So, You Want A Hotwife?

Hotwfe Life

A guide to entering the Hotwife lifestyle

So you are now one of the millions of women who have learned she has a husband with fantasies about you having sex with other men. Welcome to our club, hopefully you’re past the shock!

Probably, you were quite unaware that a large percentage of men, your husband being one of them, even had these desires. He wants to share you with other men and women and see you enjoy sex with them!

Aren’t you lucky? Feeling excited? A little nervous too?

It’s okay, women too, just like men, want to explore sexually and have fun. How else did “50 Shades” do so well? We all belong to one of the rare species on the planet where sex is not just a reproductive instinct but an integral part of our being, it is an inseparable mix of need and desire and we cannot change that. Why would we want to?

If you are the adventurous open minded type, and you likely are, you are now contemplating doing what he fantasizes about; being able to enjoy the company of other men; their different personalities and conversations, touch, kisses, bodies, their cocks and ways of fucking which will all enhance the wonderful experience that is your marriage and your life! Trust me, I know. I am a Hotwife; a woman being free to enjoy sex with other men with her husband’s knowledge, approval and encouragement.

If you are brave and adventurous enough and you embark down this path, you will find yourself having more fun, happiness and sexual fulfilment than you ever thought. You will be feeling as confident as you did when you were first married and probably find yourself even more in love with your husband and appreciating him more than ever.

Initially, it might take time before you are completely comfortable describing your fantasies to your hubby, having sex in front of him and enjoying dates with other men without him. To begin with, it is important to go slowly and not rush things, you need to check and nurture your relationship first and foremost. Your husband’s approval and peace of mind is fundamental as most men are unaccustomed to actually sharing their wives even if they have fantasied about it. After all, it is against all that society has groomed him to be; he’ll therefore take some time to overcome his instinctive jealousy and become accustomed to watching or knowing you are being intimate with other men without him.

You must help his mind accept and be happy for you being with other men; make the thoughts as pleasurable for him as they are for you. You should regularly and casually talk sexually about men, women too if you are that way inclined, like I am. Talk about your past sexperiences, thoughts and lovers in detail whilst in bed together; never be at all reserved about this, thinking you are protecting his feelings in one way or another. Tell him in detail about your best times and your favourite men; whilst you both are being intimate have him imagine you with them as well as being with men you actually know.

Once your husband is completely comfortable and happy with this, you can gradually move on to actually dating and fucking other men. This really will become quite natural for you both and   providing he never feels neglected, he will let you do anything sexually and will get great sexual satisfaction from your encounters with other men, he will be pleased that you are happy and enjoying. You will discover it will also turn you both on like nothing you’ve ever done before and most importantly, he will be drawn to your womanly sexiness like never before and be more in love with you than at any time in your marriage as your bond strengthens further.

To find your playmates, look at men everywhere, young and old, enjoy looking at them, but don’t always go on looks. Next time you are out shopping or out and about, see if you can find one guy you fancy in some way. If you do, initiate some form of basic conversation. It may be nerve wracking, but do it, you will be happier for it and who knows where it may lead? Visit an adult dating website or a swinger’s club and start interacting with men. Be upfront about your newbie-status and that you’re only dipping your toes at this stage. Get to know some experienced Bulls, most will be more than happy to answer questions and respect your need to explore at your own pace. Try to find men you have a sexual chemistry with, it’s so important. Sexual chemistry isn’t dependent on physical attractiveness. I’ve had sex with many good looking men but felt little to no chemistry with them. The sex was good but it never left me wanting more. In fact, I didn’t care if I never saw them again. Conversely, I’ve slept with men who were more or less average in attractiveness but months later, I find myself daydreaming about them, it’s either there or it isn’t.

The Hotwife lifestyle I can assure anyone that it is a wonderful thing for you and your husband. It takes you away from the routine, like a weekend break or vacation does. You will be intimate with and share another person’s sexuality, looking at a different face and body, hearing a different voice and doing different things with your new lovers that you may not normally do. It will empower you and make you feel different about yourself in a great way. For me, I developed better emotional and physical intimacy with all men, especially my husband, enjoying sex more than ever, making me feel more confident than I ever had done previously.

A husband’s involvement can vary a lot, some Hotwives play completely on their own with no interaction with her hubby, others enjoy their man watching or participating, some do both. All variations on this lifestyle are appropriate, as all couples are unique in what they like, it is up to you. This includes how often the Hotwife dates and or fucks her new male friends. This may be weekly, monthly or just a few times a year, it’s up to you. Remember that open communication is important to establish your goals and boundaries and make this lifestyle work for you and your husband. The idea that you are sexy enough to go to another man for your sexual pleasures will drive him crazy with lust for you, trust me! Husbands of Hotwives want to be immersed into their wives’ sexual being completely as they are totally besotted by their wives; they relish the excitement of watching their partner and exploring her sexuality.

After your liaisons with other men, tell him all the intimate details whilst relaxing together, have him stroke himself and imagine you being with your lover whilst you tell him about the event. Don’t hide anything at all, if your lover made you cum with his big cock, say so, hold nothing back at all. This creates a sexually charged experience for you both on a continual basis; this is a special part of the excitement for many couples. A key point when embarking on this lifestyle is that you take control of your sexuality, it revolves around you, the Hotwife, empower yourself within the confines of your happy marriage. So, when you decide you’re going to go out and meet someone, or have someone over, just tell your husband, in a very matter of fact way whether he is to be involved or not. If you are having a man over, discuss with your husband him the things he can do to set the tone and create a special night for you both and your lover.

