I Thought I Would Update The List Of BDSM Links And Resources I Posted A While Ago, As Some Links Were

Might need this sometime...

BDSM Links And Resources

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker

Understanding Mismatched Libidos in Heterosexual Relationships

In most long term heterosexual relationships, there is an inevitable drop in the frequency of sex. Unfortunately, the ‘lust’ and spontaneity that defined early parts of the relationship get pushed aside in the face of the more ‘practical’ side of a long term marriage - finances, work, chores, children… the list goes on.

On top of this, most women typically have a lower sex drive than men in long-term monogamous relationships. This is often described as a “mismatched libido” - a situation where the male is craving sexual interaction and the female is not feeling the same urge - or, at least - not with the same frequency. Subtle cues that one partner is ‘not in the mood’ will often discourage the other partner from even probing for physical affection in the first place. In these cases, it is common for the male to feel sexually under-utilized or under-engaged.

This mismatched libido situation often leads to two of the most common sexual mood-killers in long-term relationships:

The male begging you for sex, which is a huge turnoff for you

Giving the male sex because you feel ‘bad’, which is a huge turnoff for him

Also, less frequent ejaculation makes lovemaking far more difficult for the male as increased sensitivity and pent up ‘horniness’ is a recipe for premature ejaculation and performance anxiety which can make the male hesitant to initiate. To counter this, males will turn to masturbation and pornography - both of which increase the production of the sexual ‘shut-off’ hormone, prolactin, which makes the male significantly less likely to be responsive and affectionate to their partner. Males who are masturbating frequently will often appear irritable or ‘grumpy’ as a result of these courting hormones being suppressed. It’s easy to see how these combining factors lead toward a vicious-cycle of sexual decline.

A Solution: Aligning to the Male Hormonal Cycle

As a biological reality, trying to increase the female libido is not a realistic solution to this issue. It is much more effective to manage the libido imbalance from the male’s side.

This is done by aligning the male’s orgasm frequency with their typical sexual hormonal cycle. Luckily, the timings of this cycle are fairly predictable and well understood. It typically works as follows:

Directly post-orgasm: Males experience a 'drop' caused by a rush of prolactin - an energy and oxytocin (courting, cuddling, compliance hormone) suppressant.

3-5 days post-orgasm: Prolactin starts to return to normal levels.

You may notice the typical "3 day itch" where he's grouchy or irritable. He's highly likely to want to masturbate in this period to get the endorphin rush to offset his slump. He could ask you to unlock him - if so, he's testing your commitment. Tell him he’s doing well and to push a little longer. A little teasing or attention will get him through.

5-21 days post-orgasm: Oxytocin levels start to increase.

You will start to notice a glorious, loving, caring - even obedient version of your male! His desire for you will escalate through this period.

21+ days post-orgasm: Oxytocin production starts to plateau and stabilize.

More of the same, but after 21 days the dramatic increase will subside, although the levels don't drop off necessarily.

This is why many believe that the 21 days mark is the ideal minimum point at which to allow male release, effectively pushing the reset button for the cycle to start again. This alignment to the male’s hormonal cycle is the essence of what is broadly known as Male Orgasm Control.

Implementing Male Orgasm Control

Now for the fun bit - for you and him! The most obvious, but often neglected part of initiating a more structured sexual relationship in this way is communication. Whether this is your idea initially, or his, is irrelevant. Communicating openly and honestly will set the parameters for the thriving sexual journey ahead.

This starts by collectively agreeing to place the male’s orgasms under her control. Setting this, and other rules, as well as a clear structure (even schedule) will be the first part of the journey, after which you will adjust as you see fit.

For example:

Schedule release windows: perhaps a day of the week every 18-21+ days. This is suprisingly useful in long term relationships as it keeps you both on track!

The male is to agree to have no orgasm outside of this window. You (or he) may wish him to wear a chastity device during time, which has a variety of benefits (see below).

Remain intimate with kissing, cuddling, teasing, massage throughout the cycle. This is spontaneous and unplanned intimacy that is at the heart of bonding as a couple.

