HOW TO STOP OBSESSING OVER THE PAST

Your guide to REAL selfcare

If you go on any social media and type "selfcare", all you recieve is pretty girls doing extravegant skincare, dior makeup and all. But the problem is everyone does the same thing and things just cant work same for everyone. Also, It doesnt feels authentic rather it feels like consumerism. So, I am gonna tell what to do so you feel the best.

Knowing yourself:-

You can only do yourself a favour if you know yourself and the best way to do that is JOURNAL.

If you are new to it, then you can search journal prompt ideas on pinterest and make that a part of your routine. It helps so much.

Do shadow work. Go on pinterest and do the same thing.

Dont be ashamed of yourself, rather accept yourself and change for the better. When you'll journal then you will get to know tons of good and bad things about you but our brain loves to focus on negative things so u might get stuck on that.

Record your likes and dislikes. Which books you loved, which dramas you adore, which food makes you comfy and which movies you wasted your time on. Record these things, this is just so fun and helpful when you feel "bored" or sad.

Being Mindful:-

Most of the time, the problem is not that big but our thoughts just traps us and we feel that problem is bigger than it might so take a step back and try to not overthink about past or future.

I know this is easier said than done but meditating helps a lot with mindfulness.

When you watch a movie or drama or even ytube video then just do that. Dont scroll reddit reading the "discussion" thread of the episode or try to find instrumentals on spotify for reading books. Just do one thing at once.

Dont multitask. Just take a task and then focus on that. (This might not work for neurodivergent people.)

Do 5,4,3,2,1 grounding technique. Identify

5 things you can see 4 things you can feel 3 things you can hear 2 things you can smell 1 thing you can taste.

Cut negative people off

This is so hard because you feel mean for doing this but once you cutoff toxic people who just drags other people down and all they talk is negativity then your life become so much better.

Cut off all the negative content you watch and limit the time you spend on social media.

Do your future self a favour

This is truly the best selfcare.

Study hard cause' your future self will thank you for letting her be the top student

Learn some skills. Read those books. Watch that documentry. Do things that will make your future self proud.

Some selfcare ideas

Organizing and planning

excercise or take a walk.

Reading books.

Cleaning your room

Watching fun movies

Studying about yourself. Knowing what products suits your skin and your hair. What color brighten you and what makes you look dull. What haircut looks good on your face and what clothes flatters on your body.

Get your nails done.

Listen to your fav album while painting, baking, or gardening.

Do your hobby without feeling presurrized. No you dont need to read 50 books a year, chill out and enjoy while doing it.

Dairy writing. Its so fun to read what your day looked like on a random tuesday after 2-3 years.

Explore new things in your hometown. Maybe there is a new cafe that opened 2 weeks ago or there is a hiking trail you are not aware of? its always fun to do that.

HOW TO START IMPLEMENTING CHANGE + STAY MOTIVATED

HAVE A REASON. It is going to be hard to start inputting change in your life if you do not even have a reason why. That reason also has to come from within, not from any other externalities (friends, school, work, family). This reason has to make you strive to be better.

If you’re unsure about your reason, write down times when you feel your happiest and when you feel your lowest, then notice any common themes. 

BUILD DISCIPLINE. Discipline is the ability to be productive without hesitation or distractions. The only way to build it, is to practice it. Do the things you need/want to do, regardless of how you feel in the present.

Just remember, that you always feel better after committing to yourself.

MAKE YOUR PLAN SUSTAINABLE. Your routines and habits you want to implement, need to be at arm’s length for you. While I do believe in challenging yourself if your mind perceives that specific activity as ‘too hard’, it is going to make you avoid that task.

This is a reaction from your ego coming out of your comfort zone because it is so unfamiliar it wants to protect if anything ‘bad’ happens e.g. failure, loss of control and criticism. 

Reminder, that part of you is not bad at all nor is it holding you back. It is the part of you that wants to keep you safe. For your ego to allow you to do tasks out of your comfort zone, it needs to be simple and easy. Then from there, you can build it up to your ideal habit or routine. 