When your lover arrives, things then change; you are his, think about and look after his needs as well as yours. Don’t be timid and make small talk for an hour, everyone knows he’s there for a sexy time. Unashamedly show your desire for the other man, initiate intimacy and even drool over him and make compliments while your husband watches. Pay attention to your lover exactly like you would if you were totally alone with him, if you are not alone that is. Treat him like you treated your husband when you first started fucking. Let your naughty slut come out to play with plenty of dirty talk, give him all he wants and experiment a little. Don’t be shy or act inhibited, do anything you want and don’t be afraid to moan and scream and cry out with passion. Be sure to let your husband know when you orgasm with your new lover. Continue to pamper your lover exactly as you would your husband, right up until the goodnight kiss at the door. It’s always up to you, you’re the Hotwife, do what turns you on; you are in charge. The excitement of experiencing a new man sexually, while at the same time turning on the man I love, is difficult to explain but incredibly exciting.

After you have been with other men, with your hubby or without him, the next step is very important if you want to keep doing this and ensure your husband is happy supporting your Hotwife lifestyle. So, even if you’re tired, turn all your attention to your husband, become his again, letting him reclaim you as his own as soon as the other man departs. You must be right back in your husband’s arms and become his wife and lover again, making sure he receives the love and pleasure so that he very much desires to watch you do it again and again. Over the next few days, reassure him that you’re his wife forever and remind him that you love the fact that he lets you enjoy this lifestyle. Tell him how much you enjoyed the time with your lover; replay the night over and over, tell him you can’t wait to do it again and how you appreciate the freedom he gives you.

Emotional attachment with your play dates can and will happen, so be watchful that lines are not crossed. Until you’ve got a better handle on things you should only contact a guy to arrange a date for sexual play. I’ve crossed the line in the past so I’m wary of repeating mistakes, common sense prevails here. . If a guy insists on more contact in between dates because he otherwise feels ‘used’, then I recommend moving on. It doesn’t have to be all clinical either, a little contact and “closeness” between a Hotwife and her playfriends is more than appropriate and in many cases quite essential to build up some excitement before a meet. Even if I haven’t had contact with an out-of-town playmate for months, in the lead up to a date, we’ll exchange quite a few flirty and dirty text messages. There’s nothing like anticipation right? In fact, I would feel a bit weird jumping straight into bed with a guy without stoking the fire first. My husband actually likes building up some excitement and energy before a date so he thinks it’s more than fine to communicate or even see him for a drink or two first.

This lifestyle is about living life to the full, however, you will be unsure at times. What is needed is for you both to take time to acclimatise to this new sexual way of living, so, pause and reflect. Ask yourselves some pertinent questions and then continue living the lifestyle or move on from it, maybe it’s just a break that is required. You must also remember that all women have phases of feeling unsexy and it occasionally takes time and a little effort to lure the sex goddess within you out to play, this is normal. Do not give up or cancel a playdate unless really necessary, persevere and stay on course. Hotwifing in itself is very good for a woman’s self-esteem but unless you feel confident about yourself, you won’t enjoy the experience as much as you should. Pamper and treat yourself to sexy underwear or something that makes you feel good. Men are definitely turned on by happy women. Remember that you are probably your harshest critic so take it easy on yourself.

A word sometimes used to describe husbands in this alternative lifestyle, including mine, is “Stag”. This is a man who shares his woman, but without accepting being treated as a subordinate in any way by his wife and lover. Those who do enjoy this are known as Cuckolds and their activities cross over into the Sado-Masochism (S&M) lifestyle, different to what I’m talking about here. The men who entertain Hotwives (also known as Vixens) are called Bulls or perhaps more realistically, her lovers, playfriends or playdates.

Chances are you’ll be having great sex with your Stag for weeks after he watches or hears about you fucking other men, he will naturally be more attentive and loving than he was before you started being his Hotwife for real, not just in his fantasies. The lifestyle will become an important part of your sexual relationship and it will grow into the most exciting sex life you’ve ever imagined together, there is so much to experience in this lifestyle that you’ll never be bored. One life, be happy together!

“If you take it longer than 30 minutes, you end up in deep sleep. Have you ever taken a nap and felt worse when you woke up? That’s what’s happening — you’re sleeping too long and you’re going into a stage of sleep that’s very difficult to get out of.”  [x]

Sleep inertia is a physiological state characterized by a decline in motor dexterity and a subjective feeling of grogginess immediately following an abrupt awakening. The impaired alertness may interfere with the ability to perform mental or physical tasks. Sleep inertia can also refer to the tendency of a person wanting to return to sleep.

Studies by the Human Factors Division at NASA Ames Research Center have shown that a variety of factors influence the severity and duration of sleep inertia. One includes:

Depth of sleep when awakened. After roughly 30 minutes, the brain enters into slow-wave sleep (deep sleep). Being awakened during this stage yields more sleep inertia than awakening from other stages of sleep. However, since one cannot predict accurately the stages of sleep that will occur within a nap, there is no physiological reason to try to limit the length of a nap. When one is sleep deprived, any sleep is good.

(Fact Source) For more facts, follow Ultrafacts

Hotwifing Saves Marriages.