On release day, give him permission to orgasm. This may be during sex, you may wish to give him a handjob, BJ, touchless orgasm, caged orgasm or simply ask him to masturbate to climax.

5. The cycle begins again!

It’s as simple as that! Orgasm control is in essence about providing a structure and ‘game’ element to your sexual relationship that addresses the key issues of mismatched libidos. For him, the game is one that gives him focus, attention and satiates his need to be desired, in alignment with his sexual hormonal cycle. For you, it balances the libido differences that so often cause misalignment, and gives you clarity, structure and fun sense of control which you will both find hugely rewarding and exciting.

Commit to it!

Something crucial to note at this point: this journey succeeds only if you, as the female, commit to it. Whether you introduced this to your partner or the other way around, if your male is locked in a chastity cage, he is committed to make it work! There will be times when he's super into it, and times when he madly wishes he could unlock and jerk off - but he can't - you have the key.

What he needs is reciprocation from your side - committing to the process, acknowledging and embracing your control, and never simply 'lock and forget'.

Set the schedule

Control (hide) the key

Set some rules

Follow through!

The benefits for you are:

His behavior will change as he, even on a hormonal level, will be trying to 'seduce' you and please you

There is no pressure for you to ‘be in the mood’ outside of the release schedule… there will be no 'nagging' / begging for sex from his side, which is a big turnoff.

He will have more sexual energy for you, which you can direct however you choose - even towards non-sexual things like home tasks, keeping fit and sexy for you… be creative!

The element of control can be lots of fun - for both of you!

The benefits for him are:

Increased energy and focus

Clarity regarding the structure of your sexual relationship, rather than constant 'hope / disappointment' of the libido imbalance

Sex is not the focus, so even small things like verbal cues or physical touch and teasing are sufficient and very pleasurable for him. In the 5-21 day period, the male is climbing towards peak arousal. Any sexual interaction - kissing, touching, massaging, foreplay - will be totally electric for him. In many ways, the orgasm itself becomes secondary.

The release, when it comes, is totally mind blowing for him.

The Case for the Cage

It is often surprising for female partners to learn that in most cases, the process of male orgasm control is significantly improved for the male when a chastity cage is used. Some key reasons are:

Discipline:

Firstly, and most obviously, the cage makes it impossible for him to masturbate outside of the release window. Many males have NEVER gone 21 days without orgasm since they had their first one in their teens! This is the training aid that they need to align to the new schedule.

Zero Erections:

Another key reason is that having regular erections without stimulation and release is extremely frustrating for the male. It is effectively like making a fresh cup of coffee and allowing him to smell it, but never allowing him to taste. Locking him up effectively and painlessly prevents erections, which means he is not getting to smell the coffee in the first place - at least until he is allowed to do something about it in the release window.

Decreased Sensitivity:

The cage also prevents access to the most sensitive part of his nub (the frenulum), which means this is not constantly being simulated unintentionally during movement, sleep etc. This frustration can result in whining, sleep disruptions and begging for sex, which really defeats the purpose.

Arousal:

Finally, a chastity cage should be understood as a tool which provides a constant reminder of the shared sexual experience between you and him. Without any effort on your part, you as the keyholder are driving him wild (in a good way!) every time he thinks of sex - whether in a staff meeting, driving to work, at the supermarket or on a running trail. The sexual charge is highly exhilarating. Try it on for size 😉.

Conclusions

In a nutshell, Male Orgasm Control is the simplest, most effective and fun way to help us bridge the gap between nature’s mismatched libidos. Talk about it with your partner, define the parameters and enjoy the journey towards blissful sexual alignment!

Cuck Newbie Seeking Counsel from Experienced Cucks & Hotwives

As I wrote in my previous post, after more than a decade of mutual fantasy and her saying she was not ready and would probably never be ready, my wife suddenly decided that she was going to cuckold me with a guy from work.  I’m incredibly turned on by this, of course, but I really was not prepared for the full impact of the emotions I’m now dealing with daily.  My heart has been racing and I’ve been short of breath for going on 2 1/2 days now.  That has to calm down at some point, right? 

