Dazai & Atsushi mutual hurt/comfort fic just… just because. Now back to working on commissions…
Rating: T Words: 5,100 Warnings: pretty extensive discussion of abuse.
End Of The Famine
The concept of sleeping through the night is as foreign to Atsushi as that of countries he’s never visited. The nightmares only came after he left the orphanage, but even then, he slept bit by bit, waking up at every footstep he heard, every rattling of a chain. Atsushi has never fallen asleep at sunset and woken up at sunrise. Fear used to keep awake; the absence of it now knots so tightly in his stomach that the difference is infinitesimal.
Atsushi learned as a child to wake up silently. He does so now, choked out of air, his fist already pressed against his mouth so that no sound will escape. He glances to his side, where Kyouka sleeps like the dead, and turns his back on her. Only then does he breathe.
Only then does he cry.
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me looking at my cat do something funny or cute: i can make an atsushi post out of this
so much atsushi slander. how do i put into words that his character is so refreshing. that his reactions aren't weak for the situations he was put into and what prep he was given, but endearing to me because he's always trying his best. not in a 'he just messed up and is trying his best sort of way' but in a 'he's experienced so much cruelty that still affects him to this day, but he's still trying his best.' that he hates himself sometimes and can't brute force a solution to the problems he faces. he's just. so realistic.
Not really a request but more ur bsd sickfic hesd canons?
anon....youve read my mind. i wanted to make a post about this so bad and youve given me reason to...i owe you my life. heads up though my headcanons are so inconsistent (for example i have like 10 versions of Akutagawa living in my brain) so these are just the ones i like the most atm :)))
let me know too if you want more of certain characters or additional ones or anything this was fun!!! 💖💖
akutagawa
- he's the best for this because is as healthy as a victorian child (aka not at all). suffering from some kind of ailment at least once a month if he's lucky. worst immune system ever.
- i saw this on another post but i love the idea of him throwing up and then pretending nothing happened. higuchi is like sir????? and he's like. "anyway"
- if he's Really sick though he'll pass out from the exertion of throwing up. like fevers give him the worst body aches ever and he can barely move it's a bad combo. he is bedridden for days against his will. flus knock him tf out
- fainting all the time in general. vasovagal syncope for sure
- he's very unwilling to accept help unless he's at the point where he can't stand up. at that point he'll only accept help from people he's close to (mostly gin). and when it's bad enough, he's scared to sleep alone if he's incapacitated
- fevers also give him horrible nightmares and he has trouble resting well when he's sick because of them
- he is just miserable and makes me sad i just need someone to hold him
dazai
- i feel like dazai was never Allowed to be sick in the past and doesn’t give in unless he's forced to (passing this onto akutagawa of course). chuuya breaks him out of this a bit.
- not used to people taking care of him at all, sort of weirded out by it sometimes. doesn't understand the need for worry
- gets the worst migraines ever and vomits when they gets bad but pretends they're not a big deal
- despite this he is the biggest user of "my tummy hurts". drives kunikida up the wall
- very much the type to pretend to be sick to get out of doing work when he's feeling lazy so kunikida is always suspicious
- kunikida doesn't let him own any medicine for obvious reasons so dazai always goes whining to him when he doesn't feel good
- if he's actually not doing well he'll get weirdly quiet
- but he will always announce before he throws up. most of them can already tell regardless because he gets very drooly
atsushi
- is extremely emetophobic. 100% does not care about other people throwing up but if it's him he will pass out from hyperventilating. probably from some trauma he refuses to address. kunikida is working on it 🙏 (overworked mother fr)
- atsushi has absolutely no concept of resting when ill. he thinks that a fever or cold just makes him work slower. kunikida tells him to lie down and he's like?? why??
