I Am NOT Going To Go Down Screaming FOR A NAP TIME I DIDN'T ASK FOR When You Wouldn't Let Me Sleep While

When I write as fast as I post them in the now what I see gorgeous stream of crazy conscious thought with subconscious neurons firing at F1 racing speed, cuz I guess I do need to drive to survive. You need a drive to survive because you know you don't have one. And that's pretty fucking sad guys. But not as sad as I feel right now for what you did to us.

I am sitting outside and writing. Finally. Is it a sitting outside and smoking my lungs out and during myself to jump?.

Sorry that was out of your depth. Can't imagine how difficult this new version of me must be

I truly hope you don't read any of this because I am speaking in anger, though it is currently my truth and exactly how I feel because like I said, it's all streams of thought that happened very fast. The fact that people can keep up with my messages when I'm voice typing them and they're reading them whenever they can, goes to show that not everyone communicates the same way. We need to be more understanding when people feel like they've discovered better ways of feeling like themselves in the world instead of hiding themselves to pretend like they're like every fucking person. The autistic kids always taught me more than I could have ever taught them, because I could never speak as quickly as they could in the little subtle movements and layers of behaviors that we fought every day to understand and supposedly fix so they could fit into.

I always saw the beauty in them like a lot of other people didn't. I always always one of the people who stayed late and came early. Not because I was getting paid for it because I damn sure wasn't. Even though it was a good work and work for every fucking supervisor and that company for 5 years and then never managed even get above them even though I could have done at least a few of their jobs better if not least not as bad. Or as bad. Whichever one is not as painful for you because I'm not trying to be mean, this is just how I feel at this moment. And then my change the next moment.

Is why a babble, because I know when I say something wrong and I can edit and change myself immediately. So my fault you have to type it out and then read it over 500 times to cash the edits. I make 500 times in a millisecond as the words tumble out of my mouth like diarrhea.

But this one I'm proud of. All poop is valid.

It's good because now I'm getting high on own cosmic body

You said you never want to listen to a tiny dancer even when it came on in the car because it made you cry because it reminded. Did you have the last best something in your life. Which I won't mention because I'm dealing with this in my own way but there's things I need to keep private because I know it's the right thing to do and because I'm going to get really annoyed if I slip up because I'm tired, not because I'm an asshole. Because I'm not the asshole.

And defining you remix with a lot of new people adding to something old which made it so much better, or at least reminded everyone why they love the song in the first place so much.

Because to him at the time that he released it, it was everything.

I'm sad I missed his farewell tour because now I know I relate more to his troubles than you ever could imagine. Like every other celebrity and musician you look up to so much.

I think you hate that I really to them so much now and such a closer way. Or at least to me. Because I've always felt that you were a little shallow unfortunately. But I loved you anyways because I'm a loving person and you gave me something that I didn't think I deserved. And worse than that I didn't think I can get it myself because I was such a loser in so many ways in my life that I wanted to improve that.

But couldn't because I had no accountability.

On learning to love and name my disabilities

And using my once-thought-of flaws (over-thinking/over-spending/over-doing/over-compensating/over-everything-etc.) Just because I have severe depression/anxiety/waiting on a possible diagnosis of bipolar disorder/am possibly experiencing a hypomanic episode/new diagnoses, who dis?

Doesn't mean I'm incapable/sometimes capable of dealing with them on my own. I never thought I could, so I rarely tried. at least with maximum effort from my magnificent brain and body.

I never hated myself but the doubt was always so severe and present in every part of my life, it became a friend that would also make self-deprecating jokes with/at/to me... So I learned to be as comfortably numb as possible.

But it wasn't enough. I was planning on applying to M.A.I.D. when it opened up it's criterion for possible mental health disorders, instead of just terminal/agonizing ones.

I know this hypomania (no matter how scary/uncomfortable it is making some) is exactly what I need right now and I will fucking fight for it.

It's crazy how you're not even in my top [however many ppl depending on the screen and resolution) anymore.

If I need to message you, I have to go looking for you. I usually try to scroll up and down so I don't have to type it in. Seems like too much effort.

But today I eventually had to because I had to tell you something and then move on with the rest of my day.

So wild. So quick.

One fell swoop

G YAMAZAWA – 1990 (Interlude) Lyrics | Genius Lyrics

Genius

G YAMAZAWA – 1990 (Interlude)

[Chorus] / When I was a young boy, and I heard that bass kick / Then I heard that high hat, then I heard that tape deck / Spinnin' like the

It ain't easy being me.

You'll find someone to cherish you one day like this too 🌚🌝

Rolling Stone

Hear Metallica's 'The Unforgiven' Transformed by Inuk Musician Elisapie

Rendition, which artist sings in indigenous Inuktitut, will appear on her upcoming ‘Inuktitut’ album

I don't have the time to Google it for you, but I believe in you kid. You have what it takes, you just have to believe in yourself.

Thanks my brother for sharing something. I would have never come across because I don't read shit like the rolling Stone anymore, but sometimes they finally decide to feature someone no matter if on the cover or in a bylog that makes me scream loudly. Because to me and my world and my view in my experiences and the only world I know where I know I always try to tread lightly and sometimes I step on a few caterpillars but that's not because I hate them because they're kind of grossing with Wrigley and spiky sometimes.

I don't understand why people can believe that I can hit two deer by accident and almost God knows what could have happened to Vic and myself, and that I spent my entire night crying for it. Not because I got caught, because I call the police because I knew I had no other choice. And Vick and I were terrified the entire time because we were in upstate New York at 10:00 p.m. in the middle of nowhere on the side of a field.

This is America, can't catch me slipping up. I've been called out for being born in Saudi Arabia, I didn't know I had a choice in that matter. Sometimes because I thought if I had a choice I wouldn't be here at all, so you were probably right to question me about that to begin with. How fucking dare you? I was 14 years old traveling alone on a Greyhound bus for 4-9 hours by myself just so I could visit my sister who meant everything to me. We couldn't live together because our pads have to cross differently because we didn't have all the options that so many people do. But we still loved our lives, and we still love it. Now. She is still my best friend and my second mother, and probably the closest person to me other than Domino's. And Vick obviously, but if you have a sister or have some sort of a bond with anyone with any sort of feminine energy in your life, you know what that maternal nurture instinct can do to you when it's not kicking out of the house for being different.