Also, in addition to the positive emotions like loving, adoring, and worshipping her like never before and being turned on like I’ve never experienced before, I’m also feeling like I’m not getting enough from her because her emotional intensity level isn’t matching mine.  So I worry a little about losing her.  Somehow, I need her to make it known to me that I am still special to her, that I am still her #1 in some manner, that we have something that no one else can ever have with her.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.  I don’t really have words for the emotional roller coaster I am on.  And she hasn’t even cuckolded me, yet!  Just some pretty direct flirting via text messages.  But she has assured me that she intends to suck his cock this week.  Furthermore, she told me flat out tonight that he will definitely not be the only other guy she fucks.  So she is past the point of no return.  She wants it, and she’s going to get what she wants.  Batten down the hatches and get ready for the ride!

Anyone with some advice or experience to relate, I’d love to hear it.  Send me an email or chat.  Thanks.

Are Submissive men weak?

I was asked today what is it about submissive men I like, are they not weak? So here are my thoughts about this…. outside of the fantasy of the internet or the male constructed image of what a dominant woman is…..

A truly submissive man is rarely weak in any sense, nor are they lazy, or stupid or a doormat.

Relationships, connections with and submission from a submissive man come in many forms., Here are my experiences, observations and the traits I like.

1. Often very intelligent, life’s thinkers… this appeals to me, clever minds need to be switched off. They also usually appreciate a clever woman and are not threatened by that.

2. True gentleman, they open doors for you, pull back chairs in restaurants, give you their coat if you are cold. I personally love this, it makes you feel looked after.

3. Your pleasure is theirs ….. this covers a wide range of things from making you laugh to making you orgasm, usually giving in nature rather than taking. There is nothing hotter than a man finding happiness, pleasure or arousal, by facilitating yours. They are usually appreciate being guided or for a woman to take the lead completely, without seeing it as Criticism or some kind of assault on their masculinity. Getting laid is not usually high on their agenda, getting you off usually is.

4. They see the beauty you have inside and out and usually put greater value on the beauty inside.

5. They appreciate the things you do for them, and notice when you do.

6. They love making you feel better or good. Usually they notice when your not feeling good too and do their best to help.

7. They are Attentive -Foot rubs, massages, bringing you coffee, stuff that just needs doing. They usually like to talk, share dreams, ideas and generally just spend time with you.

8. They will take over when you need them to… they understand that need and even the most Dominant of dommes need to just check out sometimes, submissive men will help you do that, simply because that’s what you need …. they like to meet your needs.

9. They are usually very passionate, about life, their interests, you!

10. They like to be showered with affection and praise and will do things to get that.

11. Hold you in high regard and tell you so, the love and devotion a submissive man will express to his chosen dominant is a beautiful thing.

12. They are comfortable with their masculinity and their submission, they adore the dominance of femininity.

13. Usually fans of a corseted woman, a big plus for me.

14. Usually protective of their dominant, they usually insist that others treat their lady with the same respect they do.

15. Often sensitive and feeling

16. Value cuddles and intimacy

17. Thoughtful gift givers, even if the gift is their time.

18. They worship you, this can take many forms from kissing your feet to telling you they feel lucky to be in your life.

19. Motivated, usually in most aspects in life, life’s doers.

20. They are not intimidated by your confidence, sexuality, success, ambition, achievements, they usually find that a turn on.

I could go on and on, but I find no weakness in a submissive man. Quite the opposite - I see strength in someone knowing what makes them happy, is confident to ignore the stereotype of “manly” behaviour, has complete respect for women and sees my needs equal to or greater than his own…

I give thanks to the universe for creating such a glorious creature as the submissive man and I’m sure many other dominant women do to!

How To Ask Her To Become A Slutwife

There are only 2 ways that a wife can become a slutwife.

