Imagine It's Your Last Day Alive And You're Having To Spend It With JD Vance 😭

I didn't pour milk on the counter so Mouse could eat deconstructed cereal off it actually

your honor my client is guilty can i get another one

*emerges from the other room covered in blood* you should see the word document

one of those generically cheerful Bless this Home (and all who enter) signs, but instead it says Memento Mori (remember that you must die)

in desperate need of a superhero who has every conceivable superpower...but isn't "overpowered" bc they're mediocre at everything. flight? i mean yeah they can fly. with all the grace of a drunken butterfly, bumping into multiple surfaces in the process, but yeah technically they're flying. super strength? sure with super butterfingers built-in, but it counts. laser eyes but their aim's for shit. they've saved the world as many times as they've endangered it by making a bad situation worse. the "good guys" and "bad guys" are equally apprehensive of having this person on their team

told my roommate dracula was an epistolary novel because it’s made up of letters and she was like. of course it’s made of letters it’s a book

logan is generally assigned “nonbeliever” in ghost/supernatural AUs, which is fair, however, please also consider: 

episode 1

the fact that we are firmly in a time where conservatives are like "the actual founding fathers, who were slaveowners, were not racist enough for my taste" is wild