How I Manipulate People Into Giving Me What I Want

I saw an article called “Make Peace With Your Unlived Life” and it really made me stop and think. So much of our lives is mourning for what we didn’t become. It’s a waste. We didn’t waste any opportunities. What came and went was not meant for us.

how to balance work and personal life???

Plan your days & week around your energy peaks: Figure out the times of the day when you're most focused, productive, creative, fidgety, sleepy, etc., and structure your days/weeks/month around your internal clock to the best of your ability. While this may be slightly difficult if you have a 9-5 or go to school during the day, think about what blocks of time are best dedicated to meetings, creative work, planning, routine tasks, emails, studying, etc. For those with uteruses, consider your energy throughout your cycle to help you plan the month.

Create "bookend" routines: While these will often be your morning and nighttime routines, consider how you prime and unwind your mind from your biggest tasks of the day (for most of us, this will be work, school, and chores on the weekends). Some reading, light movement, and upbeat music can create momentum before starting your daily tasks. A long walk and some journaling are a simple yet productive combination to decompress from the day.

Embrace the power of 3s: Create a daily primer routine, workday, and relaxation routine around 3 core tasks/projects/rituals. For example: Mornings can include using your 5-Minute Journal, doing a quick 10-minute meditation/yoga/dancing session to get in some movement, and spending 10 minutes reading; Your workday should be focused on completing your "Big Three" tasks, projects, or meetings of the day; Evenings can include a quick 5-10 minute planning session for the next day, a 15-60 minute walk or workout (depending on how you're feeling), and some journaling/reading time after dinner. You don't need to do it all. Consistency is key.

Make A Life Admin Schedule (and Stick To It): Choose days (and times if possible) of the week to update certain spreadsheets, batch reply to less urgent messages, clean your house, do laundry, grocery shop, etc. Scheduling these tasks ahead of time eliminates half of the battle for following through on what you need to do. Eventually, you will make these tasks into habitual routines that your brain will allow you to execute effortlessly as though you're in autopilot mode.

Focus on systems, not habits: Consider the domino effect of each practice and activity. Determine whether your current strategies and routines align with your energy, goals, and desired outcomes. Reflect on the parts of your routine that increase/decrease your energy and motivation. See how you can create a system – a pattern of consistently-practiced habits – that supports your goals and desired lifestyle that does not compromise your overall life satisfaction and well-being.

Set Boundaries: Understand your expectations, non-negotiables, and limits in every area of your life. Communicate these principles to others clearly, so they know when they are overstepping. Don't tolerate disrespect, but also don't expect others to be mind-readers. If someone knows that they're crossing your boundaries, it is easy to draw the line in the sand and walk away without the guilt or shame that can arise when conflicts originate from a lack of healthy communication.

Incorporate One Creative Practice Into Your Week: Reinvigorate your mind by engaging in at least one hour of creative activity per week. Try drawing, creative writing, poetry, singing, dancing, painting, pottery, jewelry making, graphic design, photography, etc. Even taking a foreign language course or creating a Pinterest inspiration/mood board or organizing your home/closets in an aesthetically-pleasing way counts. Figure out what creative outlet(s) you find satisfying. Prioritize scheduling this practice into your schedule weekly.

Give Yourself A Weekly "Treat": Find a healthy indulgence that you can strategically incorporate into your week. This "treat" can be a massage or nail appointment, permission to watch a movie or a couple episodes of a TV show, a serving of your favorite dessert or a glass of wine, etc. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Consider regular indulgence as an act of self-care not as a sign of weakness or self-destruction. Embracing pleasure does not require guilt or external permission.

Experiment until you find an achievable balance: Focus on progress, not perfection. While there may be days or even seasons where hard work and fewer pleasures take priority, life is meant to bring you joy, peace, and satisfaction at the end of the day. Remaining in your comfort zone does you no good. However, learning ways to find pleasure in the process remains the key to long-lasting discipline and the energy necessary to maintain the determination required for success.