The first is initiated internally, within her. Internal drive is something inside of her makes her desire to sleep with another man, to have attention from another, to seek a relationship outside of marriage. Internal drive is often the cause of cheating and also a great indicator of slutwife potential. Internal drive is absolutely necessary for a good slutwife.

The second is initiated by external influence. External influence is done by things that influence her internal drive and eventually make her seek the attention of another man and look at the possibility of sleeping with another. External influence can lead to cheating when the husband is not involved, but can lead to a very good slutwife/cuck style relationship when the husband is very involved.

That being said, you can safely assume that her internal drive needs to be kicked in, while simultaneously being a big part of her external influence, in order to get the slutwife of your dreams.

Now, there is only one realistic way of activating her internal drive and being her biggest external influence, you have to ask her to be your slutwife. Why? Because if her internal drive was raging, she would have asked you or already be cheating on you. If that is the case, you don’t need much from this post. For everyone else, it will be up to you to make it happen. You have to push forward.

When people ask me during private conversations, this is usually the biggest hurdle they have trouble getting over. How to ask?

Asking out of the blue can be very intimidating to most, because that is what most envision asking the question. In reality, there are many ways to lead-up to asking the question and warm her up to the idea. Here we will cover a few.

1. Let’s Watch Porn - Contrary to what some think, women can enjoy porn as much as men, they just perceive things differently. We have a natural curiosity towards sexuality and anything taboo, so exploring through porn is very common. Set up some time with your partner to explore porn together. Find out what she is curious about, see if there is something on her mind. If she mentions something, explore that topic. If she doesn’t know, guide her towards your goals. Topics like hotwife, threesome, size queens, and BBC are good starting points. When watching a video on a hotwife, mention how hot you think the scenario is and how much it turns you on. If watching BBC type video, mention how hot you think it looks watching a white woman being a slut for a black man, how black men seem better equipped for porn, and how they seem to have better endurance/stamina. Remember, regardless of the topic, only explore one topic at a time, give her mind time to absorb the idea. Towards the end of the video when you are both feeling hot, mention how you think she could do things better than the girl in the video, to give her a perspective of herself in that situation. Finish by giving her some very pleasurable sex and saying that you can’t wait to set up another night like that. This type of activity will open up the floor for bringing up the idea of her having sex with another man after doing it a few times.

2. Someone hit on her - If you are with a woman who’s looks rate anything above a 1, chances are she will be getting hit on at some point. You may witness it, or she may tell you about it some time later. The point is to be excited about it when she tells you, and ask her to give you every detail. You can then proceed to eat her out and give her a proper orgasm as you mention little suggestions where she could have done more. (Little things are her smiling more when she gets hit on, giving her phone number, adding him on facebook, wearing something slightly more revealing, etc.) This will teach her that you are cool with her having attention from other men, it turns you on, and that you think about her taking it slightly further. By eating her out while talking about it, it aligns these experiences with other good and pleasurable experiences, thus building a correlation between being hit on and pleasure. This opens up the doors for her to seek more attention and eventually pushing further. As far as asking her to be a slutwife when the time comes, you can go back to one of these scenarios and mention how you imagine her going all the way, how hot the idea sounds, and what are her thoughts on doing it in real life.

3. Asking her to Show Off More - You can always ask your wife to show off a bit more, then compliment her on how hot she looks. This doesn’t mean asking her to go full slutmode right off the bat (we will cover more on how to get her there in another post). You will simply ask her to show off a bit more. For example, have her pull her blouse down to show off a bit more cleavage, or let her skirt ride a bit higher than normal. Go out with her and mention how sexy she looked, how you caught a few guys staring, and how much it turns you on. This will no doubt bring a “Aren’t you jealous?” Your reply will be that you are not because you love her, know that she is yours, and that it turns you on when other guys admire your sexy wife. Tell her how proud you are to show off how sexy she is and that you do not believe you should keep such a beauty all to yourself. Over time, as you get her to dress sexier and she becomes more comfortable, this will set things up for the slutwife topic (More on that soon).

