Jirai Posting - Blog Posts

STOP REPORTING JIRAI ACCOUNTS. YOU’RE DOING MORE HARM THAN GOOD.

do you actually think that reporting mentally ill ppl’s safe spaces helps them in any way? do you think your some sort of saint by doing so? think it makes a difference?

NO. IT DOESN’T.

you’re the one who causes us most pain. causing us to lose the one place where we can be ourselves without the fear of judgement.

most of us don’t have a space like this irl. most of us don’t have friends to confide in, or a therapist to talk to. most of us don’t even have parents who love us.

so if you’re not actually gonna do smth abt our pain, then don’t pretend you care by taking away the one space were we feel comfortable.

daily affirmations

i am better than everyone

I look wonderful

All those who are my enemies should suffer

All those who upset me should die

People who criticize me are wrong and stupid

I deserve the best and totally not the worst thing to existence

All my suffering should be doubled and given to people who criticize me when I'm trying my best

I got bloomers... I can wear dark girly without much dysphoria now hehehe <3 feel so jirai danshi

Hey, jirais that gets jealous of other people's trauma because you feel yours isn't valid in comparison and constantly questions if it was really "that bad", your trauma is valid.

don’t come into my life just to leave. i will slit my throat.

jirai media recommendations (feel free 2 suggest more)

some r still ongoing btw

-Young Adult Matters

movie (2021)

tw: sh, substance abuse, bullying, violence, gore, prostitution, death, sa, homelessness, sexual content, abuse, profanity, unwanted pregnancy (prob more im forgetting)

-Tomorrow I’m gonna be someone’s girlfriend

manga (2019-2024) and tv show (2022-2023)

tw: sh, profanity, sexual content, violence, substance abuse (again prob more im forgetting)

-Kairiki Bear

musician

song suggestions: darling dance, bug, failure girl, villain

-Isana

musician

song suggestions: Menhera Janai Mon!, Loved Smoothie

-Sensitive Boy

manga (2022-2024)

tw: sexual themes, sa, sh, violence (prob more i still need 2 read it ngl)

-Sentimental Death Loop

video game (2023)

tw: death, partial nudity, sexual themes, profanity, sh, suicide, violence, gore,

-Needy Streamer Overload

game (2022)

tw: sh, sexual themes, violence, substance abuse, blood, profanity, death, cults, vomiting (prob more that im forgetting)

-Strawberry Painkiller

musician

song suggestions: Bloodsucking Dreams, Grave Skull, Thousand Knives, Sugar Truth, Pharmakeia

-Candye Syrup

musician

song suggestions: idol of death, sweet suicide, C♡S.I.S

-Hookah Haze

game (2024)

tw: death, terminal illness, stalking, substance abuse (its just hookah im pretty sure but still gonna include the warning lmao)

-Magical Girl Site

anime (2018) and manga (2014-2019)

tw: bullying, violence, suicide, abuse, blood (prob more i havent finished it)

feel free 2 suggest more! out of all of these i suggest young adult matters, kairiki bear, nso, and strawberry painkiller the most!

Shout-out to jirais who:

Aren't white

Aren't skinny

Don't cut

Aren't cishet

Are a Boy, multi gender, gender fluid, and xenogender jirai

Who aren't conventionally attractive

Who can't self sabotage in traditional ways

Who have an Ed that isn't ana or mia

Who aren't American

Who are systems

Who have "minor" mental illnesses

Who don't dress dark girly kei

Who have a master list of illnesses

Who aren't diagnosed

Who aren't the jirai stereotype

NOTES GAME (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

1- I don't turn rapid (completed 😌)

10- I give my dog an extra treat (completed‼️)

60- you guys pick my pfp

130- you guys get another art post

340- reveal dividers, and blinkers I've collected.

600- I'll reveal my gacha oc + art!!!

1k- an entire revamp of my entire account

1.2k- a self portrait + silly doodles.

Creep alert!! (I think)

@loser-otaku-girl-real

In the post I was yapping that I needed an fp but like this guy seems weird already blocked him.

I LOVE YANDERE'S!!! (Not fake ones that aren't actual yandere) I want someone who is so obsessed with me that I actually feel loved (⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ⁠), I want to have there attention 24/7. I want them to worship me (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡

-(Amechan + Kangel fictive)

Dream fit, body, hair and aesthetic..

-(Kangel fictive)

Caving into the impulsive thoughts to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay.

I’m crying over the stupidest thing rn.

I saw a yt short of a flipnote animation with the fucking grandma episode from SpongeBob as the audio, and IDK why but it just broke me.

