It's My 2 Year Anniversary On Tumblr 🥳

So at the beginning of this month I had set a one word intention for the month which was growth.📈🌷

And so during the first week of this month, I took easy but at the same time I was consistent with my morning exercises and watching the required lecture videos (for each day) for the course I'm currently taking and also reading the books for this month - which I mentioned in my previous post.📚📖

Then come the second week, my dad sent me an email on this opportunity to help recent graduates learn about entrepreneurship and how later on you can present your idea and they could help you with funding if it's feasible, realistic etc.

And my first thought was "Nah, this is not for me. I'm so done with anything that has to do with university ( since that had to do with my burnout and all)."

"And also I've never really been good at stuff like this, so why even bother try." So I ignored it.

That week I also managed to finish the level 1 part of the course which is just content.📖 And for some reason I couldn't move on to level 2 - which requires interviewing people and having a practice session with them.👥

And so for the rest of that week I relaxed a bit telling myself I've done enough and this looked like bingeing on kdramas and just binge-reading a series of books (fiction) to pass time. Anything to avoid the work I was actually supposed to be doing.

And so come the third week, stuff just started happening. Like yes I had been focusing my attention and energy on stuff that had absolutely nothing to do with my intention or my goals but the amount of anxiety and overthinking that I started experiencing was insane. Like all these negative, fearful thoughts and self doubt was showing up. Like I haven't experienced that level of anxiety in a very long time. So let's just say that experience was awful. 😫😖😣

And so my plan was to get rid of it as soon as possible. So I did a bit of exercise just to ground myself and it wasn't very helpful. 🧘🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀

So I pulled my big girl pants on and sat with myself and those "ugly" feelings that were showing up and in that moment I was just asking for clarity. And so I slept hoping I could sleep it off.

Come next morning, those weren't that intense but they were still there. And sometime during the day I came across a post about limiting beliefs. And so I decided to do some journaling on the underlying and hidden beliefs underneath the behaviours I was portraying. And it's safe to say all that anxiety was my body's way of protecting me from pain. What pain you might ask? The discomfort of having to take actions that I normally just don't take - that could enable my growth. So these actions included starting level 2 of my course i.e. starting these practice sessions as I've never really been confident in my presentation skills. And also taking a chance on that entrepreneurial opportunity to enable my growth.

And so I came to find out the limiting beliefs around that were I did not believe that I was good enough to be wellness coach. I did not believe that I was capable of actually making a difference in the world. I was also very scared of failing.🙈😣

So that was the pain I was avoiding. The pain of having to face my fear of failure, fear of being judged or criticized.😬

So that's what I'm currently working on. And in order for me to prove that belief wrong I am going to have to take action as evidence that maybe I am good enough. That I can actually make a difference in the world. That I am capable of doing "hard" things.

And in order to do that I'm gonna need people I can practice sessions on. So if you've read till this point and you're wanting to make some changes in your life and you're willing and able to spare me an hour of your time per week. Please dm me to let me know.😊

Something I heard this week:

It is not the thing we want that's going to bring us happiness. After we get the thing and we are no longer wanting- that's what brings us happiness. "The No Longer Wanting of it."

So once you no longer want something you are content and in that contentness there is happiness. 🌻

Someone said that being depressed is your avatar telling you that it is tired of the character that you want it to play. And in my experience this was true. ☘️🏵️

Deep down I knew that the path I was heading on was no longer for me yet I kept on pushing. Why?

Because that was the path that society deemed acceptable, that was the path that felt safe & comfortable (until it was no longer comfortable), because that was the path that made the most logical sense and because that was the path where no one would judge me for doing the "wrong" thing. ❌

But the more I kept on pushing, the more I felt into this hole of emptiness. Until I came to the realisation that something was wrong and something had to change. 🙍‍♀️

As I was going through that phase of depression, I wasn't exactly sure as to what I was doing wrong but I just knew I had to stop and take a break from everything. 🔔🔔

Looking back in retrospect, I can see how I was trying so hard to hide parts of myself to fit in with others and that came at a painful cost. The sooner you remove the mask, the more relieved you'll feel. You may end up fighting with your family or losing people you knew as your closest friends but in the long run, you get to show up as who you are rather than who you think you should be. 🥳🤗🌸

It's been a minute. So last week was my 24th birthday and I was doing some reflecting and I thought to share three lessons I've come to learn during the past year:

Lesson 1: Having a someone to talk to.

I have come to realise how it is so important to have someone to communicate with especially when you are going through a difficult time. This could be a friend, relative, mentor. Like just someone you can trust. Yes they may be able to offer you a listening ear which may lighten your burden but they can also help you shift your perspective on how you might be viewing a particular situation. Together you might be able to come up with different solutions to dealing with the situation in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming.