MAKE YOUR ENVIRONMENT INTENTIONAL. Your mind, space and the people around you need to be decluttered and serve a purpose. For your mind, avoid feeding it with an overload of information especially if you are not going to apply it. Minimise social media use and journaling instead of looking for a quick fix. 

Your space, specifically your bedroom has to be the best place for you to grow. Everything in your room needs to serve a purpose, it has to be kept clean to ensure mind clarity and place intentional items around to support your goals (mantras, workout mat, water bottle, instruments). 

The people around you have to support you and your journey. I don’t believe in the ‘value’ or ‘worth’ people have, but rather what you think of them. Someone could be the most overachieving and productive person ever, so they may inspire you, but what if they don’t wish the best for you? People who will support you regardless are the best resource ever.

BE FLEXIBLE. The ability to edit your habits or routine when needed so you can stick to a schedule or adapt to change is a powerful but underrated skill. Anything in life can happen, but if we want to stick to our goals, we need to develop flexibility. 

The best way to develop flexibility is to try everything. For example, meditation. Do 5, 10, 15, and 20 minutes, try it in the morning, afternoon or evening, do a guided one or do it by yourself. To get flexible in a habit, you need to expand your capabilities in that habit. 

ALWAYS SOMETHING RATHER THAN NOTHING. Typically during the day, we procrastinate because we want the challenging task to be perfect or we believe there’s not enough time/resources to do it. 

However, just having that small progress each day is always better than nothing. One sentence is better than none, one healthy meal is better than none, 2 minutes of exercise is better than none etc. 

HAVE GOALS THAT YOU LIKE. The reason so many people dislike doing their habits or routines is because it’s not stuff that’s enjoyable for them. It’s habits and routines that they got online from someone completely different. 

Choose your favourite way of exercising, read your favourite books(even graphic ones!) and journal the way you want. If the steps to becoming your best self are steps that you dislike, then it is not your best self. 

IDENTIFY THE WAY YOU SELF-SABOTAGE. If you are struggling to implement change, chances are there are small self-destructive behaviours that are in your routines that hold you back. 

This could be major procrastination, doom-scrolling, an addiction or binge eating. You either have to completely extract these habits from your life or you can do these things in moderation. 

TAKE REGULAR BREAKS. If you are being productive back-to-back and not allowing yourself to cool down, your motivation will deplete quickly. Have around 1-2 hours in your day doing anything you like.

If needed, after each task, take 5-10 minutes for yourself. However, do avoid your phone for these periods and try to be present in whatever you do here. 

HAVE SOFT DAYS. Days in which you do not have to do anything hardcore or intense, and you’re just living. While yes, be somewhat productive but nothing too intense.

This can be your reset, detox or self care days, or all of them combined!

How to feel more confident? ౨ৎ

wear things that you like or make you feel your best.

remember the famous saying "confidence is not they will like me, confidence is I’ll be fine if they don’t".

don’t be afraid of saying "no"

stop comparing yourself with other people. everyone is from different backgrounds and they might be doing the same.

invest in yourself and the people you care about.

remove the words "embarrassing" "cringe" from you vocabulary. We are all humans; we are unique. We constantly evolve. So no, you falling in front of someone , or having flaws etc does not make you cringe or embarrassing. "Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing to be wrong"

realize that you are 100% prettier than you think or know. your phone or mirror will never show your beautiful features accurately.

it’s okay to want more, be more or do more. you’re never "too much".

know yourself and what you want (journaling will help a lot with this)

don’t let challenges stop you. let them motivate you, instead. "Don’t be afraid of failure. Be afraid of not trying"

use affirmations.

meditate.

make boundaries and stick to them.

there will be days when you will feel at your lowest. And it’s okay, learn to bounce back and rest.

learn more about body language. it makes a huge difference.

