what would’ve happend, if i didn’t walk into that bar? if i didn’t see your face? if you didn’t steal glances from across the room all night? if you didn’t walk up to me with your crooked smirk? if you didnt leave to get a rose from the convenience store 3 blocks down? if you didn’t ruin my life?
my grief chases me. like a hunter and his very favorite prey. brutal, persistent, ruthless.
happy birthday baby. even though you’re on the other side of the world. even though you hate me. happy birthday baby.
all my ghosts laugh at how i live my life now. and it doesn’t bother me even the slightest bit.
come back soon. to the girl you destroyed.
peace seems so far away now. like it didn’t happen this lifetime but a thousand years ago.
even if we go down in the biggest flames the world has ever seen, i won’t for a second regret stoking the fire.
someday this same version of me will come sprinting back to my memory. only then will i see that her heart is out of her chest and she’s beginning to bleed out.
i’m so sick of sadness.
one day i will have flowers waiting for me when i get home, and glances at dinner with his family, and good sex, and actually laugh at what he says, and i will trust him completely, and i will truly love him.