What is hotwifing and how can hotwifing save marriages? Contrary to pornography lore, hotwifing, hot wife or hotwife is not a physical description, it is a powerful emotionally supportive state of marriage. Any woman can be a hotwife regardless of their physical attributes. To define, a hotwife is a married woman in a strong committed marriage who makes herself sexually available to other men for hotwife dates either with or without her husband present. She does this with her husband’s full knowledge and consent. In hotwifing the husband yields the traditional role of sexual dominance to his wife. The husband always remains willingly and faithfully monogamous to his hotwife which is referred to as a stag husband. All of his sexual desires are focused on his wife having sex with other men and all of his pleasures are derived in the intimacy his hotwife provides him. Hotwives may wear very sexy clothing, usually purchased for them by their stag husbands and flirt outrageously with other men in order to achieve the hotwife date. Hotwives may openly display hotwife jewelry that lets men know they are married and available. She may desire her husbands help in arranging her dates. In any case the husband cedes the decision as to whom his hotwife has sex with. Hotwifing is not about humiliation or denigration, it is rather a form of loving emotional control both psychologically and physically. The hotwife always balances her husbands physical needs and wants and her psychological control of him in her role as the hotwife. A stag husband may desire to watch, participate or happily await the return of his hotwife from her date so that she can share all the details of it with him. The stag husband is given secondary, but equal, sexual importance. The hotwife builds and caresses his ego through her dominance and she never forgets to give her husband sexual satisfaction. So how can all of that save your marriage?

For couples that have experienced infidelity like we did, hotwifing allows them to renew their vows of commitment to each other and start their marriage from a new point together rather than apart. Most importantly it leaves the past in the past because in the new vows the couple commits to focusing exclusively on the future and each other.

Hotwifing gives women the ability to fulfill their wildest sexual fantasies with the encouragement of their husbands. Research has shown that many couples have hotwifing fantasies, but most of them are unable to express themselves because they fear what their partner might think of them. This single misunderstanding of sexual desire is one of the leading causes of the high divorce rate. For a woman one of the many potential benefits of hotwifing in a marriage is the open and uninhibited fulfillment all her sexual desires within the realm of real and honest marital commitment from her husband. It is really simple, stag husbands won’t cheat because they have no need or desire to. For men it boosts their understanding of female sexuality and it frees them of jealousy, which is the number one poison to relationships. Imagine a life free of jealousy and you will find true happiness and peaceful harmony in balance with unlimited love for one another.

Hotwifing empowers wives with freedom. The wife gets the freedom to enjoy the full experiences of sex. Women often desire and routinely fantasize about having sex with men other than their husbands. In the old taboo society they rarely got that chance because of deep seeded jealousy. When a man freely encourages his wife to enjoy the sexual pleasures of other men, he is undeniably giving her his heart and soul. He is directly displaying trust in their marriage. The husband enjoys the ability to control his normal feelings of jealousy so his wife can experience a new kind of intimacy free of guilt. This can be of great spiritual and emotional comfort to both the husband and wife.

Hotwifing frees wives from the jealousy of their husbands. It is a proven fact that jealousy is one of the major reasons many relationships fail. Insecurity is a leading contributing factor in disagreements and breakups that result in divorce. Hotwifing can help to rid the man of his feelings of jealousy, and when he gives his wife the freedom to be who she wants to be, she knows her husband has her best interests at heart, which helps her to increase her trust in him. Hotwifing creates trust and communication within relationships. Solid relationships are built upon trust and open communication. If you want to be in a happy, lasting relationship, you must ensure that you understand each other and also give each other the chance and freedom to be yourselves. These kinds of open and honest conversations increase trust and communication between the couple and bring them closer together. 

Hotwifing makes wives feel beautiful and desired. As a man, you will feel that you actually have the hottest woman on earth, and it’s every man’s desire to have a woman who is another man’s dream. Hotwifing gives men the perfect chance to appreciate how beautiful and desirable his woman is, which typically serves to increase both his love and respect for her. Ultimately hotwifing can help a mans libido. In some instances it has been known to assist a husband to overcome some forms of E.D.

Hotwifing boosts marital confidence. It gives women a real chance to express themselves to their husbands. When a woman knows that she has the support of her husband to do whatever she desires, she feels incredibly self confident about herself, which helps to change her perception of the traditional societal roles of husbands and wives

Hotwifing increases intimacy by giving both the husband and wife the perfect chance to gain important knowledge about themselves and each other that can help increase the intimacy of their connection. The new adventures and the wide variety of options dramatically deepen a couple’s marital bond making it strong, confident and trustworthy.

Hotwifing provides a greater sense of sexual confidence and satisfaction for both husband and wife. Hotwifing actually saves marriages. Yes you heard that right, it can save a marriage. I can tell you without hesitation that it saved mine even if it took my husband nearly 20 years to realize it. Hotwifing creates a perfect platform for couples to attain both mental and physical satisfaction. The wife is able to have sex with men she desires, which quenches her thirst that in a traditional monogamous marriages might otherwise lead her to affairs and betrayals.

Even after feeling the sting of betrayal couples can use hotwifing to regain trust, because hotwifing requires 100 percent honesty from both husband and wife. Honesty is the one element of hotwing that is non negotiable. Gone are the days of living secret lies and affairs. Women have said that while they knew their husband thought they were beautiful, being desired by other men was even more validating to them. “Your husband is supposed to think you’re beautiful.” When wives feel they are no longer perceived as beautiful they can become depressed and cheat to make themselves feel wanted again. Couples that can together successfully negotiate the absolute intimacy and unique boundaries provided by hotwifing can easily save even the most troubled, stale and dissatisfied marriage. It gives couples a new freedom to describe to each other their most base, deepest secrets and sexual desires. Couples say that after the wife has sex with other men, their own sex lives were newly fueled, and the couple had sex the way they did when they first started dating.