you are more than your body. work on your mindset first, and you will see the physical glow up coming to you naturally. it’s all about how we see ourselves.

you are your dream girl. act, dress, talk like her. there is no right moment to be her but now ♡

🌟 become your dream girl before 2025! 🌟

THIS WILL *ACTUALLY* CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

do you know how many people are waiting until next year to glow up and actually start to become their dream self? now just think, if you started now, before 2025, how far you would be. how much more skills and knowledge you would have. you're literally getting a head start. so what are you doing dilly-dallying until 2025? heres your guide to ending this year accomplishing everything you need to and starting 2025 with everything you need.

in this post i will include mindset shifts, how to become a better person, actionable advice, actually becoming a new person <3

👑know what you want.

who do you want to become at the end of this year? what does your dream girl look like? what kind of body does she have? her clothes? who are the people she hangs out with on a daily basis- friends?

create a very clear version in your head and use pinterest to show photos of what your goals are- for ex: girls at the gym, journalling, writing, studying, reading, learning, walking, with friends, spending time outside, going swimming, playing sports, doing a skill/ hobby.

you can also find an idol/ an inspiration- a youtuber, influencer, parent, anyone who you look up to and want to somewhat have a similar life like them. (for ex: thewizardliz, tam kaur) whatever is important to you this goes hand in hand with the next point:

👑goals.

any unfinished projects, any goals you said you'd do in the beginning of the year, get them all down on paper. if you've finished any of them, great!- tick them off. but if you haven't then its time to lock in. pick the ones that are most important to you. that you know that achieving these will 100% get you closer to your goal. doing this makes sure you get rid of the ones that you think are "productive" when in reality they just help you procrastinate.

finish any unfinished projects or books you have before the new year begins because 2025 is about bringing in new, fresh opportunities and things. for me personally, i have a few crochet projects that i want to finish before the end of this year so i can start the new year with nothing old from the year before!

👑cutting.

you are going to be becoming a new person- new mindset, new values, new perception on life, etc. the people in your life currently probably won't align with this new version of you. because if the people around you still only know the old you, your growth won't happen because it will feel extremely unnatural without the right people around you. this means you're going to have to decide whether you are letting any of your friends go. if they don't serve you or make you feel happier or bring in any value to your life, im sorry but its time to cut them off.

but of course if you actually have good, kind, loving friends who grow with you and support you all the way, keep them. the goal is to remove the people who don't serve your highest self. not remove the people who you know will be there for you.

but along with this, if you notice that those people are acting a bit more weirdly/ strangely now that you're improving- giving you backhanded compliments, talking about you behind your back, or just giving you a weird vibe in general, trust your gut. those people don't want to see you going to a higher place where you're thriving- keeping them in your life can be terrible for your highest good.

remember that doing this doesn't mean that you're not going to get better because BETTER ALWAYS COMES. god will give you more people who you couldn't have ever dreamed could be so amazing. so never keep toxic people in your life out of fear that you'll be alone forever. (remember: 8 billion people in the world.)

👑mindset.

dont wait to change your mindset only once you achieve the dream body or the best grade- start now. people can take away everything from you but they can't take away your mindset, skills, and knowledge. here are some mindset shifts to develop:

the abundance mindset. know that everything happens for your highest and greatest good only! everything will work out in the end for you because God hasn't put you on this earth to suffer. if you are religeous (God) or spiritual (the universe) or even believe theres a higher faith, why on earth would you willingly believe that your purpose here is to have a bad time? obstacles will come your way and you will make bad decisions and mistakes. but all these jsut contribute to the person you are today and the person who you'll be in the future!

i will make it. believe in your vision and yourself so fiercely that you know in your bones that you will achieve your goals. you will travel the world and discover new places, you will get to retire your parents, you will get to buy expensive bags for your mom, you will be that rich sister/daughter/ wife, you will help people around the whole world, you will have people around you who love and care for you, you will achieve whatever dream you had since you were a kid and whatever dream you have right now. you will you will you will! know this so strongly but also know that i will achieve there one day, but i also am so blessed and grateful for the life i have right now! i have so many privileges and such an amazing life that i would never trade away for anything.

