Xxsadist0nexx - Not Bad, Just The Worst ;)

I just want to be beautiful

Reblog if your SICK of these things:

FAT thighs

FAT stomach

FAT arms

FAT face

FAT hands

FAT calves

FAT knees

FAT hips

FAT EVERYTHING. 

I just want to be skinny…

Fr bro

i never fucking asked to be here

I love my scars, they are part of me and my story, they are proof that I survived although it was not easy. I still have demons within me, but I hope there will come a time when I will be happy and free from it all. I'm not ashamed of my scars, I don't hide them, neither should you all either because everyone has a story they've struggled with, but it's proof that we're still here after that all. It is not others business and fuck their looks or comments.

let’s talk about a ptsd thing that’s called sense of foreshortened future. i don’t see anyone ever talking about it here and i think that it’s important that people know that what they experience is nothing but another symptom of their mental illness.

So what is it?

Basically, sense of foreshortened future is a feeling or a belief that for some reason you won’t have a long and fullfilling life. You feel like you will die soon – or sooner than expected – and therefore you shouldn’t make any long-term plans. You try to avoid long-term relationships, you don’t have any career plans, reaching your birthday - hell, sometimes even managing to surivive the week surprises you. 

You feel like you’ll never have a normal life because you’re not only broken beyond repair but also can’t trust anyone anymore. It is an incredibly depressing feeling that makes you feel like there’s no point in… anything, really? Every activity becomes dull and pointless and you don’t know what drags you though life at this point.

I know it won;t make the feeling go away but I want you to know that this feeling is NOT a reflection of reality. You’re not broken beyond repair and you will have a normal happy life if you work on your recovery. making plans is not pointless. You deserve to be happy and you will be happy. Don’t let PTSD and its symptoms convince you otherwise.

I don't know how my brain work tbh, it's like "oh today wasn't that bad, I actually feel happy. Let's cut my wrist and see how deep I can go 😁"

“There are nights I cry so hard that my body aches and I shake and I have to put my head in the pillow so no one hears me. There are also nights I’m happy that you’re happy and I think everything happens for a reason. And there are also nights where I feel nothing at all. But there is never a night that you don’t cross my mind.”

TW: BLOOD.

The only thing that makes me feel alive.

Ok but same.

sometimes i wish my scars on my left arm where much “worse”. Cause now my mom knows i sh and she would notice new scars. sh on other places never gives me the same release as on my left arm and I hate it.

Relatable

The crazy thing about me hiding my depression is that my family and my friends don’t think I’m happy. No. They actually think I’m a REALLY happy girl. Like sooooo happy. Always smiling, always laughing, always making jokes.

My friends already asked me : « Is that actually possible for you not to smile !? »

It’s kinda funny to ask this to a depressive, insomniac, binge eater, self harmer, suicidal girl.