Scientifically the fuel to this fire may be found in the neurochemistry and biology of sperm competition. Hotwifing couples essentially subvert mechanisms intended to prevent illicit pregnancies, co-opting our basic biological processes to serve a role in fanning the flames of the marriage long past the time they might have normally subsided into a relationship where sex is ok on occasion but primarily viewed as not necessary by one or both. Sex at 40, 50, 60, 70 and beyond can take on new exciting prospects that can be of well documented health benefits for the couple. Research has shown that older couples with a healthy and frequent sex life are often happier and tend to live longer more fulfilling lives. Overall the positive effects of hotwifing in marriage are far greater than many people could possibly imagine.

Hotwifing is no longer a dirty little “secret” confined to swingers clubs by adventurous 30 somethings. It is rapidly becoming a mainstream norm for mature couples to help rescue their failing marriages and keep them forever secure.

#IAMHOTWIFE

Feel free to share and keep adding to the saved marriage story with your own success in hotwifing. Keep us posted though. Thanks

Seems like useful information.

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Why So Hesitant?

To any man who claims he wants his wife or girlfriend to become a slut and to every woman who says she fantasizes of being a slut, I always ask them the same question: Does your partner know?

The answer is typically some version of: No.

People are hesitant to speak sincerely to the person they claim to love and trust the most for some reason. Not being able to express your sexual fantasies and desires will make it multiple times harder to ever accomplish them. So needless to say, both partners need to be able to express their sexual desires freely.

When I ask someone who claims they want this lifestyle why they do not dive into it, I normally get a variety of answers that try to excuse why it is not happening. I have made a short list of these answers and why they are bullshit.

1. Afraid to Ask- The first and most common symptom felt before asking the question is fear. This is not fear of the consequences of the lifestyle itself, but fear of asking. It is fear of the unknown. Fear of not knowing a reaction, of what he or she might think, of the possibility of losing someone for simply asking, of losing the magic of love. Let me tell you something, if you believe there is a magical element to love that gets lost when you tell your partner of a desire, then you are living in bullshit land. Not only are you keeping yourself trapped in this bullshit land, but you are keeping your partner in there with you, forever keeping them “in love” with a fictional version of yourself with no sexual desires. Step up and speak, a true partner values the truth. If you expressed a sexual desire and your partner left, then you two are not designed to be together, plain and simple. This is not to say your partner should fulfill your needs, but if your partner can not accept your desires for what they are, desires, then that partner can’t accept you. Plain and simple, fear to ask is bullshit. (I will cover a few warm-up strategies to overcoming the fear of asking in my next post).

2. She Won’t Be Into It- Another excuse for not even asking is a belief that the partner will not be into it. Sometimes, a person will ask and the partner really will not be into it....yet. This is normal, however, this is not where it ends. Now that your partner knows of your fantasy, there are many ways in which it can be roleplayed or tease you on the fantasy without actually becoming a slutwife. For example, she can go out with you one night wearing less clothing than normal, talk to you about her hottest sexual experience during while jerking you off, dance with another guy while you watch, chat with another guy online, or pretend she is having sex with her favorite movie crush during sex. The possibilities are endless. The point of telling your partner your fantasies is getting her aligned with your needs and helping her adjust to better please you. While roleplaying, she may discover she becomes curious about this lifestyle as well, but you never get there until you start.

3. Is It Cheating?-Another concept that keeps people from living their dreams is comparing the lifestyle to cheating. This could bot be further from reality, as they stand two polar ends apart. Being in a slutwife style relationship is all about love, trust, openess, maturity, experimentation, adventure, desire, respect, boundaries, happiness, and putting your partner’s needs above your own at times. Cheating is lying, deception, disrespect, manipulation, lack of trust, and only caring about yourself. While cheating could be an exciting aspect of a slutwife lifestyle we will cover later, it is not the foundation of a relationship. There is only one thing in common that cheating and hotwifing have in common, sleeping with other men, and that is it. Everything else is as different as it can get. Anyone who claims the two terms are the same is simply brainwashed by a bullshit concept of society’s monogamous relationship fantasy and does not understand that a real relationship goes beyond who a person sleeps with.

4. She Will Think I Don’t Love Her-This fear comes up both during the asking your partner phase and during the going through with it phase. People assume that asking your partner to sleep with other people will make then think you don’t love them. I want you to rethink this bullshit concept. If your partner truly questions your love, ask them, “Why would I share such a deep secret of mine with you if I did not love and trust you completely? Why would I want to experience something like this with you if I did not love you and trust you? You can then proceed to clarify that your love for her is so strong and your trust is so deep that you feel free to share your most intimate secret and know that if she would go through with it, your love for her can only be enhanced knowing she had a sexual experience she enjoyed and still came back to you for true love.

5. What If She Falls in Love- This is the another concept that gets in the way of people living their dreams. What if she falls in love. The assumption here must be that the only people that have sex are in love, or that people that have sex stay in love forever. That is obviously bullshit. But let’s think this out for a minute because it is natural for two human beings that have a pleasurable experience together to have a form of “feeling” for each other. This “feeling” can be compared to puppy love middle schoolers feel for a different kid every month. This type of feeling is possible and often leads to an amazing hotwife experience. But here is question to you, so what? Is love limited? Do you love your mother but not your father? Do you only love one child but stopped loving when you had another? Do you only love one brother? Most people will experience love for different people throughout their lives, without taking away the love from another. The “puppy love” a person may experience can be an infatuation with the excitement of something different and new, and not the deep love for the person themselves. This puppy love is easily replaceable over time with something else new and exciting, unlike the deep love a husband and wife in a good relationship develop, or a mother and child develop which goes on forever. The key takeaway I want you to get from all this is that even if she fell in love with another man, which is highly unlikely, it will not be an issue. Love is not limited. If she loves you the way you love her, your place in her life is set forever, loving another man does not take away from your love, it enhances it due to the fact that she is sharing an intimate experience with you and is loving you all throughout it. In a solid hotwife relationship, she may experience feelings for different men that will come and go, but you will be the only one with a true deep love that she was able to share it all with.

