It Malfunctioned

Truly a Young Queen

The freedom of speech being taken away by an official member of the government

📸: nazaninmandi

There are 7 billion people on the planet and not one of them thought they should reach out for me

My life’s mission is to ensure that dreams of others around me are fulfilled.

I want to help as many people as I can

I want to love so hard because I don’t want anyone to feel as unspported as I do.

They say what goes around comes around

Treat others the way you want to be treated

Love thy neighbor as they self

Lead by Example

I’ve strived to be the best friend , neighbor, partner, person that a person could exist next to

I’ve crafted scenarios for people to gather and be happy around me

But have failed to have people want to gather with me

I’ve failed at being invited

I’ve failed myself

I’ve stayed in relationships way longer then I needed to

Or wanted to

Because I didn’t want to be alone

I stayed with an abusive man and tried to make myself what he wanted just so I could be the girl who he wanted to love.

I just wanted some to think I was deserving of love

I’ve crafted parties to invite people over in hopes that theyd like me.

They enjoyed themselves and then continued to ignore me day after day.

My parties came and went and no one but me remembered what we did

No one but me cared

No one but me ever remembered my birthdays

When I’m sad I send a text looking for a conversation

But It’s hard for people to hold on to them with me

Or it seems like it’s hard for others to check on me before months have flown by

Yes, I’m the friend who always calls first.

My own grandparents don’t even call to check on me

Ive exhausted myself reaching out to others being the only one to maintain relationships.

Ive said I’m only gonna interact with people who care to interact with me

And then I grow even darker when the truth settles in and it’s just me and Jesus sitting in a room staring at each other.

JC is great don’t get me wrong

He’s the only reason I even know what love is

He’s the reason I keep giving day after day

Sometimes I think I’ll get real friends when I’m older

I’ll have built my empire up and then when I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be at the exact moment I’m suppose to be there, I’ll look around at all the like minded people I’ve loved and who have loved me sitting around a table and I’ll be grateful.

Greatful that there were real friends for me I just had to be patient to find them.

But it’s sad to think that that day isn’t today and the chances of it being tomorrow aren’t any brighter

Maybe next week

Maybe next year

Maybe when I move states, Change my name, shave my head and morph into the Person who people want to be friends with.

Real friends.

Friends who think of you and just send you a message.

A gif

A tag in an article.

A friend who just lets you know they love you.

Until then I’ll keep trying to be that friend.

I’ll keep putting that energy and that love out there

And I’ll do my best to graciously wait for it to return.

I am a caterpillar who cocoons every other season.

Sure I change

Sure I transform

But never just once

She

They

Ze

Bri

Nova

Greene

Gause

omg

Jesus

I just want to be who you called me to be

Speak to those who you need to hear just from me

I have a purpose and a calling and I move from person to person

From moment to moment

Picking up what I can and need so I can help someone else in need

Sometimes I stare into the mirror trying to see if I can see my soul . Sometime I see something scary. Sometimes I see me . Sometimes I just notice my eyes, and the shadows of the eyelashes.i notice my nose and all the pores that are open and the ones that are clogged. I notice a lot about me , but I don’t always see me. Sometimes I don’t trust mirrors.sometimes I think they’re lying to me. Sometimes I want them to tell me the truth. I want them to show me me. But it’s hard to see what I see and accept what I see. Because what am I really looking at? I was looking for me but did I see me ? Or did I see my eyes. Or did I see my soul? What am I ? Who am ? What do I see? What does everyone else see?

Blooming Different