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Weak Hero Webtoon - Blog Posts
At some point I really want to give my thoughts on the ending of Weak Hero and the journey it took to get to that point…
but I am. too. eepy.
before I read the new chapter…
we all know why he’s calling, right?
EUGENE OML YOUR’E OKAY 😭❤️🥰💕💞❤️🩹
I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM AWAKE AGAIN ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹🥲
Seopass and Rasen I just want to talk I just want to talk to you I just want to know why you had to do that yeah he was insane but he was insane with trauma come on guys we can just talk this out this doesn’t have to be complicated or difficult we can just ta-
HE GOT FUCKING ISEKAID BRUH
Weak Hero Chapter 258 Current Mood
I don’t think physics works like that
GRAY!!! F IT UP!!!!!
(bro I can't believe he's actually winning, look at his skinny ass go)
Someone on the translation team needs to be sent to jail post haste!!!!!!!!!!!
Mandela Catalogue lookin asses
HERE HE COMES!!!!! GRAY, BEAT HIS ASS!!!!!!!!!!
Thoughts on the Weak Hero finale y'all?
A free space to talk about what in the fresh hell just happened these past few weeks
Bro my ass had the same reaction 😭😭
FORGET CANON THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS
Weak Hero Barbenheimer
gray yeon: watched oppenheimer first and thought it was mid. watched barbie next bc big ben forced him to and liked it.
big ben: was the most enthusiastic in rounding everybody up to watch barbie. watched it once with all his friends and then alone again at the theatres. bet he dressed up in pink too.
alex: oppenheimer, only watched barbie because ben made him.
eugene: oppenheimer and barbie but he would've watched both regardless of big ben
teddy: barbie, but he felt too embarrassed to watch it on his own so he used big ben as an excuse
gerard: barbie all the way
rowan: the most enthusiastic barbie watcher asides from ben
lily: barbie
julia: oppenheimer, then barbie with lily
lala lee: watched oppenheimer, then felt insecure and watched barbie
jimmy bae: oppenheimer at the theatres, barbie in private
jack kang: oppenheimer because jimmy made him, barbie at the theatres
forrest lee: felt insecure but watched barbie in theatres, beat up anybody who commented on it
grape and robin: were embarrassed but followed their leader to barbie, watched oppenheimer later on
wolf keum: oppenheimer once then barbie another three times
kingsley kwan: oppenheimer
donald na: was more inclined towards oppenheimer, but then he watched barbie just to see what the hype was about, and started contributing to the deep and profound analyses of the film's message on social media
LIKEEEE
(spoilers under the cut)
to explain the context of this song (would've could've should've from midnights) taylor is talking about how if she never met the man who groomed her at a young age, she never would've experienced many things that resulted in her losing her innocence so quickly.
obvi this situation isn't super specific to donald, but i think you get how it speaks to how if his whole...childhood situation didn't happen he'd never have sold his soul with the union. he'd have grown into a sweet and kind boy who loves chocolate and is the top of his class and is en route to becoming a future nasa engineer, but now he's the boss of a criminal empire and is committing real estate fraud. he runs from his memories now that he's older, from the feeling of being weak and pitiful, being bullied in school and beat up by his stepdad at home with his new persona.
he's too terrified to confront the past and hides from it under the illusion of strength, but simultaneously he holds it close as a reminder of what might become of him if he doesn't keep striving, keep working till he dominates anything and everything.
the way taylor sings the bridge is so full of ??desperation?? the chorus is fast-paced, with a tone of regret and anguish that creates anticipation for the bridge. which taylor delivers, by the way, bc if the tone of the chorus is one of despair and haunting memories, the bridge practically blares it in your face!!
'God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be' carries resignation and hopelessness, and it reminds me of how donald transformed himself completely into someone he hated. he covered himself head to toe in tattoos even though they disgusted him, pierced every available inch of skin on his ears and his face (thank Razen he didnt get a nose piercing though🙏🙏THAT WAS NEVER THE MOVE) and bought those expensive but scary ass clothes just so he could pull off his 'intimidating' image. he invested so much time and so much money...for what?
i read on Genius.com that 'the tomb won't close' means taylor can't find peace with her situation despite trying. similarly, donald has never stopped hurting because of his past, yet he doesn't confront it. he runs from the pain in an attempt to escape without realising he's just running in circles.
verse three has GOT to be my favourite part in the song. you can really feel the frustration delivered by the last two lines of the song as the pitch and speed increases (soz hope im not wrong in saying this). it reminds me of how donald initially felt ashamed of the helplessness displayed in his childhood and adamant that he never experience it again, versus donald right before his death, finally looking back on his younger self with love and protectiveness.
it also holds the feeling that you get when you feel as if something has been taken from you. donald feels the unfairness of his childhood and innocence being robbed from him at such an early age. he mourns the injustice that his younger self was treated with, and my personal interpretation is that he wishes he could change it. it's normal when you feel like something was stolen from you...which in his case, it most definitely was.
donald is also SUCH a mirrorball girly. yes, he's always been a natural at everything (he's strong, he's smart, and he's sexy. what CAN'T he do?) but he's done nothing but try all his life. he had to work so hard from such an early age, and he could never stop to take a break, because if he stops, he dies. his mom is dead. his stepdad has left him. he's a newly orphaned 13 year old with no money and no school. if he doesn't look after himself, he passes away on the streets.
he never wanted to do crime. even in the union, he wanted to gravitate more towards the business parts of his job. he never got to experience a life where he got to do what he wanted rather than have to fight for survival all the time. he never got the option to learn that he doesnt have to live the rest of his life punished for his poverty and broken home.
because yk, there wasn't a 'rest of his life'.
the archer is another song. don't think i have to explain how the first couple of lyrics express the loneliness he felt in his journey to the top, but ARGHHHH!! the lines 'i cut off my nose just to spite my face, then hate my reflection for years and years...' it's so him, covering his whole body with tatts knowing he'll feel repulsed everytime he looks in the mirror.
the rest of the verse imo, embody the panic and trauma he must've felt with his circumstances that he probably subdued while he was alive.
i bet on losing dogs and class of 2013 by mitski are also honorable mentions
so kudos to taylor for being able to write music that panders not just to academically burnt out eldest daughters but also seventeen year old mafia bosses created by (assumably) generational poverty and a screwed up system
@weakhero-diaries
do you guys get it if i say donald na is taylor swift coded
Weak Hero TMI /Trivia:
Why did Seokhyeon, Hakho, and Jihoon wear yellow armbands during the funeral service?