6. The Other Man Is Better- This concept is a fear of jealousy upon realizing that the wife is experiencing something better than what you provide. This could be, the guy has a bigger dick, is more handsome, muscular, can fuck all night, makes her laugh more, better dancer, has more money, etc. Could this happen? Of Course. Odds are, that there is a guy out there who is better than you for any given area. Unless you are Jeff Bezos, chances are there is someone richer. Unless you are Mandingo, some guy out there has a bigger dick. Unless you are Ronnie Coleman, someone is more muscular. Unless you are Brad Pitt, someone out there is more handsome. Thinking your wife should not date guys that are better than you at something is absurd and greedy. You want your wife to experience the best in each man and still come back to you. Unless you are one of the above mentioned men, she did not marry you for that characteristic, so you will be fine. The best part is, all these guys that are better than you will likely be looking to fuck your wife when they realize she is a slut. Your wife will be intrigued and she will likely want to experience them as well. It is your job to overcome your jealousy and let her enjoy the experience. When she comes back to you after experiencing all that, you will realize she still loves you and it goes beyond certain traits that other men are better at.

7. What If She Got Addicted?- Addiction of any kind is bad, mainly because the term would mean she has no control and can’t stop. The concept that she will become addicted and lose all control because she is a slutwife is absurd. Has she never had sex before or something? Has she never slept with another man? Has she never seen porn? Has she never seen a big cock? Has she never loved another man? Has she never had an orgasm? Why would she lose all control all of a sudden? If she begins living out the lifestyle, chances are she will get to experience sex in many different ways that she will enjoy, but that does not mean she is going to throw everything else in her life away. While there is such a thing as sexual addiction, the important thing is that she can keep her life balanced and under control, and that is where the husband comes in. Ultimately, a good husband should want his wife to live her sexual life with so much pleasure that she borders on being a sex addict, but maintains her life under control as any other woman does. Women are often far better at keeping things under control then men, so the odds of losing control are slim. A couple can always plan on dialing back on sexual activity for some time to bring things back to normality if things ever went too far. Fear of addiction is bullshit excuse not to try it.

8. What if Someone Finds Out-Fear of someone finding out is one of the most common barriers to overcome by both the wife and husband. Who is this someone? It could be anyone. From parents, children, friends, coworkers, etc., there is usually a fear of someone possibly finding out about the lifestyle and living life outside of society’s normal expectations. There are many precautions that can be taken to keep things as secret as possible, like doing things while on vacation in another land, of hooking up with people from another city, we will talk more about those options in a later post. The important thing to cover today is the possibility of someone finding out. So what? While it may not be expected, it is far from being a crime when a couple lives the slutwife lifestyle. It is actually become much more acceptable nowdays and will continue to become more mainstream with time. If someone you know did find out and asked about it, there is no obligation to explain yourself. However, it is best to approach the situation calmly and say that it is a fun sexual adventure you both agreed to explore, and that it has been very rewarding. That should clear up any concern for cheating or something being wrong in the relationship. Most people outside of close family would likely never mention it to you even if they knew for fear of causing drama.

These are some of the most common excuses of why people are not living their dream lifestyle. Recognize them, overcome them, and start living your dreams.

T&D Primer

BDSM resources

BDSM Links And Resources

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker

Interesting stats

Survey - Getting to Know the Cuckold

In April of 2011 I created a survey (using Surveymonkey.com tools) intended to gather data on men who self-identified as cuckolds. This survey ran for 8 weeks and was advertised on my website, on Facebook, via Twitter and on specific Cuckolding websites such as Jinxypie.com and Hotwifelife.com. The response rate was excellent, with 486 men participating from all over the world. And while a multitude of countries were represented, just over half of majority of those who participated live in the United States. The intention of doing this work was to contribute to the body of knowledge on the practice of Cuckolding and to determine if there are any common characteristics shared by men who are attracted to this lifestyle. To ensure the questions accurately targeted the real-life experiences of cuckolds, I constructed this survey in consultation with Steve, an American who has been previously been a cuckold himself. While he does not live as a cuckold in his current relationship, it remains an ongoing source of arousal for him and his advice on the type of questions that are relevant to an erotic interest in Cuckolding were of great value. In a Cuckolding relationship the wife has sex outside of her marriage with her husband’s knowledge, while he remains faithful to her. The husband is known as a cuckold or cuck for short and he does not take lovers himself, instead his sexual pleasure and gratification is derived from the existence of his partner’s relationships. There are all sorts of variations in how these relationships operate and what involvement the husband may have, ranging from simply hearing about it from his wife, to input in the selection of her lovers, helping her prepare for a date, watching during sex, participating as directed, or by providing some type of sexual service to the wife and her lover. According to the results of this survey, the so-called ‘typical’ cuckold is a very well-educated, white man in his thirties or forties who lives in the United States. He earns well above the average wage and is most likely to be in a long term relationship or first marriage. He does not have self esteem issues and considers himself an alpha male with an average sized penis. Despite that, he enjoys being sexual humiliated and in particular may enjoy penis humiliation. He is most commonly sexually submissive to his wife and he enjoys the loss of control and responsibility being in this space offers. His enjoyment in loss of agency and control is fulfilled by having little or no choice in how his wife expresses herself sexually. He is likely to have been initially drawn to Cuckolding by arousal experienced at the idea of his wife having sex with another man, and his lust and passion for his wife is increased after she has been with another man, a response say researchers into the male brain caused by the stimulation of mating hormones. He is also most likely to be bisexual or at least bi-curious, whether he articulates that to his partner or not. Cuckolds report having sex with their wives in roughly the same number as the population surveyed in the Kinsey Reports, which is at odds with a general perception that they are denied marital sex. However they consider themselves to need more mental, visual and aural stimulation than other men and say they enjoy masturbation and fantasy more than actual sex. 17th June, 2011 Angela Lewis, PhD Steve, anonymous cuckold AGE Cuckolds who responded to this survey were fairly widely and evenly spread across all age groups. The largest number were found in the 30-49 year bracket and either side of this, men 50-60 years old and men 21-29 years old, were to be found in roughly equal numbers.