I miss being a little kid so much. Maybe things weren’t the best per se, but it was the happiest and sweetest and most innocent and hopeful I ever was.

I miss my old room back in my grandmother’s house and the balcony. I miss those days where she’d make me oatmeal and we’d go do things outside like picking berries. I loved being on this little hill that I think was made of sand.

I just.. I miss it all. I can’t describe how much I do.. I’d do anything to relieve those moments again if I knew how bad things were going to get for me.

Me fighting off my intrusive thoughts be like:

Damn a three way tie lmaoooo

I guess we gotta do a part two now XD

DO YOUR BEST!

Ok Jirais

I have a few contenders

Battle it out to see who comes out on top.

Hnnng I lowkey wanna do a slight aesthetic redesign of my blog but I dunno what to do :,(

Part of me wants to make it Lain centric because I’m back on my Lain hyper fixation but I still want it to be cutesy and pink(not saying Lain can’t be cutesy it’s just that I don’t associate her with the color pink lol), but also… I do have a digital persona that I redesigned and I wouldn’t waste an opportunity to draw a pfp..

Idk I might make a poll soon to see what people want. Stay tuned for that I guess.

Slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am physically incapable of doing anything anymore.

I physically am struggling to do so much as wake up and do simple mundane tasks like brushing my teeth, doing my hair and taking a fucking shower.

I’m debating on just saying fuck it and stop putting effort into my college work. It’s not like I’m going to pass anyways because no matter how hard I fucking try and push myself, I’m met with the same dead end results. I didn’t even want to go to college anyways. I’m only sticking around for the money, and I’m not sure if it’s even worth losing my sanity for.

What happened to me? I used to be such a good person and so happy and optimistic… if there even was a point that I was like that. Now I can’t even bother mustering up the energy to do so much as text someone or do something that I like, which is ironic because I’m the most self indulgent person I know.

Idk just… let me rest.. maybe for a million years and pray that no one will be alive by then so that I don’t have anymore responsibilities or worries to put up with… I’m so fucking tired.

People ask me “what are your future plans?” And I will say “I’m taking it slow and time will tell what my future will have in store”, but actually that’s just an excuse because if I said that I don’t think there’s a future for me and I’ll probably be dead before I can decide on a proper decision, I’ll most likely get criticized for it.

You ever feel like you’re just not as connected to anyone like you were previously?

Like you’re close with a certain set of people in the sense that you’ve known each other for so long and you’ve been through a lot with them, but you aren’t close with them in a sense that you can have a conversation and not let it die within a minute of talking.

This is how I feel everyday.

My friends, family, everyone. I feel connected to no one anymore, and the loneliness is actually starting to kill me deep down. Each day that passes, I feel myself becoming more and more clouded and desperate to feel at least a little closer to someone.

I’m tired of having these fantasies and other delusions that I am famous and loved and accepted like I want to be.

In fact, I’m hopelessly scrolling through stupid dating apps silently praying that I can get a connection with SOMEONE and maybe feel something other than numbness and guilt, but so far I’ve had no luck.

The internet is all I have, and if I were to lose that.. I think a part of me would die.

Man I lowkey wished I didn’t make a New Year’s Resolution.

I don’t wanna do jack shit but draw my OTPs doing dumb and/or sexy shit together but I have classwork I need to get to, and my New Year’s Resolution was to get my shit together and not fail my classes.

Why must I have a life? I wanna do nothing at all..

Hello, Jirais<3

So I’m back(for real this time).

First things first I just wanna say HOLY CRAP THANKS FOR THE 1,000+ LIKES?!

I’m like a month late to this shit but seriously. I didn’t think my posts(especially some certain ones) would be blowing up faster than an actual landmine. I was expecting to be a somewhat obscured blog but now I have 53 followers which.. wow. I’m pretty happy.

Hopefully I can provide you more relatable junk and entertainment in the future! :3

In the meantime, regarding my absence… well, I fell into a rut over my winter break. I was too consumed in indulging personal fantasies in c.ai then being an actual functioning homo sapien.

With college back in place and me actually lowkey enjoying my life, I’m gonna try to be more active here, so stay tuned! XOXO

Hey so sorry about my week or so absence.

The truth is that I was in a mental state of absolute limbo. I was so depressed and generally low energy that I lost a lot of motivation to do literally anything.

I stopped talking to people, barely went out or payed attention in classes, and kinda abandoned the blog as a product of my growing apathy towards… well everything.