4. The Sex Shop Experience-Another way to ease her into talking about her becoming a slutwife is by taking her to an adult store. Not into a cheap small store that looks raunchy, go into an adult megaplex with a variety of stuff. The two of you will go on a date to explore different sexual kinks and to simply look around. While there, see if she is curious about anything in particular, costumes, toys, bondage, etc. and go with it. No one should know her kinks better than you, so go with it. If she is following your lead, start by going to the dvd section and explore your fantasy. Show her some BBC/3 some/ or slutwife DVD and tell her how it looks really interesting. Ask her what she thinks about it. Move on to the costumes and ask her which she finds sexiest. Go with her answers and suggest something sexy yourself, than have her visualize herself wearing it. If its something she could pull off on Halloween, mention how she should wear it on Halloween and turn some heads. Go to the toys section and see if any catch her interest. Go with it. Then point out some large dildos as well. Have her hold them and ask her how she thinks one would feel inside of her if she took her time to ease it in. Tell her how much it would turn you on to see her take one. You should aim to buy something that interests her from each section, to show her how much you lover her sexuality and want her to explore it. At the same time, you are dropping small hints as to your desires and feeling out her interests.

5. Who Would You Sleep With?-You will ask the question that if she could have sex with any one person in the world with zero consequences, who it would be. She may likely choose a celebrity. If she can speak about it openly, ask her to name another. Have her pick out about 3. If she insists that she couldn’t, then tell her that if she had to, due to a life and death situation, who would she choose. You can also apply a world catastrophe situation where you are gone and she is needed yo help repopulate the world and she has her pick of men. The only point here is to get her to talk about how she would have sex with other men. She may counter by asking you who you would sleep with. You will respond with a girl you have seen in porn as a hotwife, going black, doing a gangbang, etc. and you will say that because you would think back and ask her about that scene she did and it would really turn you on.

6. What is your Fantasy?- Last but not least, ask her what her fantasies are. It is important that you know her fantasies and curiosities if you don’t already. If you have done some of the stuff above, you might have done enough to get her curious about the hotwife scenarios, BBC, huge cocks, threesomes, etc. if not, just get to know her fantasies. When she asks about yours, this is where you tell her. Your fantasy is for her to be a sexy slutwife. Remember that you are not demanding anything, you are informing how hot you find the idea. (Go back to post #1) there is a chance she may be into it and willing to explore it further. If not, tell her how you would still like to roleplay that along with her own fantasies.

With the tools above, you should be able to ease into letting her know you love the idea of her becoming a slutwife and gives you a set up to gauge her interests. It also serves towards becoming her biggest external influence and could possibly kick in her internal drive, This on it’s own may not be the home-run, but it certainly sets things up to get her to fulfill your fantasy.

Chastity

Chastity is a curious fetish. It’s curious because it’s a fetish that morphs into a lifestyle with relative ease. It’s also a fetish that is just as addicting for the wearer, as it is for the key holder. The part that makes chastity the most curious however, is just how quickly it can change the mindset of the wearer and key holder. It doesn’t take very long at all to recognize just how powerful D/s can be. Chastity does however, have a few learning curves to it, but they can also be a part of the fun.

When starting out with chastity, it can take a bit of time to get the right fit. There’s a lot of components that need to fit together just right. Too tight can mean serious health consequences, where as too loose might mean the cage falls off without the key. Taking the time to figure out the right fit will beneficial for longer term wear, and putting an end to pinching, or chafing.

It’s important that the base ring fits snugly, just before it cuts off blood circulation. When you’re first starting out, you’ll find that over time, you’ll need to gradually move to smaller rings as the body adjusts.  When you’re just starting out with chastity, the male body is going to rebel against it for the first few weeks. In fact, the device will likely not be able to be worn overnight because in the middle of the night, nocturnal erections will prevent him from sleeping. Not because it’s painful, but because the penis is trying to push the cage away from the body. This causes the scrotum to pull against the ring causing it to stretch. This stretching makes him feel a burning sensation that doesn’t really hurt, but it’s a strong enough feeling to prevent sleep.