SPOILER ALERT
TW: grief, depression, death
DISCLAIMER: I'm not Korean, just learning about their culture.
The yellow armbands around Jihoon (Jimmy), Hakho (Jake) and Seokhyeon (Kingsley)'s arms were the sign that they were the chief mourners of Baekjin (Donald)'s funeral. It means that these three were the substitutes of Baekjin's family in preparing the funeral from start to finish: the role that his absent stepfather and/or kin were supposed to carry out.
I'll try to explain to you about their responsibilities. After reading this, hopefully you'll understand why they crumbled and seemingly grew up so fast.
Seokhyeon, Hakho, and Jihoon's responsibilities as chief mourners:
NOTES:
They didn't do it simultaneously since usually there's an agreed upon division of labor among chief mourners of a funeral;
For nos. 3, 5, 6, 7 & 18, since Baekjin, Seokhyeon, Hakho and Jihoon were minors, then per Korean laws the bank accounts that they and the Union used were under their parents' names, and the legal representative was hired under their parents' names too.
Choosing and preparing Baekjin's photograph to be displayed at the funeral hall;
Sending an obituary and/or a death notification to Baekjin's school and to the Union members/related people as soon as his time of death was established;
Hiring a legal representative to be present when Baekjin's personal effects were released before his autopsy started. Since Baekjin had no immediate family and his death was from non-natural causes where autopsy is a must according to their laws.
Being on standby to receive Baekjin's personal effects from said legal representative. Note that this must've been very VERY upsetting to them since these were the things that Baekjin wore on the night of the accident. Just imagine.
Ensuring that the legal representative from no. 3 was present to receive the autopsy reports and photos on behalf of them, usually 3 days - 1 week after the autopsy was performed. The autopsy report for an accident usually look like this:
6. Calculating and paying the expenses to register for funeral, cremation and charnel house (mausoleum) services;
7. Ensuring that everything is taken care of by the funeral & cremation services from there on, including:
The issuance of Baekjin's death certificate (it usually looks like this);
The renting of mourning clothes. These clothes usually look like this (basically what we see in the funeral episodes):
The availability of a funeral hall (complete with condolence money box, incense, floral arrangements etc). The hall is usually located at the basement of the hospital where Baekjin was taken to after the accident, and arranged by the hospital's funeral services that Seokhyeon/Hakho/Jihoon hired;
The availabillity of foods and chrysanthemum flowers provided for mourners during a 3-day funeral service, because Baekjin had no female kin who oversaw this. Note that there are usually several types of foods that MUST be served in a day on tables, like this (usually the minimum is 3 menus):
The availability of a crematorium and a fixed cremation schedule;
The allotment of a charnel house (mausoleum) space for Baekjin's urn and photos, and maybe some personal belongings. Note that for Baekjin to be placed next to his mother, the chief mourners had to notify the funeral services that then notified the mausoleum in advance.
8. Spending 2 nights and 3 days in that funeral hall for a 3-day funeral service, in the same mourning clothes (if personal bellongings, these were usually later burned or shelved, never worn twice). Note that there's usually no comfortable sleeping arrangement in funeral halls, so they must've slept on the floor on hard pillows and thin blankets for 2 nights;
9. Greeting and welcoming all the mourners during the three 3-day funeral service and ensuring that they signed the guestbook. Note that mourners usually come after school/work hours from 6-11 p.m so Seokhyeon, Hakho, and Jihoon had to finish showering, eating, etc before those hours;
10. Receiving and storing the condolence money. The condolence money is usually placed in envelopes like these:
And the box where these envelopes are stored look like this:
11. Arranging with the funeral services to ensure that there was food and drink for these mourners (since Baekjin had no female immediate family);
12. Receiving any standing wreaths that might come (probably if there was one, it would only be from Yeoil High since all of Baekjin's other contacts were made in an illegal business setting). Standing wreaths are usually only sent by organizations and look like this;
13. Going to the crematorium and attending the cremation process along with select mourners;
14. Receiving Baekjin's ashes in a container (usually an urn purchased through the final services);
15. Going to the mausoleum and attending the placement of Baekjin's urn, photos and select belongings in the mausoleum/charnel house;
16. Thanking other mourners properly on behalf of Baekjin's family.
17. Counting the condolence money and deciding what to do with it afterwards other than covering the funeral costs.
18. Paying off Baekjin's personal debts and The Union's (if there was any), and dividing the remaining money and assets (probably needing to hire a legal representative again).
