, 5   /    -Trinkets, Books, 6

-Trinkets, Books, 7   /    -Trinkets, Books, 8 

-Trinkets, Books, 9 

-All Rings: Enough rings and bands to wear three on every finger and toe while still having dozens to spare. These small circular pieces of gems, metal, wood or bone always add more to the story than the sum of their parts. 

-Trinkets, Rings, 1   /    -Trinkets, Rings, 2

-Trinkets, Rings, 3

-All Cloaks: A collection of unique descriptions of cloaks for DM’s to give to their players as magical or mundane loot and for players to use during character creation to help flesh out their personal style.

-Cloaks, 1

-All Necklaces: Pendants, amulets, lockets, chokers and other “Neck Slot” jewelry that grant an immediate glance into the bearer’s personality, wealth, rank or social class and often serves as an iconic part of that character’s look. While a locked metal torque can instantly mark the bearer a penniless slave and a string of lustrous pearls mark their owner a flauntingly wealthy noble, so can an adventurer’s necklace mark them as a creature to bestow quests upon.

-Trinkets, Necklaces, 1   /   -Trinkets, Necklaces, 2

-Trinkets, Necklaces, 3

-All Artifacts: Artist masterpieces, rare magics and opulent combinations of jewels and precious metals. These objects can be found in the throne rooms of kings, the demiplanes of archmages and the pinnacle of a dragon’s hoard.

-Trinkets, Artifacts, 1

-All Valuables: More useful than regular trinkets, these items have either a clear purpose, a reliable ability or are made from a fairly costly material.  

-Trinkets, Valuable, 1   /   -Trinkets, Valuable, 2 

-Trinkets, Valuable, 3   /   -Trinkets, Valuable, 4

-Trinkets, Valuable, 5   /   -Trinkets, Valuable, 6

-Trinkets, Valuable, 7   /   -Trinkets, Valuable, 8

-Trinkets, Valuable, 9   /   -Trinkets, Valuable, 10

-All Trinkets: Interesting baubles or semi magical items that have little to no practical in game or mechanical use for an adventurer.

-Trinkets, First

-Trinkets, 1   /   -Trinkets, 2   /   -Trinkets, 3

-Trinkets, 4   /   -Trinkets, 5   /   -Trinkets, 6

-Trinkets, 7   /   -Trinkets, 8   /   -Trinkets, 9

-Trinkets, 10   /   -Trinkets, 11   /   -Trinkets, 12

-Trinkets, 13   /   -Trinkets, 14   /   -Trinkets, 15

-Trinkets, 16   /   -Trinkets, 17   /   -Trinkets, 18

-Trinkets, 19   /   -Trinkets, 20   /   -Trinkets, 21 

-Trinkets, 22   /   -Trinkets, 23   /   -Trinkets, 24

-Trinkets, 25   /   -Trinkets, 26   /   -Trinkets, 27 

-Trinkets, 28   /   -Trinkets, 29   /   -Trinkets, 30

-Trinkets, 31   /   -Trinkets, 32   /   -Trinkets, 33

-Trinkets, 34   /   -Trinkets, 35   /   -Trinkets, 36

-Trinkets, 37   /   -Trinkets, 38   /   -Trinkets, 39

-Trinkets, 40   /   -Trinkets, 41   /   -Trinkets, 42

-All Worthless Trinkets: Vaguely interesting garbage, vendor trash and junk loot. Not magical or mysterious like regular trinkets or worth anything more than a copper piece or two even if you could find someone to buy it in the first place.

-Trinkets, Worthless, 1   /   -Trinkets, Worthless, 2 

-Trinkets, Worthless, 3   /   -Trinkets, Worthless, 4

-Trinkets, Worthless, 5   /   -Trinkets, Worthless, 6

-Trinkets, Worthless, 7   /   -Trinkets, Worthless, 8

-Trinkets, Worthless, 9   /   -Trinkets, Worthless, 10 

-All Mottos: Whether they’re called adages, maxims or creeds, these simple statements are essentially promises made to oneself, family, or institution. A character’s motto can be a goal in itself or a moral anchor that centers his life and guides his action. A mixed collection of real life and fictional mottos that can aid a DM to quickly expand the history of the campaign or to aid a PC in a richer character creation.

