I Will Never Again Speak Another Negative Word

A story and a Ramble

A little girl rides a bike into a candy shop

The shop owner hands her a lollipop the size of her head. She gives the owner a dollar, they give her back a nickel.

The little girl takes the nickel over to a jukebox and slides it thought the slot.

Her lollipop hits a buttons before she can even tip toe high enough to look into the glass.

A reggae rock guitar burst out of the juke box

The little girl jumps back in astonishment

The guitars blares and snares

It twist and turns until the little girl has risen to her feet to dance with the music of the moment

A women comes running into the shop

She sees her daughter dancing with this music and snatched her up

DONT EVER LEAVE MY SITE

She drags the little girl out and leaves the shop in a warmth that awaits its next customer

Mother and daughter travel down the street

Daughter waves at each person they pass

The flower man and his beautiful bouquet hair piece

The waiter taking a smoke outside the cafe

The old women feeding a stray cat

The three kids skipping rope outside of an adbandon convience store

They travel to the end of the next street, Where mother places daughter next to her on the bench.

Waiting for the next bus.

A jogger and his dog run by

The little girl counts the clouds in the sky

And older couple approaches the bench.

The little girl jumps up to make room

“oh no sweet heart”

“We’re doing just fine”

“Take a seat”

“We insist”

THANKS!

“And so polite”

“How old are you my dear

The girl looks to her mother for confirmation to talk to these strangers

“Oh she’s just shy”

“Oh I bet”

“Well you’re a very pretty young thing”

“Georgous as a goddess”

“And I’m sure just as smart as any princess would be? Am I right”

YES

She speaks with no hesitation

The compliments brought roses to her cheeks

And a smile that stretched to reveal each section of teeth

“OH WOW”

“THAT SMILE”

“what’s the square root of 144”

12!

“OOOOOOOOO”

Collectively everyone exclaims

The bus pulls up

They’re ready to go

And for the first time

All day the little girl is greeted with a white face behind the doors and behind the wheel

How many white faces did you see?

How many black faces?

How many different colors did you imagine?

How many shapes?

What about about bodies?

Who were these people

Who were they to you

If you saw them differently did it change the story

What story?

Why them

What happened

What if this was all just to tell you a story about black faces

Black faces

BLACK faces

Black bodies

Black conciseness

Maybe I wanted to imagine a flower bouquet on a black mans head

Now that he’s black do you see an Afro?

Or is he bald?

Is he identified as he biologically?

Or socially

Why him

Why flowers

What’s his story

What’s the girls story

Who does she become

How does she see the world

What is the world

What world do we want

What world do we see

What world do we hear

What world do we know

What

What

What why

What

Huh

Okay.

Black face

Not paint

Black face

Face

Human

A story of people who reflect what we know and what we don’t know.

The close and the unknown, the unexplored, the ... question mark? What did we really do here?

Why is it that most of what I’ve “learned” about black people, involved their death and demise.

Where’s the classes talking about the Victories and Celebration of Blackness?

The success and discoveries of black people

The strength and perseverance of black people

I know it’s out there

Why haven’t I found it?

Why isn’t it offered in my area?

Why do I have to be the change I wanna see

Why must I bear the weight or seeking my identity

Why do I need to search and dig through the articles and history books to find facts

Why

Then I just have to sit in a pool of sentences and swim

Drown

Tread

Live in pools of sentences

And stand up and see what’s stuck

What I can take with me

And what I can let wash over me

But I had to find the pool

I had to decide if it was okay to dive in

Idk who created this pool

Idk who’s sentenced these are

But they’re what I have

They’re all I can look to.

Till I create my own pools

With my own waves

Please

https://www.instagram.com/thepersonalquotes/

Malaika Holmén by Sølve Sundsbø for Vogue Scandinavia ,October 2021

It malfunctioned

I’m starting to find myself thinking about what I’m suppose to do versus what I want to do.

If the spirit says move then I move

And sometimes I stop and think ... wait

Why did I do that let me go back

But now I’m coming to a point where I don’t question it

I just go

I may think upon what just happened

But no longer am I trying to make myself comfortable

Change is uncomfortable

Change is different

But if you wanted to be comfortable you didn’t want to change

If you wanted to different then you don’t want to be comfortable

Comfort will come in the end

As your reward for the success for all your hard work

But the end is not now

The end is near

So we gotta get all the work in that was assigned before dad comes home

I was suppose to take the chicken out the freezer 2 hours ago and now he’s down the street

Don’t wait.

Do what’s asked when it’s asked

Your only wasting time

Be obedient

And see the fruits you bare

Something New

I had a dream about, a lot of things. 

but mainly that I gave birth to a baby I wasn't prepared for at all. I didn't know I was even pregnant. I was so unprepared I knew I needed to search for some diapers. I kept asking for help but no-one would help me. I asked a nurse and she said “usually people come with that stuff” and I was like... “ I didn’t know I was pregnant” 

so I put my baby down to search for diapers. I ran into a house, and there was a lot of things happening that aren't relevant to this part of the story. 

but I fell asleep and when I woke up and remembered I was a mom and needed to go find my baby !

so I ran and found her. and she was starving. She was excited to see me and I was like, okay I need to change your diaper. Then I stopped and said... wait. your hungry. I need to feed you. So I paused because not only did I not find diapers but I didn’t get any food. But then I realized , this is a baby. I am a mom. I can breast feed. So I picked her up and fed her and she ate and was satisfied. Then we laid back to rest finally. 

I talked to my mom about this. 

She said babies are a symbol of new life. 

Maybe the play I've been working on. I gave birth to something new and unexpected. And then I neglected it. But when I finally gave it my attention, it was happily waiting for me.

I chimed in with, it’s not even like wasn't tryna take care of the baby I was looking for ways to take care of her. But when I found her, what I was looking for wasn't even what she needed. She needed me, and what I already had.

milk

something from me. and my being. 

Wild dream.

Interesting idea. 

but I gotta listen to it. 

I gotta feed it myself.

I am enough

I can take care of my own creations

I just need to give it me. 

and it will be satisfied. 

This is beautiful

Artist: @al3xandriae      alexandriaddings.com    Tumblr

Coming soon