WTF⁉️Joe Biden Signs Executive Order To Change The Phrase “burning The Midnight Oil” To “fucking

if i was a prey animal i'd get kinda slutty with it

jokes that will literally never not be funny to me:

saying “speedrun strats” every time you fuck up

saying “first try” when you’ve tried the thing like 15 times, minimum

just got vaccinated it was a little weird when the nurse kissed me on the mouth with tongue but it was a great experience all around 👍

Actually daddy you're being kinda needy can you shut the fuck up for a bit, kitten's got a banging headache.

someone: bear in mind…..

me:

everyone is addicted to my Fun and Flirty personality. lives have been destroyed ...

babygirl i sit hunched in ways you’d never fuckin believe

nick being aussie gave me such whiplash cause it’d be constant american accents and suddenly he’s all like, “naurrr mate oi’ve gotten meself chomped by this big bloody bugger nahhh fuck me mate”

Nicknames: when you shorten someone’s name affectionately

Nicholasnames: when you elongate someone’s name affectionately

my clearest memory from high school is my best friend asking if i’d brought gym clothes and me asking “who the fuck is jim”