ETHNICITY AND NATIONALITY Cuckolds were most commonly Caucasian (at 91.1%) and at 55%, the most represented nationality was American.

There was a large gap numbers-wise to the second highest nationality represented, with Britain and Canada tying at 6%, followed by the Germans in third place at 4%. The table below goes down to a 0.4% representation, and a diverse range of nationalities were present under this figure, but the numbers were too low to register any significant value. Some of those countries included in small numbers were Estonia, Poland, Turkey, Portugal, Norway and Scotland.

EDUCATION Men who identified as cuckolds in this survey were well educated. For example, a total of 83% of respondents had some form of college/university education and 19.5% of those had completed post graduate studies such as an MBA or PhD.

INCOME Reported income levels tended to be fairly high (Given the average American wage is said to be around $35,000), with 48.8% of the men earning over US$50,000 per annum and just over one third, at 30.6%, earning over US$100,000.

INDUSTRY SECTOR 47.3% of the men were employed in the white collar (private or government) sector, which explains the high income levels. The other sectors were all represented, but in much low numbers and the number of men who were retired, students or unemployed were extremely low.

RELATIONSHIPS Unsurprisingly, given that a Cuckolding relationship is based on the existence of a primary traditional husband/wife dynamic, 87.3% of the men were living with their significant others and a majority of 77% were married.

How Long in Current Relationship Cuckolding relationships appeared to be durable and long term, as most of the men were in them for 11 plus years. The second highest number of cuckolds were in the group married 0-5 years, so we might assume that there is space and time for the couples to partake in cuckolding early in the relationship—say before c***dren come along—and then again later after have and are raising young c***dren, perhaps explaining why the lowest number of cuckolds were in relationships of a 6-10 year duration.

Most of the cuckolds were in their first marriage and close to a third were in their second marriage.

We were interested to know if cuckolding was present in the men’s previous relationships, however for the majority, their current Cuckolding relationship is their first. If you take into account that many are in long term relationships with their partners, this would confirm 9.3.3% agreeing with the statement: Happy and successful Cuckolding couples are able to separate love from sexual desire. Nearly one third (25%) of practicing cuckolds have been in a previous Cuckold relationship, so for these men it is likely an openness to the possibility of Cuckolding was a factor when seeking a prospective new long-term partner.

THE PRIVATE CUCKOLD SELF Asked to choose a response to this statement: “I’m an alpha male and I enjoy the loss of control that Cuckolding gives me,” 64% gave a positive response, making comments about how Cuckolding offered a way to take a step out of how they usually lived their lives and how it temporarily released them from a position of control:

Being temporarily absolved from responsibility, for my performance, for her pleasure, in fact having no control even if I wanted it, is incredibly freeing. I like the idea of having no choice, from being the guy always in charge to being the guy who is told to lick the other guy’s jizz, it freaks me out and excites me. Allowing others to make decisions for a while is relaxing. I love giving the gift of male sexual dominance to my wife. Not having a choice in their partner’s behaviour was rated as exciting by 65.7% of respondents. As cuckold Steve explains, this is also tied in with the humiliation factor that many cuckolds crave.

76.2% of the men described themselves as sexually submissive with their wives and a further 15%, while not submissive, found the idea attractive. Only 8.8% had no interest in being sexually submissive. Some comments made included: It gives me a freedom I don’t have when I’m expected to be sexually dominant. We both enjoy being submissive, so we try to take turns with each other. I like the loss of choice. Are you sexually submissive with your wife?

65% said their partners tended to be dominant in all aspects of the relationship, and when asked the question: “Do feel inferior to your wife?” exactly half said they did not feel inferior on any level to their female partners, while the other 50% considered themselves inferior to their wives in some fashion. Given the submissive nature of Cuckolding, it would be a fair guess that the men who do not consider themselves inferior consciously chose a role of inferiority/submission as part of their sexual persona, and are not victims of circumstance. Taking into account the high percentage of men who consider themselves alpha males, it is probably not surprising that only 8% nominated themselves as intellectually inferior. My fellow researcher, cuckold Steve suggests that the 20% who nominated being physically inferior would be alluding to their genitals and not to their physical stature. If you take into account that 36% of the men said they were attracted to Cuckolding because they perceived themselves as having a small penis, coupled with the fact that sexual humiliation was nominated as attractive to 55% of respondents, this would seem like a fair assumption.

The Cuckold’s Sex Life Based on the responses I recorded, cuckolds have regular sex with their partners in proportion to population averages as rated by the Kinsey Institute. While figures do vary widely according to which reports are consulted, I have chosen to compare my data to that collected by the respected research body, The Kinsey Institute (www.kinseyinstitute.org.) Using the Kinsey data for comparative purposes, I averaged the number of married men aged between 25—69 who were tabled as not having had sex in the past year and arrived at a figure of 20.7%. There is a perception that cuckolds do not have sex with their wives, however when you compare this to the figure of 19.8% reported by the cuckolds in this survey, there is not a big differentiation between the general population and cuckold men. Similarly, 38.8% of married men between the ages of 24—69 in the Kinsey data had sex a few times per month to weekly and this correlates fairly closely to the 45.1% who said they had sex 1-3 times per month in this survey group.

