Ik This Isn't Canon At All But I Do Think It Would Be A Beautiful Thing If Byakko Turned Out To Be A

dazai voice: pspspspsps

Head empty, one thought: Imagine Atsushi bunting, the thing cats do where they rub their jaws along things to essentially mark them with their own scent, the side of Akutagawa's face who just stands there a little shocked for a moment before Atsushi realizes what he's done and panics. Of course, he doesn't know why he does it and just does it on instinct

End Of The Famine

Dazai & Atsushi mutual hurt/comfort fic just… just because. Now back to working on commissions…

Rating: T Words: 5,100 Warnings: pretty extensive discussion of abuse.

End Of The Famine

The concept of sleeping through the night is as foreign to Atsushi as that of countries he’s never visited. The nightmares only came after he left the orphanage, but even then, he slept bit by bit, waking up at every footstep he heard, every rattling of a chain. Atsushi has never fallen asleep at sunset and woken up at sunrise. Fear used to keep awake; the absence of it now knots so tightly in his stomach that the difference is infinitesimal.

Atsushi learned as a child to wake up silently. He does so now, choked out of air, his fist already pressed against his mouth so that no sound will escape. He glances to his side, where Kyouka sleeps like the dead, and turns his back on her. Only then does he breathe.

Only then does he cry.

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dug a deep hole

Atsushi leaned against the railing, half of a sandwich hanging from his mouth. “What’s going on here?” he asked Ryuu-chan, sitting on the railing swinging his legs, and watching the spectacle.

“Acchan has to run an entire lap without using his ability at all,” Ryuu-chan said, kicking his feet. Atsushi raised an eyebrow, taking a bite from his sandwich and watching as Acchan, tail out, ran face-first into a wall of Rashomon.

“Return to the starting line,” Akutagawa’s voice carried clearly to where they were standing. “Again.”

A clearly furious, red-faced Acchan stomped back down the track. “How many—?”

“Thirty-nine times,” Ryuu-chan reported dutifully. Atsushi chewed on the inside of his cheek to keep from looking too amused. “He actually got halfway around the track, earlier.” Ryuu-chan looked up at Atsushi. “Why is it so important that he doesn’t use his ability? Father never stops me from using mine.”

“Because you think about using Rashomon, and typically have to intend to cause harm with it.” Atsushi watched Acchan sprint—on two legs, instead of four—and make it nearly a quarter of the track before round ears sprouted from his head. Acchan dodged the first Rashomon wall, dropping to four legs, tail out, used a second tentacle as a springboard, and was plucked out of the air by the third, catching him around the middle. They both heard the growl from the stands.

Akutagawa’s voice was razor-sharp. “Did you just GROWL at me, Nakajima Atsushi?”

“And that’s my cue,” Atsushi said, slinging himself over the railing and dropping to the track.

“I didn’t growl,” Acchan very clearly growled, getting fuzzier by the minute. Atsushi managed to contain his laugh, catching Acchan by the back of the shirt. Akutagawa scowled, but Rashomon released him.

“Deal with your son,” Akutagawa said, and Atsushi patted Akutagawa’s shoulder.

“I think that’s enough practice for today,” Atsushi said gently. “Everyone’s tired and hungry, yeah? Let’s go get something to eat.”

No thoughts, just Atsushi having tiger instincts. Atsushi having a special pillow he hides in his futon just for kneading. He hides the pillow because he was shamed for his tiger instincts at the orphanage, but as he opens up to the ADA more, different members get to see his more suppressed instincts (they think its the cutest thing ever). Dazai is the first to discover the pillow and Atsushi gets super scared before Dazai reassures him that its okay and that he thinks its adorable. This is the first time Atsushi has ever been allowed to express his tiger instincts, and in happiness, he rubs his cheek against Dazai. Dazai is shocked and Atsushi is too after disengaging with the cheek rub but Dazai quickly regains his composure and hugs Atsushi back, while rubbing his cheek. Atsushi is incredibly overjoyed about Dazai (his family...!!) scenting him and expressing his love for Atsushi that he starts chuffing too. Dazai screams

Atsushi with tiger instincts is just so adorable I can't handle it lmao. He's just a cat!!

Rewatching Bungo Stray Dogs (can’t remember where I got to in the anime, but I stopped reading during blimp arc) and. Yeah. Two episodes in and I’m just like, ‘Does Atsushi scent mark people or the office. Does Dazai slow blink at him, making Atsushi both confused but also calms him down? Atsushi struggling with if he doesn’t remember last night because he transformed, or because he drank. Or possibly being affected more by alcohol. Can Atsushi even HAVE a lot of alcohol or does that affect him more? (But if cats can’t eat onions or garlic, he would have probably noticed by now, unless he just figures he’s got a sensitive stomach and/or he’s just not used to non-orphanage food).’

Yeah. It’s very clear there’s a certain character trope that just activates my brain, pffft.

vivid image of my head of akutagawa grabbing atsushi's tiger tail and yanking him back when he's about to wander off

Ya know, Atsushi probably really struggles with physical affection. There’s probably a very few number of people who can touch him, and even then he needs to see it coming. I find it hard to believe that, as compassionate and caring as my little baby is, he is just over all of the physical and mental abuse he suffered. And while he makes connections quickly, it probably takes the members of the ADA months to get to a place where they can touch him without him panicking and flinching.