Doing this not only helps you through the tough times but it also helps deepen the relationship you have with that person.

Sometimes people do want to help and you might not know how they feel but you deciding to tell them also means you trust them. And there is no better feeling that being trusted by someone.

Lesson 2: Letting people go with honesty

There are times in your friendships where things are just stagnant and you're only keeping in touch because you once attended the same school or university together. Or maybe one of you moved to a different area and you no longer meet as frequently and as time goes on the communication and connection fizzles out. You know you were really great friends but things just aren't the same and in some way you are outgrowing each other.

I've come to realise that in such situations it is better to let that person go. Of course, this is not about ghosting them and hoping they get the message but by also being truthful with them and telling them how you really feel. For me the honest truth was letting them know that friendship has reached it's end, the journey was beautiful and I'll forever cherish the beautiful memories we shared together but stagnancy isn't helping anyone.

This might feel very uncomfortable but it's necessary not only for you but for the other person too. By letting each other go, you are making space for more aligned friendships to come through.

So yesterday I was watching this video whereby this content creator was speaking about how we should stop bringing the energy of decisions into making choices. She spoke about how people can't even make a simple choice because they are so focused the importance of it because their mind focuses on whether they are making the right or wrong decision. ❌✅

She gave an example of how you can make a choice to attend an event but after experiencing it you then make the decision to leave cause maybe it was boring.

So in order to decide, first make a choice, have the experience and make a decision.

So google says when making a choice we are given the freedom to explore alternatives and choose what will make us happy whereas when making a decision, we are presented with options whose outcomes have been predetermined. Choice connects us to our desired intentions, values and beliefs whereas decisions are connected to places of behaviour, performances and consequences.

I remember when I was still in primary, during athletics season - we had all these different activities that we could try. So we had a choice in choosing what activities to try but at the end of the day you had to make a decision as to which one you would join.

Obviously you make that decision after having experienced all the activities. So by making the decision, you now already know the predetermined outcome which is you coming to practice high jump or sprints for as long as you're part of the team.👟🎽

So with choices it's more experimental and with decisions it gets serious. So the point is stop bring that serious energy into something that's supposed to be a fun experience. Think of making a choice as tasting and making a decision as eating. 🍽️😋🍔

It's okay to start again because this time you are starting from experience. there is nothing wrong with starting over in order to build stronger foundations.

Self love letter

Dear Self

I often wondered what self love looked like or felt like and I think I am beginning to understand it.

To me, self love means having your own back, not just when everyone else has turned on you but at all times. It looks like trying one more time when it feels like you might even fail. Self love looks like showing up for that morning or evening exercise because you are grateful for what this beautiful body has done for you so you want to keep it healthy.

Self love looks like holding space for yourself when your emotions are all over the place. Allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel without judgement.

Self love means listening to when your body needs to slow down before you burn out. Taking the needed rest for it to come back stronger.

Self love looks like rewarding yourself for all the hardwork you've put in & for the days you chose to remain consistent even when it was so hard.

Self love looks like listening to music the whole day because that's what your soul needs at that moment.

Self love means saying no to things that don't bring you peace.

Self love means making sure that your cup is full - that way you have enough to be of help to others.

Self love means carving out time for being creative because your soul needs an outlet.

Self love means being aware of the things that make you tick and why it is so. It means giving yourself a pat on the back when you survived a situation you thought you wouldn't have.

Self love means pouring in yourself because you are the only person who's gonna live with you for the rest of your life. It means knowing yourself in a way that only you can.

Self love means loving on you because no one can ever love you the way you can. ❣️❣️

Recently, I've been spending a lot time in nature. It begins with me just sitting there feeling the grass with the soles of my feet to observing the swaying of tree leaves caused by the wind. And the longer I just sit there and observe, the more I feel at peace. And the more I feel at home. 🏠🛖🪹

And everytime I feel like that, the more I want to experience more and more of that feeling. Which had me thinking about the different things and experiences I can bring and cultivate into my life to bring more of that. It doesn't have to be anything big, it could be something as simple as bird watching🦅 or listening to that favourite song that feels like a hug. 🤗

Because at the end of the day we all want to feel at home, regardless of whether we are at home or not. Because truth be told for some a home maybe their art🎨, a person, a book📖, the feel of the wind while riding a bike etc. _So if you can, try to make time to cultivate that feeling - because it's really one of those things that matter in life._ 🏵️☘️

I just heard someone say " whether you choose to follow your dreams or follow someone's dreams, you still suffer either way. So isn't better to do something worth suffering for?"