Hey Luv💗, What's An Unpopular Opinion You Have On Life

why are you repeating a pattern you want no part in? remember who you are.

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Learn To Love Yourself & Heal From Toxic People

Allow yourself to feel all your emotions and thoughts, authentically and without self-criticism or judgment: Acknowledge that you're grieving. Accept that you need to mourn your loss. Even if it is better to move on in life without these people, it is healthy and completely valid to grieve the relationships you had with these people – regardless of whether they were one-sided, deluded, or otherwise toxic. Allow yourself to cry, be angry, lie in bed, etc. Hit a pillow, sleep in all day on a weekend, or wear a set of pajamas for a WFH day. Give yourself permission to engage in self-soothing behaviors without any type of self-harm or self-sabotage.

Rest, relax, and pamper yourself in your leisure time: Spend time taking it easy – reading, watching TV, doing a face mask or another indulgent skin treatment, using a body massager, cooking dinner in a silk robe and slippers, lighting a candle, cozying up in a blanket, etc. Allow yourself to feel at peace. Create a sanctuary in your space.

Take time for introspection and self-discovery: Being in any type of relationship with toxic people is draining and can cause you to feel as though you've lost a part of yourself by trying to make the relationship succeed. Now, it's time to reclaim yourself after you've courageously cut out these toxic people from your life. Consider and honor your deepest desires, values, interests, hobbies, lifestyle, goals, aesthetic, food, sexual, entertainment preferences, etc. Go on a self-discovery journey to figure out who you really are, what you believe, and who you will work to become as you enter this new, exciting chapter of your life.

Journal, read, eat healthily, work out, drink plenty of water, and sleep: Go back to the basic healthy habits. Try to journal for at least 5-10 minutes a day (using a 5-minute journal, morning pages [writing 3 pages of stream-of-conscious thoughts first thing in the morning], journal or shadow work prompts), make 2-3 whole food, plant-based meals with carbs, veggies, fruits, proteins, and healthy fats, find some ways to incorporate movement into your day – 30-minute walk or yoga session is enough if that's all you can manage consistently, have your body weight in ounces of water daily, and sleep for around 7-8 hours a night. Do some inner child healing by taking care of your core needs.

Indulge in all of your favorites: There's a lot of fun you can have when you have total freedom regarding your daily activities and choices. Give yourself permission to enjoy this solitude. Wear your favorite outfits every day (occasion-appropriate options, of course), including pajamas, loungewear, lingerie, and accessories. Make your favorite meals and snacks throughout the week (incorporating some healthy options in there to feel your best – I love a good oatmeal bowl, frozen grapes, baked Japanese sweet potato, or a hummus and vegetable plate). Watch your favorite TV shows or movies. Indulge in a glass of wine you love or reread a favorite book. Create a masterful playlist. Plan a day of your favorite activities (a long walk, getting a coffee, indulging in a spa day, going to a farmer's market, going to a yoga class, etc.) Treat yourself like your own best friend.

Get comfortable doing things alone: Honestly, no one cares or is paying attention to if you're doing activities alone or with someone else. If someone shows too much interest in your solitude, they're probably projecting their own insecurities regarding their perceived social ridicule. Take yourself shopping, to the nail salon, out for a meal, to the movies, etc. alone. Personally, I love doing most of these things alone anyways. Running errands alone gives you some space to clear your mind and think freely.

Define what an ideal social life and/or relationship looks like for you: Once you've become comfortable with yourself and living life on your own terms, it's time to embrace your desire for human connection and socialization. Consider the types of people you want in your life – their values, personalities, interests, goals, favorite activities, relational boundaries, etc., and where/when/how often you want to interact with them.

Create an action plan: Reconnect with the people in your life who continue to show up for you and have been a light through these toxic relationships and their lasting effects over the months or years. Decide on the places, groups, and ways you'll reach out/try to meet these people. Figure out how to expand your network, and make new connections. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You won't vibe with everyone you meet, but it is worthwhile to engage in small talk with several strangers if even one of these new faces, later on, becomes a good friend or acquaintance. A varied social circle is a great way to enrich your life.