- but he does give in quickly and lets people take care of him 💔 he likes being taken care of but won't admit it 💔
- fevered atsushi is very snuggly hes like a cat. he sleeps in a ball when he doesn't feel good
- fevered atsushi is also Too affectionate. akutagawa taking his temperature and atsushi hits him w the "youre really pretty" unprompted
- akutagawa lets him get away with it because atsushi tends to get really down when he's sick if he's not distracted
chuuya
- definitely camps in the bathroom when he's sick and wants absolutely no one to see him (dazai is a rare exception to this rule). dazai takes photos to mess with him but it Really stresses him out
- he needs someone to hold his hair back every time or else he will get vomit in his gorgeous gorgeous hair
- he takes his health very seriously and will not work if he's ill no matter what. he's not sick often but when he is, it's bad
- tends to make himself sick with stress and needs others to tell him to dial it back when he's overworking himself
- he is, however, horribly hung over every other week. like throwing up all day. always calls dazai and begs him for help because he feels awful and doesn't wanna do anything
-very noisy. moaning and groaning from the pain/being uncomfortable. driving dazai up the wall
- sleeps for a very long time when he's sick, like a concerning amount. dazai has to wake him up when he starts to get borderline worried because this man sleeps like a rock
i think a lot about how atsushi sleeps in kyouka's closet. like. boy did you need a den. did you need a little tiger den
what if genuinely the only thing i want to do is read/watch/JUST EVEN LOOK at atsushi nakajima. what if atsushi nakajima is the only person i have ever felt attracted to. what if atsushi nakajima is the best part of my life. i wish it was acceptable to talk about atsushi nakajima in public.
(The Japanese art concept of giving human characters animal ears and tails is called kemonomimi! And did you know that tigers don’t purr, they chuff?)
“Stop laughing.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. It’s in your eyes.”
Ryuu looks away quickly, placing his hand over the lower half of his face. Atsushi sticks his lower lip out.
“Now you’re covering up a smile,” he mutters. Ryuu coughs once, happening a glance back to Atsushi before he quickly turns to face the wall again, closing his eyes.
“How dare you accuse me of such things, Jinko,” he says. Rolling his eyes, Atsushi leans across the futon to swipe Ryuu’s hand from his face. For a split second, he sees the smile on Ryuu’s lips, a rare sight that Atsushi would normally welcome. But in this case, he groans and draws back.
“C’mon, Ryuu, it’s not funny,” he mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. Ryuu glances at him once before giving a cough that sounds oddly like a snicker.
“Your tail is lashing,” he points out monotonously. Atsushi bristles, an emotion that’s only further emphasized by the fur on his tail sticking out in all directions.
“Imagine if you got hit with that Ability,” he says, round ears pinning back against his head. “Rashoumon would practically have a mind of its own.”
Ryuu coughs again, leaning forward, and Atsushi doesn’t realize until it’s too late that he’s reaching for his ears.
“Yes, but,” Ryuu says, rubbing Atsushi’s velvety fur between his forefinger and thumb, “this is far cuter, I believe.”
Atsushi blushes, and though his fur settles, his tail continues to swipe back and forth. He isn’t sure how long he’ll be stuck like this, with his Ability on the fritz and his ears and tail manifested, but he hopes it ends soon. Asking for Dazai’s help is out of the question; Atsushi wouldn’t hear the end of it for weeks. Months.
“You’re patronizing me,” Atsushi grumbles, shoulders bunched and knees crisscrossed beneath him. But Ryuu takes his fingers from his ear, moving down to the space behind it, scratching there, and Atsushi’s tension seems to suddenly and miraculously leave his body. He relaxes under Ryuu’s touch, closing his eyes, turning into butter in his fingers.
Ryuu abruptly stops, and Atsushi looks up to ask what’s wrong, but Ryuu stares down at him with something bordering on playful in his eyes.
“What was that?” He asks. Atsushi tilts his head, subconsciously cat-like.
“What was what?”
“You made a sound.”
Atsushi frowns. “Did not.”
“You did. You chuffed,” Ryuu says, the tiniest of triumphant smiles on his lips. Atsushi narrows his eyes.
“I did not,” he says again. “I’m not so much of a tiger that I’d-!”
He stops the instant Ryuu begins to scratch beneath his chin. Atsushi closes his eyes again, leaning into Ryuu as if some other force were controlling his body, smiling and definitely chuffing.
“Good kitty,” Ryuu murmurs, kissing the crown of Atsushi’s head as he scratches his chin with both hands.
Atsushi’s tail gives the occasional, satisfied twitch.
The agency is on a mission and don't notice that Atsushi stopped walking to stare down an alley with his ears and tail out and slowly wagging. He ends up stalking a raccoon and pouncing in it. They're all disgusted when he brings it to them and tries to give it to Dazai, who's just amused by catsushi.
[Lovechild AU]
Finally complete
Since Atsushi is a cat I think Dazai would want to communicate on his level :D family bonding time
fav tags: nakajima atsushi acts like a cat nakajima atsushi has c-ptsd
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