Anaïs.

You are heard

You are loved

You are not alone

Your blackness is valid

You are black enough

You are love

You are incredible

Your strength is recognized

Just know someone right now is telling someone else how dope you are.

Black tumblr group hug

I love you

please know that you are important

please be careful out there

take your time in mourning

you’re allowed to be angry and to be sad

we love you and you matter

your life matters

Fierce and Flawless ✌🏾

@ nestreya

I’m shivering because it’s fall .... and I have boarder Line crippling anxiety

It’s that time of year

Where it’s time to bundle up

Each year we get older

And the weather gets colder

Each year we say we’ll do better

And we end up further from the start and the finish

We end up confused

Cold

Bundled

Ready for warmth

And yet shivering

And yet outside

Trying to get somewhere warm

Trying to get comfortable

Trying to grasp onto something familiar and drastically different all at once

I don’t want summer of 90 blah

Or autumn of 2000 and whoa

I want a future

Where I am taken care of

Where I can take care of myself

Where stepping outside isn’t stepping into cold darkness

Where traveling isn’t risky

I want a future where I can be

Peacefully crooning in a treehouse

Today i was in a spot light

My being was presented

My words were put out into the world for pondering and examination

And In that air I sat

I heard myself

And in my reflection

I panicked

I opened my book to take notes

And ran away in my writing

I ran into pages of frantic scribbles , dreams, and self deprication

I started off with how bad this went

How bad I am

And then ended up in a happier place

In a treehouse I built myself

Where I’ve crafted an isolated and safe space where I can participate in society in the most minimal ways possible and yet still feel somewhat okay

I hid in my written treehouse till I was yanked out of the viewing of me

Till It all came to a close and next steps were being presented

Next steps

I have to move forward

I still had to take the experience

Bundle it in my coat

And take it home with me

On my dark and lonely walk home

I shivered

I shook

With every breeze

With every doubt

With every second of air that gave me not a single ounce of peace

It’s fall in the city

It’s a new kind of season

It’s a new section of this life

An oddly familiar and vastly unknown section of life

Idk what to expect

Ik I can talk myself up

I know I can cheerlead myway to a happy place

But it’s fall

It wants to be warm

It’s colors, the sweaters we buy

It all screams warmth

But it’s fall

It’s cold

Darkness last longer

There’s little time

And much to do

Something New

I had a dream about, a lot of things. 

but mainly that I gave birth to a baby I wasn't prepared for at all. I didn't know I was even pregnant. I was so unprepared I knew I needed to search for some diapers. I kept asking for help but no-one would help me. I asked a nurse and she said “usually people come with that stuff” and I was like... “ I didn’t know I was pregnant” 

so I put my baby down to search for diapers. I ran into a house, and there was a lot of things happening that aren't relevant to this part of the story. 

but I fell asleep and when I woke up and remembered I was a mom and needed to go find my baby !

so I ran and found her. and she was starving. She was excited to see me and I was like, okay I need to change your diaper. Then I stopped and said... wait. your hungry. I need to feed you. So I paused because not only did I not find diapers but I didn’t get any food. But then I realized , this is a baby. I am a mom. I can breast feed. So I picked her up and fed her and she ate and was satisfied. Then we laid back to rest finally. 

I talked to my mom about this. 

She said babies are a symbol of new life. 

Maybe the play I've been working on. I gave birth to something new and unexpected. And then I neglected it. But when I finally gave it my attention, it was happily waiting for me.

I chimed in with, it’s not even like wasn't tryna take care of the baby I was looking for ways to take care of her. But when I found her, what I was looking for wasn't even what she needed. She needed me, and what I already had.

milk

something from me. and my being. 

Wild dream.

Interesting idea. 

but I gotta listen to it. 

I gotta feed it myself.

I am enough

I can take care of my own creations

I just need to give it me. 

and it will be satisfied. 

“Modern Degenerate”

A Collaboration with Cass Meehan & Rose Slavin

Black

Native

Queer

Woman

Non-binary

Artist

Activist

Humans

Breathing

Living

Humans

Who’s voices will never be silenced

Who’s art will not be controlled

Who’s feelings will never be censored

Who’s creativity will roam and explore

Live and breathe

On its own

In this world

The modern degenerate

The outcast

The dream

I dream about being a mom more then anything else

I’ve dreamed about my family more then my career my house, my card, the dog.

I’ve dreamed of copious amounts of children

And excited that I was their mom

All just bursting with excitement when I hugs them kissed them

I want to be the one they run to when they cry

I want to tell them it’s okay to cry and understand how to make it better

I want to be the one they call mom

I want to be their provider

Their confidant

I want years down the road for them to call and apologize for yelling me when they were 13 because now they see that I’m right

I want to create children who know how to love

Who love themselves

Who can feel so empowered to change the world.

I want to be a mother to change

I want to be a mother to droppings of love

I want to kiss baby toes

I want to cry at evey graduation and wedding

I want to cheer them on at games

And edit papers

I want to be a mother so bad

But who am I now

And who will I be for them to be proud of

Who will I be before I can be in a position to be a mother

And who’s the father???

Who’s dad because he’s just as important in this scenario

But back to the point

I want to be a mom more then anything

Can’t tell me this ain’t love

“Dark skinned and I’m stuck up (yup)”