Take small steps, then strides: Be gentle on yourself throughout this entire process. It is perfectly okay to take one day at a time during the grieving process. Everyone's healing journey will look different and evolve at a different pace. Don't let these toxic people remain in your heart, mind, and spirit. Remember that you deserve love, kindness, happiness, success, peace, and patience.

become a disciplined person easily

it's not that you are lazy or don't know how to do it, you just don't know how to organize your time well, stop telling yourself that you don't have discipline or that's for other people and take action now!

start by organizing your current life

what are my goals? what would be my ideal routine? where can i start? what habits are stealing my time or are harmful to me? am i satisfied with my current life? what should i improve? what can i do now to improve?

after answering these questions yourself and having a clearer idea of what you want, write down your short-term goals (for example to become more disciplined in one month by creating small routines) and start organizing yourself, again ask yourself, what can i change right now? and for sure you can improve many things, you can start exercising, have a day and night skincare routine, go for a walk every day, write a diary, whatever you want! and propose to do these new things for at least a week every day, take it as a challenge, even if it is 10 minutes a day, but make a space in your agenda for this new thing you want to start, this is how you will start to create a discipline.

find your motivation

what are the long and short-term benefits you will get when you start this habit or routine? how will you feel when you get what you want, no matter how small? what improvements will there be in your life during and after this?

little by little

as i explained before you can take this as a small challenge, choose a new "harder" habit and another smaller one like drinking water several times a day, and to remind you of this you can carry a bottle of water with you (and i recommend this habit to everyone). if you want to start exercising and you always end up leaving it, propose to yourself the challenge of doing every day 10 minutes for a week and this way you will get used to it (it can be any task that you want to incorporate to your life) and enjoy the process, write or talk to someone how you feel, it may be hard at first but you have to get used to it, do not put too much effort during the first week, maybe there are days that you do not feel like it, but remember better little than nothing, but remember always do it for your well being and improvement, that is the biggest reason you will find.

it can also help you to keep a record of what you do during the day, you can write it down or use an app called daylio, by seeing your progress will keep you motivated.d

some ideas to train your discipline

wake up one hour earlier than usual and go to sleep one hour earlier

organize yourself every day with a planner as soon as you wake up

know your goals for the day

control the time you spend on social media or watching tv

don't give up!

after you have achieved your goal, for example, to lose weight, don't give up the habits you created, you have to keep them in your life so you have to create a routine that suits you and makes you feel happy and motivated at the same time. you will always have more goals to achieve. when you create a routine and a plan of action everything will be much easier for you.

You owe it to yourself to get up after each fall, brush yourself off and do better. There is no finish line, no race. The only competition is yourself, and when you realize that, you finally know that there was never the question whether you fail or succeed. You have already won darling, as long as you keep moving forward.

had to scour through my watch history to find these videos I watched ages ago but if I had to recommend the most helpful and actually practical fashion advice I've heard, it's from these videos, ESPECIALLY the second video (linked bc I seriously want you to watch it. like literally, go watch it). It's not telling you what aesthetic to pick, it's not telling you to get rid of your sambas, it's not telling you to get a capsule wardrobe or only stick to classics. highly recommend ♡

gentle reminder you can rise up from everything. you can recreate yourself. nothing is permanent. you are not stuck. you have choices. you can think new thoughts. you can learn something new. you can create new habits. all that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

that constant nagging of ambition and fear of stagnancy literally rules my life. sometimes it paralyzes me and i end up barely doing anything for the day and sometimes it energizes me. the need to get better, the need to improve skills, and the need to reinvent myself. it still shocks me that the average person doesn’t feel this ache to BECOME. to evolve. to flourish. to kickstart a metamorphosis every month. hell, maybe every week. like who am i without gutting my wardrobe or deciding a new career path? idk. but at least I’m another skill smarter, another look hotter, and another business wealthier. better than nothing at all.

