i feel so terribly lost. and in that state i wrote only two sentences.
i think i hate hospitals, and the stinky hand soap, and a nurse’s fake smile, and the overhead lighting, and the quiet doctors, and the cold tile floors, and the cheap tissues, and the bland food, and the way you’ll never be the same.
no one has ever told me how similar grief is to falling in love. a numbness so absolute i can’t tell if i’m at the highest high or the lowest low.
i am a skeleton walking, for you have stolen my heart.
even if we go down in the biggest flames the world has ever seen, i won’t for a second regret stoking the fire.
i hope you find your soulmate in this lifetime. my knees are bruised from praying that it’s me.
when you come home and hold me, my anger and rage is soothed, and i am not a mad woman, but i am your happy wife.
from the moment i met you, i knew that you would change my life. to explain the love and the pain and the grief we’ve gone through would take years.
everything is green again. like the earth is taking its first deep breath since the winter.
one day i will have flowers waiting for me when i get home, and glances at dinner with his family, and good sex, and actually laugh at what he says, and i will trust him completely, and i will truly love him.
all that changed this year was my temper. i am now always terribly angry.