In The World Where We're All Rivers You Are Instead Proven "silty Beyond A Reasonable Trout" And Sentenced

Astronomers are the funniest people on earth actually

The double flan emojis make the identity theft scam just a little more enticing.

in desperate need of a superhero who has every conceivable superpower...but isn't "overpowered" bc they're mediocre at everything. flight? i mean yeah they can fly. with all the grace of a drunken butterfly, bumping into multiple surfaces in the process, but yeah technically they're flying. super strength? sure with super butterfingers built-in, but it counts. laser eyes but their aim's for shit. they've saved the world as many times as they've endangered it by making a bad situation worse. the "good guys" and "bad guys" are equally apprehensive of having this person on their team

if there's one thing i appreciate about americans, its that they are DELIGHTED by "american love burger" jokes. they cant get enough of them! much like how they cant get enough of burger……

The biggest misconception in public schools is that literary analysis is about proving you can be right or wrong about a book you read

Literary analysis isn’t about the book

It’s not even about being right

It’s about performing an investigation and presenting your case to the jury

It doesn’t matter if your defendant killed that guy or not. If you can convince the jury he didn’t, you’ve won

And the incredible life skill of spinning bulletproof bullshit out your ass with a handful of facts and a prayer is soooooooo much more valuable than anyone’s ever gonna tell you

I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

( ;;) <- me as a little ghost. those are my autism hands

one of my buddies is occupying a fortified position on high ground. i'm going to kick his ass with ease