Thedudesareawake - Blog Description Here

I feel like this video transcends the language barrier.

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

bought a really nice looking fountain pen

that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard

this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do

it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen

i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know

it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it

i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories

holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure

i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)

i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa

i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity

bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit

extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else

i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus

“That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”

bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better

i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation

no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out

when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious

at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best

what’s the mood for tuesday

🥺

The Batkids as Rogues

And now, an extended list of headcanons:

Keep reading

#BlackLivesMatter - Petitions to sign.

14-year-old Joāo Pedro was killed by the Rio de Janeiro police. Joāo was shot at his home and his body was taken by the Rio de Janeiro police. His family waited 17 hours until receiving news of his whereabouts. They finally found his dead body at a medical examiner’s office. The family counted 72 bullet marks on the walls of the house.

George Floyd was murdered by a Minneapolis police officer.

George was handcuffed and restrained and being completely cooperative when this all went down. The officer put his knee on George’s neck choking him for minutes on minutes while George screamed that he could not breathe. 

Bystanders beg for the police officer to take his knee off George’s neck, but the officer didn’t listen and continued to choke him. 

Petition for the punishment of Minneapolis police officers after the assassination of George Floyd.

Julius Jones has only 122 days before being executed for a crime he DIDN’T COMMIT. Julius has lived on death row for almost 20 years, and is held in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day. He is allowed one hour of sunlight a day, and three showers a week. Every minute we wait to take action, Julius is suffering. Every second that goes by brings Julius closer to being executed for a crime he didn’t commit.

Tony McDade was a transgender black man who got killed by police in Tallahassee. No one is talking about it.

A 12-year-old girl has drowned in the River Irwell in Greater Manchester.

Greater Manchester Police said it was treating what happened as a “tragic incident” and did not believe there were any suspicious circumstances.

Ahmaud Arbery was chased and gunned down by Travis McMichael, son of retired Brunswick investigator Greg McMichael, under the father’s and son’s pretenses of witnessing a burglary in Satilla Shores of Glynn County.

Jennifer Jeffley was 15 years old when she was arrested for the murder of Maria Palomina. A murder that she did not commit. Innocent of the crime that she was convicted of, Jennifer has been behind bars more than 20 years serving a life sentence.

Regis Korchinski-Paquet was murdered by Toronto Police. A call was made for a domestic incident and Toronto police officers were present on the 24th floor in a High Park apartment building to “observe” 29-year old, Regis. Shortly after, she allegedly fell off the balcony.

Sean was a victim of police brutality. He was running from the police and was on Facebook live. The police officer tased him while he was going down and then shot the man 14 times in the back.

On October 4th 2016 Amiya was stepping off of  her school bus and was hit and killed by a car.

11 months later my family and I met with the District Attorney John Weddle and Sadie Gardener. Neither of them took the case seriously and it showed because shortly after that my family was informed that Karen Carpenter would not be charged.

On June 7th, 2019, Emerald Black a pregnant, black woman, and her fiance were pulled over by police officers after coming from a doctors appointment.

The officers spoke to Ms. Black’s fiance while she stayed in the car.

The officers began to order her out of the car. Ms. Black was clearly pregnant and she had let them know  that she had just gotten back from a doctors appointment where she was also  informed that she was at a high risk for a miscarriage. Despite this, the officers yanked Ms. Black, still in her hospital clothes, and threw her to the ground. They taunted her, piled on top of her, and stomped on her stomach causing her to miscarry. The stomp had  also left a shoe mark.

Chrystul Kizer is an incarcerated trafficking survivor who is being charged with life in prison for acting in self-defense against her trafficker.

The punishment that Chrystul is facing for defending her own life signals that black women and girls have no selves to defend.

Tamir was only 12-years-old when he was shot and killed last year by a Cleveland police officer as he played in a park with a toy gun. Timothy Loehmann, an officer in training, shot and killed Tamir within two seconds of arriving at the park. The police car hadn’t even fully stopped before he began shooting.

Siyanda was racially abused and beaten by a group of people. After defending herself - instead of being protected by the justice system - she was sentenced to 4 ½ years of prision.

One month ago, a division of the Louisville Police Department. performed an illegal, unannounced drug raid on Breonna’s home. Not a single officer announced themselves before ramming down her door and firing 22 shots, shooting Breonna 8 times, killing her.

Alejandro is a innocent 15 year old, African American who got shot 7 times while walking to Boone High School, in December of 2018. NO ARREST HAVE BEEN MADE!!!

We need legislation now that prohibits police officers from shooting unarmed citizens!!!

I saw this on Instagram and honestly I can't stop laughing

WARNING!!!!

People, please be careful. There are also people tracking children and people and putting bids on them based on their profile pictures on whatsapp, tracking and kidnapping them. Especially young children, so please be cautious, especially parents who have their children as their profile pictures.

Please pass this on to everyone so that they are aware of the danger. I don’t how it is all around the world but I know it can’t just be here so please please spread the word. Thank you.

Matching icons for you and your bros who are all very honest and did not break your fathers teapot