Although I do feel better now(somewhat), I do feel very guilty. Not only will I probably fail most of my classes, but I feel like I’m just driving a wedge in all of my relationships to where I feel like I don’t have any connection or attachment to them anymore.

But hey. At least I got my monster energy. 🤷‍♀️

WARNING:

POOR EATING HABITS, PURGING MENTIONS

Man I am so not ready for tomorrow, Thursday, or any day for that matter.

Because of Thanksgiving coming up and my family of course being holiday people, I have to start preparing for people coming over.

The thing is that I don’t want to do anything. Like I’d rather die than do the simplest things like put away my baskets of washed clothing or tune up my bathroom.

If I do the simplest thing I’ll explode, crash and burn. I’ll disintegrate like a vampire in sunlight.

I can’t even bother to be happy about Thanksgiving itself for the food because I hate eating as of recently.

I feel guilty every time I eat and like I wanna purge it all out if I feel like I’ve eaten too much. I’ve been starving myself to the point that I start getting all shaky and paranoid.

I don’t wanna bother acting happy for all my family and friends coming over because I’m so done with people. I feel so disconnected from everyone that I sometimes wonder if this life I’m living is real and mine.

I just hate everyone and everything.. I wish I didn’t exist as a person and as something akin to Lain Iwakura. Just silently watching people.

WARNING: SUI TALK

I just realized I’m genuinely so fucking lonely and have no actual safe space.

I keep getting ignored or dismissed by people who supposedly care about me. People online who I talk to dismiss my cries for help. All my family and friends either are busy with their lives or are just as bad in a place as me, if not worse. If it’s not that it’s a language barrier barring me from communicating my feelings to them.

Politics have ruined my ability to trust other people because I never know whether they’ll actually like me for who I am or not. Hell because of stupid politics, I might end up losing my only true safe space on the internet.

I swear I might as well just kill myself and see if y’all will pay attention to me then. I don’t care if that’s what the enemy wants. I’m better off at least making them happy with my death because at least I can bring someone joy, since I’m such a detestable mistake who gives people tinnitus just by talking.

I’m such a royal fuck up you don’t even understand.

But hey, I’m just being over dramatic, right? I’m just overreacting and being too negative!

It’s all in my fucking head after all.

She’s an icon, she’s a legend

So I may have gotten inspired…

Expect a video in maybe 3 weeks to a month.

I’m looking back at videos trying to explain Jirai Kei and not gonna lie, if I wasn’t a hideous, camera-shy freak, I’d go all out and make my own Jirai Kei essay.

The way that these people talk about Jirai Kei doesn’t feel like it does them justice since they’re into it from a fashion perspective. And I don’t wanna be that person, but if you’re into it purely for the fashion, you might as well call it girly kei since that’s what its fashion aspect of it basically took inspiration from, if not directly took it from (and if you’re a subcul Jirai, emo fashion in Harajuku is a primary visual inspiration).

Jirai isn’t just some edgy term used by Jirais to look cool and like some sort of anime menhera archetype. It was an actual insult used by people(usually men) in Japan to describe girls who are basically ticking time bombs. This is just Jirais reclaiming the term the same way Emos had reclaimed their name(Emo was an insult in the early 2000s).

I call myself Jirai because I understand this as someone who was often called overdramatic and too emotional, and feel a sense of power from it. Yes, I’m not Japanese, but there’s a reason that some Japanese subcultures have terms for participants outside of Japan(Ex. Gaijin Gyaru). It doesn’t have to be exclusive.

In conclusion, to quote a Reddit that I found, “I don’t think people(especially fashion Jirais) understand the implications of being called a Jirai.

I’m looking back at videos trying to explain Jirai Kei and not gonna lie, if I wasn’t a hideous, camera-shy freak, I’d go all out and make my own Jirai Kei essay.

The way that these people talk about Jirai Kei doesn’t feel like it does them justice since they’re into it from a fashion perspective. And I don’t wanna be that person, but if you’re into it purely for the fashion, you might as well call it girly kei since that’s what its fashion aspect of it basically took inspiration from, if not directly took it from (and if you’re a subcul Jirai, emo fashion in Harajuku is a primary visual inspiration).

Jirai isn’t just some edgy term used by Jirais to look cool and like some sort of anime menhera archetype. It was an actual insult used by people(usually men) in Japan to describe girls who are basically ticking time bombs. This is just Jirais reclaiming the term the same way Emos had reclaimed their name(Emo was an insult in the early 2000s).

