“aliza, i’m in love with you”
“oh you poor, poor boy”
despite how hard i’ve wished and prayed you weren’t the one. you are. and i know i can never love you how you want me to.
i rip open my stitches each time you stumble back into my life. even though i know i will cry tonight as i stitch them up after you leave.
someone asked me today if i had ever been in love. i shook my head no because what we had can’t fit under one four letter word.
“i am a good person,” i start. the entire crowd erupts into laughter. because they know it is a joke. they know who i truly am.
there is hate brewing in my bones. i do not believe it will stop until you are laid to rest.
this summer’s haze feels like lifetimes ago. i was happy and tanned, eating raspberries by the river with my friends. i want her back.
two years ago i worshipped the man i thought you were. thank god i am off my knees now.
you remember that my favorite color is orange. and no organs like a sunset, but orange like a papaya. you remember that my favorite food is pasta and that i hate the taste of steak. you remember my two childhood dogs and nickname my mother told you on a random weekend back home. you remember me in a way i only wish to remember myself. you remember me beautiful.
years. years have been taken off of my life today. the fear invoked in me shall linger for the rest of my days.