Might Need This Sometime...

Might need this sometime...

BDSM Links And Resources

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker

More Posts from Cuckinlove and Others

3 years ago
“If You Take It Longer Than 30 Minutes, You End Up In Deep Sleep. Have You Ever Taken A Nap And Felt

“If you take it longer than 30 minutes, you end up in deep sleep. Have you ever taken a nap and felt worse when you woke up? That’s what’s happening — you’re sleeping too long and you’re going into a stage of sleep that’s very difficult to get out of.”  [x]

Sleep inertia is a physiological state characterized by a decline in motor dexterity and a subjective feeling of grogginess immediately following an abrupt awakening. The impaired alertness may interfere with the ability to perform mental or physical tasks. Sleep inertia can also refer to the tendency of a person wanting to return to sleep.

Studies by the Human Factors Division at NASA Ames Research Center have shown that a variety of factors influence the severity and duration of sleep inertia. One includes:

Depth of sleep when awakened. After roughly 30 minutes, the brain enters into slow-wave sleep (deep sleep). Being awakened during this stage yields more sleep inertia than awakening from other stages of sleep. However, since one cannot predict accurately the stages of sleep that will occur within a nap, there is no physiological reason to try to limit the length of a nap. When one is sleep deprived, any sleep is good.

image

(Fact Source) For more facts, follow Ultrafacts

3 years ago

I need to try all of these...

cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
5 years ago

Life-changing paradigm shift.

The Art of Cuckolding

Alright, lets destroy the taboo surrounding cuckolding once and for all. Are you ready? Get ready, because when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. When it comes to cuckolding, you have to see it for what it is, rather than what you think it is. In other words, you have to see it, from a perspective, that doesn’t personally involve you, even if you’re the one being cuckolded. There’s a submission in that, a surrendering, and it’s that surrendering that makes cuckolding an incredible experience, compared to a betrayal of trust, or neglect, or envy, or jealousy.

First of all, cuckolding is not required to have a successful, happy, and wonderful female led relationship. Many don’t need it, nor want it. However, many could benefit from it, if they examined why they don’t want it. So in the end, it really boils down to if cuckolding is in alignment with you both as a couple, or not, and whether or not, you can get in alignment with it.

Cuckolding is often something that is worked toward as the relationship progresses, as each partner becomes more confident in their role as dominant and submissive, cuckolding is just the next natural step to take. Sometimes it comes easier, or even, occurs early on, so this does vary per couple, but as a general rule, it’s something that is evolved toward.

The reason for this, is because it really does require a lot of inner work in both partners.  The inner work of becoming dominant and submissive, requires a change in mindset, it requires letting go of what doesn’t serve you anymore.  A dominant cannot hang onto insecurity and be fully dominant. A submissive can’t truly submit without giving up control. You see, this inner work, changes mindsets as the relationship evolves.  At first it’s the overcoming of some inhibitions, while keeping others.

Then this gradually evolves into slightly more into letting go of inhibitions, a little more experimental, a little more exploring. A little more intense D/s dynamic. What was once fun, has become the expectation. It’s great to lock him up in chastity, for 3 days, it’s a lot of fun, but now he’s expected to be locked up for a week at a time, without complaint. There is inner work happening automatically to respond to the D/s dynamic. She becomes a little more dominant in time, and he becomes a little more submissive in time. Less inhibitions, more power exchange.

So naturally, it gets to a point where she has discovered that keeping him denied and very horny, is the best place to keep him, all of the time. That if she decides to let him have a release, it’s for her entertainment, and not his need. So often, she finds that intercourse is just something he can’t give her anymore, or very often, because it takes him out of the obedient state she wants him to be in. She doesn’t want to wait for that obedient state to build back up again, she wants to just keep him there, because that’s where he best serves her. She discovers, its up to her, if she wants him out of that state or not.

So now the dilemma of intercourse comes along, and sure, she can make him use a strap on, or a face dildo, and have him pretend to be good at the rough sex she craves from time to time, and this can work maybe beautifully. It serves to tease him and keep him denied, she cums, and it brings them closer together in the D/s dynamic. He loves providing her pleasure, and being kept denied for her.

Yet, it’s still often not as good as the real thing. Not only that, but as her confidence increased as she becomes more dominant, she’s going to naturally be more attractive to the men in the world. She’s going to be getting male attention, and as she becomes more and more dominant, she’s going to realize that her submissive has no say in her sex life if she doesn’t want him to have a say.

A submissive, having done the inner work, will eventually come to the same conclusion if he hasn’t already. He knows her sex life has nothing to do with him, and he wants to make sure she is pleasured. Many submissives find the idea is very hot, and encourage their dominant to cuckold them. However, if they haven’t done the inner work, they’re going to find that when she actually follows through on it, he feels neglected by her. Or jealous of her lover. If the inner work hasn’t been done, cuckolding can wreak havoc on the relationship.