-Mottos, 1   /   -Mottos, 2   /   -Mottos, 3

-Mottos, 4   /   -Mottos, 5   /   -Mottos, 6

-Mottos, 7   /   -Mottos, 8   /   -Mottos, 9

-Mottos, 10   /   -Mottos, 11

-Battle Cries: Simplistic and bone chilling warcries, complex and inspiring calls to arms and primal wordless screams of rage that shakes the enemy down to their iron-shod boots. A collection of simple phrases, threats, insults and violent promises for creatures to yell before and during combat to add verbal spice to each attack.

-Battle Cries, 1   /   -Battle Cries, 2   /   -Battle Cries, 3

-Battle Cries, 4   /   -Battle Cries, 5  /   -Battle Cries, 6

-Battle Cries, 7

-All Reference Tables: When a trinket calls for a Random Weapon, Random Color or Random Godly Domain and you can’t think of one offhand, just go here and either roll a die or select one of your own choosing.

—Keep reading for all reference and resource tables.

Keep reading

day 20:

merry christmas everyone :)

World Building

Creating Land

❂

⥇ agriculture

⟿ what is grown in abundance? how common is farmland? where is the farmland?

⥇ architecture

⟿ what kind of buildings? how tall/spacious? what are they made of? how well made? how well planned?

⥇ animals

⟿ what wild animals are lurking in the area? hunting? any animals affecting the livestock or agriculture?

⥇ biomes

⟿ desert? tundra? grassland? forest? savanna?

⥇ bodies of water

⟿ seas? lake? ponds? rivers? fresh water/salt water? fishing? keep in mind, settlements are often built near bodies of water

⥇ climate

⟿ dry? rainy? temperate? tropical? polar? how have people adjusted to this climate?

⥇ elevation

⟿ altitude? how does the altitude affect lifestyle?

⥇ geology

⟿ rocky? types of rocks?

⥇ landforms

⟿ mountains? valleys? plateaus? plains? hills? glaciers? peninsulas? volcanos? canyons?

⥇ latitude / longitude

⟿ location on planet? how does it affect other elements of land?

⥇ livestock

⟿ common domesticated animals? common animal usages?

⥇ minerals

⟿ any valuable minerals / metals? are they mined regularly? how are they used?

⥇ natural disasters

⟿ earthquake? tornado? volcano? duststorm? flood? hurricane? tsunami? how often do these occur? protocols?

⥇ population

⟿ how many people? how dense is the population? how does the population affect surrounding nature?

⥇ resources

⟿ what is abundant? scarce? how are they used? how available are they?

⥇ sacred land

⟿ religiously important land? historical importance? widely accepted as sacred? how is it honored?

⥇ soil

⟿ good or bad for vegetation? rocky?

⥇ tectonic activity

⟿ earthquake frequency? volcano frequency? trenches?

⥇ topography

⟿ how common are maps? how accurate? how long have they been around? who makes them?

⥇ vegetation

⟿ what is abundant? scarce? what grows easily? with difficulty? what is commonly foraged? who forages? plant types? tree types?

Hmmmm delicious tumblr vent void

ALIEN: PARADISE LOST (Prometheus 2/Alien: Covenant) concept art By: Khang Le

You’ll never guess what game I’ve been playing recently

THE FUCKING TURNAROUND FROM "yeah the medics say I had a psychotic episode :/" TO "in conclusion" IS KILLING ME LIKE BRO??? BRO THAT'S HOW YOU'RE ENDING YOUR ESSAY????? YOU JUST SHOT ME IN BOTH KNEECAPS AND NOW YOU'RE KISSING ME ON THE FOREHEAD AND SAYING NIGHT NIGHT??????