Greek Mythology From A To Z:

The fact that most translations and commentaries I’ve read says that

alius Latio iam partus Achilles, natus et ipse dea

Now/already another Achilles has been born [Latio], and he too is the son of a godess

refers only to Turnus really downgrades the ambiguity in this statement. Because Latio could mean in Latium, in which case it’s Turnus. But it could also mean for/on behalf of Latium. And it’s Aeneas who’s been consistently called the son of a goddess and who will take Achilles’ place at the end when he essentially recreates the Trojan War in Italy. 

This is the ambiguity of prophecy where it refers to two people at once. It’s not just Turnus because, in the end, Turnus isn’t the inheritor of Achilles. Aeneas is.

Norse mythology from A to Z:

[N] - Nótt - is night personified, one of the first giants, grandmother of Thor.

So out of spite I sped-read The Iliad

Because I wanted to see if there was any way that Patroclus and Achilles’ relationship wasn’t as understandable or blatantly obvious as The Song of Achilles made it out to be. Y’all are welcome. 

Here are things Achilles has said to/thought about Patroclus, heavily paraphrased bc I’m not citing verse (my thoughts in italics):

In general, to start, “Patroclus” is almost always followed by some variation of “my companion”, so there’s that-

Book 11

“(Patroclus), joy of my heart”

Book 16

“Every Trojan and Greek can die as long as we two survive! We can take Troy together” —Achilles’ goofy ass bruh, I swear -_-

“Zeus, give him strength, keep Patroclus alive and bring him back to me” —Zeus: ope

Book 18 (y'all I put the wrong book why ain’t y'all stop me! 😭)

“I hope the gods have not done something that will break my heart (like kill Patroclus)”

[Antilochus preventing him from cutting his wrists after hearing he’s dead, covers his face in dust, screams so loud his mom hears it at the bottom of the ocean]

“What pleasure is there for me, when Patroclus, my beloved companion has been destroyed, the man I honored above all…”

“My own heart has no desire to live on….unless Hector is (killed for killing Patroclus)”

“So now I’ll go (kill Hector), killer of the man I loved” —Now I know he claims love for a lot of men, but he wasn’t willing to fight for any of their dead bodies until Patroclus, sooooo

“I’m going to wait to bury you until we’re both dead so that we’re together in death” —Shit’s a lil weird, but Achilles is a drama queen so it’s in line- UPDATE- okay so, if they wait to be buried together they’ll go to the same place! Makes sense!

Book 19

“I can’t even eat I’m so distressed, not even my own father’s death would upset me as much. I would have had you tell my son of me if you were alive because I thought only I would die” —-this one in particular gets me because Deidameia is alive, but he wanted Patroclus to tell his son about him!

Book 20

“(Hector’s) getting closer, the man who scarred my heart more than all other men”

Book 22

“I’m going to leave your [Hector’s] body here to be torn apart by animals while Patroclus is getting the burial he deserves”

“I’ll not forget [Patroclus] as long as I’m alive. Even when I’m dead, I won’t forget my companion”

Book 23

[Patroclus’ ghost asks to be buried together, Achilles agrees and tries to hold him but he vanishes] —-Why would Patroclus ask this of someone he didn’t love? And why would Achilles agree so easily?

[Gives him a golden urn and commands they have a mound]

In fact, literally all of book 23 is a damn festival for Patroclus lmao

Incidents of him with women:

Book 9

“He stole from me (Briseis), a woman I love. Let him sleep with her! I still won’t fight”  —-Don’t sound very loving to me, and also star point because they offered Briseis back amongst hella other shit and he still said no

“Achilles slept with Diomede, Patroclus slept opposite Achilles with Iphis" 

Book 19 (again!)

Briseis cries over Patroclus’ body, saying that when Achilles killed her husband, Patroclus was nice and would make sure Achilles would marry her instead  —–Idk how this would make anyone feel better about their dead spouse, but….go off, I guess? Not to mention he knew Achilles wasn’t gone make it! Liar lmao

Book 24

He sleeps with Briseis after Priam comes to beg for Hector’s body

Final verdict: 

Bisexual, open relationship. I won’t deny evidence of him and the ladies, but he was most definitely in love with Patroclus. 

The movie Troy can suck it, and I’ll die on this hill in aristeia like Patroclus. 

(update! Lmao y'all I had the right quotes, wrong book for some of them- why ain’t y'all say nothing?)

Aeneas and His Father Fleeing Troy Simon Vouet (French; 1590–1649) ca. 1635 Oil on canvas San Diego Museum of Art, San Diego, California

Hermes Lucio!! I messed around a lot w the background I think it’s pretty neat :]

How I now percieve the Trojan War heroes :) (acheans)

Achilles: 🎶Una perra sorprendente / Curvilínea y elocuente / Magnificamente colosal / Extravagante y animal🎶 + anger issues

Patroclus: beloved by everyone (exept fate)

Ajax the Greater: strONK but no mental health and anger issues / da himbo

Diomedes: Perfection Incarnated/ Batman/Boss Baby

Odysseus/Ulysses: that one guy who has the only braincell in all the Achean camp and either uses it for war crimes or shares it with Diomedes, which is basically the same / Shortdysseus / Tinysses

Menelaus: certified UwU Dad

Agamemnon: Luisa from Encanto + some greed and curses / CEO of daddy issues / Raspberry cupcake / Lesser batman

Nestor: Respectable Grandpa

Antilochus: the bby

Ajax the Lesser: who?

Greek mythology from A to Z:

[L] - Leda (Λήδα) was a princess, daughter of the king of Aetolia, Thestius. She was the wife of King Tyndareus of Sparta.

When Zeus saw Leda, he fell in love with her. He transformed into a swan and appeared in front of her; he seduced her and slept with her. On that night, Leda also lay with her husband. As a result, she became impregnated by both Zeus and Tyndareus. From two eggs, two sets of twins were born; the first set was Helen and Clytemnestra; and the other was Castor and Pollux.

Greek mythology from A to Z:

[E] - Eros (Ἔρως) was god of sexual attraction, a constant companion of Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: being “overdressed” is a concept made up by people who don’t want you to look better than them

Hera: you’re literally wearing a full ball gown at Denny’s at 3 am

Aphrodite: and??

Greek mythology from A to Z:

[O] - Orpheus (Ὀρφεύς) was a musician, poet and prophet. He was considered the best musician and poet of all, and he perfected the lyre. It was the god Apollo who taught Orpheus how to play the lyre when he was an adolescent. According to a source, his music had the ability to charm the animals and make the trees dance.