I call myself Jirai because I understand this as someone who was often called overdramatic and too emotional, and feel a sense of power from it. Yes, I’m not Japanese, but there’s a reason that some Japanese subcultures have terms for participants outside of Japan(Ex. Gaijin Gyaru). It doesn’t have to be exclusive.

In conclusion, to quote a Reddit that I found, “I don’t think people(especially fashion Jirais) understand the implications of being called a Jirai.

15, 13 n 24 :3

13.)What healthy coping mechanisms do you use?

I listen to music as my primary coping mechanism. In fact, I’m listening to Yeule as I’m typing this. >:3

15.)Favorite game?

👏 SPLATOON 👏 EASILY

I was given the 2nd game as an early Christmas gift in 2018 and I have been a HUGE fan since.

I have a crap ton of fan ocs and almost all the amiibos in existence(I just need a squid one and the most recent additions).

24.)What is your biggest Jirai Kei pet peeve?

Either the elitism some spaces have when it comes to what defines a “true jirai” or the way that the term Jirai itself has become a loosely defined word online(kinda like how emo & goth have become watered down).

To give my insight into this, I’m a generally emotional person in part due to my neurodivergency(I have autism and ADHD), and it’s made my life a hell of a lot more difficult. I latched onto the whole “ticking time bomb” saying because that’s literally who I was: Someone who forced people to walk on eggshells whenever they did so much as talk to me.

I have trouble communicating with others properly, I can’t get a understand or get a grasp on my own emotions, I often get burnt out because doing minimal tasks that are outside the schedule I have built into my brain are too much for me sometimes.

To top that off I have very bad anxiety and depression, which have inadvertently warped my view of myself, other people, and life in general, making me believe the world isn’t just fucked up, but deserves the absolute worst and that absolutely nobody is redeemable. Not even myself.

I feel like I can’t recover not just because I don’t want to, but because I feel like it’s quite literally impossible for someone like me. My support system is either doing much worse than me physically/mentally, or doesn’t and never will understand the extent of why I feel life is so exhausting and excruciating.

I’ve jumped between 3 or so different therapists this year because either they made me feel inadequate and like I didn’t have a right to be there, or simply didn’t reach the needs I was hoping for.

Jirai Kei to me isn’t just some subculture for mentally struggling people, it’s quite literally the amalgamation of feeling like no one can truly understand your pain and feeling like the pain is so bad that you’d wish you were better off simply not existing.

Maybe I’ll never know what it’s like living as a young Japanese person, where the topic of mental health is VERY much undermined and misunderstood, but does that make my own experiences as a neurodivergent, queer afab person in America any less valid? No. It shouldn’t.

Case in point, Jirai Kei to me is embracing your mental health and its issues because there’s no one else out there who feels them the way you feel them. Your experiences are unique to you.

Only you can define yourself, and nobody else.

Something that I’ve been thinking about a lot is what Jirai Kei is and what it means. What draws me to the style is how I remember writing poetry about feeling like I was a “ticking time bomb” many years ago. It feels like I’m seen finally in who I am, in a way. I may seem put together, but I’m a highly emotional, sensitive, and expressive person. The person where it’s only a matter of time until I have a breakdown or an outburst of emotion. That’s a part of my life and who I am, that I’ve never been able to acknowledge. I’ve been told to “stop being a baby” growing up so much that I’ve had to learn how to try to keep my emotions at bay and fail. I guess it’s also has to do with obvious signs of mental illness and physical illness that have been ignored and dismissed growing up.

Yet, I’m supposed to be “better now”. I can’t share when I’m struggling to hold back a panic attack or biting my lip to stop myself from crying. I’m not supposed to feel super happy and then super sad the next moment.

However, within this style, it embraces that. It embraces how deeply I feel and how I’ll always struggle with my mental health. It embraces it and tells me it’s okay. That I can struggle, that I can acknowledge and say that I’m not doing okay. I don’t have to be happy all the time. I don’t have to be sad all the time. I’m free to feel and express it.

I don’t want to leave. I want to stay on this Earth and live, even if it hurts a lot. I know some people say that lifestyle jirai kei don’t want to get better, but I don’t think that accounts for everyone. For me, Jirai Kei is a way to express how deep I feel and my struggles. It’s a way to express when I’m feel depressed or lost or anxious.

I think the point of my ramblings is to just say that you should define what Jirai Kei means to you.

Recovery is beautiful, but I also acknowledge some people aren’t there yet or don’t want to be. Just remember that it’s a beautiful thing to feel emotion so deeply. You don’t have to engage in self destructive behavior to be “a part of the jirai kei community”.

Anyways, I’m done. Thanks for coming to my ted talk <3