Don’t worry, with a few repeated attempts to wear the device overnight, the scrotum will stretch and the burning will cease until the cage can be worn all night long. All attempted erections can be slept through, and he will awake as a very horny locked submissive. Being able to stay locked for a full night is a milestone. The stretching/burning sensation will come back when attempting to do 2 - 3 or more nights in a row, because the body is still not used to it fully. Eventually all this will stop, and he’ll be able to stay chaste indefinitely, without losing any sleep.

Chafing is another concern, because it’s a device attached to a moving part of the body, the ring will tend or irritate the skin and cause it to go raw. One good way to combat this, is to use a clear diaper rash ointment which works like a lube, or remove the cage until it heals then try again. One good brand of ointment is Penaten daily clear protection cream, its on Amazon. This can also be used inside the cage, because it repels moisture. It prevents any kind of infections from sweat and daily use while also allowing the penis to slide around in the cage instead of sticking to the sides. It makes it much easier for him to go pee, without struggling to line his penis up with the hole.

Over time as the body get used to the cage, the skin will stretch, and jumping down a size in the base ring may be a good idea. The cage will often begin to pull forward after a few days of wear, making pullout very possible, if not tempting. Moving to a smaller ring at this point, is a good idea.

Attempted erections over time will lessen to a degree. Not because he’s losing the ability to get hard, quite the opposite in fact, when he’s allowed to be hard, he’ll be harder than he’s ever been! However, his body will have learned that it cannot win against the cage, and will accept defeat. It will not try to get erect as often, which means, his penis will be flaccid most of the time.  If you look at the cage, and see where his flaccid penis is resting, it will likely be a short distance away front the end of the cage. This means, upgrading to a smaller cage would be beneficial.

The cage should fit around the flaccid penis so that it rests touching the end of the cage. Not straining against it. The object is not to cram the penis into the cage, so that even when its resting its backing up into his body. The cage should match his flaccid size, so that when he attempts to get hard, he’s gently denied. Causing him to squirm in frustration and submission.

One other important part to remember when fitting a chastity cage, is the space between the base ring and the cage itself. The gap should not be very wide, it should be wide enough to enable circulation. It should compress the scrotum, so that the balls are snugly held in place. If the gap is too wide, when he gets cold, or is active, or even sleeping, his testicles might slip through that gap, and that can cause pain or injury. Especially if one testicle can slip through and the other cannot.

It is for reasons exactly like that, that the submissive should have access to a chastity key at all times. It doesn’t mean he gets to keep a key on his key chain. But perhaps in a sealed, stapled and signed envelope, that can’t be opened without being noticed. It’s also something that can cause him to be extra horny, knowing the key is within his reach, but he can’t use it without his key holder knowing. So safety first, can be beneficial in more ways than one.

It can be a lot of fun to figure out the right size, and experiment with chastity, it’s really the perfect way to figure out if chastity is for you or not. Once you get past the fitting stages, and getting the body used to it, the real fun begins. It’s the point where, she truly gets to decide if and when, he gets unlocked.

A whole new psychological level unlocks with chastity. One very interesting aspect of chastity is that it’s often a male driven fantasy, but the benefits of it hit the female harder. After a few days of keeping him under lock and key, she often thinks about it throughout the day, and really enjoys the extra attention he’s trying to pour onto her. His puppy dog eyes, his eagerness to please, the housework gets done, dinner gets made and she just gets to relax. A few days of this, and she begins to feel his frustration. She can feel it like he feels it, but in a different way. She feels the power of it, where as, he feels the helplessness of it.

This power that she feels, makes her feel desired, while at the same time, having her own desire. It’s an exquisite mix of emotion that helps her to discover just how much power she has, which gives her the confidence to become a little more dominant. It doesn’t take her very long to realize she loves the idea of chastity. This is a realization that even the submissive hasn’t had yet. She’s leap frogged his understanding of chastity, and it has now become her idea and her fantasy, and no longer his.

