TW: BLOOD.

Could never relate more

I just realized that I don’t know how to fucking love myself. It’s the saddest thing I’ve ever said.

He left

He did exactly he said he will never do. He left too. He told me he is tired of me constantly crying and being 'filmy'. I asked him to leave he did and he blamed me for that he said that he is leaving because I told him to. What the fuck could I do? He was tried of me.

I hit an artery and that shit was apparently crazy I just woke up, but I can't move my left hand or fingers and need surgery I guess that's what I get.

Me: *intentionally cuts and massacres my legs for years with no problem*

Also me: *cuts finger open in a cheese grater and instantly faints*

:) 🖤

The saddest moment is going to self harm and realising you have to look for clean skin to cut...

it’s my mom’s birthday tomorrow. my dad said that i’m useless. i can’t fo anything right. what about the card i made for her? what about the decorations i put up? no, still not enough. just keep yeling at me. i know how much you hate your child. what if i would just disappear? everything would be better without me, am i right, father? you make me relapse everytime, and i’m glad that you’re helping me with that. i can feel the blade cutting into my arms, making beautiful red lines. i can feel the blood running down. i can clean up the mess i made afterwards. just because of your help. that’s nice, isn’t it, father? i hope you’re proud of your little useless miserable child. you make me feel so horrible, that i caress my neck with my scissors. that i bawl my eyes out. that i can finally feel relieved again. now it’s time to hide the cuts. i’m very good at this. thank you father.

How do I befriend myself?  I am [after all] the now who hurt me the most.