growth mindset if you fail, IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. please stop being afraid of failing, be afraid of never trying!! you have no idea how freeing failing is because once you do, then you'll never have that "what if" in the back of your mind, never have that small voice asking what could have happened if you had done that thing. so if you do fail, perfect! that means that you won't waste any more time wondering what would have happened. having a growth mindset means that you know you're human and you'll make mistakes, but that doesnt make you a bad person and it doesn't take away your capability to still accomplish your goals. if you fail be able to brush it off, and keep trying again and again. Thomas Edison had 1000 failed attempts to make the light bulb. yet he learnt from what didn't work, took that into consideration, then tried again. and again. and again. and now? your probably sitting in a room with light that you have because he persisted in his goal!

stay positive always have a positive outlook and perspective of life. look at the beauty and what you have instead of what you lack. feel happy joyful energy vibrate through you everyday. do things that just make you a more positive person in general! feeling happier makes you look 100x more attractive and will change the way you interact with the world!!

👑be a better person.

new year new you right? so its time you up level the way you talk and treat others. because the goal isn't to be A b*tch, the goal is to be THAT b*tch! so going around being rude isn't going to do anything for you. being kind however- having manners, checking up on people, asking how their day was, being charismatic, etc- thats what can get you so much more opportunities! you're going to be kind, but not a people pleaser- ofc prioritise yourself always but also at the same time- if you have made a commitment to be somewhere for someone at a certain time, honor that commitment. be the friend you wish you had.

being mean to everyone just because you were hurt by someone else is not it. yes, so you were hurt. grow, evolve, heal. you're stronger than this. you're stronger than you think. you can overcome anything and you can become an even better person, capable of loving fully and wholly!

misc tips:

change what you consume. start watching thewizardliz, tam kaur on youtube. have an inspiration/ idol to look up to in life.

workout. i dont care if its not one of your goals to have a fit body, but don't workout for that. workout because you love yourself. because its actually proven to make you happier, because you deserve a healthy, fully functioning body.

DRINK WATER. do you know how many benefits something as simple as that has? clear skin, unchapped lips, better digestive health, weight management, better health, feel more alert and energized, better for immune system, increases brain power, eliminate toxins, ETC ETC!

have a morning routine that literally sets yourself up for success. stimulate your mind with reading self help, learn something, study, focus on a skill, do something that makes your mind active.

journal & check in with yourself.- document your progress! write about how you felt after everyday. did you feel esp happy during anything? do you feel satisfied at the end of the day? or do you find that your day made you feel tired and drained? do you feel regret and wished you did more at the end of the day?

diary- links with the earlier point. document the day. you can write about it, or what i also like to do is video myself yapping to the camera. talk about whatever you want and let your mind wander free!

you are that it girl! dress the part, smell good, make yourself feel so good that you just can't help but feel like you can conqure anything!!

make sure you're consistently reminded of your goals. what do you want? why do you want to achieve it? reminding yourself of your goals will actually motivate you and make you stop procrastinating. for me its that i don't want any old projects or books having to continue into the new year so i've made a plan that will definitely get it done before the next year!

MAKING YOUR PHONE TO BE INTENTIONAL

MAKE A VISION BOARD WALLPAPER. Create one that aligns with your goals and dream self, so that every time you pick your phone up, you’re reminded of your goals and future vision. Also, great for manifesting! 

KNOW YOUR APP’S PURPOSE. For me, tumblr is a way I share advice and learn, YouTube I also learn from others, pinterest I get inspired, netflix is a way for me to unwind etc. If for any app, you cannot name a proper purpose/intent to use it daily or to help with your goals, delete it. 

DECIDE WHICH TYPES OF APPS YOU WANT. If you have a new phone, or you want to completely reset your phone, write or type, the apps, that you want and those you don’t. 