Honestly learning about all of this made me sympathize with Jihoon, Seokhyeon and Hakho more. I sadly realized that in a better time and a better place these three might have been real friends to Baekjin. It's not too late for the three of them yet.
do you guys get it if i say donald na is taylor swift coded
i've been rereading weak hero season 2 since the latest chapter dropped and i have some things to say about donald
spoilers under the cut
okay first of all i am so fucking pissed at seopass😭😭i can't really say much about the storytelling aspect of choosing to allow donald to die but honestly it does feel very sudden and just unfair to his character. perhaps the suddenness is my reaction because all this time it seemed like he just couldn't die, then he had had the whole arc in the final battle where we finally see a vulnerable side of him and get his full backstory, then all of a sudden he dies?? it just feels so incomplete, like the build up was for nothing🙁🙁🙁.
second of all, i'm only realising just how sad his backstory is now that i'm rereading it.
it's not just about his mother being ill, his father being abusive, and being bullied in school but also the loss of innocence in young donald. at first he was so sweet and cute, but by the time he's thirteen, he's also got a whole baby gang going, beating people up and even doing breaking and entering in one instance, taking his step father's money. then he exposes the dirt on his ex teacher and had myles joo and his boys beat him up, and smash his car outside of the school.
it also reminds me of how much donald has grown- now he would never b&e or smash an adult's car so recklessly (though ofc he did it originally knowing he couldn't get the police called on him). though still heavily involved with delinquents, violence and crime, his methods have refined as he grew, and you can see him become more calculated and less uncouth. despite the maturity of his actions at 13, in a way they're still childish, and it's a reminder that even if he's acting tough he's still a baby🙁🙁
while i was glad to watch those people get their comeuppance, i honestly felt so heartbroken watching their callous and flippant nature to crime. like, he literally has a baby face!!! he's like 5'0!!! and he's here stomping people in alleyways and committing burglary?!!! it reminded me of kaz brekker from SOC for some reason, who was innocent and naive till he had to grow up at 12 or 13 and started hustling people in gambling dens and getting in trouble with the law.
it hurts to watch how cruelly he was treated by his teachers and his schoolmates because of his poverty, and how no one did anything about it because it was just normal to them that in a school full of rich kids, it was just a given that donald was considered less than trash. then at night he was kicked out by his step father so he could cheat and drink and he had to wander around yeongdeungpo all on his own in the cold, hungry, and huddle under an apartment block?? ARE YOU JOKING😭😭
he changed so much due to the circumstances of his situation and he grew into something no one should ever have to. he isn't just strong and smart and always five steps ahead becaude of his natural talent (though that definitely helped), but because he had to be. doing badly has never been a choice for him. he needs it to survive. i've always liked donald, and i've always suspected this about his character, but hearing it be confirmed just makes me like him more.
it's so sad realising how everything about him was manufactured to fit his image- his piercings, his hair, his clothes, his tattoos, his image, the way he talks- he didn't even LIKE any of them, but they just became a part of who he was nevertheless. thinking about the way he found his tattoos repulsive when they were all over his body, and were the first things he saw whenever he looked in the mirror must've been so painful to him. but he probably thought being affected by it made him weak so🙁.
and finally, the end where it shows his attachment and love for his inner child who was never loved or taken care by anybody and had to fend for his own. the image of the older donald, covered in tattoos taking care of his small, crying younger self is so powerful😭😭like look at this i wanna kms
i wonder in another life how donald na would turn out if none of these things happened to him🙁🙁he wanted to be a NASA engineer you know🙁🙁🙁😭😭😭he had his own dreams
other things that i noted were that donald actually changes in public a lot. like seriously a lot....first on the rooftop then in the library, like this guy was just stripping at every opportunity.
and also that him not inviting gilshin and jimmy bae into the union was done on purpose as a technique to make them more willing to join? what?? that's so smart😭😭
i also found out this way that myles was a member of the union before it was even called the union?? like they rode together for three years and donald still beat his ass like damn! he is unsentimental.
i'm going to write something about the funeral chapter but that deserves its own post
Chain of Command Chapter 5
Fuck, where is she?
She’d called him the night before to ask for the designated pick up time, but ten minutes had already passed since the agreed timing and Bambi was still nowhere to be seen.
Admittedly, Forrest felt a little embarrassed for eagerly anticipating Bambi’s arrival like she was some knight in shining armour and he was a damsel in distress, but when you were facing a real life villain that would make any fairytale antagonist piss their pants, you needed all the protection you could get.
He’d felt relieved when she informed him that she would be tagging along to observe the pickup with Ganghak– for what reason, he didn’t know.
He doubted that Wolf would be happy with the decision, but as long as it meant that Forrest and his friends would be free from both psychological and physical damage, he didn’t give a damn about what the boy felt,
But regardless of what she’d said the night before, Bambi was still a no-show. And Forrest Lee was paying for it big time.
“I said I’ll make sure to take care of the money that got stolen. And yet you dare intimidate me with Donald Na?”
Wolf grabbed him by his hair, yanking his head down towards till their eyes were levelled.
“You dare do that to me? Have you forgotten who I am?”
Fuck. It became harder to evade Wolf Keum’s eyes as he leaned in closer to his face. Fuck. He was vaguely aware of Robin cowering behind him, and he was glad he left Grapes waiting downstairs. Where is Bambi? This was the exact scenario Forrest had wanted to avoid.
Where the hell is she?
Just as Forrest was about to resign to his fate, his panicking was cut short by footsteps and a familiar voice.
“What’s going on?”
Relief flooded his body.
Thank fucking goodness.
~
Bambi had never had a favourable impression of Wolf Keum, not when she first set eyes on him, not when Sam Lee recounted the days where he was bullied by Wolf, not when he and his little gang of assholes nearly ran her over with their motorbikes, and definitely not when she walked in on him about to beat the shit out of Forrest Lee.
She had been nearly ten minutes late to the pick up due to an unexpected holdup, and was not in the best of moods even before she watched as Wolf Keum entangled his fingers in Forrest's hair, pulling down on it so harshly she was worried that Forrest would go bald before he even hit twenty.
After all the time she’d spent alongside Donald Na, she’d learnt how to keep her emotions from being public display. Despite that, she still had to physically stop her jaw from dropping at the sight in front of her. However, even if she did let it hang loose from shock, she doubted that anyone would’ve noticed it anyways. Aside from Wolf and Forrest, the only other people present were Robin Ha, and two other boys from Ganghak.