Entering your winter arc (November 1st to December 31)

What is the winter arc?

If you're on social media, especially TikTok, you may have heard content creators mentioning phrases similar to this:

"#enteringmywinterarc: Time to level up before the new year."

"Get ahead of the game—step into your winter arc."

"Transform your life in 30 days by embracing your winter arc."

But what exactly is a "winter arc"?

To me, the winter arc is a period during the colder months—October, November, and December—when we can really focus and get ahead of the game. While others are slowing down and getting comfortable for the holidays, those in their winter arc step up, putting in the work in whatever area they want to improve. By doing this, they’re already making strides toward their goals and establishing habits, so by January 1, when most people are just starting on their resolutions, they’re already well on their way.

Now, I'm not saying that winding down during the winter season is wrong. But if you want a head start, consider stepping into your own winter arc. This way, when the new year arrives, you’re already disciplined in your habits and not starting from scratch, driven only by fleeting motivation.

How to enter your winter arc?

Don’t worry, I wouldn’t just tell you what a winter arc is without giving you concrete steps on how to enter your own (I've got you! 😊).

Step 1: Create a List of Goals for Your Winter Arc

To truly enter your winter arc, you first need to define what you’ll be focusing on. I recommend choosing five goals to work on during this time (having too many can get overwhelming, and we don’t want that).

These goals could be about your health, academics, personal life, or even your spiritual life—literally anything you want to improve. Just make sure your goals are measurable, achievable, and realistic. For example, if your goal is to get 10k steps a day, but you’re currently struggling to reach 5k, that might be too ambitious. Setting unrealistic goals can lead to frustration, and by the end of this season, you may end up without genuine progress because you’ll likely have given up.

Remember, even if your goal is as simple as a 5-minute workout each day, that’s still progress. It’s better to move a little than not at all.

Step 2: Create A Mission Statement

Now that you have your five specific, measurable goals, it’s time to create a mission statement.

In business, a mission statement is a concise declaration that defines an organization’s fundamental purpose, explaining what it does, who it serves, and its core values and objectives.

You might wonder why this matters for your winter arc. Well, understanding the core purpose behind your winter arc is essential. Knowing why you’re doing this, what you hope to achieve, and what drives you is crucial to truly connecting with the five goals you’ve set. I recommend answering these seven questions in-depth, then using ChatGPT to condense your answers into a concise mission statement:

What is your primary purpose for this winter? (e.g., to learn, to grow, to reflect)

How do you want your actions this winter to impact yourself or others?

What specific areas of your life do you want to concentrate on? (e.g., health, career, relationships)

What mindset do you want to cultivate during this season? (e.g., positivity, resilience, openness)

What inspires or motivates you? (e.g., experiences, quotes, people)

What personal values do you want to embody during this winter? (e.g., integrity, growth, compassion)

By the end of this winter, what do you hope to have achieved or learned about yourself?

Having a mission statement is a powerful way to stay motivated and disciplined during your winter arc, especially on challenging days. A simple, one-sentence mission statement that you can easily look at to remind yourself why you started is elite (even better if you set it as your phone lock screen).

Step 3: Develop An Action Plan

Now that you’ve got your goals and mission statement, it’s time to build a solid action plan to keep yourself on track.

An action plan breaks down each goal into manageable steps, helping you clearly see the path from where you are now to where you want to be. Start by listing out specific actions or habits that align with each of your five goals. For example, if one of your goals is to improve your health, your action steps might include planning daily workouts, setting a hydration goal, or meal-prepping on Sundays.

Prioritize Your Tasks: Decide which actions are most important and schedule them first. This will help you stay focused on your highest-impact goals.

Set a Routine: Consistency is key for progress, so set up a routine that allows you to work on your winter arc daily or weekly.

Track Your Progress: Keep a journal, use an app, or create a simple checklist to track your progress. Seeing what you’ve accomplished can be incredibly motivating.

Plan for Challenges: Think about any obstacles that could arise (like busy days or lack of motivation) and have a backup plan ready. For example, if you miss a workout, can you fit in a quick 10-minute routine at home?