The idea that she could do it, when he really only loved the fantasy of it. The reality hits him like a truck. He either does the inner work because of that, or it ruins him and his relationship to her, feeling betrayed. On the flip side, she may feel guilty for having done it, and when that’s combined with his feelings of betray, look out, it’s likely a relationship ender. And it’s all because the inner work wasn’t done in either of them, they’ve now encountered friction on a level beyond their capability to cope.

This is why cuckolding should never be rushed, and should be adequately communicated about with each other. There should be no secrets between each other, all fantasies and all fetishes, and all feelings, should be on the table in plain view, at all times. When she gets the urge to cuckold him because some cute guy hit on her at the gym, she should be able to go home and tell her submissive about it, just to gauge his reaction. Which should be an honest reply of how he really feels about it.

During the discovery of the D/s dynamic and the letting go of inhibitions there are often key points where each partner has their own epiphany, the epiphany that this is really happening, that he is hers. A sense of belonging, or a sense of ownership. It’s just a point in which, that level of D/s dynamic has become the new normal. That there’s no going back. Many couples experience many gradual epiphanies, but there comes a point where there’s an epiphany of epiphanies. It’s the point where, the D/s dynamic is who they truly are. It’s the epiphany of freedom to be dominant, and freedom to be submissive. The becoming dominant and submissive to each other is over, they have become dominant and submissive to each other.

It’s the point at which, his dedication to her never wavers, and she knows she is free to do anything she pleases without  the fear that he would ever leave her. This doesn’t include abuse, abuse is always a deal breaker. However within the framework of the D/s dynamic, he is hers, and she controls both their lives. Which means, she gets to act single, if she wishes, when she is out and about. Her submissive, knowing he belongs to her, wants her to fully be herself, and if that means finding a lover, to make up for the sex he’s no longer allowed to give her, or perhaps never could, then he’s all for it. Her pleasure, is his pleasure, and he wants that for her. He encourages that for her. He may help her accomplish it, if she wants him to.

Cuckolding can become this very intimate thing, that takes the D/s dynamic to the next level. She may have him get her ready for dates, picking out a cute outfit, or driving her to her date. He may help her get ready for the date, shaving her legs, after bathing her. The fantasy of the cuckolding can become a very intimate experience and bring them very close together. He is excited for her and happy she’s confident enough to truly get what she wants.

Cuckolding can start out gradually like all other things, and build up to more and more involvement for her submissive. Maybe he’s at home while she’s out at her lovers hotel room and she comes home the next day to tell him about it. Maybe it then graduates to her inviting her lover to her house. Maybe her cuckold is in the same room, maybe not. There’s any number of ways and ideas that can be explored through cuckolding and that’s dependent upon what she wants.

After the fact, her submissive is eager to hear the detail, he’s eager to support her, and make sure she doesn’t feel guilty about it. He feels owned and in complete bliss knowing she comes home to him. That he is hers, and she cuddles him afterward. He loves her through allowing her to come back to him. That she is free, and she loves him because of that freedom. He is her rock. He is the one she trusts more than anyone in the world. Nothing can replace him. Cuckolding can bring about that realization. He has nothing to do with her sex life, yet everything to do with it. Which is exactly what submission is.

It’s the knowing that he is where he belongs, and that belonging can’t have attachments to outcomes. Because an attachment to an outcome, is an attempt to control. He gets the outcome she wants him to have. He doesn’t get a say in that but she must know his limits.

That’s the beauty of the D/s dynamic it’s designed to discover those limits. A lot of what people think are limits, are just inhibitions that can be overcome in time, with inner work. Some of them can’t be, and if there truly is no inner work to be done, and the resistance to the idea is that strong that it repulses you, then that’s the limit. But if there’s any question at all, any inkling that may not be the case, that needs to be communication, because there’s inner work there, that can be done.

If that inner work is done with cuckolding, it really does open up a whole new world to the D/s dynamic, and the possibilities that can be explored together. Those possibilities can never be understood, until they’re already available. You have to become a cuckold couple, to understand that. Everything else is fantasy that can’t become reality, or a turn off that is loyal to monogamy.

Many people are enslaved by the idea of monogamy, but when they discover it’s simply a social construct designed to keep people limited because sexual expression is shunned, they want to free themselves. Others, make it a choice, and when it’s a choice, it’s perfectly okay. There is nothing wrong with being monogamous. But you have to ask yourself, is it you making the choice, or is it society making the choice for you? If it’s society making the choice for you, then you have to understand, that you were never given the option. “ A bird that’s lived it’s whole life in a cage, thinks flying is an illness.”