Robin stood with his back to her, his head lowered to face the ground and his shoulders slumped in what seemed like a pathetic attempt to shrink all six feet of himself to avoid looking at his fallen leader. Wolf’s two lieutenants stood at the other end of the rooftop, facing the elevator. If their eyes weren’t so glued to the scene in front of them, they probably would’ve noticed her arrival. In the centre of it all, was Wolf Keum and Forrest Lee, the former grabbing the latter by the hair as he leaned in closer to Forrest’s face.
Her first reaction was to butt in and stop Wolf (an impulse that EMBARRASSED her)– what overwhelmed her shock at his actions was her worry for Forrest Lee. It was pitiful watching the school head be reduced to a mere ragdoll in front of Wolf Keum, especially since she knew of his assaulter’s formidability. The choice of action she decided to take however, was to stand by and watch silently, crossing her arms over her chest.
Just like how she’d learned to control her facial expressions, she’d learnt how to control the way she acted too. Rushing into a fight to stop it just reeked of desperation, which was the last thing she wanted to show around delinquents, or anyone, really. Observing silently and collecting information was the smart thing to do. An uncaring, cool and collected image had already been built for the higher ups of the Union, and she’d be an idiot to not utilise it.
Not that she wasn’t entirely unaffected by the violence that had become her everyday life– contrary to the opinions of many Union members, she wasn’t totally callous and apathetic (or in their words, a “stuck up bitch”). She wasn’t Kingsley. She had loads of empathy. She just found it easy for her to watch delinquents that weren’t her friends get beat up since she knew better than to waste her empathy on them.
Asides from worry, another emotion that had wormed her way into her heart while she watched the scene in front of her was anger, something she was much more familiar with.
What does he think he’s doing?
Was Wolf really stupid enough to attack another executive? Perhaps stupid had been the wrong word, Wolf had brains after all. Crazy would’ve worked much better.
She knew she should’ve known better than to let Wolf’s actions shock her, but she couldn’t help but feel surprised at the boy’s brazenness. Not that they weren’t perfectly in character for the bastard.
The boy hadn’t been branded as the Union wildcard for no good reason– the big, bad, Wolf with sharp teeth and large claws. A powerful and scary delinquent, no doubt, but still a delinquent, who probably only started smoking because they thought it looked cool, and thought every little insult had to be resolved with violence. At the end of the day, he was just a teenage boy who thought he was hot shit just because he had a couple of wins under his belt.
Wolf was saying something else now, and she turned her attention towards him. She raised an eyebrow. The boy was still unaware of her presence, moving so close to Forrest’s face she might’ve thought that he was going in for a kiss.
“I said I’ll make sure to take care of the money that got stolen, yet you dare intimidate me with Donald Na?”
Stolen money? Her anger on Forrest’s behalf had been forgotten, her body temperature rising significantly before dropping again. An unpleasant chill ran through her body, like someone had dumped a bucket of ice over her head.
Wolf was now saying something about his name, but she tuned it out. Stolen money? That explained why she hadn’t seen any bags on the rooftop.
In the Union, it wasn’t rare to see members fuck up their missions. Sure, maybe it'd get them a slap or two from their assigned executive, or a lecture from Donald Na himself, depending on the importance of the task, but it was rarely that serious. Losing money, however, was practically a death penalty.
She exhaled, marching towards the two boys in front of her. She’d seen enough.
“What’s going on?”
Every head turned at the sound of her voice, all with varying reactions, though shock seemed to be a common factor in all of them.
Robin and Forrest’s faces leaned more towards relief, albeit mixed with humiliation. Hayden and Hwangmo, on the other hand, seemed to physically freeze up as her gaze swept over them and onto Wolf Keum, whose face had hardened at the sight of her with obvious unhappiness. Reluctantly, he let go of Forrest Lee.
If it wasn’t for the sense of foreboding descending unto her, she would’ve rolled her eyes.
She didn’t stop walking forward until she was a short distance away from Wolf. He’d switched most of his scowl out with the blank stare he kept on while around Donald Na, though there was still a hint of petulance in it that Bambi didn’t like.
“What stolen money?” The sharp edge in her voice went unnoticed by none.
“...I didn’t know you were coming.”
An eyebrow shot up.
“Clearly.” She scoffed. “Now answer my question.”
“What stolen money?”
This time, Wolf didn’t bother to hide his anger, letting it seep into his voice as he replied, though he at least had the sense to lower his gaze.
“The expenditure payment got stolen by a bunch of guys from Eunjang. We’re looking for them right now.”
She didn’t know whether to be shocked or infuriated. She settled for a mix of both. “You lost the money?”
Wolf opened his mouth, but she cut in before he could speak. “No wait, you let it get stolen?” Wolf tensed, but she paid no mind to it, thinking about how she would break the news to Donald. He would not be happy.
All the money, and some important files too, were kept in a big locked bag for safekeeping while it was being transported. Though it was an inconvenient method when compared to digital transactions, it made sure the money- and the Union- never left a trace. However, its weakness was that it also opened up the possibility of intervention from outside sources, which meant that it was the responsibility of the members of the Union to keep it safe.
That obviously hadn’t worked.
“Who lost it?” Narrowing her eyes, she glanced at two boys behind Wolf, who flinched in return.
“It wasn’t them.” Wolf said sharply, though Bambi noted that unlike how other leaders in the Union might’ve reacted, he sounded more annoyed than defensive. “It was two other guys. I’ve already punished them, so relax.”
For the second time that day, she had to stop her jaw from hanging open at his stunning display of audacity. Relax. He really was a peculiar bastard, wasn’t he? First, he’d grabbed another executive by the hair. Then he’d lost the expenditure payment. And now he was telling her to relax.
She released a massive frustration filled sigh.
“Wolf.”
A heavy silence rested on the rooftop as she paused. When she finally spoke again, her voice was dangerously low.