With an action plan you will have some structure to your winter arc, helping you to stay committed and organized as you work toward each goal. By the time the new year comes around, you’ll already be deep into your goals, with the discipline and results to prove it.

I really hope that this helped y'all and inspired you to enter you winter arc. Please feel free to ask me any questions that you might have.

Inspired by LenaLifts youtube video <3

P.S. Even if you’re reading this after November 1st, you can still start your winter arc. It’s not about when you start; but starting in general.

Set behavioral goals! It is such a game changer. Instead of setting goals that you can not 100% control, for example “I want to weigh XXX amount” set behavioral goals such as “I want to exercise for at least 30 min 4 days out of the week”.

You have so much more control over your behavior/actions which means it will be easier to maintain and thus helping potentially reaching your end goal. Focus on creating goals related to behavior change that include action steps!

the it girl’s spring cleaning

phone reset

delete old contacts and messages

go through social media following

delete unused apps

go through photos

set a new wallpaper

add widgets for reminders, weather, battery, etc.

delete old songs and add new ones

environmental reset

clean your bedroom (vacuum, dust, put clothes away, etc.)

sort through and donate old clothes

organize your makeup, skincare, etc.

wash or change your bedsheets

rearrange your bedroom

open your windows and curtains to let fresh air in

get outdoors

clean your home with fresh scented products (lemon, lavender, etc.)

physical reset

try a new workout routine

get some new outfits

do a face mask

exfoliate and shave

oil your hair or do a hair mask

try a new hair color, cut, or style

do your nails or get your nails done

get some fresh makeup and try a new makeup routine

do a lip mask and scrub

mental reset

start journaling or try some new prompts

do a refreshing meditation

try a new yoga practice or workout

read instead of scrolling

put a time limit on your phone usage

reset your sleep schedule

hi there! i’ve always struggled with being lazy and unproductive. but recently, i decided i want to start being ambitious because i know it will be healthy. but i have no goals to be ambitious for. sure, there’s daily things like exercising more and things, but i don’t have long term goals. i don’t know who i want to be when i grow up or what i want to achieve in life. any tips?

The ambition quest: Mapping out your path to success

Explore your interests: Take the time to try out different activities and hobbies. Whether it's painting, coding, dancing, or even rock climbing, experimenting with various interests can help you discover what truly excites you.

Reflect on your values: Think about the things that truly matter to you. What do you value most in life? Is it creativity, helping others, personal growth, or something else entirely? Identifying your core values can guide you towards meaningful goals.

Dream big, start small: Don't be afraid to dream big and envision the future you desire. Then, break those big aspirations down into smaller, achievable goals. This way, you can make progress step by step while celebrating the small victories along the way.

Embrace trial and error: It's okay to try different paths and make mistakes along the way. Life is a journey of self-discovery, and sometimes we need to explore different avenues to find what truly resonates with us. Embrace the process and learn from every experience.

Seek inspiration: Surround yourself with positive role models and seek inspiration from their journeys. Read biographies, listen to podcasts, or follow influential people in fields that interest you. Their stories can spark ideas and motivate you to pursue your own ambitions.

Visualize your ideal future: Take some time to imagine your ideal life in the future. What does it look like? How do you spend your days? Visualizing your desired future can help you gain clarity and set goals that align with your vision.

Get out of your comfort zone: Growth happens outside of our comfort zones. Challenge yourself to step out of familiar territory and try new things. Pushing your boundaries can lead to incredible personal and professional growth.

Find a mentor or role model: Connect with someone who has achieved success in a field you're interested in. Their guidance and insights can provide valuable direction as you navigate your own path.

Be open to change: Remember that goals and aspirations can evolve over time. Stay open to new opportunities and be willing to adapt your plans as you grow and learn more about yourself.

Enjoy the journey: Embrace the process of self-discovery and goal-setting. Life is all about the ups and downs, the challenges and triumphs. Embrace each step along the way and find joy in the pursuit of your ambitions.