Over half the men supported the statement that a Cuckoldress should practice sexual denial with her husband and this supports a theory that loss of control and agency make the idea of Cuckolding attractive to many cuckolds. As well, anecdotally another reason men who are drawn to Cuckolding support sexual denial is because they believe or want to believe that that they are not able to sexually satisfy their women (primarily because they believe their penis is adequate) and/or because they have a preference for living vicariously through the experiences of the wife’s lovers or through the fantasy of the wife’s sexual affairs. To me, the hottest thing about Cuckolding is when my wife talks me off [re-tells her sexual exploits] It is understood that my pay-off for being what she calls ‘a good little cuck’ is in hearing about it. Hearing her moaning in the other room while I wait outside the door until she finishes with her Bull is totally hot for me. Nothing hornier than receiving a text during the night to say: I have just been fucked. This probably also explains why 82.3% of the men said they believed cuckolds need more aural and mental stimulation than the average man and that 66.9% of the men surveyed said they enjoyed masturbation and fantasy more than actual sex, using the a primary fantasy of the Cuckoldress wife having sex with other men. A Cuckold wife should practice sexual denial with her husband:

WHY CUCKOLDING The men were asked to select all the factors which led them to Cuckolding. With the highest response rate at 82.8%, the major drawcard for the men was arousal caused by the thought of seeing their wives with other men; and the ‘my private porn star’ response—while not a politically correct one—was alluded to by a number of men. However to be fair, it would have to be said that anecdotally the fantasy of a wife with other men is not limited to men interested in Cuckolding.

The second most popular factor was an enjoyment of sexual submissiveness, at 61.9%. This one is interesting, as culturally men are expected to be the aggressors and being permitted a submissive role in a so-called vanilla relationship is not that common, instead it is most often labelled a BDSM practice. For men (and couples) who do not see themselves as belonging to the BDSM community, it may be difficult to frame ways for the man to be submissive; however Cuckolding does provide that opportunity. The majority of cuckolds are self-assertive and describe themselves as an alpha male, holding a socially dominant position, whether in the workplace by wealth or earning power or through being highly educated. They generally know their place in the world and it is not a submissive one. However when it comes to sex they enjoy the taboo, novelty and ‘letting go’ that being the submissive partner promises: There is no question I’m a powerful guy in real life, therefore sitting in women’s underwear outside the door waiting while some guy pleasures her is so quirky, so different to who I usually am, that I get off on the idea of that ‘other me’ being so pussy whipped. At 55%, just over half of the men rated the opportunity for sexual humiliation as a factor which attracted them to Cuckolding. Sexual humiliation falls under the definition of masochism, as it is seeking pain in some form and taking sexual pleasure from it. Interestingly, according to Baumeister (1988) rather than pathologising it, masochism should be seen simply an unusual way to take a ‘time out’ from the pressures of life, and in his words is ‘an escape from self and self awareness’, in the same way that others might take up mediation or exercise. The majority of men who took this survey described themselves as alpha males (see Self Image), as well as being well educated and earning good salaries in white collar occupations; therefore fit Baumeister’s description of individuals who use sexual masochism as a way to temporarily give up the control and responsibility that they carry in their day to day lives. In relation to humiliation, comments were made that creampies (specifically the ejaculate of the wife’s lovers on her genitals which the husband is permitted to see, touch or consume but can also be on the face, mouth or breasts), were a powerful attraction, and on reflection it would have been beneficial to have included a line of questioning on this interest. However as nearly one third of respondents said that a desire to explore bisexuality was what attracted them to Cuckolding to begin with; the desire to interact with other men’s sexual fluids in this manner could be a way for some men to express homo-erotic desires, plus for some who may be wrestling with the idea of bisexuality, enjoying this on the wife’s body may legitimise it and remove the practice from being framed as homosexual—a type of bisexuality by proxy as it were. I believe we were also remiss in not including an option for ‘pleasing my wife’, as a factor for being attracted to Cuckolding. We made the assumption that the men were only motivated by their own sexual desires, however there were a number of voluntary comments made by the men which related to a desire to please their partners: I just love seeing her live her true sexual passion. Sexual freedom for my wife boosts her confidence. My wife loves being dominant and I’m man enough to let her express it. I enjoy seeing her enjoy getting pleasured. Penis/Small Penis Humiliation The men were also asked if they enjoyed small penis humiliation, taken to mean having derogatory remarks made about their size, length, girth and their ability to satisfy a woman sexually or being compared to men who were more endowed. While 29% had no interest in it, the remaining 71% were attracted to having this experience to some degree. Cuckolds do appear to have a strong interest in the penises of other men, particularly big penises, so this could mean that even those men with average size penises fantasize about their wives being with larger men than they are. Given the interest that cuckolds have in interracial cuckolding, both anecdotally and evidenced by the large number of websites offering material that focuses specifically on wives with black lovers, this is may not be an unreasonable conclusion. For this survey we used the generally accepted penis size for Caucasian men: Small (under 5 inches long) Average (5-7 inches long) Large (over 7 inches long)

The common assumption around cuckolds is that they must have a small penis and that is is a deciding factor in them being attracted to Cuckolding. However in this survey the majority of cuckolds described themselves to be of average physical endowment. Obviously there is no way of knowing if the responses are true as men do anecodotally overestimate their penis size; however in this case 36% of men said they were drawn to Cuckolding because they perceived themselves as having as small penis, which is higher than the number who actually identified themsleves in the small penis (5 inches and under) category according to the measurement table. Taking this into account and given the percentage of cuckolds who also nominated an attraction to small penis humiliation (SPH) which again is also far higher than the self-reported figure having a small penis, we would have to consider the men assessed their penis size truthfully. Feedback from cuckolds on what makes penis humiliation (or SPT for short), attractive is interesting in itself. For some cuckolds the fact that they will never have a larger penis means they actually erotize their negative feelings about their perceived inadequacies and appear to turn this around to a plus rather than a negative. For others the taboo act of a woman actually making derogatory remarks about his penis is thrilling precisely because it is not a socially accepted thing to do. Explains one cuckold: I often suggest we watch porno movies with supremely endowed men. This makes my dick look even smaller in comparision and then I fantasise about my little dick next to his and how my wife is probably comparing me to him.

