you remember that my favorite color is orange. and no organs like a sunset, but orange like a papaya. you remember that my favorite food is pasta and that i hate the taste of steak. you remember my two childhood dogs and nickname my mother told you on a random weekend back home. you remember me in a way i only wish to remember myself. you remember me beautiful.
the days of my american dream drag on and on.
i love our mundane conversations more than i hav ever loved any boy. that’s how i know we are something true.
i find space to heal in the margins, in quiet afternoons, and in hugs from people i love.
when i see you now you look very bit like the man i knew years ago except for your eyes. your eyes carry a millennia of pain, passion, and everything in between.
i hope you find your soulmate in this lifetime. my knees are bruised from praying that it’s me.
i feel this bone aching sadness. it lingers in my muscles and flows through my blood. if i knew bleeding would stop it, i would volunteer to bleed out.
i look forward to the darkness and the quiet. even though i am scared of it, that is the only time i feel something.
I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT
i feel like myself again. i don’t know if i should be proud or terrified.