I hope this helps!! xx

Start living life instead of watching it pass by.

Remember your manners but know your boundaries.

Make a conscious effort to better yourself every day.

Remember to stay hydrated and try to eat real food.

Limit your intake of alcohol, sugar, and caffeine.

Remember to sleep. You need to get your hours in.

Never stay idle, remember to move your body often.

Avoid bad influences and don’t obsess over nonsense.

Care for yourself as you would care for a loved one.

Work hard and remember to save some of your money.

Know that life is meant for socializing and studying.

If you’ve fallen behind, do your best to get caught up.

Always pursue more but stop when you feel content.

Not too long ago I had an anon ask me how to fake it till she makes it in manifesting her luxury lifestyle. I gave a bit of advice (you should read that before finishing this) but I want to elaborate more on a certain aspect that is crucial to obtaining an ideal life: becoming your ideal self. That ask was focused on lifestyle, but what about the self glow-up? That’s where this guide comes in. I see a lot of guides where the OP tells you the type of woman you should become, and it’s usually based on their own idea of what is desirable. This is different. This is a barebones guide that requires you to think hard about yourself and what would satisfy you to live in your own skin. To no longer wish to be anyone else. To be the best version of YOU. Who is the the ideal woman you are aspiring to be?

Here’s how to start:

BUY the 12 Month Dream Girl Guide Planner here

Step 1: describe your dream girl and create a list of 12 essential qualities/skills she has. Things that are controllable by a person themselves, not reliant on another person or location. (Good: she drinks tea every day. Bad: her boyfriend makes tea for her every day)

Step 2: make a list of how you can acquire those qualities

Step 3: dedicate one quality to each month of the year and for every single day of that month, cultivate habits that will make those qualities now belong to you. 30 days is a great amount of time to build a habit that you can continue on with even after the target date has passed. It’s not too long to feel scary but it’s long enough to make really good progress. Plus you won’t feel overwhelmed about doing all of these new things at once. Just one quality at a time :)

Step 4: after 12 months, you will have dedicated 365 days to your own personal growth and transformation and will now emerge a brand new woman.

To make this even easier on you, I will create an example using a mix of things that are about me.

My dream girl is: a beautiful and fit domestic goddess who speaks multiple foreign languages, plays instruments, is a wiz in the kitchen, and has a killer style

12 qualities to create her:

Takes expert care of her outward appearance

Eats healthy and works out every day

Speaks french

Speaks korean

Speaks spanish

Plays piano

Cooks a proper meal every day

Always dresses well no matter what

Keeps her home spic and span

Manages her emotions well to always be kind and composed to others instead of combative and volatile

Is a minimalist

Studies hard in school

(When you make your list of 12 qualities, don’t worry about making them perfectly correspond to a certain month just yet. First, just get them all written down and then you can rearrange it later. For the sake of this, let’s just pretend that mine are in a perfect order as is)

January: takes expert care of her outward appearance

For January, I will spend 31 days focused on beauty. Every single morning and night I will do my skincare routine, a face mask, use my serums and exfoliants (when necessary), and make sure to apply sunscreen. I will get a skincare consultation if needed, I will schedule a dentist appointment or do at home teeth whitening treatments. I will take a bubble bath once a day and always make sure that I’m exfoliated. I will always make time to shave/wax/epilate/whatever and maintain manicured nails and eyebrows. My hair care will be completely on point because my hair will always be deep conditioned, well moisturized, and styled to perfection.

(Keep a log and make sure to do this every single day. You will now be in the habit of taking care of your external appearance and will be used to looking and feeling a certain way)

February: eats healthy and works out every day

For February, I will find a list of healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners and make sure to use them as my eating guide. I will watch my calories and eat foods that nourish my body. I will cut out sugary drinks and extra sweets and do a workout for at least 30 minutes every day. I will watch a lot of content on health and fitness to keep me on track and make sure that I know what I’m doing.