E.g I want to learn a language, practice mindfulness on the go, get some mental gratification that isn’t addicting, organise my life better and have a way to track my progress. I don’t want apps that support doom-scrolling, make me compare myself and are addictive. 

BE MINDFUL OF WHAT YOU SIGN UP TO. Newsletters, social media, subscribing to YouTubers and so on, just think about your goals and vision and if they align with them, every time you think about signing up/subscribing. 

HAVE NO PHONE TIME/ZONES. For me, my phone is not allowed to be used in bed. If I must use my phone, I have to get out of bed first. My phone is also not allowed during study time, so I put it in a separate room which makes it inconvenient. 

REGULARLY DO A DIGITAL DECLUTTER. Delete any old contacts that you don’t talk to, unsubscribe from newsletters and YouTube channels, organise your socials etc. Removes space and helps us to see our phones with more clarity. 

SET PURPOSEFUL WIDGETS. These can be anything, motivational quotes, your daily to-do list, reminders of your habits and so on. However, make sure you’re looking at them and they're not just taking up space. 

Hi sweetie, how are you? Do you have some podcast’s recommendations? I don’t mind the topic, it could be about finance, mental health, self development, powerful women! Thank you <3

Hi love! Sharing some recommendations below. Hope this helps xxx

Stuff You Should Know

The Psychology of Your 20s

Bad with Money

Ted Talks Daily

The Daily

How I Built This

Stuff Mom Never Told You

The Michelle Obama Podcast

Lady Don't Take No

Our Body Politic

Sounds Like A Cult

Betwixt the Sheets 

You're Wrong About

Ladies, We Need To Talk

Womanica

Hope this helps xx

⭐Vitamin Cheat Sheet⭐

Vitamin A: Vision, immune system, skin health.

Vitamin B1 (Thiamine): Energy metabolism, nerve function.

Vitamin B2 (Riboflavin): Energy production, skin health.

Vitamin B3 (Niacin): Cellular energy production, skin health.

Vitamin B5 (Pantothenic Acid): Metabolism, hormone production.

Vitamin B6: Brain function, mood regulation.

Vitamin B7 (Biotin): Healthy hair, skin, and nails.

Vitamin B9 (Folate): Cell division, DNA synthesis.

Vitamin B12: Nervous system, red blood cells.

Vitamin C: Immune system, collagen synthesis.

Vitamin D: Bone health, immune function.

Vitamin E: Antioxidant, skin health.

Vitamin K: Blood clotting, bone health.

Calcium: Bone and teeth health, muscle function.

Iron: Oxygen transport, energy production.

Magnesium: Nerve function, muscle relaxation.

Zinc: Immune system, wound healing.

Potassium: Fluid balance, nerve function.

Iodine: Thyroid function, metabolism.

Selenium: Antioxidant, thyroid health.

10 of my favorite easy glow up tips! 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

get a gua sha!! not expensive at all and made such a difference in my face shape and carving out my cheek bones and jawline. there’s lots of good tutorials on tiktok or youtube!

tea in the morning/night! there’s so many teas to help with different things but my favorite’s are spearmint tea for clearing skin and green tea for reducing bloating.

ice your face! helps SO much with de-puffing and closing up your pores! dipping your face in a bowl with ice water can reduce inflammation, help with acne and reduce oily skin!

make sure to get enough sleep! It’s so easy to stay up scrolling on tumblr until the sun comes up but getting enough sleep is so important mentally and physically!

find a skincare routine that works for you and remember too much skincare can be bad for your skin! my skin was breaking out the worst when i was using a bunch of skincare and It’s cleared so much since i simplified my routine.

use a lash/brow serum! my favorite brand is grande lash and it’s a little pricey but using castor oil works as well and it’s super affordable.

going on walks! I’ve never been a fan of intense exercises and I’m a chronic bed rotter but putting on my favorite hot girl playlist and strutting on the treadmill/sidewalk is genuinely so fun!