Bisexuality In response to the question, ‘do you consider yourself bisexual?’ 29.2% described themselves as bisexual, 18.4% as bi-curious and 18.1% would like to be f***ed into bisexual behaviour. In total this means that 69.9% of the men have some interest in, or identification with, bisexuality. The high number who would do it if ‘f***ed’ probably speaks a little to the fact that in society generally it is much more acceptable for a woman to be bisexual or lesbian than for a man to be bisexual or homosexual

Some comments made were: I think cucks are lying if they say they are not interested in the other guy’s dicks. We think about how big, how heavy or how long they are, these are all questions swirling around in the mind of the curious cuck. I wish to take my wife’s place. Every now and then she makes me come in and wipe her lover down. What can I say, it is just heaven. Occasionally I am allowed a creampie. Understandably it is only with guys she knows well so we are aware of their sexual history. While an interest in consuming another man’s semen through the act of the creampie is tied to the masochistic experience of humiliation, for many it is openly a way to express their bisexuality. For others it is also entirely possible that wishing to give a wife post-sex oral sex or licking ejaculate from her breasts or body, is a way for some men of framing erotic homosexual desires so that they remain within a heterosexual framework, i.e. between the man and woman.

LIFESTYLE MECHANICS We asked how open couples were with regard to their Cuckold arrangement and perhaps unsurprisingly, couples were very selective about who they told. Given how taboo extra marital sex remains round the world and how few people are familiar with what Cuckolding actually is; this would explain why f****y and close friends were the least likely to be chosen as confidants. However what we consider a fairly high number (at 40.7%), confided in others, who they described as not necessarily f****y or friends, and from that we would infer these are other couples in leading a similar lifestyle. Other people are of course involved by virtue of the fact that the couples need to locate, screen, meet and play with the male lovers, most often referred to as Bulls.

Bulls are located by the tried and true methods of meeting through work, at social venues like pubs and clubs and by advertising on websites that cater to the Cuckolding community. In our survey group a very tiny 9% of the men choose the Bulls, while close to half of the time the wife locates her own sexual partners. As the cuckold generally defers to her when it comes to matters of sex and the Cuckoldress generally holds the sexually dominant role in the relationship, this would be expected; however relationships appear flexible enough to leave room for it being a co-decision when required, given the result that 20% said they looked together and 25% said it was situation dependant.

Where does cuckolding take place? The question of where the actual act takes place unearthed a mixed bag of responses. While the figure of 17.8% (just over one in five men) said their wives had sex with their lovers in the marital bed, that figure is probably higher, given that 54.6% of the men stated it could be any of those venue: the marital bed, in the home or outside of the home.

As Steve explains it, anecdotally there is a strong element of submissive symbolism related to the use of the marital bed, which can be powerfully erotic and stimulating to both cucks and Cuckoldresses. In fact one of the best known amateur pay for view cuckolding sites uses the marital bed to film their exploits for precisely this reason. Given the number of cuckolds who display some interest in bisexuality it also allows a way of expressing their sexual interest in other men by smelling/tasting/feeling the other man without having any direct contact: After they have had sex in our bed I can fall asl**p and imagine I was her. I find it highly erotic to smell their sex on our sheets. It is the ultimate humiliation. What can I say, a stranger, my bed, my wife, I guess it just makes it very real to me. What Sort of Cuckold? We created arbitrary categories of Cuckold and asked the men which they identified with the most. The responses mirrored the reasons for being attracted to Cuckolding in the first place and which are discussed earlier under ‘Why Cuckolding’. We did not create a category of Submissive Cuckold, as we believed that a position of submission is taken in all the categories. There was very only a 1% difference in identifying as a Humiliation or Voyeur cuckold. Given the popularity of Voyeur Cuckold category, this also tends to support why there was such high number (66.9%), of self-reported cuckolds who said they prized masturbation and fantasy above actual sex.

What the Cuckold is Allowed We also asked what role the cuckolds took when the wife was with another man. For the majority of couples it was a case of the wife’s wishes in a given situation. However from the categories we presented of watching, watching/participating and not being present, it is most likely that the wife has sex with other men alone. In terms of what the cuckold enjoys, most cuckolds nominate being humiliated, so it would depend on how humiliating the allowable roles are to him. However most cuckolds report enjoying watching almost equally, so it would seem that if only 15.2% are permitted to watch, their needs are not met in this respect, and perhaps as Steve suggests, this in itself further adds to the cuckolds feelings of humiliation and loss of control.

98.2% of the cuckolds agreed with the statement: ‘The desire and passion for my Cuckoldress is heightened after she has been with another man’. Brizendine (The Male Brain 2010, p.64) refers to this concept as ‘mate guarding’, in which a man’s mating hormones are stimulated by fear of loss and rejection, and this in turn intensifies his feelings of love and passion for his mate.

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