“It’s a simple job. Donald Na entrusted you with this himself, and he doesn’t have time for incompetency, so fix this quickly.” She practically spat out the last part, voice full of venom. “Get the money back by tomorrow or I’ll be telling him about your mistake.”
She started to turn, motioning towards Forrest and Robin to follow her as she made her way to the elevator. “We’re done here for now.”
“Oh, right,” She paused suddenly, swivelling her head to look at him again. “I’m sure you know the rules on attacking another Union member well enough, so keep your hands to yourself next time, yeah?” She sent him a scathing look. “Try to get your shit together now.”
As she entered the lift, she had the distinct feeling that Wolf was glaring holes through her back. She frowned. She had a suspicion neither of them particularly liked each other.
Chain of Command Chapter 4
Having a full time job working for a criminal empire had unexpected cons, and missing meals on the regular was one of them.
It was 9.40pm in Seoul, and Bambi was on the bus home from work with an empty stomach. After her talk with Forrest Lee at Hyeongshin, she had a bunch of tasks that took a couple more hours to complete before she could finally clock out and head home.
She regretted her choice of not eating before she left for home; she wanted to reach her house quickly so she could start on her boatload of school work, and now she was paying for it with absolutely crippling gastric pains. Just because she had a high rank in the Union didn’t mean she had the physical endurance of her subordinates.
The bus she was on hadn’t been doing a very good job of delivering her to her destination quickly either, driving so slowly the entire ride that Bambi was surprised it hadn’t been pulled over as a safety hazard, and suddenly coming to a halt at the red light, just metres from her stop. She let out a heavy sigh, unconcerned with the sharp look that the lady sitting next to her gave her.
It seemed like the universe was determined to kill her from starvation. Forget getting home to do work, she was gonna die in this bus. If she waited any longer, a flock of vultures would probably start circling around her head.
As if it had heard her internal complaints, the light turned green, and the bus started to move again, making its way to her stop. Fucking finally. Maybe God does exist.
The doors of the bus slid open, and fresh air gushed in, tickling Bambi’s face as she stepped off the vehicle and into the outside world. Though the bus wasn’t carrying many people, the streets of Yeongdeungpo were still full, and the bright lights and heavy traffic made it feel like it was still day.
Her apartment was only a quick walk from the bus stop, so it wouldn’t take too long for her to reach home and get dinner from the convenience store underneath, but the short trip didn’t stop her from brisk walking as swiftly as possible in order to arrive as soon as she possibly could. Perhaps running would’ve allowed her to reach faster, but that made her sweaty, and depleted the little energy in her famished body that she had left after her long day of work. Screw this job, seriously.
At least her boss and her coworkers (which was. Just Kingsley) suffered the same fate. And honestly, she thought she had it better than they did. Maybe keeping the delinquents in check was tiring, but it was the lesser of two evils. Kingsley’s job of following Donald around the whole day sounded fucking boring- she’d sat in on some of Donald’s meetings herself and she nearly fell asleep every time. And she couldn’t even imagine being Donald Na himself.
Speaking of Donald and Kingsley, she wondered what the two of them were doing at the moment. They usually wrapped up around nine, but sometimes their business matters leached into their free time, and they wouldn’t get off work until ten or so-
Her phone rang, snapping her out of her own thoughts.
She rolled her eyes as she checked the caller ID. Speak of the devil.
“What?”
“We’re having dinner.” Kingsley Kwan’s monotonic voice was muffled by the sounds of traffic, and she pressed her ear closer to her phone in order to hear what he was saying. “I’ve sent you the location. Do you want to join us?”
No need to guess what ‘we’ meant. Unless Kingsley had very suddenly (and very uncharacteristically) added a new person to his social circle, which Bambi thought was as likely as him growing an extra head, or perhaps changing his hairstyle to something more fashionable, it meant he was having dinner with Donald Na.
Which also meant, they were probably at some nice, expensive restaurant, while she was brisk walking home deluding herself into believing that she wasn’t actually that hungry anyways.
She sighed exaggeratedly as she considered her options, loud enough for Kingsley to hear. By the time she reached the restaurant, they’d probably already be done with their meal. What a shame; Donald always paid too.
“So nice of you to think of me, Kingsley.” She said into the phone, a sneer apparent in her voice. She knew he wouldn’t take it seriously anyways. “But I’m nearly home. Sorry.”
She and Kingsley were sort of friends, where they both understood and cared for one another, except with the care part left out.
Due to the isolating nature of their jobs, Kingsley was the only person she hung around on an everyday basis who also worked directly for Donald. The large amount of time that they both spent around each other led to a mutual understanding between the two; they could empathise with each other’s problems, hold a conversation without it being awkward, and banter with one another without coming off as overly familiar.
But also because of the nature of their jobs, every interaction with one another was always laced with the underlying awareness that at the end of the day, they’d both choose the wellbeing of the Union over the other. Or in Kingsley’s case, he’d choose Donald over her.
Like she’d said, the Union benefited from disloyalty.
She paused for a moment, before adding on. “Thank Donald for me.”
“Hold on.” Kingsley’s side of the call was silent for a moment, though she heard hushed talking in the background, and then shuffling like the phone was being passed over.
“Bambi. How is Hyeongshin doing?” Unlike his second in command, Donald spoke at a slow pace with a lowered voice; a voice that commandeered attention and respect. Even from behind a phone screen, it still put her a little on edge.
“I informed them about the dip in sales. Forrest Lee assured me that he’d take care of it. Other than that, I think they’re handling everything well. Tomorrow they’re heading over to Ganghak to make a pick up for KHG, I told Forrest to inform me once it’s done.”
“Good.”
Donald paused, and Bambi held her breath for whatever might come next. Though it had been ages since she’d last been reprimanded (and she intended to keep it that way) you never really knew with Donald Na. He liked to take his time while speaking to collect his thoughts, unbothered by the nerves of those around him.