rosemary oil for hair growth! my holy grail of hair growth products along with a scalp massager. my whole life my hair grew so slow and since using rosemary oil i have to trim my bangs twice a month sometimes!

i cannot stress this one enough..wear what YOU want! don’t let new trends or judgment from others stop you from embracing your true style. we look our best when we feel most confident!

most importantly ~ take care of yourself! make sure you’re eating enough, drinking water, listening to your body and being gentle with yourself always. improving ourselves can be so fun but make sure it’s not at the expense of your mental health <3

You Can’t SEDUCE When You Lack STRATEGY

urTOOspoiled Big Sis Series

The main thing I’ve noticed about men is that they ALWAYS date with intention and a play.

This is BOTH from good men and the hobosexuals. They know what they’re doing.

INTENTION: an aim or a plan

PLAY: a report on what is happening in a sports game; plan breakdown

Men NEVER “go with the flow”. They either have ill, self centered (using you as a placeholder/booty call) or mutually beneficial intentions (marriage, FWB etc.).

In addition, they NEVER aimlessly find their way towards their goal. They have a goal and they break down the actions behind the accomplishment.

Sometimes it’s your heart. Sometimes it’s your life insurance plan.

It’s time we, as women, buckle up and have our own agendas lined up.

LAW 4

Always Say Less Than Necessary

I love my ladies but we do indeed pillow talk too much to the men we are dating. We tell them our backstories. We tell them how our exes did us dirty and all they do is sit back and take notes for when it’s their turn to do the same.

ITS TIME WE LIE AND LEAVE OUT INFO.

In addition, stop letting men lead the convo because you’re too intimidated to hold the conversation. It’s your job to get him to spill as much info about himself for you to gather a conclusion about your intentions with him.

LAW 9

Win Through Actions, Never Through Argument

Get it through your thick skull that you’ll never win an argument with a man using your words. Definitely not if you raise your voice.

A lot of women message me stating how they keep “telling” their man how to treat them and I sigh & laugh because I remember when I was that ditzy.

Men are indeed like dogs. You’ll get almost nowhere yelling or repeating yourself to a dog whose insisting on not listening to you (i.e. pulling the leash while you call their name.).

You can let the dog pull you and continue to yell…but where does that get you expect IGNORED and IN DISTRESS?

Put your foot down…and out the door. Just for the love of God stop playing dumb for peen.

LAW 17

Keep Others In Suspended Terror: Cultivate An Air of Unpredictability

“Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables. Be deliberately unpredictable.”

It’s one thing to be mysterious but it’s another to add the razzle dazzle of randomness in the mix. You see, you can predict someone being mysterious- being somewhat reserved or private.

Be unpredictable and have a moment where you’re transparent. Everyone shouldn’t have the same (good) impression of you. Some may view you as serious and laid back while others couldn’t imagine you being nothing other than bubbly. Shake shit up.

Closing Thoughts:

Men have created a culture of sharing the secrets of using women to their advantage. They’re not clueless nor uneducated on how to treat you correctly therefore it’s unproductive to attempt to teach them.

They are simply using the strategy their barber, daddy, coach, teammates and Pastor passed along to them since you (most likely) weren’t taught any better. They have a community-a village that molds them, something women do not have in general.

My goal here is to create community while encouraging young women to use LOGIC when it comes to romance. It’s both for safety and spoiled brat purposes.

Cute habits for this fall ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

• hot girl walks in autumn weather

• drinking tea in a cute mug, early in the morning

• study dates with the girls (library, cafe, so cute)

• meditating outside, breathing in that fresh autumn air girllll

• reading/book shopping

• gua sha + skin care routine + lash/eyebrow serum

• working out like a pink pilates muscle mommy

• journaling + self improvement/healing

• long soaks in the bath, epson salt, bubbles, essential oils, candles, everything girl

• manifesting/daydreaming (one of my favs)