Have You Ever Been So Wildly Attracted To Someone You Can Actually Feel It Driving You Insane

Steve gives up and goes to law school — just like his dad always wanted. But not out of obedience. Oh no. He does it out of pure, unfiltered spite. The kind of spite that whispers: "I’m gonna dismantle your entire shady-ass business empire, old man. From the inside. With the kind of legal knowledge no overpriced firm ever managed to use against you. And guess what? I’ve got dirt."

It’s that unhinged desire for petty revenge that somehow turns Steve into a genuinely good lawyer. Like, worryingly good. Turns out, it’s easy to learn when you don’t take any of it too seriously — and your internal monologue is just a running track of “let’s see what happens if I win.”

Halfway through law school, he meets Eddie Munson. Accused of crimes in one state. Hiding out in another. A rising rockstar. A chaos gremlin. A walking lawsuit. And unfortunately, Steve’s new client — because Steve just had to sign up for that unpaid “public defender internship.”

The rest is legal hellfire, leather jackets, and questionable decision-making.

Oh, and falling in love. Probably. Maybe.

(Definitely.)

Half of this is from @purplepri? I had this idea before but I wrote it down after liking a post about Steve in business school so…

I can never leave Tumblr because after years of sporadic therapy utterly failed to even approach the core of my problem some random tumblr user was like “I processed my trauma by writing a 10,000 word work of filthy fanfic erotica” and I was like “fuck it I’ve tried everything else” and now I’m 17 chapters and 20,000 words deep into an unpublishable work of obscenity and after careful literary analysis with one of the Beloved Mutuals I have come to some Terrible Revelations about my childhood and may now continue the process of Healing. Where else am I supposed to get this kind of experience. Who does this. Why are we like this. I’m never leaving. I love y’all.

on the one hand yeah sure 'social media traps you in your own bubble slash feedback loop and nuance gets squashed' etc

but on the other hand i dont have to lay my eyes on one of those 'ao3 needs an algorithm/shipping is bad actually/the art you consume for fun makes you a bad person' rancid takes and honestly thank fuck for that

Autistic people sometimes struggle with apologizing, because they're never taught how to do it the right way.

When autistic people are taught how to apologize, they're often taught that the sincerity of the apology is determined by how well they can hide their disability.

Not enough eye contact = insincere apology

Struggling to phrase it = insincere apology

Wrong tone = insincere apology

Asking questions to figure out how to prevent doing it again = insincere apology (and "arguing" or "making excuses")

Meanwhile, neurotypical people can continue their patterns while still being considered sincere by these standards.

Ptolomaea - Ethel Cain - 2022

i think ptolomaea by ethel cain is one of the most brilliantly crafted songs i’ve ever listened to.

the way it opens with this distorted deeper voice (isaiah) and you hear the sound of flies buzzing in the background underneath the voice, thats such a cool detail. and while isaiah is singing, you hear ethel incoherently mumble (you literally hear her say “mama?” its so 😭😭) as she’s waking up from the drugs. when we finally hear her voice, it’s high pitched, raw, and vulnerable. because of how vulnerable of a situation she is in, but she doesn’t realize it yet because of the drugs she’s on. so this whole beginning is echoey and it captures the whole aloneness she’s feeling.

and then we get a beat drop at “even the iron still fears the rot,” where the instrumentals are a little heavier, her voice is still high and raw but there’s a sense of knowing in it. (“hiding from something, i cannot stop. walking on shadows, i cant lead him back”) as her hallucinations and the drugs start to wear off, she’s facing this darkness that’s been eating away at her with “daddy’s left and mama won’t come home,” which is something she rarely comes to terms with.

then we get that dark distorted voice again saying “you poor thing, sweet morning lamb. there’s nothing you can do, it’s already been done,” which is incredibly terrifying. not to mention that deafening crash of the drums, god the way those drums thunder so intensely like you can feel the dread in your bones. and then we hear ethel’s voice again saying “what fear a man like you brings upon a woman like me? please dont look at me..” which refers to when isaiah tells her to “show me your face,” during that line. and she’s pleading for him to stop looking at him, you can’t hear it because it’s in the background but he says “come here,” and right after you hear ethel say “i can see it in your eyes, tell me, what have you done?” which then goes into a sea of begs and pleas for him to “stop, stop” until the final “stop” is not sung, but instead a bone chilling shrill shriek. which is cut off by “i am the face of love’s rage.” and if you listen to the acapella, during “i am the face of love’s rage,” right underneath that main vocal, you hear a second high pitched scream, you hear bundles “no’s” and even a “no! please!” which i think ties the story really well together.

in the acapella, while “blessed be the daughters of cain,” is being read out, you can hear the gargling and choking noises as ethel is struggling to breathe and as she’s literally dying its really sickening but so well executed from an artist perspective. and then at the very very end, you hear a death rattle like that is INSANE

i love ptolomaea, i love how the instrumentals create such a unique atmosphere that makes it as terrifying as it sounds and how hayden uses her voice in different ways to tell the story effectively. and it works, it all works.

ptolomaea is the best song on preacher’s daughter thank you for coming to my ted talk

Thotbot trying to steal me from my man.

there was a well-meaning international student (learning english) in my workspace who came up to me and asked "how is your handsome white boy?" and it took me a few seconds to realize she was not in fact asking about my twink spouse but my white dog

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

my annotations on sun bleached flies for a poetry project in my ap lit class ♡ ♡