“From now on, make sure you keep as close an eye as possible on the executives. Make sure to make use of the observers that I’ve planted around Yeongdeungpo.”
The observers were Union members whose jobs were to bring any suspicious activity to Bambi’s attention so that she could investigate it and take care of the matter. To pluck out any weed before it had the chance to grow.
“After all that’s happened with Eunjang and Myles’s excommunication, we need some time to restabilise. While that’s happening, we can’t let anyone take advantage of the weakened state of the Union, especially with the new businesses that require our attention. Report anything out of the ordinary to me.”
“...Okay.” Bambi heard silence in response, before the robotic beep of Donald hanging up.
Donald was right to be concerned. The boys in the Union were the type to cause trouble regardless of how many times Donald Na had demonstrated his power. In order to keep them in line, he’d have to maintain a tight grip on their leashes at all times.
She sighed as she approached the convenience store under her apartment flat. What sounded better, microwave heated pasta or pizza?
Her mind wandered to the pick up that was due to happen the next day.
It was just a simple exchange- Ganghak was just transporting the money to Hyeongshin so that they could drop it off again somewhere else. The Union executives did it all time, so there had never been a real need for Bambi to keep an eye on them while doing it.
Even now, after Donald’s instructions, she doubted that he needed her to watch over every single transaction done in the Union. However, he did order her to observe them as carefully as possible, and she was in the area tomorrow…
She scrolled through Kakaotalk, clicking the call icon on a certain contact as she pushed the door to the store open.
“Hey Forrest, there’s been a change of plans…”
~
okay so i'm a lot happier with this chapter than my other ones. for one, i gave myself more time to write this. i know i just posted chapter 3 so it might look like i rushed this chapter in two days, but it was actually supposed to be posted on tumblr two weeks ago. i just forgot about it after posting on ao3.
can someone explain what's going on i literally have no idea
also rip eugene he's so dead lmao
i feel kinda bad for donald i was literally cringing watching him have a mental breakdown in the middle of his office like damn
it's a cruel summer (with you)
You and Donald Na get wrapped up in a summer romance. It doesn't end well.
F/M, Angst, Hurt no comfort
Inspired by the song 'Cruel Summer' by Taylor Swift
(and I’m drunk in the back of the car-)
You leaned into the man’s shoulder, cloth rubbing against your skin, your two bodies pressed against each other. You inhaled, and expensive cologne filled your nostrils, dampening your already dulled senses.
"But whyyyy?” You slurred, leaning into him even further. Your voice comes out whinier than usual, like that of a disobedient child, but you’re too drunk to care. The man next to you stays silent, and you steal a glance at him. His cold steely gaze is harsh in comparison to the soft fabric of his sweatshirt sleeve- lined with golden motifs and bought with an absurd amount of money no high schooler should have had access to.
“Donald.”
Donald Na’s red eyes land on you for a second (you don’t know how to feel- elated that you caught his attention, or small, under his shrinking gaze, his silence a simple reminder that you aren’t worth his time. But, a smaller voice in your head whispered, He hasn’t pushed you away. And for you, that was enough.) before shifting back to the road.
You follow his line of sight- red and green traffic lights and moving cars blurring into one under the droplets of rain beating down on the windows. To anyone outside in the pouring rain it might’ve seemed warm and cozy, but to you it was as cold as ever. You looked back at his face, his beautiful, angelic, face. Angelic, hah. Pretty, snake like red eyes that were hellbent on ignoring you, pale, flawless, undented skin, like you were looking at a marble statue.
It was laughable how someone who looked like they could’ve been sculpted by God himself was capable of doing so much harm. (Some poetic part of you thought that your comparison of him to a marble statue was rather fitting- beautiful, yet cold and untouchable. You supposed it was the alcohol talking.)
It started back at the bar.
~
It was hot outside when you met him. The summer was in, and you were drinking your way through the sweltering heat in the bar.
Donald was there sometimes, and he had always caught your eye. How could he not? Tall, pale, and tattooed, radiating an expensive yet untouchable aura, always watching, never taking a sip. It intrigued you, so much that one day you approached him. He seemed sort of amused by your arrival, and in a way it felt demeaning- like you were just some idiotic girl that he saw as entertainment. You pushed it away.
One thing about Donald Na, is that he did everything right. He was charming, bought you drinks and bantered with you, yet you knew that this man was a bad idea the moment you set eyes on him. You were drawn in anyways. It’s not built to last. That’s what you told yourself. It’s just a casual fling. You weren’t sure you believed yourself, as his snake-like eyes met your own (his captivating aura was even stronger up close), from your view next to him on the booth seat.
He smiled at you (God, he was gorgeous) and you knew that your entire being was going to be consumed by this man, like he was a black hole and you were the astronaut who floated away too far from the space station. Only you were jumping in willingly.
Perhaps that was a mistake, dedicating every fiber of your being to something you knew could only end in tragedy.
He started coming in more often, still never consuming a drop of alcohol. You asked him why once, and he smiled at you with that smirk of his- the one that said he was always in charge of the situation (the one that drove you crazy)- and said that it was ‘dirty’. The two of you talked for a bit at the bar, before you started meeting at other places. Late nights where you’d text him all of a sudden, asking him if he wanted to go to the park to ‘hang out’. Oh, please. It was a date, and both of you knew it.
Other times he’d be the one calling you up, abruptly informing you that he’d reserved a table for two that night at some fancy restaurant with a complicated name that you had no idea how he could afford, telling you to clear your schedule. He’d bring you in, arm around your waist, walking like he owned the fucking place. Despite all the time the two of you spent hanging out, you didn’t know that much about him.
He was from Yeo-il High apparently, but aside from that he was some sort of enigma to you, expertly dodging questions about his job and personal life, and especially his background, half truths rolling off his tongue as if he was used to twisting the situation to his advantage. That should have scared you off; a man with something to hide is not a man to be trusted. You knew that, and yet you ignored it. All the red flags that should have pushed you away drew you even closer to Donald Na.