On Success: My Unique Achievement Equation 🤍

I'm going to be cheesy for a moment and repeat the phrase we've all heard a million times: Success is a journey, not a destination. The path to it is often paved with hard work, determination, and a unique combination of factors. In this post, I'm going to share my personal equation for success, and I hope it can inspire you to create your own formula for achieving your dreams and goals.

1. Constantly learn new things.

I’m always trying to learn new things because let's be real, in a rapidly evolving world, staying curious and open to new knowledge is vital. Almost exactly a year ago I landed in Oxford and decided to take tutorials in 18th-century opera, ancient witchcraft, and protestant vs. catholic art. I also wrote a thesis on medieval architecture. I could've stayed in my comfort zone and studied politics or economics like I had over the past four years but I decided to push myself because I knew that I had to diversify my scope of knowledge because that's what successful people do. Simply put--constantly learning new things is, in my opinion, non-negotiable. Pick a topic, draft a schedule that forces you to immerse yourself in said topic for a set period of time, become an expert in said topic by following said schedule, rinse and repeat.

2. Eat healthy.

I drink tons of water all day (my team makes fun of me for getting up every 15 minutes to use the bathroom. I'm not phased.), I don’t really snack, and I eat my weight in vegetables, and I get frequent blood and allergy tests to make sure I’m taking the right supplements. I don’t do dairy, I don’t do red meat, I don’t do refined sugar, and I don’t do processed carbs. Yes, I have my treat meals on the weekends and yes I have a couple of drinks on Saturday night but 90% of the time, my diet is extremely clean. The fact is, I have a level of physical wellbeing and body composition that I like, and reaching and maintaining that requires a level of discipline when it comes to food. I’m willing to pay the price and as a result, I feel absolutely amazing every day. So I really urge you to eat very well because you deserve to look and feel great every single day.

3. Network like your life depends on it.

If there's one thing that was beat into my consciousness from an extremely young age, it's the importance of networking. Why? Because a supportive network provides guidance, mentorship, and collaboration opportunities. I've gotten job and internship offers, romantic and platonic relationships, and flat-out absurd opportunities simply from networking...like my life depends on it. Just a couple years ago, I went to Dubai for a few weeks with my partner, and my mother quite frankly told me that if I didn't network with at least one alum from my college/boarding school while there, I wouldn't be allowed back home. I'm currently working in my exact role because of that very warning and I'm forever grateful.

4. Work out out daily.

The thing is, I hate working out. Like I'd rather stare at a wall for an hour than run on a treadmill for 10 minutes. But no matter what, when my alarm goes off at 6:00 AM, I’m jumping out of bed, putting on my workout clothes, and heading to the gym. It’s my routine and while I’d much rather get some extra sleep, I’m not going to let my desire for comfort get in the way of my health. And I don’t kill myself in the gym, I do 30 minutes (10 minutes of cardio, 20 of weight training) and I head out. No muss, no fuss. And if you want to get your shit together in a pinch, starting by working out every day is probably just what you need.

5. Avoid social media.

Because for 95% of people, social media is an addiction. Keeping up with your friends via Instagram is great, spending 7 hours per day scrolling through Instagram reels is pathetic. So I choose not to engage. If someone wants to contact me or know what I’m up to, they’ll just have to reach out and I prefer it that way. Moreover, I'm a very private person so I really don’t care to post about my personal life to a group of people I barely know. I had a truly epic graduation party this weekend and the most beautiful thing about it is that I didn’t have to worry about posing for pictures or documenting any of it on my story. I really advise you all (anyone? do people actually read these posts? I digress.) to get real with yourself and be honest about your social media usage. And if it's not improving your life in a notable way, get rid of it. You can thank me later.

