tonight I had the privilege of hearing a 13 year old explain the terms “cooking” and “cooked” to my 45 year old manager and she said something so excellent I have to document it.
“cooked is bad. cooking is good. you’re either in the pot or you’re holding it.”
Cackling.
In case the original goes away:
Text version:
Washington State Department of Natural resources tweets:
(Falling to my knees, begging, pleading)
Please.
Folks, seriously.
PLEASE.
Do not - and I can’t emphasize this enough - set the state on fire this weekend.
Fire danger is abnormally high this holiday weekend.
URGING you to consider firework alternatives:
- screaming “bang! boom!” at the sky
- dropping a stack of large books on the floor
- wrapping a toga around a candle
- play America the Beautiful while combining Coke and Mentos
She placebo on my effect til I feel like something happened
Bucky: What the hell is wrong with you?
Walker: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.
Imagine it's your last day alive and you're having to spend it with JD Vance 😭
"Wait, humans have culture? Oh, sorry, no, I was just taken aback a bit. I don't mean to insult your species, you just all seem so constantly preoccupied with your warfare and mating rituals that it hadn't occurred to me that you would have time for the arts."
"Oh, no, we have plenty of art. Visual arts, sculpture, music, storytelling... And their combinations in all sorts of way. I actually play an instrument myself, and one of my favourite songs is based on an old folk tale. Would you like to hear it?"
"Absolutely! I was already astonished to only hear that human art exists at all, not to imagine that I could witness it!"
"Alright. So this is a song about a man who starts a war against his brother because they both want the same woman."
popped off with this one im afraid
im sorry but no matter what i will never use "ofc" to mean "of fucking course". its "ofcourse". obviously.