You guessed it was just some dumb, self destructive part of you that wanted to know more, craved the feeling of having him open up to you when he was so on guard with everyone else, that screamed louder than the sensible part of your brain that told you that this could only end badly. So for a couple months as the two of you grew closer, you lived in a false reality, a dream where you were always aware that the alarm clock was going to come ringing eventually. You took a gamble; you made a bet.
~
It started back at the bar.
Donald had to admit that when you first showed up, pretty face flushed from alcohol, he didn’t think much of you. He watched in amusement as you struck up a conversation with him, played along as you flirted with him, yet the more he talked to you, he couldn’t help but get the growing feeling that you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into. He was good at that, at reading people. He decided he wanted to see where this would go- talking to old men and delinquents all day was frustrating after all. He needed some normal human interaction too.
You were ordinary. And he meant that as a compliment. Frankly, Donald was bored of dealing with delinquents who thought they were tough shit until they got a taste of his fist, tired of the business meetings and stuffy suits. He had learned to savour the ordinary in his everyday life, knowing that it would fade away soon enough; sitting in his dark office, eating soft bread, watching the traffic below.
He would listen as you talked about your life, about your parents, about drama at your prestigious all girls school, about your grades, just anything. It was so different from his dangerous, crime filled life. It was peaceful. Each moment he spent with you felt like he was pressing pause on his reality and jumping into another one, one where he wasn’t stressed out running a criminal empire, one where he could just spend time slowly talking with you under the dim lights of the bar.
But all good things had to come to an end. It was a cruel lesson that life taught Donald again and again, to the point where he got used to leaving and being left. He knew that this secret relationship couldn’t last forever- It wasn’t built to last. He had accepted it as a fact. One thing that Donald valued, even more than his criminal empire, even more than his own life, even more than you, was his reputation.
It was his reputation that kept him alive, that made sure that fuckers who would usually be trying to oppose him, couldn’t even look him in the eye. It was what let him lead the Union so flawlessly, and he knew that at the slightest slip up, the smallest mistake, all the scum that had cowered at his feet before would come running. Loved ones were seen as a liability in his world, as weaknesses to exploit. He wasn’t gonna risk all that he’d worked for, what he'd spent all these years building up just for a small crush, a summer fling.
He looked down at you, leaning against his body, his jacket over your bare shoulders. He would miss you when you were gone.
~
"We should stop meeting up."
Donald’s icy tone broke the peaceful silence that hung over the table. You blinked, drunken mind taking a moment to process what he said. When his statement finally registered, you swivelled around to face him, grimacing when your head spun. Shit.
“What?” You put your hand to your head, rubbing at your temple; you must’ve misheard him. But there was no mistaking the way his light hearted voice turned hard, no mistaking the whiplash it gave you.
“We should stop meeting up.” Donald Na always got straight to the point. Speaking frankly even when he was breaking your heart.
You moved yourself off of his side, sitting up straight, as if his words had sobered you up.
“Why? What are you talking about?” You watched him- cold, red eyes and an indifferent expression. You felt your heart drop. He had to be fucking joking. Your life depended on it.
The thrill of the chase was wearing off, and now it was time to face the consequences.
“You know what I mean. Let’s end this.” Donald didn’t look at you as he stood up. The last pieces of hope that you clung on to fully disintegrated into ash. You knew that face; the cold, distant one that he put on when he was annoyed. “You’re drunk. I’m getting a taxi.”
You chased after him as he walked out of the bar, yanking on his sleeve with a manicured hand.
“Wait- Tell me what I fucking did wrong. Don’t just leave, Goddamnit!”
Donald sighed, and you knew whatever came next would be painful. Even if it was just the truth. You weren’t sure why you asked the question- perhaps it just slipped out due to intoxication and desperation, hoping to hear another answer rather than the one that you’ve already known since the start.
A cab pulls up on the street before he can start. You get in, and he does too.
Rain starts to pour as the cab door slams shut, and the driver steps on the gas, soft jazz music playing on the radio. Red, orange, and yellow leaves fell from the trees, your eyes following them as they hit the ground. Just like a movie scene. You wondered if there was a God out there. How cruel, if this was the fate that they had chosen for you. But then again, you did suppose you chose it yourself.
Maybe it was unfair to blame everything on an omnipotent being you weren’t sure was even there. The calming music, and the thudding of the heavy rain on the windows made your eyelids heavy, but you couldn’t fall asleep- not like this.
“But whyy?” You cut through the heavy silence. Donald kept quiet, and the cab driver minded his business. Fuck. It felt like you were freezing inside the taxi. You wondered if the vehicle had heating, as you leaned into Donald’s shoulder. His sweater was warm. He however, was colder than ever, as he watched the road, like whatever was going on outside was so much more interesting than you. You took a moment to admire his face.
Pale skin, piercings and scarlet eyes. At least even in uncertainty one thing stayed the same.
“Donald.”
He said nothing.
“Goddamnit, you asshole. Don’t ignore me.” He turned to face you, and your heart leapt.
“Goodnight.”
The cab came to a halt outside a large house. You’d been there before, marvelling at Donald's tall ceilings and designer furniture.
“Wait-” You have got to be fucking kidding me.
“Get her home safe.” Donald cast you a glance before the door shut, and the car sped off.
It felt like the universe was playing a big prank on you today. Like you were the galaxy’s equivalent of a little kid wearing a dunce hat in the back of the classroom and everyone else was just pointing at you and laughing.
Hahahaha. You just got dumped, or whatever the term for what just happened for the strange relationship you and Donald Na shared was, and then stood up in the back of a taxi. Hilarious.