It can actually take the submissive a substantially longer period of time to realize how powerful chastity really is. At first he may have been the one pushing it, trying to move faster, wanting her to be more dominant. However, once she truly gets it, she’s going to be taking control in ways he’s not yet comfortable with. Especially when it comes to sex, and realizing that he doesn’t actually get to even touch himself while pleasuring her. The intensity of that alone, can make a submissive realize what he’s gotten himself into!

This might make him become resistant, to be rebellious at first. He may even want out of the cage, just as an excuse to masturbate. It’s okay, if he seriously wants out, and doesn’t want to submit any further, let him out. Within a short period of time, a couple days, or a couple weeks, he’ll miss it. Once a submissive has had a small taste of chastity, especially well fitting chastity, it’s nearly impossible for him to ignore it for long. It calls to him. The feeling of being locked is a feeling that is so addicting, so powerful, that he’ll be begging to be locked again.

This time around he’ll understand more of what he’s gotten himself into, and will be more cooperative. Non sexual activities will become sexual for him. Every chore, will be an act of service, which he will hope for a reward from her. Everything he does, will be in hopes to receive an unlock. Going out for dinner and a movie, might get him feeling hopeful, until she teases him by saying she feels like a bath and a full body massage when they get home. He knows he’ll be locked all night, in service to her.

Eventually he’ll have the same epiphany she had, he will feel his submission take over his whole body. He’ll realize he’s not in control, that he’s surrendered to her, and he has no idea what’s going to come next. He will stop trying to be unlocked through good behavior, and realize good behavior was never why he was unlocked. He gets unlocked, only through obedience to her. It’s a pivotal shift in a female led relationship, where he suddenly gets what it means to be a submissive. That’s when chastity really begins.

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Edging and Orgasm Denial Techniques

Stumbled on a good resource on Medium.com I thought worth sharing:

One of the hardest things about male chastity is actually getting your man to stop himself from cumming.

My husband and I, have found a simple way to do this. First comes the strategy, and then there is are specific tactics within the strategy.

The strategy is easy: he’s found it’s easier for him not to have an orgasm when he imagines it as a ‘cliff’ he’s going to go over.

And once he knows where that ‘edge’ is, then it’s much easier to back away from it (obviously); but it’s also easier then to avoid with subsequent edging. That’s the really important thing because it means we can make love and play for a long time without having to worry about him being too excited to carry on without having an orgasm.

The trick (he says) is knowing how to find the edge, recognise it when it’s approaching and not go flying over it in his enthusiasm.

So now we come to the orgasm denial tactics.

Remember: the point of ‘no return’ is the edge.

So as he’s approaching it he mentally maps his orgasm and how far he is from it onto a path to the edge of the cliff. He literally sees this path in his mind’s eye and imagines himself walking along it.

Now, if you’re going to ask me exactly how he does this, I can’t answer because I’m not in his head. But this is how he describes it to me and I can say two things for sure:

It takes practice. And you’re better erring on the side of ‘safety’.

It works. The chances of him cumming when he’s not supposed to are vanishingly small now. This is A Good Thing, for two reasons: first, we can have a lot more fun and do more things without worrying; and secondly, it makes my teasing of him much more worthwhile because I can push him further.

By working as a team it’s possible for me to take him to that edge and back over and over again before calling it a day.

And like anything, the more you do it, the better at it you’re going to get.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking all or even most of the fun of chastity is to be found in tease and denial, because if you’re not serving her desires and worshiping her body then you’re missing out on some of the most exquisite torture you can imagine. My favorite rapidly became the strapon — almost as good as the real thing and certainly good enough for long term orgasm denial.

Bottom line: your man does not need to orgasm.

He may want to, and there are reasons you might sometimes allow it (and some fiendish ways of doing it for him), but when it comes down to it he doesn’t need to orgasm, ever.

Link here.

So, you want a Hotwife?