(Keep a log and make sure to do this every single day. You will now be in the habit of making and eating healthy foods, have a 30 day workout streak, and will have a new relationship with your health and fitness. Because you have successfully committed a whole month to this lifestyle, it will be easier to keep it going to reach your body goals)

March: speaks French

For March, I will study french every day for at least an hour. I will watch french movies and tv shows, learn grammar and memorize vocabulary. I will always keep my flashcards on an app and study them frequently so that I don’t forget anything. I will find a french language exchange partner online and talk to them everyday so they can correct my mistakes.

(Keep a log and make sure to do this every day. You will now be in the habit of studying a foreign language for a dedicated amount of time each and every day. This will get you to a strong start and make it much easier for you to continue learning the language as time moves forward)

November: is a minimalist

For November I will focus on living a minimalist lifestyle and being intentional with the items I allow into my space. I will go through my whole house and declutter all of the things that I don’t need. I will not buy things this month unless they are essentials to me and my growth. I will watch/read a lot of content on consumerism and try to understand why I own so many things. I will have a better relationship with my possessions and take better care of the things I own so that I won’t need to keep buying new ones.

(Keep a log and make sure to do this every day. You will form a better relationship with your possessions and learn to let go of unimportant things. This will build the habit of being mindful of the things you allow into your space and allowing you to make better buying choices in the future)

You get the idea. So basically you will elaborate on each of the 12 qualities and make it very clear what your daily goals are for that month. The most important thing is to stick to it. You have to build the habit so that it becomes your new normal. This is how you acquire a new lifestyle and persona. You do it every day until it’s your default setting. You don’t call someone an a good student because they got an A one time, right? You call them a good student because they consistently demonstrate the actions that makes one a good student on a daily basis.

“But 2pretty! How can I stick to these things every day? What if I don’t feel like it sometimes?”

It’s all about discipline and consistency. Having your effort correspond to how badly you want something. Focusing on the big picture and sacrificing a little bit of comfort. Choosing to be your most excellent self rather than the easiness of staying the same. Growth is hard! But that’s what makes it worth it.

You all can sit here and read level up posts until you turn blue in the face but the fact of the matter is, The Ideal You can only emerge if you put in the work to become her. I believe in you.

I can’t wait to meet the new you in 12 months. See ya then.

Dear dream girl, I really want to be my dream girl but I don’t know where to start. I feel unmotivated most of the time and I only get a burst of motivation at like 3 am. I just what to glow and radiate good energy for myself and find/do what I like

Oh, So You Wanna Be a Dream Girl? 🎀

starting your dream girl journey

Congrats on choosing yourself and your tiara; I am so proud. Prepare to not be liked, to be judged, and to stand out. It’s lonely at the top.

*this guide is for starting the process, not reaching the end result because my version of my own dream girl is inevitably different than yours. bare in mind i’m not holding your hand. i’m nudging you in a good direction.

what is a dream girl?

a dream girl is a girl that has finally fallen in love with who she sees in the mirror. she’s the girl that she can depend on. she has her desired look and she’s on the path to self actualization actively. she’s aware of her branding. she holds herself to the standards she holds other to; and they are HIGH. her self worth isn’t contingent upon a love interest, amount of money, or social status. she’s simply that girl.

do some healing.

yes, i said it. healing. like i’ve said before, you cannot put glitter on literal garbage. that’s not even the slightest bit appealing. you’re gonna journal about your childhood, your biggest influences in life, your biggest fears and how you feel life has treated you. this calls for shadow work. shadow working really helped me figure out some of my toxic traits and how some of the things that were considered normal to me as a child have affected me in the long run. you’re also gonna write hypothetical letters to your loved (and not-so-loved) ones, including yourself. let it all out. say everything you want that person to know. around you or not, dead or alive. prepare to clam up, cry, get angry, feel anxious. good. you should. you feel clammy, hot and sometimes pain when your body is fighting off and healing from a physical sickness. now you’re dealing with the developmental, mental, and emotional parts. you’re doing yourself a disservice choosing to stay the same toxic, nasty, mean, or victimized person you’ve always been.

