i think i hate hospitals, and the stinky hand soap, and a nurse’s fake smile, and the overhead lighting, and the quiet doctors, and the cold tile floors, and the cheap tissues, and the bland food, and the way you’ll never be the same.
peace seems so far away now. like it didn’t happen this lifetime but a thousand years ago.
i can’t shake this feeling that i will walk by the love of my life oblivious. that i will never be able to know him.
i feel new. and fresh. and pure. and god it feels fleeting.
i’m suffering. sinking into the furthest depths of misery. and yet it feels holy.
i am not crazy. i am not crazy. i am not crazy. i am not crazy. i am not crazy. i am not crazy. i am not crazy. i am not crazy. i am not crazy. i am not crazy.
you come back into my life like a lifeline every time i’m falling for someone new.
i am always short on words when i feel immensely.
though i am a young, privileged white woman, with nothing to complain of, sobs rack my body for years on end. my picket fence and shaggy dog can’t save me from this ugly world.
i know that you’re not wasting time stuck in an endless cycle. i know you clawed your way out.
you see me and i can see the biggest smile plastered on your face just from my presence.