But you wouldn’t end things. Not like this, in the pouring rain in the backseat of a cab. The alcohol spurred you on, making you bolder than you usually would’ve been. You’ve already made so many bad decisions, what was one more?
“Stop the car.” The taxi driver cast a quick, incredulous look back. “Stop, now?”
“Stop, now.”
The driver stared at you like you were mad, but you paid it no mind, pulling dollar notes out of your purse and handing it to him as he slammed on the brakes.
“Thank you.”
You jumped out of the car and into the raging storm. The water hit your bare shoulders, but you felt numb to the cold, your mind focused on only one thing. Your head was throbbing, but you were sober enough to walk straight.
That would be enough for you, as you ran towards Donald's home, pressing the doorbell repeatedly. The storm around you didn’t stop, beating into you persistently, soaking you, your minidress, and anything you had on underneath. Water pooled around your feet, and you knew that the heels you had on would be ruined by the end of the night.
Finally, the door cracked open, and streaks of light broke the inky darkness that you stood in. Donald stood there too, looking down at you with those vermillion eyes. His eyes widened slightly, though the rest of his face remained levelled, like he was surprised you were there but decided to mask it with apathy.
“Go home. You’re going to get sick.” His tone sounded indifferent, but you could pick up on hints of? exhaustion? exasperation? regret?
If you regret it so much, take me back, you asshole.
“Tell me why.” Your voice came out hoarse, and you cleared your throat. You tried your best to stay still under his stare, under his overwhelming presence.
His eyes narrowed, and his lips grew taut, before finally, he broke eye contact and let out a sigh.
Exasperation, you were right.
You knew you were probably quite a pathetic sight; shivering and soaked to the bone. You hoped your makeup wasn’t running.
“There are some things I can’t tell you. On my part, I’m sorry things had to end this way.”
“But let’s be honest. We both knew that this wouldn’t go well, so let’s not pretend that you didn’t know this would happen.”
He moved to close the door, and the pounding of the rain seemed to hit harder than usual. “Good night, and I mean it this time.”
For a second there it was as if you saw the grains of sand flowing down the invisible hourglass of your relationship, and you knew you had to do something- you didn’t know what, but something.
“Wait! Please!”
Donald paused. You saw his face through the crack of his front door. He looked tentative, like he was expecting you to say something. To try to change his mind.
So you did.
“I love you!”
You felt instantaneous regret as the words left your mouth.
You watched Donald for the hundredth time. He didn't scoff, or reply emotionlessly like you expected. What came next was much worst.
He laughed. You’ve heard Donald laugh before- usually just a soft chuckle in response to a joke you made. This was a hollow, humorless laugh that chilled you to the bone.
You’d practically studied Donald’s face, every soft curve and every sharp angle had been practically memorised by you, carved into your mind.
But this wasn’t something you’ve seen before. A devilish smile. How ironic; you’d compared him to an angel just moments before. Well, the devil came in many forms. Maybe Donald Na was one of them. You unconsciously took a step back.
He caught his breath, and his laughter ceased.
“No, you don’t.”
The door slammed shut.
~
Pure despair.
It had been a while since you had last felt it.
Truth is, you didn’t cry easy. When you got sad, you got moody. And when you got moody, you got angry, lashing out and sulking until you cooled down as a way to cope with the pain. Now, there was none of that. No one to blame but yourself.
The tears did not come out in a rush; it built up slowly in the wells of your eyes before cascading down your face like a dam had been broken, getting heavier and heavier until you were fully sobbing. You let out a raw, anguished cry, like a banshee in the night.
You had prepared yourself for this a million times, waited for this moment to come, but you never expected it to hurt like this.
At that moment, you wished you were at home, in your comfiest pyjamas, taking in the warmth of your blanket. But you were crying on the front step of some man’s house, makeup and tears streaming down your face, half frozen to death. You should have brought your jacket along.
Maybe this wouldn’t have happened had you thought this through.
Donald was right (of course he was). You did know that this was going to happen. You knew that this was the reality that was written for the two of you, carved in stone by the hand of whatever divine being was up there. And you didn’t love him. You just blurted it out of desperation to make him stay.
After all, it was impossible to love somebody you didn’t know.
Maybe you could have loved him, if this relationship wasn’t doomed from start to end.
Sure, Donald could be cruel. But you were too, to want more than he had to give. You knew there was nothing more to it than a summer fling, and yet you threw yourself into it headfirst hoping that there could be something more. Well, there wasn’t.
One part of you wondered what would have happened if you listened to your Goddamn brain and stayed away from him. Then you’d just be two strangers in a bar, with you constantly looking over at him in curiosity and him pretending not to notice your glances before finally failing to show up one day. Two planets orbiting each other, but never touching.
(The reckless part of you, the one that got you into this mess, thought that it would’ve tortured you more if you had never approached Donald. How you would’ve stayed up at night, thinking about what it could’ve been.)
You laughed in spite of yourself. You were gonna get yourself killed one day.
Numbly, you pushed yourself off of Donald’s doorstep, standing up wobbly, the tears blurring your vision. The cold rain had sobered you up, and your mind was clear. It was time to pull yourself together. You sent a glance back at Donald’s house. All of his lights were off except for one. You wondered if he had heard you cry. You wondered if he cared. You guessed that you were of value to him, just not as much as whatever he was hiding from you. Not that it mattered anymore.
You knew you’d get over it eventually. Time heals all wounds, after all- like the grains of sand running over a jagged rock in a river until it became a smooth pebble, but for now, you would mourn.
You looked around. The neighbourhood was a nice one, large houses lining the empty streets, lighted by rows of lamp posts. The wind blew colder, and both you and the tree skeletons shivered. The air had grew colder over the past few days, signalling the end of a long summer, and the start of autumn. The start of a new beginning.
This time, you didn’t look back as you walked away.
Did they just have their first couple fight?
Don't be so cold Donald go after him☹☹