what do you want?

before you can start to even do the smallest improvements, you have to have a clear goal. or else you’ll just be running around in circles (heh) over grandiose blurry wishful thinking. ultimately resulting in you giving up and choosing to be basic bc it’s easier. what do you want out of life? how do you want to be treated? what do you want to do? what makes you happy? and most importantly, how do you want to feel? see, it’s more than just the frills and glitter. you have to know what you’re trying to get to, internally and externally.

grab a diary, adorn it with pretty little details and commit to it. pair it with your fav writing utensil. outline all of your goals. every single last one of them. you can categorize them, scale them from short to long term, easy to hard. it doesn’t matter. do absolutely what you want to do to make a concrete record of your goals that’s digestible for you.

what are you going to do?

*fabulosity by kimora lee simmons*

compare your dream reality to the one you’re currently experiencing. what is she doing that you aren’t? that’s it. do that. anyone can read blogs about the process and other people success stories but those posts aren’t gonna change your life unless you get up and go for what you want. i don’t know what exactly you desire out of life. you do. so you have the instructions for this journey. the first part was easy, this is simple but not nearly as effortless. it’s up to you and not anyone else. you teach others how to treat you. improvements you can make include better: hygiene, self talk/treatment, outward energy, work ethic, discipline, health, consumed content, relationships, looks, habits.

the work

it’s time to apply yourself. get up everyday and actively work towards your goal. be kind to yourself. take yourself to the doctors. get active. eat right. find your passion. DO THE HEALING.

everyone’s journey is SO different so i’m just going to do a quick rundown of the importance of each of the ten facets of your dream girl journey (that build upon each other. ie; looks do not benefit you when your hygiene is insufficient):

*these facets are loosely based on maslow’s hierarchy of needs

health - are you taking care of yourself? please treat yourself how you would your loved ones. you’ll be surprised how physical issues manifest mentally, and vice versa. get adequate sleep. take baby steps if need be. some of these adjustments may be huge to you. be gracious with your journey.

consumed content - everything you engage in is your diet. the company you keep, food you eat, music you enjoy. you get the idea. do you feel light and ready to take on the day? or do you feel drained and sick more often than not. make some adjustments wherever you see necessary.

hygiene - extremely important. stick to a routine for your hygienic needs. you should have rituals you engage in everyday. don’t forget that your health and hygiene go hand in hand. oral and feminine hygiene is so crazily important. please don’t neglect yourself. i talk about my routines in detail here.

habits - daily habits are so crucial to your lifestyle. adjust these and consciously break your bad habits by supplementing your life with equal and opposite habits.

self talk/treatment - simple. be kind to yourself. hold yourself accountable for flaws and mistakes while loving yourself enough to be patient with the journey of improving.

outward energy - be very aware of the vibes you’re permeating. again this is so a huge determination of how you will be treated and how you will live your life.

work ethic/discipline - it’s gonna take serious accountability to escape the desire to stay comfortable. you have to tell yourself that you deserve *your desired end result* so i will *make specific change/adjustment.* it’s that simple (again simple doesn’t mean easy).

relationships - if you don’t like the way you’re treated by those in your life, those relationships need to be reevaluated. you can make some trims on your circle, have some honest conversations, or adjust your behaviors (because sometimes, YOU are the problem).

passion and career - in order to feel fulfilled in life, we all need a purpose. discover yours. incorporate your passion into your daily life.

looks - develop your signature and hone in on it. looks are very important to your perception (self and public). check out this guide to help with this part. however you wanna feel is how you should display yourself.

be a dream girl!

you’ve discovered all the facets of creating your dream self and reality. now it’s time to apply what you’ve learned. start showing up in life in the fashion you want to be seen in.

that’s it! the rest is up to you!

- xoxo, dreamgrlarchive 🎀

Charles James Ball Gowns, New York, 1948

Photograph by Cecil Beaton