6. Constantly upgrade your appearance.

I got my color analysis done and now I know exactly how to dress and color my hair. I’ve got my hairstyle analysis done and now I know exactly how to cut my hair to compliment my features. I got my seamstress to alter and make a bunch of my favorite outfits and now my clothes fit my body shape to absolute perfection. The list goes on, but in short, I look really good because I know exactly what I’m working with and have done absolutely everything to accentuate my beauty. Establish a regular skincare routine to maintain healthy and glowing skin. Use makeup to enhance your features, not mask them. Choose natural and flattering colors. Stand tall and maintain good posture. Dress in a way that accentuates your body and makes you feel confident. And most importantly, remember that beauty is 90% energy and 10% looks.

7. Master the art of good conversation.

And not because I’m a natural extrovert, but because I decided that I was sick of being that awkward girl who didn’t really have any friends and so I got to work. I’ve read probably 40 books on social psychology/charisma/seduction and I’ve worked super hard to put all that I’ve learned into practice. At this point, I can talk to pretty much anyone about pretty much anything and know that they’ll leave the conversation feeling really good. Effective communication is the bedrock of human interaction, and being skilled in this area can profoundly impact one's relationships and success. In professional settings, being a skilled conversationalist can lead to better collaboration, negotiation, and problem-solving. In personal relationships, it can deepen bonds, enhance empathy, and create a sense of mutual understanding. Remember that being a good conversationalist is not just about talking; it's about creating an environment where ideas flow freely, relationships flourish, and opportunities for growth and connection abound.

8. Keep your finances in order.

I've worked really hard to secure a great paying job, live in a great location and in a great apartment, and have enough money to save but also to enjoy the finer things. Yes, I dated a prince and all that but the fact is, I’ve been working my ass off since high school to get to this place. At 16 I wasn’t spending my summer at the pool, I was spending it crunching numbers for eight hours daily at an accounting firm. I’ve always wanted to be a financially stable person and I’m so glad that at this age, I am because I made it happen. I know this is hypergamy Tumblr, but at the end of the day, no man is going to hand you a $10 million check and ride you off into the sunset with the snap of your fingertips. Like attracts like, meaning well-to-do men, 90% of the time, are going to end up with women who have their shit together financially. You don't have to be a self-made millionaire, but as an adult, you do have to be able to take care of yourself.

9. Stay informed.

I’m knowledgeable about what’s happening around the world at all times because…it’s important. Like, really important. I have Bloomberg up all day and the second a new alert pops up, I’m on it. I also spend about an hour per day listening to NPR (while getting ready), reading WSJ, or even just scrolling through Buzzfeed. Staying informed allows me to not only converse freely about current trends with others, but it also allows me to feel my most confident and ready to face the world. Staying informed on current events is not merely a passive activity but a dynamic engagement with the world around us. It equips individuals with the knowledge and skills needed to navigate an increasingly complex and interconnected global landscape, make informed choices, and actively participate in shaping the future.

10. Have hobbies and interests.

Yes, I love attending the opera and the Met on Saturday afternoons, but I also love learning about manifestation and trying crazy food science recipes. The point is that my hobbies and interests themselves don't really matter, the fact that I am passionate about a lot of things does. And when you're passionate about your goals and pursuits, you're more likely to stay committed, work harder, and overcome obstacles with determination. So stop focusing on the "quality" of your hobby and try to just have fun with it! Let your hobbies connect you with new communities and open you up to new, if not a bit strange, opportunities.

11. Give back to your community.

Most of all, the key to my success is giving back to my community because having all the looks, money, and fame in the world ultimately means nothing if you can't share your abundance with others. I volunteer when I can, I give funds to those who need them (currently, I'm helping my aunty put three amazing girls in Haiti through college abroad and one man in medical school), and I have a whole lot of official and unofficial mentees. In a world that often emphasizes individualism and self-achievement, it's essential to remember the profound importance of giving back to your community. Please please please take the initiative, get involved, and experience the transformative power of giving back.

Lovingly, Elle

just keep finding your strengths. that’s really all you have to do. the things you are good at. the things other people compliment you on. the things that feel natural and easy. we are so trained to see the negatives, to trip ourselves over on everything we are not so that we never see our true gifts… but once you learn to see your strengths as your beacon, the answer to what you should “do” with your life, and then keep following following following… oh, oh! that’s when it all happens.