Cuckolding is not cheating, rather,  It is a direct result of the unfolding of natural female desire. Where she understands that monogamy was just another instilled taboo to control her. She realizes she can have the best of both worlds, having an attentive submissive to cater to her sensual sexual nature, to provide her with everything she wants, and a lover to give her the sex she craves, liberating her to explore her sexuality beyond her wildest dreams. Which means, since she gets the best of both worlds, her submissive does to, because he belongs to her, and her pleasure is his pleasure, her happiness, his happiness. They both get the best of both worlds, because neither of them, want it to be any other way.

Want to understand the world of female led relationships? Check out my book series Practical FLR Volumes 1-3

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3 years ago
How to Find a Bull - Kinky How-Tos
As you might imagine, finding the right bull is of the utmost importance to your cuckolding adventures, and we’re here to help you do that. Read to discover what you need to look for in a bull and where to find one online.
6 years ago
Beyond A Fetish Or Kink - A Paradigm Of Romantic Partnership For The Modern Age. 
Beyond A Fetish Or Kink - A Paradigm Of Romantic Partnership For The Modern Age. 
Beyond A Fetish Or Kink - A Paradigm Of Romantic Partnership For The Modern Age. 
Beyond A Fetish Or Kink - A Paradigm Of Romantic Partnership For The Modern Age. 
Beyond A Fetish Or Kink - A Paradigm Of Romantic Partnership For The Modern Age. 
Beyond A Fetish Or Kink - A Paradigm Of Romantic Partnership For The Modern Age. 
Beyond A Fetish Or Kink - A Paradigm Of Romantic Partnership For The Modern Age. 
Beyond A Fetish Or Kink - A Paradigm Of Romantic Partnership For The Modern Age. 

Beyond a fetish or kink - a paradigm of romantic partnership for the modern age. 

8 years ago

Cucked for the Sixth Time

My amazing wife just cuckolded me for the sixth time. I forfeited our date night so she could fuck her bull. She made me run her errands while she was fucking. So, for example, while she was moaning with pleasure with his cock pounding and stretching her, I was at that very moment waiting in line at Costco to pick up our New Year photo greeting cards -- with my cock caged, no less. Her bull deposited a huge load in her, which she thoughtfully kept from draining out until I could get to her hotel room to reclaim her. I voraciously kissed her all over and consumed her with my eyes as well. Then she fed it to me while I licked her to two more orgasms and fucked her for another. She is a sexually insatiable, greedy bitch, and I am madly in love with her. If you have read any of my prior posts, you know that I suffered from riding an intense emotional roller coaster the previous five times she cuckolded me, but each time it was a little easier. This is the first time I had only positive thoughts (lust & love for my wife, wanting the best for her, wanting to please her, etc.) and no negatives (fear of losing her, anxiety over him being better than me in some way, anxiety over our relationship being negatively affected, etc.). I think it is because she has proven each time she cucked me that she is FOR me. And also because I am coming to terms with the fact that this is who I am. There is no need to fight it. I am proud to be her cuckold, and it is my privilege & honor to facilitate her pleasure by any means. She is laying next to me now, taking a much-deserved nap on sheets that smell of her bull's cologne and his semen...and I could not be happier! We've been married for over 17 years and I am more passionate towards my wife than any couple that I have ever met (including newlyweds). @dirtylittledamsel7


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3 years ago

Ladies I have another question for you....

What’s one thing you wish guy did while he was going down ?

8 years ago

Cuck Newbie Update

So the guy my wife targeted actually made her doubt whether she wanted to go through with it. As a result, we have slowed down and she has not fully cuckolded me yet (by fucking). There has been a lot of kissing and groping, however, and she informed me this morning that there is a strong chance that she will suck his dick this week. It still seems that she is intent on fully entering the cuckold/hotwife lifestyle. She's just entering more gradually... I do still suffer from raging emotions when she is out with him. I hope they will always continue (don't ever want to be nonchalant about it), but at an abated, manageable level.

5 years ago

Holy crap!  This is MY SCULPTURE!!!

Favourite Sculpture.   So Beautiful - The Sculptor Surely Had To Be A Someone’s Slave? (The Sculpture

Favourite sculpture.   So beautiful - the sculptor surely had to be a someone’s slave? (The sculpture is called ‘Adoration’ and was created in about 1909 by Stephen Sindling.  It is in the Glyptoteket Museum in Copenhagen.)

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cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
A Cuckold In Love

My wife and I enjoy a cuckold-hotwife relationship. Cucks and especially hotwives & bulls are welcome to contact us. Meetup is possible if you live in Northern California.

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